“I’m so sorry,” Lola said to the waiter, grasping for her purse from the floor. “I can pay.”
“For what?” he asked. “Bread and water?”
“I don’t know. I’m just so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He smiled. “You aren’t the first couple to fight before appetizers.”
She thanked him. His graciousness reinforced her idea that people from all walks of life had money, and she and Johnny had as much right to be there as anyone. It was an effort, but she kept her eyes up as she made her way through the tables to the exit.
The valet stood from his station when he saw her.
“Did my boyfriend just come out here?” she asked.
“Guy with the ponytail? He just left.”
“With the car?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Lola looked down at her dress and heels. Johnny wasn’t the type to abandon her, which meant he just hadn’t thought of her at all. She wasn’t sure which was worse. No matter how you looked at it, she had no way of getting home, and she wasn’t even wearing clothes she felt comfortable in. That was Johnny’s fault.
“Asshole,” she muttered. She took out her phone to call him. Beau’s text was still on the screen.
* * *
You’re still here with me. Say yes.
* * *
She read it again. Here with me. Their night had gone so fast, it was almost as if it hadn’t happened at all. Except that once in a while, she was still there with Beau, reliving their moments together. She’d seen Mayor Churchill on TV that morning and remembered holding Beau’s hand in the crowd at the benefit. On the way to the restaurant earlier, Nirvana had been on the radio, and Lola had hummed along, back at the speakeasy.
She moved her finger to hover over his phone number. It wasn’t long ago they’d talked. With a tap, she could call Beau to come get her. Maybe he still had the hotel room. It shouldn’t have even been an option, but it was—and a luxurious one at that. She knew with certainty that Beau would come, just like she knew he wouldn’t have left her behind in the first place.
She cleared the text and called Johnny instead.
* * *
It was after two in the morning when Lola heard noises outside their apartment. She stood from the couch. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you,” she said before the door was even open. “Where have you been?”
Johnny toed off his shoes and left them by the door. “Thinking.”
“Drinking?” she asked.
“No. Just thinking.”
“I was worried.”
“I know,” he said. “I was also worried. About you.”
“Serves you right for leaving me there,” she said.
“I had to get away before I said something I regretted.”
She fell back onto the couch. “I know.” She’d been angry for the first few hours. The whole cab ride home, she’d been tempted to give the driver the address to Beau’s hotel. If he’d been there, Beau would’ve made sure she was comfortable, and that sounded appealing after the week she’d had. But her anger had turned to concern around midnight. Now she was just glad Johnny was home safely.
He came to her and bent to take her cheeks in his hands. He kissed her. “You’re always so good. So understanding. What did I do to deserve you?”
“Sit, Johnny. We should talk.”
He sat close to her and held her hand. “I know what we agreed on, but if I’m going to consider this, I need to know what happened that night. I can’t send you back in there if I don’t.”
So he would send her in to do their dirty work again. Lola rested her elbow on the arm of the couch as she leaned away a little. Even if she’d been fighting the desire to see Beau again, she was disappointed Johnny was fine enough with the first night that he’d let her do a second. She’d worried telling him might make him think she wanted to do it, but apparently he just wanted details. If she were a spiteful person, she’d give them to him. Johnny wasn’t built for details.
“What makes you think I’d do it again?” she asked.
“You brought it up. I figured if you weren’t considering it…you would’ve kept it to yourself.”
“I brought it up because I thought you should know.”
“Yes, right after you brought up money. I hate to admit it, but maybe we are in over our heads.”
“We can still call the whole thing off,” she said. “We don’t have to buy Hey Joe. We could do something else.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head. “You didn’t endure what you did so I could give up before we even got started.”
She swallowed at the word endure. It wasn’t the word she would’ve chosen, which was why a second night of it could be dangerous. “I don’t want you to give up. We’ll just have to get creative and take on as many tasks as we can so we don’t have to pay other people.”
He released her hand and put his arm along the back of the sofa. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but a million dollars is a hell of a lot less money than I thought.”
“But it’s not nothing,” she said. “Maybe we could even take out a loan in the beginning.”
“True.”
She waited. “That’s it? ‘True’?”
He pulled on the corner of a cushion but didn’t look away from her. “You keep saying how we need every last dollar. How it’s not enough. And you—you already did it once. We can never take that back. Once the line is crossed, it’s crossed.”
She watched him closely. To her, a second night was not the same as a first night. It meant sinking deeper into Beau and the way she felt when she was with him, but there was no way of explaining that to Johnny. “What are you saying?”
“I guess that if you look at it from a strictly business point of view—this kind of money for a few hours is unheard of. You’d already know what you were in for. We sort of already broke the seal off this deal.”
