I blow out the breath I was holding, and settle back against the seat.
He probably just needed time to clear his head.
Now he’s going to head back and in about five minutes I’ll be ripping into him at home for nearly giving me a heart attack. I turn on the radio down low, then look back up and see he’s taking a slip road off at the next exit. The roads are becoming twisting, turning country roads that are gradually getting narrower.
My body tenses each time he leans into the corner first and for that split second until he comes into view again, I can’t think of anything but how, if something happens, it will be my fault. I should have found a different way. Tried to calm him. Instead I tried to make him talk about. I could have just told him not to worry and left him in the room on his own. He might have been upset but he would have been at home. Safe.
His head goes to his mirror, away, then back again. Then his head turns. He knows it’s me now.
He accelerates harder.
He’s pulling away, putting even more distance between us.
I can’t let him get away.
For his sake.
For James.
For Hayley.
My foot flattens to the floor.
The road turns, but the car…doesn’t.
Chapter Nineteen
Tyler
Something’s wrong.
I slow down, look back and my stomach drops when I see the car overturned in the middle of the road. Before the bike’s even stopped I’ve jumped off it and I’m running back, adrenaline pushing the blood pumping through my veins with so much pressure I can hear it through the silent, dark night. No other sound but the low rumble of distant traffic.
“Laurel!” I shout as loud as I can get the fucking word out.
The car’s smashed up at the front, windows shattered, sharp glass scattered all over the tarmac.
I push my body harder, faster.
“LAUREL!” I yell again. She’s still inside. I yank on the handle of the door, and it doesn’t budge. I brace my foot on the side of the car, and pull on the handle with both hands, desperately begging someone to give me the strength. It finally releases and with the force I stumble backwards.
She’s not moving.
I lurch forward and drag her out the car, then pick her up in my arms and run a safe distance away before laying her on the ground.
Limp, lifeless.
I drop to the ground, her name falling from my lips again and again.
A prayer.
He’s done shit for me so far, but maybe he’ll hear me this time.
She’s bleeding from cuts everywhere. I lean my ear down to her mouth, and I hear faint breaths.
She’s still alive.
Barely.
Her head’s in my lap and my cheeks are wet.
It’s just sweat.
I’m not crying, it’s just fucking sweat.
“Laurel, you have to stay awake. Stay awake.” I beg, I wrap my arm round her body and dig in my pocket for my phone. I don’t even know what I’m saying as I pull her close to me.
She moans faintly and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out. “Babe, stay awake.”
Oh God, I don’t know what to do.
I pull her closer and struggle with taking my jacket off to lay over her. She turns her head gently, and I rip off my t-shirt to put pressure over the huge gash on her forehead.
It doesn’t stop bleeding.
I feel the thick, sticky, warm stream all over my hands.
Shit, this all my fault. All my fucking fault.
She might die.
My grip on her tightens.
She can’t die.
Not because of me.
She’s too kind, too beautiful, it wouldn’t be fair. Wouldn’t be right. She has people that love her.
Sirens sound in the distance.
She’ll be okay, I tell myself over and over again because the alternative is unbearable.
They’re coming. They’ll look after her. Then I’ll go. How can I face her again after this? After what I did? As soon as they say she’s okay, I’ll leave. I fuck everything up. James is going to hate me even more than he did before. But that’s fine. I deserve that. And it can’t be any more than I hate myself.
The sirens get closer.
“They’re coming. Hold on, please. Please, Laurel.”
The tears haven’t stopped. I’m being pulled away. She’s surrounded by paramedics. My head drops. I’m going to be a pussy and faint. My legs are shaking. My hands are trembling. I’m sobbing. My chest hurts. My heart hurts.
“I’m going with her.”
The paramedic turns to look at me, eyes darting over my face. Her brisk voice means business and it brings me a tiny sliver of comfort that she’s in good hands.
“We need to leave now. Who are you? Are you family?”
