“Corner was too tight. I lost control.” I whisper. I try to sit up again but the pain in my side only worsens.
“The doctor said you cracked a couple of ribs too.” He rests his elbow on the bed with his chin in his hand, and draws little circles on my arm. “I was angry with Tyler. I punched him. Several times.”
I grimace then nod my understanding. That would have been the conclusion I jumped to as well. “You seen him since?”
“Just that night. He’s kept to himself since then. When you’re ready I’ll ask someone to get him. Before that though, I have something to tell you.”
Why do I suddenly have that sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach? He shifts uncomfortably onto the bed until his face is inches from mine and he takes my cheeks in his hands. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips. It’s soft and sweet and so barely there, but it’s a connection that I crave, and I can tell he does too. But what if this is just to prepare me for some terrible news? My head still hurts, I move my hand up to my head and feel the bandage. Worry starts to flow out of me through streaming tears.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He tilts my chin up so I’m looking in his eyes. “What I’m about to tell you isn’t bad, babe. I promise. It’ll be a shock though. Don’t forget I’ve had nearly a week to get used to this okay?”
I stop my blubbering, and nod my head again. His eyes are glistening with happiness. He caresses my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumbs.
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re kind, beautiful, passionate and I’m crazy about you, just remember that.”
I pinch his arm. “Hurry.”
He lets out a soft, deep chuckle and grabs my hand.
“You’re pregnant.”
My eyes move up to his to try and understand why he’s playing such a ridiculous joke but he doesn’t laugh. He’s watching me, trying to decipher my blank expression.
I’m pregnant.
No, I just had my period.
Didn’t I?
I was so busy with the opening I didn’t even think twice about it. I’m sure I did.
Pregnant?
The idea swims around in my head but gets drowned in the fact I’ve just been in a serious car accident, I feel like shit and I’ve just tripled my workload fulfilling my dream. How can I bring a baby into the equation too? James and I have only been living together a couple of months. I’m still getting used to looking after the both of us.
And now there’s going to be a third.
A helpless little baby that’s going to rely on me for everything. Everything. We’re not even married. A tear falls but James sees before I can wipe it away.
“That’s not a happy tear, is it?”
It’s more like a statement than a question. His heart is breaking at my reaction. I can see it in his eyes. I wish I could be happy but I don’t feel it. Yet. Maybe if I had some time? I chew on the inside of my cheek and fiddle with the bedcovers. How can I do this? I don’t feel strong enough.
“How far along?”
His eyes go dark at my question. He lets go of my hand and stands, backing away from the bed.
“Eight weeks.”
It’s a simple question. Why’s he so annoyed? I get that he’s clearly happy about it, but I just need a little time.
“I just need to get a drink.” He swallows, looking at me with such a crushed frown that it sends my stomach churning.
“I love you.” I say quickly, not wanting him to leave mad at me. I need time to pull myself together. Time to heal. And time to get used to the idea of having a baby. My heart pleads silently for him to give me that.
I think he’s just going to walk away without responding but at the last minute his gaze softens enough that he leans forward to kiss my cheek.
“I love you too, Laurel. Always.” He whispers in my ear, before sighing deeply then pulling away.
“Get some rest.” He says firmly before opening the door, and leaving me with news that’s going to change our lives forever.
James
I don’t quite know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that. I had to get out of there. I feel like a fucking asshole that I bailed but the look in her eyes ripped my heart to shreds. She cried, for fuck’s sake.
That baby has been keeping me going for the last seven days. When she asked me how far gone she was, all I could think was what I’d do if she said she wanted to get rid of it. What if she tells me that as she hasn’t reached twelve weeks, she’s going to have an abortion?
Fuck, I nearly lost her. I can’t lose this baby.
I punch the wall outside her room, and drop my head against the plaster, taking in long slow breaths. I don’t know how I feel. I’m worried about the baby, but so fucking thankful she’s going to be okay. She’s all I need. Isn’t she?
Just her.
“How is she?” Cassie rests her hand on my shoulder and I launch myself into her arms whether she wanted me to or not. She chuckles and wraps her arms tightly round my waist.
“Looks like someone needed a hug. You okay?” She says as she rests her hand on my chest. I nod and run my hands through my hair.
“Just fucking relieved. But there’s something I need to talk to you about. Time for a drink?”
“Of course.”
“It doesn’t feel real, does it?” Cassie asks as we stand in the canteen queue waiting to pay. “This past week has been a nightmare.” I curse myself for not even asking if she’s okay. I’m not the only one that’s been through the ringer. God, I’m such an ass.
“How are you doing? I’m sorry, I should have asked before.” We find a free table by the window and sit down. It’s late at night so there are only a few people in here.
She waves me off and takes a bit from her apple. “No, don’t you dare apologise. I’m just fine. Now. Relieved obviously. I’ve cried a whole bloody river this week, Blake’s not known what to do with me. But Laurel’s strong. I had faith she’d fight. And I was right. You look like shit by the way.”
“Thanks,” I say with sarcasm. “Kick a guy while he’s down.” She grins and brushes some hair away from my forehead.
“You’re welcome. How much sleep you had?”
