The awful thing—the truly terrifying thing about that thought was that it wasn’t Jason’s face that flashed through her mind.
She found her sister in her car in the parking lot, waiting for her as Elizabeth knew she would be. They hadn’t spoken since her dramatic exit the day before and there was no way she could avoid it today, not when she was set to accompany her sister to the hair salon to try out new up-do’s. She said a little prayer that camera crews and her fake fiancé were not part of today’s joyous wedding preparations and slid into the passenger seat with a sigh.
Apparently Connie caught the sigh because she greeted her with, “Great to see you too, sis.”
Whatever remained of her energy was sapped by her sister’s sarcasm. “I’m sorry, I’m just not up to this today.” She let her head drop back against the seat as she waited for the lecture and the interrogation.
When neither came, Elizabeth turned to face her sister, who was staring straight ahead at the flow of traffic in the parking lot, making no attempt to start the car. “Good,” Connie said. “Because I canceled the hair appointment.”
Uh oh. Her sister must have been angrier than she’d thought. “You did?”
Connie finally turned to face her. “I did. I also canceled the reality show episode.”
Elizabeth’s ears were obviously not working right. “You did what?”
To Elizabeth’s complete horror, her sister teared up. She vividly remembered the last time her sister cried—it had been the day their parents got divorced when they were twelve. Never again after that. But now her sister was sniffling as she blinked back tears. Oh God, this was not good. Reaching out, she gripped Connie’s hand in her own. “Did something happen with you and Robbie?”
They could not have broken up. Life was not that unfair. And even if it was, the odds were in her favor. A double wedding was one thing but double breakups just didn’t happen.
Connie shook her head. “No. Or, yes, but not like that.” Her sister’s voice was rising and she fanned her hands in front of her eyes as if to air dry the tears away.
Elizabeth shifted so she could better face her. She’d never seen her sister like this but now was not the time to panic. Connie needed her for once, she couldn’t let her down. “Tell me what happened.”
“We had a fight last night. After you and Mark had that blow up in front of everyone.”
Elizabeth winced. So this was partially about her. “And?”
“And he made realize how selfish I’ve been.” The last word came out on a wail and Elizabeth thought for the second time that her hearing was off. Her sister was crying….because she felt guilty?
Since her sister had a tendency to be self-absorbed, she had no idea how to respond to that. Feeling like she was walking on eggshells, she finally asked, “How so?”
Connie sniffed. “I should never have forced you into this double wedding. Not with everything you were going through.”
Elizabeth was temporarily speechless. “I wanted you to be happy.”
Connie let out another little moan of despair as she turned her watery eyes to Elizabeth. “But don’t you see? I want you to be happy. That’s all I ever want, but I lost sight of that somewhere because I’m selfish.”
Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s pathetic wail. “You’re not selfish.”
“I’m self-absorbed.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Well, maybe a little.” When her sister whimpered, she added, “But it’s endearing.”
Connie sniffed and wiped at her nose with her sleeve. “I’m sorry.”
Elizabeth pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay. I promise.” When Connie remained unusually silent, she continued. “You know, if I’d really wanted to say no, I could have. You’re bossy but you know I can stand up to you whenever I want.”
Connie gave a strangled laugh and pulled back so they could face each other. “I know. I don’t think anyone else ever realizes how strong you really are.”
Elizabeth bobbed her head noncommittally. Jason surely hadn’t. He’d always given her lectures about being too much of a pushover. But Mark, he’d challenged her from the very beginning. She shook her head. Now was not the time to go down that road.
“So why did you do it?” Connie asked. “Why did you agree to the wedding charade when it must have been so painful?”
Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak but had to stop. Why had she said yes? The truth slipped out before she could overthink it. “It really wasn’t all that painful.” Her mind replayed dinner with the producer and the auditions for the band. The last memory had a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. “I had fun.” Then she remembered the photoshoot the day before and the nasty words that were spoken and the depressed funk she’d been wallowing in all day was back with a vengeance. “For the most part,” she added.
Before Connie could ask her what she meant by that, she hurried on. “Besides, you’re not the only one who gets to take care of people. You’ve done that for me my whole life and I wanted to do something for you.” She reached out to squeeze her sister’s hand. “You deserve to be happy too, you know.”
“So you don’t hate me?”
Elizabeth gave a short laugh. “Never.”
“Thank God.”
Elizabeth turned toward her again. “You didn’t have to call off the TV deal, I know how much it means to you.”
Now it was Connie’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, I did. It wasn’t right—not for you and Mark. And not for Robbie.”
The words were so soft, Elizabeth almost missed them.
Connie tugged at the edge of her sleeve. “He was miserable but he put up with it all for me. He never complained, not once. But last night he made me realize how much I was hurting you and…that’s when I realized that I hadn’t been thinking about you. Or him.” She turned to Elizabeth with a small smile. “I know most people don’t really get us as a couple.” Her sister’s smile grew. “Mark definitely doesn’t.”
“Mark is the last person who should be passing judgement on other people’s relationships,” Elizabeth interjected.
Connie shrugged. “Whatever. He’ll come around. I tend to grow on people.”