I stare back, hard. She wants to make sure I’m family. I won’t be allowed with her if I’m not. I have to make sure she’s okay.
My voice breaks, and I barely manage to whisper, “She’s my sister.”
They don’t tell me anything. For the next two hours I’m in my own personal hell going through all the ‘what if’s’. What if she’s paralysed? What if she slips into a coma and doesn’t wake up? What if she dies? I’ve cried, more tears that I ever thought humanly possible. Some from worry, some from disappointment, a hell of a lot from guilt.
As soon as I got here and she was rushed away by the doctors, I rang my mum. She and Graham came here straight away, of course. Graham called James. He didn’t answer. Judy, Laurel’s mum, is also here sobbing in the corner of the waiting room. Laurel’s friends are in the hospital canteen, giving her family time alone. My mum moves next to Judy and puts her arm round her shoulder. Graham slumps over and puts his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands over his face. Me? I’m desperately trying to keep it together. I don’t have the right to fall apart.
I did this.
I caused all this heartache. All the people close to us are slowly being destroyed by me. No-one knows all the details of tonight. Just that I was driving fast and she was trying to stop me. I need to figure out a way to tell them the truth. I’ve been avoiding my mum’s questioning looks since she got here. Luckily, she hasn’t pressed me further yet. I’ll go before she has the chance.
I lean back against the wall and close my eyes.
James
I’m so fucking tired. I had a meeting with the newest member of my team this afternoon who’s been having some teething problems with some particularly difficult builders. Then drinks tonight with Seb and Tiff was fun but exhausting. Tiff could talk for days if Seb let her. Now I want to fall onto that huge pillowed bed back at the hotel and fall sound asleep until tomorrow. I’m waking up early and putting this city behind me for the next couple of months until I have another project starting here. Then hopefully The Garrison too. The money I’d make on it would mean I could give Laurel the wedding of her dreams. Sometime today I decided I’m taking that ring Judy gave me and asking her as soon as I get back. I’ll use the car ride tomorrow to decide exactly how I’m doing it. But I’m definitely doing it this week, we’re in a good place and I don’t want to wait any longer.
I look at my watch and see it’s gone midnight. I know Laurel’s up early for work tomorrow but I hope she hasn’t gone to sleep already.
I need to hear her voice.
I get in the car, and take out my phone to ring her before I get to the hotel. I hit one, and put the phone to my ear. It goes straight to voicemail.
It isn’t until I hang up I see the missed calls and the number makes my head spin.
Thirty.
I scroll through and see everyone’s name except the one I want to see.
I hit the call button and he picks up immediately.
“J, thank God. I’ve been trying to get through.” His voice is panicked, distressed and it does nothing to ease the tension that’s coiling my body tight.
&nbs
p; “What’s happened to her dad?” There’s a long pause.
I can’t do anything with silence.
I need words.
“Dad?” I ask again, frustrated. “What’s wrong?”
“She’s in the hospital, son. We’re all here too but you need to come as soon as you can.”
I fumble with the phone and put it in the cradle on the dashboard, and hit speaker so I can carry on talking.
The engine comes to life and I speed away from the bar as fast as I can.
“J?”
“I’m here, dad. Just sorting my phone out. What happened?” I’m in a daze; I should be concentrating on the road but I can’t. I have too many thoughts rushing through my mind and I need his reassurance.
I’m not against begging for it.
But as soon as he carries on talking I know I won’t get it.
“I don’t know. We don’t know. Tyler was on his bike and she was driving behind him, and she crashed. That’s all we really know. Tyler called for an ambulance. Just…Just get here as soon as you can.” His voice breaks. He’s strong, so I know it’s serious.
I could lose her. I may have already lost her. Tyler did this to her? I’m gonna kill the fucker.
“I…What…Is she going to be okay?”
“Don’t ask me that, son. I really don’t know.” I’m an hour away. I have to get some kind of information. It’s not good enough.