About two hours of interrupted napping each day. “Not much at all.” I yawn, and rest my elbows on the table. Maybe I’ll be able to get some tonight.
“What’s wrong with you? There’s something else, I can tell. You’re quiet.”
This is my opening to tell her. Will Laurel be really annoyed? I just need someone else’s point of view. A female’s. And I can’t tell her mum, that wouldn’t be right. So this is my only option.
Cassie encloses her hand over mine. “You can talk to me, about whatever you need to. I’m always here for you.”
“Laurel’s eight weeks pregnant. The doctor told me when she was brought in.” I blurt out, and see the shock cause her jaw to drop.
“Yep that was pretty much my reaction at first. But I’m so happy, Cass.” I open up the bottle of coke and take a sip. “I’m gonna be a dad. ME!”
She smiles back at me. A genuine smile. “Congratulations. You’ll be an amazing dad. So it’s healthy and everything?”
When I nod, she narrows her eyes at me. “So what’s the problem? You haven’t told Laurel yet?” She tilts her head and glances at my hand that’s picking at the label on the bottle.
“No, I told her.” I say, my expression solemn.
Cassie’s eyes widen when she realises what I’m trying to get at.
“Yeah. She cried. Looked so upset. I don’t know how we can see this so differently. I thought she’d be over the damn moon.”
“Have you guys had the baby discussion before?” I try to think back over the past ten months and shake my head when I can’t think of a conversation.
“Not really. We’ve said it in passing. You know, the whole when we have kids little comments. But never an actual adult conversation. It just didn’t factor into our plans yet. We’ve both been working so hard. But ho
w can she be so unhappy about it? I don’t get it, Cass. You’ve got to help me.”
She sits back in the chair, with her apple in her hand, taking thoughtful bites.
“From what I know about Laurel, kids has always been a factor in the future. But just think about the timing. She’s literally just woken up from a fucking coma of all things, to find this out. She’s been doing well at work and her new store is creating a whole load of extra work and stress and time away from home. You’ve been away from home. I think what you’ve said is right. You’ve had a week to get used to this. A week where you were so out of your mind with worry, that you clung on to this little baby to pull you through. You’ve found this connection with it in your head. She hasn’t.”
She rests her free hand on my arm. “All she can see at the moment is how much it’s going to fuck her life up. Sorry, I know that’s blunt, but I just think she’ll need a bit of time.”
I never thought about a baby fucking our life up but I guess my job is a lot easier to work around than Laurel’s. She’s got two stores to run now, a new manager who needs guidance and support, and a lot going on. I rub my hand over my chin, and nod along then bite the bullet and get my burning question out the way.
“What-what if she wants to get rid of it?” Just saying the words makes me feel sick.
“I can say with absolute honesty, that I don’t believe that thought would ever cross her mind. Did you know that Judy had three miscarriages after Laurel?”
I didn’t know that at all.
“In the end her and Mike gave up trying, but Laurel was sixteen when she had the last one. Old enough to see the devastation it caused them. I don’t think she would ever consider it.” Cassie leans forward and rests her chin on her hand. “Of course, there is always something else. But you can’t let this pressure you at all. Promise me?”
I frown but nod my assent.
“There is also the fact that you’re not married. I know how much Laurel’s parents’ relationship has affected how she views them. She’s put it up on a pedestal as the ultimate. They were high school sweethearts, fell so deeply in love, got married young, then had a baby and stayed together until obviously Mike passed away. They did things the ‘right’ way. In her view. That’s always been important to her.”
I knew Laurel would have wanted to get married first given the choice but I didn’t realise it would have meant that much to her. I suppose with all those factors together I can get why she reacted the way she did. But why not just talk to me about her fears?
I didn’t give her much chance, did I? Once again, the word asshole comes to mind.
I need to get back to her. Talk to her. But not before I let Cassie in on something I’ve been dying to tell someone aside from Blake for the past month. To be honest, I’m surprised he never mentioned it to her. I reach into my pocket and pull out the velvet box that I’ve carried with me everywhere. I’ve even slept holding on to it every night this week.
I rest it on the table in between us and smile when she covers her mouth with her hand to stifle a squeal.
“Oh my God! No flippin’ way. You’re serious?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Can I look?”
“Go for it.” She picks up the box and opens the lid. A soft gasp leaves her mouth as she looks back at me. “It’s gorgeous.”
“It was Judy’s. She can’t wear it anymore, but I think Laurel would want to have it. It’s something her dad picked himself.”
“She’s going to love it.” A tear falls down her face, and her bottom lip quivers. “I’m so happy for you guys. Marriage and a baby. You’re so grown up.”
“I know. It’s scary. But she has to say yes first and the way I left her, I wouldn’t blame her if she said no.” Cassie laughs it off, like I’ve just said something ridiculous. That gives me a bit of hope.
“She’ll say yes. When are you going to do it?”
I’ve been thinking about that for ages. It’s got to be something memorable. Something that she can’t mistake for something else like when I asked her to move in with me. That was dumb. I have an idea, it’s a little far-fetched, but I’ve got time. It’s not like I’m going to do it in the hospital. This place is tainted with bad memories. I need a happy place and a clean slate. I lean in to Cassie, and tell her what I’ve come up with.