Elizabeth let out a loud laugh. It was true. Her sister’s personality was strong—some might even say abrasive—but for those who were lucky enough to get close to her, she was incredibly lovable.
“But the thing is,” Connie continued. “I understand why people don’t get us as a couple. We don’t make sense on the outside, I guess. All this time we’ve been together, I’ve thought that I’ve been so good for him. He’s always telling me how much he appreciates my strength and support and confidence….”
Elizabeth smiled. It was true, that was what made her sister such an incredible friend too. If she loved you, she had your back one hundred percent and believed in you more than you believed in yourself. “He’s right,” she said.
Connie shrugged again. “That’s not the point. The point is, last night I realized just how much I need him. I know I’m not exactly the most sensitive person in the world….”
Elizabeth kept her mouth shut.
“And I know I’m not always the first to pick up on emotional undercurrents. But Robbie challenges me on that. He stands up to me, just like you do, and he makes me be more empathetic.” She paused for a moment before adding, “He makes me be a better person.”
Elizabeth’s heart melted at the sight of her hard-as-nails sister getting emotional over the man she loved. “Maybe that’s what true love is,” she said.
Connie smiled over at her. “You’ll find that too one day. I know it.”
Elizabeth shrugged. Her traitorous brain kept replaying the last week of her life. Only one week but she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been more challenged. More alive. More herself.
“Or maybe you already have.” Connie’s quiet voice brought her back to the moment with a jolt.
Elizabeth’s head snapped to the left to face h
er sister, who wore a smile that was way too knowing.
“What happened between you two yesterday?” Connie asked.
She didn’t pretend to not know what her sister was talking about, not after the scene she and Mark caused. But she didn’t want to get into it. “He’s a jackass.”
Connie gave a snort of laughter. “Maybe, but he’s also charming, funny, and sexy as hell.”
Elizabeth’s grunt was answer enough. She couldn’t disagree with any of those things—except maybe for charming. His behavior the day before had been so not charming. But funny and sexy? Check and check.
“You like him,” Connie said. It was a statement, not a question. Her sister knew her too well for her to try to deny it.
“Yeah, I like him.” Elizabeth’s heart clenched at the memory of eating dessert with him in bed. Had she ever been happier? If so, she was hard pressed to remember a time. “I like him a lot.” The words came out choked.
“So?” Connie prompted. “What’s the problem? I mean, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he has feelings for you too.”
Elizabeth hated how powerful those words were. Her heart instantly lifted and her stomach did a somersault of nervous excitement before she ordered herself to be rational. “He may like me, but he’s got baggage. Lots and lots of baggage.”
Connie’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “And you don’t?”
Elizabeth gave her sister a small, humorless smile. She had a point. “That’s the problem. We’re both too messed up.”
“But you like him,” Connie insisted.
Elizabeth shrugged. “Maybe.” That was a lie and they both knew it. “Okay, yes, I like him. I like who I am around him. But….”
Connie waited for her to continue with a patience that was unheard of. Robbie really was having a good effect on her.
She struggled with how to put it into words. “You were right the other night when you said that casual sex is not my thing.”
She saw Connie’s mouth open to protest but cut her off with an upheld hand. “You were right. I don’t have experience with a lot of men and I don’t know how to separate sex from emotions. Maybe that’s all this is, just an infatuation based on intimacy and not real, genuine emotions.”
When she looked over, she saw Connie’s brows raised in a look that screamed, “Girl, you’re crazy,” but she kept her mouth shut.
“I mean, I couldn’t possible have fallen for another guy mere weeks after breaking up with my fiancé,” she insisted. “That’s not me. That doesn’t happen.”
Connie looked as if she was thinking carefully about what she wanted to say next. “Sweetie, don’t take this the wrong way, because I’m not trying to pass judgement on your relationship with Jason but….from where I was standing, it felt like that relationship ended years ago.”
Elizabeth sat in silence as she digested those words. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t had the same thought herself but it was entirely different to hear it from someone else. Someone who knew her better than anyone.
“Maybe,” she said. “I just…I’m confused.” That was the only way to describe the melee of emotions raging through her. Over the past month she’d been on a roller coaster of emotions and she couldn’t sort through them. All she knew was, she was miserable today. She’d been happy with Mark….but was that a happiness that could last? Was that real or was it just a Band-Aid? Or worse…was it just a setup for a letdown? Tears welling up in her eyes, she said the only truth she knew for certain. “I can’t go through another heartbreak right now. I just can’t.”
Connie squeezed her hand. “Oh, sweetie, I know. But….”
Elizabeth waited for her sister to continue. When she didn’t, she said, “But what?”
Connie gave her a sympathetic grimace. “It looks like you already are.”
Elizabeth raised one brow. “What are you saying? It’s too late?”
Her sister avoided her eyes, looking out the window instead. “I’m just saying—sometimes avoiding love is no easier than being hurt by it.”
Elizabeth didn’t want to think about her feelings for Mark. Every time she tried, it was like staring into a swirling abyss. And it didn’t matter anyways, he’d made his feelings abundantly clear. “He doesn’t do relationships.”
Connie looked amused at that. “Just like you don’t do casual sex?”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “So what are you saying, people change?”
