Dancing with Molly

by Lena Horowitz

  I was still so shocked that I didn’t even know what to say. He said, I’m gonna put this up now in a loose French twist—I call it the Modern Grace Kelly. He gathered it all up and twisted it into a loose wrap that created a knot, which he tied up with a few hairpins. Then he told me that I could come get a blowout anytime I wanted for twenty bucks, and said, I’m going to give you some makeup now.

  When he turned the chair around again, I didn’t recognize myself. My eyes were perfectly lined and he’d given me a smudged silver eye shadow that wasn’t too dark and gave just a hint of sparkle under my eyebrows. My lashes were curled; my lips were a deep crimson that matched my nails. I caught my breath. Who was this creation in the mirror? Certainly not a band geek.

  When I stood up out of the chair, I hugged Rob/Robin. Hard. He smiled and pressed the lipstick he’d used into my hand. He whispered, On the house. Have fun tonight.

  The best part of the whole day so far? When I walked over to meet Mom and Ashley, who were waiting up front for me to get done, neither one of them realized it was me until I spoke. Ashley’s jaw dropped open, and Mom gasped like she’d been smacked. Then of course both of them started gushing at the same time about how amazing I looked and neither one of them could shut up about it all the way home.

  Jess just texted and said she and Kelly are on their way over.

  I feel ridiculous, but I can’t stop looking at myself in the mirror. I’m actually really glad we decided to get ready here now. I don’t know who this girl is Carson is bringing from his church, but I can’t help but wonder how she’ll look. I’m feeling pretty confident all of a sudden.

  Later . . .

  Kelly and Jess were amazed when they saw my hair and makeup. Kelly told me I looked like a movie star. Jess made my mom write down the name and number of the salon so she could go see Rob/Robin as soon as possible, then they set up shop in my bathroom. They’re in there now doing each other’s hair, and I’m sitting here writing in this journal because I’m sort of bored, and as good as my hair looks, I’m worried about feeling left out tonight. I mean, I already sort of feel left out and we haven’t even gotten to the dance yet.

  I didn’t want to tag along with Jess and Kelly because I don’t want to feel like a third wheel. And now, that seems to be exactly what is happening. And what if they actually do a bunch of that molly tonight? Then I’ll end up REALLY being left out. Or worse, I’ll end up having to get Ashley and Reid and Carson and Church Girl to let me hang with them.

  Okay, I’m going to take a deep breath and just try to remember what Dad said this morning about not wishing this away. I’m just going to put on some music and go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and talk to them while they get ready. This will be as fun as I make it.

  Sunday, May 11

  I am still lying in bed. I want to write about everything that happened last night, but before I do I must hunt down some Advil or Tylenol. My head has a bass drum it. Maybe my brain is literally blown. It is definitely figuratively blown. I. Cannot. Believe. What. Happened. Last. Night.

  Especially the Carson part.

  Maybe that’s the drum in my head beating: CAR-SON, CAR-SON, CAR-SON.

  Oh my god. I’m losing it. I have to get Advil. And water.

  Later . . .

  I just got back from the kitchen, where I went to get a bottle of water after I got the Advil. My mother was there on her way out to Jazzercise at the gym. She and her friend Joyce always do Jazzercise on Sundays.

  Mom was very perky. Very. Very. Perky. She was full of reminders for me just now—and for Ashley, who was also in the kitchen, drinking orange juice out of the container at the fridge. It would appear that my younger sister is very hungover. Mom seems to be all business this morning, but I know that she is only acting that way to keep from sitting both of us down and trying to interrogate every single lurid detail about the night right out of us. I’m sure Dad made her promise not to give us the third degree first thing this morning.

  The big reminder was that Ash and I both need to bag up our old clothes for the big band garage sale Mom is helping to organize this week as a fund-raiser for the Thanksgiving Day Parade trip. I could barely form complete sentences. Mom said we’d talk about it more after Jazzercise. Ashley said, The eighties called. They want their exercise regimen back. Mom ignored this but looked at me and said that my hair still looked amazing, even though I’d slept on it. She said we both looked beautiful last night, then she turned to me, raised an eyebrow, and said, And I’m not the only one who noticed. She said it seemed like Carson thought I looked very beautiful too.

