Way of the Immortals

by Harmon Cooper

  Other things that I picked from these journals include deep meditation chambers.

  One of the explorers detailed coming across a monastery with underground bunkers in front of it, men meditating inside, the men like animals because they had been kept inside for long periods of time without sunlight and prevented from any outside interaction.

  I actually received a lecture from a German man who had become a Tibetan Buddhist, and who had gone through the long and drawn out process of doing a three year, three month, three week, three day meditation on the form of a deity.

  He was planning to do another one.

  There are still these Buddhist yogis as part of the Ngakpa Lineage who still do these types of meditations. Something that distinguishes them from the other monks is that they wear white robes, instead of the traditional colors.

  If you ever see one, bask in the presence because these are unique folks.

  It’s hard to imagine, but as you sit here reading this on your electronic device, or perhaps in an actual book, there are hermits that are funded by the Bhutanese government to meditate in the mountains. These hermits get government stipends to continue their meditation, and they only come down from the mountains when they have run out of food and supplies.

  I’m saying this to remind you that these things are still out there, that they still exist, that I encountered them, and that I encountered them less than a decade ago (writing this in 2019).

  So there still is magic and mystery out there.

  Bhutan is one of the places where some of these magical occurrences still exist, a country I had the pleasure to visit the spring of 2010.

  I won’t go too deeply into some of the stranger things that I saw there, but I will talk about Bhutan’s national icon, Drukpa Kunley.

  Drukpa was a Tibetan monk who came to Bhutan in the 1500s. According to lore, he shot an arrow from Tibet that landed in Bhutan, announcing his arrival.

  If you don’t know where Bhutan is, that’s okay.

  I didn’t know where was either.

  Imagine China, then imagine Tibet, which is now called the Tibetan Autonomous Region (T.A.R.) to the left. Now imagine India below that, and imagine if there was a hotdog between India and China. That hotdog would be Nepal, because it is sort of shaped like a hotdog. After a small swath of land, you would find a very tiny country called Bhutan.

  So it’s between India and China and separated from a swath of land by the hotdog-shaped Nepal. Bhutan is definitely worth a look up, especially if you want to learn more about their Gross National Happiness.

  But I digress (as writers often do.)

  This Tibetan monk named Drukpa came to Bhutan with his Flaming Thunderbolt of Wisdom.

  Ah-ha! So that’s where I got the idea of the fire sword from.

  Except his Flaming Thunderbolt of Wisdom was actually the name of the monk’s penis. I’m being serious here. The monk would go around slaying demons with his penis. If you go to Bhutan, you will find giant penises painted on walls to stop demons. If you really want a deep dive, you can read about this famous monk called The Divine Madman.

  Penises are painted next to doorways in Bhutan, they will be carved out of a tree branch, so it’s literally sticking out in someone’s path, and they also sell a bunch of penis souvenirs. The reason for this is to make demons feel uncomfortable and squeamish. Apparently, demons don’t like throbbing cocks.

  Since I didn’t think you would believe me, here’s a picture of me sitting in front of one of them painted next to the door of someone’s home.

  There’s a reason I’m telling you all this.

  For one, I actually visited Drukpa’s monastery, where I was blessed by a wooden phallus and a bow and arrow. It was supposed to make me fertile, but I don’t have any children and don’t plan to have any, so it failed in that regard. I don’t have a picture of that, because we weren’t allowed to take pictures inside the monasteries, which makes sense considering they are holy places.

  I’m also telling you this because the initial conception of this book was to have Nick move more toward this path, through a way of practicing Buddhism known as Divine Madness. In fact, my initial conception for a title for this book was the Divine Madman.

  And speaking of Drukpa, the poem that Lhandon uses to trick the monk actually written by the famed Bhutanese saint, and I’ve included it at the end of this book for your reading pleasure.

  Genre-adjacent

  I have always been the type of person that went a little bit against the grain, which if you’ve read any of my other fiction, you know this to be true.

  I write books that are very genre-adjacent.

  If you have read The Feedback Loop, my notable GameLit contribution first written in 2015, you would know that it defied convention, and while it was never a mega-seller, it has continued to enthrall readers. The same goes for my harem serious, Cherry Blossom Girls, which also defies convention in a way by having a lead character that is not overpowered, not alpha, and also sort of a nerdy loser.

  So, that is sort of my bag.

  While I don’t condone going around slaying demons with one’s penis, or vagina, if that’s what you have, I do like the punk rock ethos of it. There is a good amount of this in Way of the Immortals by not using traditional cultivation novel tropes, nor using Chinese literature, for that matter. Nick himself also goes against what Lhasan’s practice and believe, asking questions that haven’t really been asked before, viewing Lhasa through the eyes of an outsider.