“I’m just saying, people don’t always know what they want until it’s right in front of them.”
Elizabeth dropped her head back against the seat, more confused than ever. “I have no idea what I want.”
Connie’s voice was quiet. “I think you do. You just need to take a step back so you can see the forest through the trees.”
Maybe she was right. Maybe the answers were all right there in front of her. But for right now, she was blind. And depressed. And the worst part of all—she had a prom to chaperone.
* * *
Mark was miserable as he finished up his early shift at the bar—a fact his barback and waitstaff made sure he was aware of.
“Dude, go home, you’re bumming out the customers,” Melody called to him as he handed her a tray full of drinks.
“She’s right, man,” the barback shouted from the other end of the bar.
Of course she was right. He’d been in a foul mood ever since he’d acted like a complete and total ass, hurting the woman he loved. He was still reeling from that particular realization. Part of him wanted to deny it. This was not love, it was something else—infatuation, maybe, or a temporary case of insanity. But his denial didn’t ring true and there was a big part of him that couldn’t avoid the truth. He’d gone and fallen in love—the very thing he’d gone out of his way to avoid for the past few years. Ever since Monica had crushed his heart and destroyed his dreams.
The sound of the bell over the door jingling interrupted his thoughts. For the love of God, his shift was nearly over and the bar had been slow for the last hour. The night bartender would be there at any minute to relieve him. Was it too much to ask to spend his last half hour at work without having to smile and make idle chitchat?
He looked up and froze. For a second he thought he was hallucinating. Monica.
His ex weaved through the small crowd of customers near the door, her gaze fixed on him as she headed toward his end of the bar. He waited for the deluge of emotions—the anger, the pain, the longing—but nothing came. If anything, he found himself watching her with mild curiosity. What the hell was she doing here?
Even after she passed the crowd, she still weaved. Ah crap, his ex was drunk.
Sliding into a barstool, she smiled up at him from beneath half-lowered eyelids. He remembered that smile. It was her seductive smile—one that screamed loud and clear that she wanted something from him.
“Hey Monica,” he said, filling a water glass and setting it in front of her. “What are you doing here?”
She ignored the water and leaned back in her stool. “Is that the welcome I get after all these years? What are you doing here?” Her voice was teasing and only marginally slurred. If he had been anyone else he probably wouldn’t have picked up on the fact that she was wasted. But he knew her all too well.
He gave a weary sigh. “Seriously, Monica. What’s up? You haven’t made an attempt to see me since the breakup, obviously you want something.”
She stuck out her lower lip in a girly pout. Oh, she was pulling out the big guns tonight. There was a time when it actually would have worked, too. He would have fallen all over himself trying to make her smile. Now? All it did was make him annoyed. He had other customers to tend to and a certain woman to obsess over. He didn’t have time for whatever game she was up to. So he said again, “What do you want, Monica?”
The pout turned to a smirk. “I’d heard you’d quit the law to become a bartender but I just had to see it for myself.”
She was trying to get a rise, put him on the defensiv
e. It didn’t work. “That happened years ago, don’t tell me you with your endless gossip machine just found out.”
Her smirk faltered a bit and her entire demeanor shifted once more as she appeared to change tactics. Leaning over the bar, she gazed up through her eyelashes. “What if I said I missed you?”
“I wouldn’t believe you.” To his credit, it hadn’t come out angry or even cruel—he’d stated it for what it was, a fact. He didn’t miss her—had never missed her, really. Sure, he’d missed being part of a couple but truth be told his life had become simpler and far more pleasant the moment she’d walked out of his life.
She blinked in surprise. He could practically see the wheels turning as she once again regrouped. But he’d had enough.
“Seriously, Monica. What are you doing here? I know you don’t want me back and you’ve never had any desire to strike up a friendship, so why come see me now?”
Apparently his frankness got through to her. “Charles and I broke up.”
The mere mention of Charles, the man she’d left him for, should have sent him into a rage. And the fact that they’d broken up should have brought up…something. Satisfaction maybe? The slightest urge to rekindle a romance? But nothing. Nada. Her statement had about as much of an affect on his emotions as if she’d just told him her favorite TV show had been canceled.
She seemed to be waiting for a response, her eyes wide with a neediness that was pitiful.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he managed. It seemed like the polite thing to say and much as this woman had hurt him in the past, he couldn’t bring himself to hate her.
He felt nothing for her. He was vaguely aware that she was telling him the whole sob story but he wasn’t listening. He was too busy digesting the fact that this woman sitting in front of him had zero affect on him. Yet somehow he’d allowed her and her actions to dictate his life for the past few years. Elizabeth’s words from the day before rang in his ears. You gave up on love.
That was exactly what he’d done. He’d allowed the actions of this woman—this shallow, selfish, catty woman—to color the way he saw the world. Elizabeth was right. He’d given up on everything he’d ever wanted just because this silly woman had disappointed him. The worst part was, he’d given her that kind of power over his life. He could have moved on with his life but instead, he’d rejected intimacy and love at every turn all in a vain attempt to avoid being hurt the way this woman had hurt him.
The Morning After: Starting from Zero Box Set Page 29