  I summoned all the strength I had left and physically pushed her out the kitchen door to the garage before Ashley could say anything. Not that I needed to worry, since Ashley was glugging more OJ from the jug. My mom was laughing really hard as I pushed her toward the car. She patted my head and said I should drink plenty of water and go back to bed, then got in her car with this big grin on her face and waved as she pulled out.

  This whole thing is so bizarre—especially that Mom seems . . . somehow . . . happy? . . . that both Ash and I are OBVIOUSLY hungover. The clincher is that I didn’t even have much to drink. I suppose I should write about how I got this way, but I have to sleep for a little longer first.

  Later . . .

  I never intended to do any of this molly stuff.

  Really.

  I mean, part of me was totally terrified of it. And why? I think because it was a powder, not a pill—which sounds lame even as I write it down. I mean, pills are just powder that’s been pressed into a pill. Still, there was something about seeing that bag of powder that Kelly slipped into the little side pocket of her clutch that freaked me out. It was like seeing a bag of cocaine or heroin on a TV show. In my mind, doing a tab of ecstasy was one thing, but dipping into a bag of powder like a junkie or something, well, that was different. Until last night, I guess. . . .

  I even said this to Jess and Kelly last night while we were getting dressed in my room. After they finished their hair and makeup we all put on our dresses. Kelly’s dress was a silver spangled, sequined tube that made her look like a giant disco ball, which, she informed me, was exactly the point. Jess was superexcited about doing molly because she wanted to see how it was different from ecstasy and also because it was our ticket into the after party at Derrick’s place. I love Jess and her enthusiasm for adventure of all kinds. It started when we were in eighth grade with sneaking cocktails at her house, and then smoking weed with Brandon, but something about this made my stomach jumpy.

  Jess asked me how I could NOT want to try it, and I found myself telling her and Kelly about how I went online and looked up all this information about pure MDMA. As I was pulling on a pair of sheer black pantyhose with a sexy black seam up the back of each leg, I told them I’d read news stories about molly that said it had been cut with this crap called “bath salts” and how club kids in London had dropped dead after doing a “bad batch”—whatever that meant. I said I didn’t want to get my brain fried at a party after prom, as I carefully stepped into my dress and zipped it up the side. As I pulled on my heels, I realized that neither Kelly nor Jess had said anything. Maybe they were really listening to my objections about this drug experiment.

  I turned around and they were both staring at me, completely wide-eyed. I stopped short and looked at them and said, What?

  Kelly softly whispered, Holy shit. And I realized they hadn’t listened to a WORD I’d said. Jess shook her head and said she never should have invited me to prom with them. I was surprised and asked, Because I don’t want to do drugs at the after party? She collapsed into giggles, yelled, NO, YOU MORON, and spun me around to look in the mirror on my closet door.

  Looking in the mirror with the two of them over my shoulders, I saw what they were seeing, and I froze. I looked SO HOT. I couldn’t believe it. Jess said, SEE? I shouldn’t have invited you because NOBODY is going to look twice at me because you look so freaking unbelievable. A
nd you know what? She was right. For the first time in my life I felt like I was looking at some crazy future adult version of myself. I was standing there staring at myself in the mirror like an idiot when the limo pulled up in the driveway.

  Jess and Kelly wanted to race downstairs, but I stopped them and asked if we could just take a second. Jess said that she needed to talk to Reid about the after party, and I was like, Um, you cannot march downstairs in front of my PARENTS and tell him you have drugs and that he needs to tell Derrick to let you into the party. She rolled her eyes and I was like, Don’t roll your eyes at me. Seriously? This was her plan? Sometimes Jess can be such a dummy. Her enthusiasm gets in the way of her common sense. Then Jess narrowed her eyes and said, OH! I get it. Then she explained to Kelly that the reason I didn’t want to go downstairs was because of Carson.