  And since you asked…

  Regarding the karma system that Lhandon will develop, as well as the ideas of an overworld and an underworld, I have borrowed and will continue to borrow from Alexandra David-Neel’s writings, most notably Magic and Mystery in Tibet, and Immortality and Reincarnation: Wisdom from the Forbidden Journey.

  I won’t give too many hints of where the story is going to go, (because who wants a spoiler?), but I will say that I am heavily invested on expanding the concept of reincarnation in this book, and what that entails for Nick and the people he encounters.

  Since starting this book, I wanted a system that meshes well with what cultivation and wuxia readers are familiar with in terms of progression and development, but something that brings a new angle to the table.

  I will continue to work with this for the second book, which will reveal the system that Lhandon devises. I have toyed with the idea of a sliding system now, or something that is more GameLit oriented. I also like using script characters, as you can tell this book, so I may go in that direction.

  We will see.

  But in the meantime, I will continue to cultivate my own literary journey by putting out books such as this, and I will try to get to the sequel as soon as possible. If you have enjoyed this book, your review will go a long way and motivating me to quickly get the second one out, and also to tell other readers at this is a journey worth taking.

  So thank you for that. A heartfelt thanks goes out to Ian Mitchell and his wife, Laeaurra Flamehawk for reading an early version of this book and critiquing it in a way that opened my eyes to some of the possibilities of the story. Luke Chmilenko, author extraordinaire, also gets a nod for commenting along the way as I developed the story, cover, concept and title.

  I am planning to donate some of the proceeds from the sale of this book to Tibet House, which helps Tibetan who have escaped from China to India, and also second and third generation Tibetans born in India. It is important to me to contribute back to that community, considering I have borrowed so much from their writings, concepts, and texts written by, or about, them.

  I would like to get even deeper into some of these things as Nick and Lhandon search for not one, but two reincarnations. So get ready for the next installment, and please let other readers know how you’ve felt about this one.

  Poetry time

  So I’ve edited this down a bit because it gets pretty weird (even weirder than what you’re about to read). But if you’d like to know where
I lifted the poem Lhandon used to trap the ice spirit, you will find it in the aforementioned book called The Divine Madman, and you can preview it below.

  This is the discourse on Mundane Pleasure:

  The virgin finds pleasure in her rising desire,

  The young tiger finds pleasure in his consummation,

  The old man finds pleasure in his fertile memory:

  That is the teaching of the Three Pleasures.

  The bed is the workshop of sex,

  And should be wide and comfortable;

  The knee is the messenger of sex

  And should be sent up in advance;

  The arm is the handle of sex

  And it should clasp her tightly;

  The vagina is glutton for sex,

  And should be sated again and again:

  That is the teaching upon Necessity.

  Hunger is the mark of an empty stomach,

  A large penis is the mark of an idiot,

  Passionate lust is the mark of a woman:

  That is the teaching of the Three Marks.

  The impotent man has little imagination,

  Bastards have little virtue,

  The rich have little generosity:

  That is the teaching of the Three Deficiencies.

  A Lama’s joy is a gift,

  A politicians’ joy is flattery,

  A woman’s joy is her lover;

  That is the teaching of the Three Joys.

  Sinners hate the pious and devout,

  The rich hate loose spendthrifts,

  Wives hate their husband’s mistresses:

  That is the teaching of the Three Hates.

  For blessing worship the Lama,

  For power worship the Deity,

  For efficiency worship the Reality Protectors:

  That is the teaching of the Three Roots.

  The Discipline’s purpose is to calm and pacify,

  The Vow to serve others is to free from self- will.

  The Tantra’s purpose is to teach the unity of polarity:

  That is the teaching of the Three Vehicles.

  The starving beggar has no happiness,

  The irreligious have no divinity,

  The wanderer has no bonds or commitment:

  That is the teaching of the Three Lacks.

  He who is without honesty has a dry mouth,

  He who is without spirituality makes no offering,

  He who is without courage does not make a general:

  This is the teaching of the Three Zeros.

  The sign of a rich man is a tight fist,

  The sign of an old man is a tight mind,

  The sign of a nun is a tight vagina:

  That is the teaching of the Three Constrictions.

  The fast talker inserts himself into the center of a crowd,

  Monastic wealth inserts itself into the monk’s stomachs,

  Thick penises insert themselves into young girls:

  That is the teaching of the Three Insertions.

  The mind of Bodhisattva is smooth,

  The talk of self-seekers is smoother,

  But the thighs of a virgin are smoother than silk

  That is the teaching of the Three Smooth Things.

  Immoral monks have thin skirts,

  Widows and spinsters have thin stomachs and clothes,

  Fields without manure bear thin crops:

  That is teaching of the Three Thin Things.

  Although mind is clear, one needs a Lama;

  Although a lamp burns brightly, it still needs oil;

  Although Mind is self-evident, it needs recognition:

  That is the teaching of the Three Needs.

  Yours in Sanity,

  Harmon Cooper