“Looking at it from a strictly business point of view makes me feel like a prostitute,” she said flatly. He still hadn’t said no. She couldn’t tell if that was a yes. “Is that how you see me?”
A red splotch appeared on Johnny’s neck. “A prostitute? God, no.” He got off the couch and kneeled in front of her. He took her stiff, tense hands in his warm ones. “If that’s how you feel, of course we won’t do it. What we have now will be enough.” He kissed the backs of her hands. “How did we even get in this mess?”
“I have no idea,” she said.
Johnny looked at her earnestly. She put a hand on his face.
“Feel better?” he asked, smiling up at her.
She averted her eyes—she didn’t feel better. Beau’s offer had only been on the table a few hours, but she’d already begun to think about how it would be to see him again. Yes, she had an idea of what a second night would have in store, but Beau also had ways of surprising her. The possibilities were endless.
No, the possibilities would’ve been endless.
Johnny stood up. They held each other’s gaze a minute. “So it’s decided,” he said, turning.
“Wait, Johnny.” She grabbed his hand.
He looked back at her.
She put her lips to his knuckles. “Johnny,” she whispered. Her hand fit perfectly in his. Remember this? A gentle touch to love her. Fingers that had been everywhere on her body, over and over.
His eyes traveled from her face to their hands. “You think this is a good idea?”
“I don’t know.” She pulled him back down to the couch and let go of him to lift her tank top over her head. It left her bare from the waist up. He looked. She leaned over to undo his slacks before climbing onto his lap.
“You…” He kept his eyes on her breasts.
“What, Johnny?” she asked. What did he need? Reassurance of her love? To know if he’d been a better lover than Beau? She grew hungrier by the second. She’d had sex on her mind since she’d left Beau, but she hadn’t wanted to make the first move. “Ask me anything, and I’ll answer.”
He cleared his throat. “He showed you his test results, right?”
Lola stilled. It wasn’t what she’d expected. It was something a man should never have to ask his girlfriend, even if it was a perfectly reasonable—almost necessary—question for their situation. “Yes. He’s clean.”
“Okay.” He looked up finally. “What?”
“Nothing.” Right before they made love was not the time to anguish over the heartbreak of a question like that. She forgot it and set her palms against his shirt. “Put your arms around me.”
He did, pulling her closer by her backside.
“Stop thinking,” she said.
He kissed her. She settled her hips to get closer to him as she unbuttoned his shirt. She reached between them, felt for him, rubbed him. And rubbed him harder, until he also reached down to move her hand away.
“I think I need more time,” he said. “My mind keeps going somewhere it shouldn’t.”
“I’m still me, Johnny.”
“I know.” He kissed her, and he was present. His forehead rested against hers. “I know. Can you just say it out loud? Maybe it will help.”
“Say what out loud?”
“That you did it. You never even said you did it.”
“How would that help?”
“I don’t know. Can you…?”
Her eyes fell to the exposed skin at the base of his neck. She hadn’t said it. Maybe it’d been intentional, because she was having trouble getting the words out. “I slept with him. That was the deal.”
His chest rose and fell. He nodded. “I know. I don’t know why I wanted to hear it.”
“It’s all right.” She dipped her head to get him to look at her. “We’re in uncharted waters here. You can always tell me what you need.”
“So good,” he whispered. “So understanding.”
“I’m trying,” she whispered back. “I know you are too.” The resignation in his eyes was too much to handle. She’d forgotten that for her, all of this was real from the moment she’d gotten into that limo—but Johnny had never had that moment. He was in limbo somewhere between making the deal and getting her back. “You must be hungry,” she said, the only fix she could offer at that moment.
“Not really.”
“I can make you a sandwich.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”
“I heard fifty-dollar steak sucks anyway.” They both laughed a little. “However, I happen to make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” She winked. “And all it’ll cost you is one kiss.”
4
Vero poured two shots and slid one down the bar. Lola caught it and drank it down in a gulp. “What was that for?” she asked, sending back an empty glass.
“Think you need it. Should I get Johnny one?”
“Why?”
“Think he needs it too.”
Lola turned to lean her hip against the bar. “What do you mean?”
“He’s been staring at you the way I see the regulars stare at a new woman in this bar. Like he wants to meet you but doesn’t know what to say.”
“Need a pitcher of Fat Tire,” Amanda called over the bar.
“Got it.” Vero got started on the order as Amanda walked away. “You and Johnny all right?”