  I spun around and started denying that up and down, but this only made Jess laugh and she filled Kelly in on the whole situation last week in the hallway. As Kelly listened to Jess tell her how I’d shared a little “moment” in the hallway by our lockers, she did a last look in the mirror. Then she grabbed her clutch and sheer hot pink scarf that matched the hot pink streaks in her hair and took my hand. She said that Carson’s date was the one who should be nervous because once he saw me, Carson wouldn’t be able to look at anyone else all night. Then she smiled at Jess and said, Let’s go.

  I thought I might throw up as I followed Jess and Kelly down the stairs. Luckily, I’d practiced walking around in the heels Mom bought me. (Turns out small steps is the key to stilettos.) I could hear Mom already art-directing the first photographs, and I wondered if Reid and Carson were regretting what they’d gotten themselves into. As I stepped into the living room, behind Jess and Kelly, Dad turned around with the camera and just stopped and stared at me. So did Carson. In fact, the look on his face was exactly the look that had been on Jess’s and Kelly’s faces a few minutes earlier. He caught my eye and smiled, and I felt my cheeks flush. Dammit. I didn’t want to freaking BLUSH all night long. This was going to be torture.

  Mom was busy posing Reid and Ashley in front of the fireplace for the next shot, and I glanced around looking for Carson’s date. I figured she must be in the bathroom off the kitchen checking her makeup or something. That’s when Mom turned around, saw me, and squealed, OH GOOD, YOU’RE ALL HERE. She stopped, looked me up and down, and said, Well, darling. You look . . . so . . . grown up. Which, I suppose is as good a compliment as I could expect from my mother, considering the situation. I glanced nervously at Carson, who wasn’t so much taller than I was now that I was wearing these ridiculous stilt shoes. He just smiled and said, Wow.

  Jess laughed and said, Welcome to BAND GEEK BE GONE. And of course, everybody cracked up. I laughed right along with them because this whole thing was so ridiculous. Reid piped up and asked me where my date was, which was awkward because he KNEW I was just tagging along with Jess and Kelly, but because he’s a total douchebag, he wanted to make me say this. I don’t know what came over me, but I arched an eyebrow and looked right back at him like I owned his stupid ass and said, I am just here to chaperone these two, and pointed at Jess and Kelly.

  Then I turned to Carson and said, Okay. Where is she? I had just totally put my four-inch stiletto firmly into my mouth. There was this awkward silence, and Carson actually looked down at his toes and then back up and said, Turns out I’m going stag. I felt like a complete idiot, but then the whole story came tumbling out—from Ashley, of course, who looked like she’d just floated in from a magical pink fairy kingdom in the sky.

  Turns out, Carson’s date (Rachel) was not present because last weekend he dropped her off at home drunk. This wasn’t unusual. He, Reid, and a gang of their friends have regular parties at Derrick’s place, and there’s plenty of booze and weed, but this time, Rachel’s parents were waiting up for her. She’d gotten a little bit carried away with a game of beer pong at Derrick’s, and her mom and dad decided she was grounded for a month. Also, that she was in no way ever going out with Carson again. She can’t even sit with him in church now. Carson almost didn’t come tonight because he was so embarrassed about it, but he’d already chipped in to help Reid pay for the limo. Before I knew what was happening, Mom was saying, It looks like we have TWO third wheels tonight, which means that you can be third wheels TOGETHER.

  It all happened so fast, I felt physically dizzy. There was that whole knee-weakening thing with Carson to begin with, which was complicated by the balance issues of wearing heels this high. I decided the best thing I could do was sit, so I lowered myself onto the arm of the couch. As I did, my short dress started riding up a bit, so I quickly crossed my legs, and it was like I had fired a gun across the living room. Carson took a step back, and I felt his eyes following the seam in my hose up up up to the hem of my dress, and then his ice-blue eyes finally found mine, and I realized that tonight was about the tables being turned: I was in charge here.

  I smiled at Mom and said that was a nice thought, but I really couldn’t just ditch my friends like that. Immediately, Jess and Kelly were like, Oh, it’s okay. You should go with Carson! Of course, Carson hadn’t said anything to Mom’s suggestion, but I just waved them off, tossing a hand breezily and leaning back so I was sort of draped across the arm of the couch.