“For fuck’s sake, find out then!” I yell at my phone. I take a breath in and slam my hands against the steering wheel. My jaw clenches together and I grind the words out slowly.
“Find a doctor and get me answers.”
The pain rises up until it breaks free from my mouth in a choke.
“She can’t die dad. You need to get information. I can’t spend the next hour trapped in this car not knowing what’s going on. I can’t lose her too.”
A tear falls; I can’t stop it. I don’t want to stop it.
“I know. I’ll do my best and call you back.” The disconnect tone continues then my phone goes back to the home-screen and her smiling face beams at me in the dark.
He rings back after half an hour, and relays the information.
Surgery.
Critical condition.
Doing their best.
That’s all I get. That has to tide me over for the next ten minutes. Yeah, that’s right. The hour long journey will be taking me forty minutes tonight. Reckless? Yes. Will I slow down? Hell. No. The irony gets lost on me.
I’m parked up and bursting through the doors after eight minutes.
“Laurel Matthews?” I ask the receptionist who’s looking up at me and typing away on her computer way too fucking slowly. I want to shake some life into her. Doesn’t she know I could lose the most important thing to me tonight? Doesn’t she care?
“Are you family?” She looks down over the top of her glasses at me.
“I’m her boyfriend.” Her eyes go back to her computer and my fingers tap away on the desk restlessly.
Black fills my peripheral. Black fucking leather.
I turn my head and I don’t give myself time to think. I’m taking a swing at him and my fist connects with his face before I even realise what I’m doing. He doesn’t respond. He lets me hit him over and over again.
I grab the collar of his jacket and push him up against the wall. “You did this to her, asshole.”
His lip’s bleeding and his face is screwed up and wincing expecting the swing to come again. The receptionist’s calling for security. I can’t get chucked out of the hospital. I have to see her. With one last, hard shove I let him go just as my dad’s jogging round the corner.
“What the hell are you two playing at?” He growls out, getting right in between us, but he doesn’t take his eyes off me.
“J. Now is not the time or place. Think about Laurel for God’s sake. I thought I taught you better than that.”
“Get him the fuck away from me. He doesn’t deserve to be here.” I spit out in Tyler’s direction. “What was she doing following you, huh? Why the fuck was she out in her car in the middle of the damn night?”
He just stares at me. He’s not even going to tell me it wasn’t his fault? Well, that’s all the confirmation I need then.
The glare I send him is childish and immature but I don’t have a very good handle on my emotions at the moment and seeing his face is making it a hundred times worse.
Dad puts his arm around Tyler and whispers something to him as he’s bent over against the wall, panting heavily. I have to admit, he’s pretty banged up.
Tyler nods and walks away without saying anything else. I’ve still got so much pent-up aggression I’m kinda pissed he didn’t give me more of a fight.
“Now, you need to calm down before we go up to the waiting room. It’s not going to help Laurel if you’re in prison for GBH is it?” Dad throws his arm round me and squeezes my shoulder before letting it drop.
“J…I need to-”
“Dad, don’t. Not right now. We’re going to be fine. But this is about Laurel. Have you heard anything?” I ask desperately. He looks disappointed too as he slowly shakes his head.
“I just know it’s serious. She suffered a head injury and they’re trying to control the bleeding.”
I didn’t know that. So, he did know more than he was willing to tell me on the phone. Head injuries? Bleeding? God, that’s so fucked up. My legs give out and I can’t walk anymore. I fall against the wall and slide down slowly with my head in my hands. She’s supposed to be my future. My wife. I didn’t give much thought to it before her. Now, I don’t see one without her. I can’t move; my ass is rooted to the floor. I don’t know how long I sit there. I ignore the people walking past me. Dad comes and goes. I enjoy the silence. I close my eyes and picture Laurel. Her beautiful smile, the blonde hair that falls round her shoulders in perfect waves, those big blue eyes that look at me like I’m the only one she ever wants to look at.