Laurel
“Hi baby.” My mum comes smiling into the room and I’m so relieved to see her the tears come streaming out.
“I know exactly how you feel darling.” She crosses to the bed quickly and puts her arm around me. It’s just the kind of comfort I need.
“I’m pregnant.” The words just come bursting out, and telling someone else feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me.
How tactful.
I hear her sharp intake of breath against my shoulder and pull back so I can see her face. I want to know her initial reaction, not what she thinks I want to hear.
“Do I detect from that voice that you’re not pleased?”
I focus on wringing my hands together in front of me.
“Honestly, I don’t know. It’s just a shock.” My voice gives out a little, and I ignore the burn. I need to talk about this, I won’t have anything stop me.
“Mmm, quite a shock, considering what you’ve just been through. It’s healthy I take it?”
I nod, and stare into the space over mum’s shoulder.
“How did James take it?”
“He’s happy.” I say matter-of-factly. “I’ve just made a huge twisted knot of tension between us that I need help untying. I’ve always wanted kids. It’s just, the timing sucks.”
She watches me for a moment, before sitting on the bed next to me. “Well the week that you found out could have been better. But you’re in a committed relationship. You’re financially stable. You’ve got a good life Laurel. So what’s wrong sweetheart?”
My head feels sore, so I lay back against the pillow, and bring the covers further up over me.
“I’ve just opened a new store mum. And mine down here, is so busy. We’re getting so many new clients, I can’t just slack off. And James may be committed but we aren’t even married. It’s just not how I pictured it.”
“Laurel, you know better than that. Life rarely goes the way we picture it. I thought I’d have the rest of my life with the man I love and look how that turned out. We never know what’s around the next corner. It’s life; you just have to adapt. And you will adapt. You’re tough and resilient, compassionate and strong. And you have someone by your side who loves you. Darling, he loves you the way I loved your father. Freely and without reservation. It’s in the way he looks at you, the way he holds you. A simple touch on your shoulder, a smile, a kiss. Look for the signs everywhere. I don’t think you need to doubt his love in the slightest. If marriage is what you both want, you’ll get there. But a baby won’t ruin what you have, because you already have something solid. It’ll only amplify those feelings by a thousand.”
She squeezes my hand and strokes her fingers down my cheek. “You were there for me last year and I’m so grateful for it. Whatever you need, you have it from me. I’ll be on baby duty when you need a break. I’ll come and help you. Anything. I’m ready for my grandbaby duties.” She mock salutes and I laugh, but stop immediately and suck in a breath. I feel battered and bruised today, and I’m so ready for the day to be over.
“How are you feeling? Or is that a stupid question?”
I raise an eyebrow.
“You’re right, that is a stupid question.” She admits. “You gave us all quite a scare though. What happened that night, Laurel?”
She eyes me suspiciously. It must have crossed everyone’s mind. What was I doing driving in my car in the middle of the night following Tyler on his motorcycle?
“Tyler had a nightmare. A really bad, dark, crazy nightmare and he kinda went a bit wild while he was still out of it.”
“Wild how?”
I swallow hard. “He grabbed me. Bu
t he didn’t know what he was doing. He was still asleep, technically.” I add quickly. “He was really upset at what he’d done. Couldn’t face me. So he ran out and got on his bike. But I don’t blame him at all. And you can’t either. I want him to get help. He saved my life mum.”
She frowns. “That’s a funny way of looking at it. You wouldn’t have been outside if it wasn’t for him.”
“I know but I was. And when it came down to it, the doctor said I could have bled out but he was quick.” My eyes plead with her to understand.
“Okay, honey. Whatever you say.” She sighs and looks at me with a small smile.
“Thanks mum. For being here.”
“Where else would I be? You get some rest. I’ll come back and see you tomorrow.”
She leaves and I sink even further down into the bed. It’s uncomfortable but I know I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight. With my baby. I reach my hand down to belly, and rub it gently.
“Hey little one.” I whisper to my little paunch, that I put down to the fact I’ve been having way too much fast food lately.
I close my eyes, and dream about a little boy with the same blue eyes and killer smile as his daddy.
My eyes open to pitch black and it takes a while for them to adjust. When they do, I reach out next to me for my cup of water and take a few sips, thinking about what I’m going to say to James tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll come back to see me. At least I hope I didn’t piss him off too much. My mum got me thinking deeply about this baby, and I’m coming round to the idea. Having a few hours to myself gave me the chance to imagine what life would be like. I could picture a little toddler running my mum ragged while I worked. I could get some more help in the store so I could be at home more, and by the time I went on maternity, Jess would be fully trained in Manchester anyway. It’s not as bad as I first thought.
The sound of the door opening and closing pulls me out of baby thoughts and my eyes shoot to the big dark figure edging his way closer as quiet as a mouse. I watch him take off his shoes and jacket and place them carefully on the chair in the corner. He stands near the end of the bed, not moving, but the shard of moonlight coming through the window shows me his face. It’s indecision.
Sweet Affection (Truth Book 3) Page 29