  Mercifully, my dad stepped in and said, Well, we should finish up with the pictures so you all can get going. Mom insisted on arranging Reid and Ashley into three more poses, then Kelly and Jess were up for the firing squad. While they were doing ridiculous poses like Charlie’s Angels, Carson walked over and sat down on the couch next to where I was perched on the arm. He said, Hi. And I said, Hi yourself. Then he said, Look, I know this is sorta weird, but . . . do you want to be my impromptu date? And I smiled my best sly smile at him and said, You mean imPROMtu? This totally cracked him up and I couldn’t help laughing too. I said, Sure. But you gotta let Kelly and Jess come in the limo too. He said that wouldn’t be a problem. I said he was only saying that because he didn’t know Jess and Kelly very well. He thought that was hilarious too. I also said that he had to make sure we were all invited to the after party at Derrick’s. He nodded, then stood up and offered me his arm. I slid my arm through his and he escorted me over to the fireplace.

  My mother almost died a thousand deaths right there. She had to compose herself. Literally, more tiny tears. It was maybe the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I didn’t care. Maybe I was Carson’s second choice, but I was going to prom with him. Carson told Reid that Jess and Kelly were coming too. Didn’t ask him. TOLD him. And the look on Reid’s face was one that said he was definitely not pleased with this idea. Ashley looked completely horrified, but it was clear that Reid wasn’t going to tell Carson no, especially with me looking the way I did. So that settled it, and after only another 750,000 more pictures, we finally walked out the front door and piled into the limo. As we pulled away, Mom and Dad stood on the steps snapping pictures and waving like we were leaving on a cruise to the Bahamas.

  Of course, the minute the limo pulled away from the house, Jess was on Reid about the after party. Gotta hand it to that girl: She goes after what she wants like a bulldozer. Reid was hemming and hawing and talking about how it wasn’t his house, and he wasn’t sure how Derrick was handling the invite list and all this bullshit. While he was squirming and red-faced, and Ashley was trying to shoot me looks that said, PLEASE SHUT UP YOUR FRIEND, I saw Kelly reach over and push the button that raised the window between the driver and the rest of us. I didn’t really think anything about it until I saw her flipping open her clutch, and then it was like one of those super-slow-motion sequences from a movie where the main character is having a bad dream. I realized as she reached into her purse what she was going after, and I tried to reach across the seat to grab her arm and stop her, but she was too quick. She flipped the ziplock baggie full of molly into the air and caught it again with a gentle grab.

  That got everybody’s attention, and Reid’s mouth
hung open in midsentence. Ashley gasped and looked like Kelly was holding a severed head instead of a bag of drugs, and I realized that what had been shaping up to be the perfect spontaneous night had all just gone horribly wrong. Was Kelly INSANE? The only option for me was to just pretend to be horrified, too—for Ashley’s sake—but I couldn’t say anything or else Kelly might just blurt out that I’d known about it all along.

  It felt like an eternity, all of us sitting there staring at the baggie of white powder in Kelly’s hand. And then, slowly, a big, sly grin spread across Reid’s face and he asked, Is that what I think it is?

  Jess said, Yep, it’s a big bag of the purest molly you’re ever likely to see. She then went on to tell him that if he played his cards right he might just get to do some of it tonight, and that there was even enough to share with Derrick if he should be so inclined to let us into his after party. I was watching Ashley’s face during this whole exchange, and she went on an incredible journey of emotions while she watched Reid’s reaction. At first she was horrified by the drugs, and then shocked at his reaction, and then confused, and then hurt. And when Reid agreed to make sure all of us got into the after party, he put his hand on Ashley’s knee, pulled her leg against his, and said, Damn, babe, this night just gets better and better!

  Ashley made a split-second decision that I saw because I was watching and she snuggled closer to him and gave a little laugh that was so ridiculously cute it made me a little sick to my stomach. There were a lot of angles being worked all at once in the back of that limo, and suddenly I felt completely out of place. The power of this crazy-hot sophisticated-woman drag I was wearing suddenly seemed to be clawing at my throat, and I felt terrified. I was so scared that Carson was going to figure out how not cool I really was; that at some point tonight, he was going to come to from the haze my sexy pantyhose had put him into and see me for who I really was: an average-looking band geek with mousy, frizzy hair the color of dishwater.