Fuck.
I’m crying.
Blubbering like a baby in the corridor of a hospital, waiting for news I can’t cope with hearing.
A soft hand entwines with mine and I don’t even know who it belongs to but I grip onto it tighter that I’ve ever held someone’s hand. My eyes are unfocused and blurry but I still see the mass of curly brown hair as she sits on the floor next to me and I’m relieved it’s Cassie. Blake won’t be far away, he’d never leave her side at a time like this. She pulls my hand over to rest on her thigh and starts to run her fingers over my palm in a soothing gesture. I hear sniffs coming from her, and feel her body shaking gently against mine. Her parents died in a car crash, so this must have brought back some painful memories for her. I don’t feel so weak for crying now, and if there’s anyone I can cry in front of, it’s them. She keeps one hand in mine and her other arm comes up round my shoulder. I burrow into her touch further and my chest falls down heavily until it ends up curled into her lap. She strokes my hair and it eventually calms me enough that my eyes drift shut and I fall asleep.
Something wakes me up. I’m warm and Laurel’s got her arms around me. I don’t want to move.
I open my heavy eyes, then wish I hadn’t. I’m looking at a cold sterile floor, and the body that’s wrapped round mine is my friend’s, not Laurel. Cassie stirs, and I straighten my back and run my hands through my hair. My beautiful girl is still fighting for her life. Or is she?
I don’t know what time it is. I remember then that something woke me up. It’s my dad sitting next to Blake on the chairs opposite our piece of floor.
“What’s happening?” I ask him quickly, trying to decipher his long face and sad eyes.
“She’s out. But they’re keeping her in a coma. The bleeding has stopped but they want to give her body a chance to recover from the swelling on her brain.”
It’s more fucked up than I first thought. She’s not coming out now. All of me had hoped she would wake up and be fine and be out in a couple of days, but it’s going
to be way longer than that.
I’ve seen enough medical dramas to know that she could be left with permanent damage. Fucking hell. Our lives have just been flipped in one night.
“I’m going to see her.”
He nods. “Judy’s with her now. But she can have two people there. She wanted me to come and get you.” My shoulders relax, just slightly. I was expecting a fight but at least I can see her.
I bring Cassie’s hand to my lips and kiss her gently on her knuckles. Then I look at her, asking for permission. I don’t want her to hate me for wanting to see Laurel first. They’re like sisters. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold myself together. Yes, me crying on the floor is holding myself together. I could be smashing shit up right about now.
“You don’t have to ask. I want you to be there for her. Give her a kiss for me?” She asks hesitantly.
“Of course, babe.” I breathe out and after getting up, hold my hand out for her to take. I help her up and pull her close to me.
“Thank you.” I kiss her on her forehead and then fist bump Blake, silently acknowledging the fact he’s just let me be comforted by his wife.
I wasn’t prepared for seeing her. I thought I could cope, but as I walk in the room and my eyes land on her face, unresponsive, cuts all over, tubes covering her, I want to sink back down to the floor and cry again. Judy looks over, eyes red raw but she sends me a tight, grim smile, hand reaching out to grab mine and pull me closer.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” I put my arm round her shoulder and she wraps her arm round my waist, and we stay like that for a few minutes just staring at Laurel, both lost in our thoughts. Eventually she announces she’s going to get some coffee, and walks towards the door.
“Look after my baby girl.”
“Always.” I reply, but in my heart I know that’s not true. I didn’t look after her. I went away with work, pursuing my career instead of being at home with her. She wouldn’t have left tonight if I had been there. Or at least I would have insisted on driving and then maybe we wouldn’t have crashed. Or maybe it would be me lying in that hospital bed. I’d give anything to trade places with her. The realisation knocks me so hard I have to brace my hand on the wall next to me.
Sweet Affection (Truth Book 3) Page 26