“We’re fine,” Lola said. Since their steak dinner the night before was a bust, they’d splurged on gourmet hamburgers for lunch that day. It was a fraction of the cost of the steak, but it was them, and that was the most important thing. They’d had a little too much beer and sun followed by a nap. Beau and his offer hadn’t come up. She’d thought it was nearly the perfect afternoon, but when she woke up, Johnny had left for work without her.
“You roleplaying something kinky?” Vero pressed on. “Like the whole stranger in a bar thing? If so, I’m cool with it. Maybe I can help.”
Lola laughed, shaking her head. “Well, we’re not really supposed to talk about it, but you’re impossible to shut up.”
Vero set the pitcher on the bar and turned to face Lola. “This sounds real kinky. Lay it on me.”
“No, it’s not that.” Lola lowered her voice. “Johnny and I are buying Hey Joe.” Lola grinned at Vero’s expression. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Vero’s mouth open with nothing coming out.
“Are you messing with me?” Veronica asked.
“Nope. We’re doing it. Soon it’ll be ours.”
Vero slapped the bar with one hand. “Holy shit, girl—are you kidding me?”
“Not messing, not kidding. You happy?”
“Happy? Haven’t been this excited since nasty cousin Herb fell face first into a pile of mud at the family reunion. This is cause for celebration.”
Lola smiled harder. “Thanks, V.”
“How’d you pull it off? This got something to do with that cousin of yours who died?”
“Great uncle,” Lola corrected.
“Uncle? I could’ve sworn Johnny said…” She narrowed her eyes. A couple seconds passed. Lola’s hands went clammy as Vero’s expression morphed and she tilted her head back, shaking it. “No. Something’s off here.”
“Nothing is off. Seriously.”
“Lola. Oh, fuck. What did you do?”
“Nothing—”
“You slept with that man.” She tiptoed closer. “You slept with…? Oh, honey, I wasn’t serious when I said—I didn’t think you’d go through with it.”
The room was too hot. Vero was too close. Lola hopelessly fanned herself with her hand. She’d never been a good liar. “It-it’s complicated. Even if I thought I could explain, it wouldn’t make any sense.”
Vero looked across the room. “Johnny let you do this?”
“He didn’t ‘let’ me do anything,” Lola said. “We made a decision. Together.”
“Hell, no.” She shook her head like her mass of frizzy curls was on fire. “No, no, no. My man ever asked me to have sex with someone else, he’d see the business end of my fist before he got the words out. Don’t matter how much money’s involved.”
“Vero,” Lola said. “There’s so much more to the situation than you think. Just let it be.”
“Let it be? I can’t. This is not cool.”
“Johnny and I have been through hell these past few weeks,” Lola said. “There’s no way you could understand.”
“What I understand is that you just took a very wrong turn down a dangerous path.”
“Veronica,” Lola said, shocked. “You’re judging me? Have I ever once judged your choices? Didn’t I support your decision to stay with Freddy after the way he treated you? Didn’t Johnny and I take you in for weeks when you finally cut him loose?”
“That’s different. That was between me and Freddy. But this isn’t between you and Johnny because you brought a third person into your relationship, and now he’ll never go away. Promise you that.”
Lola frowned. It wasn’t that Vero was necessarily wrong, but Lola couldn’t handle her on top of Johnny on top of Hey Joe. She didn’t need anyone to tell her what they’d done was wrong.
“What I need right now is a friend, Vero,” Lola said.
Vero abruptly reached out and hugged Lola. Hard. It took Lola a moment to reciprocate. “You and I go back,” Vero said softly. “When you came here, I thought you were just another chick. But knowing you has changed my life. You need me, I’m here.”
“You’re the one who changed mine,” Lola said. “You and Johnny straightened me out.”
Vero drew back a little to look Lola in the face. “Because it didn’t take me long to see that you’re better than this shit. And now I hear this.” She shook her head sadly. “It’s Johnny I’m pissed at, babe. Not you. But I’ll keep it to myself because you asked me to. I’m just sorry you felt the need to do it. I-I hope it was, you know, worth it.”
“It will be when we all get Hey Joe back to what it should be.”
“If anyone can, it’s you two. You’ll survive this. Strong as an ox, girl.”
; Was she? Was Lola strong enough? She wasn’t so sure. Now that they’d decided not to take Beau’s offer, the weight of reality was growing heavier. Every hour she was in the bar, she thought of how soon it would all be theirs. It was more responsibility than she’d ever had in her life.
Vero finally let go of her. “What was it like?”
“With Beau?” Lola bit her bottom lip. “Like a wild dream stuck on fast forward. I think I went to another world for a few hours—like it wasn’t even real.”
Vero looked around the bar and held her palms face up toward the ceiling. “And now you guys get everything you wanted.”
“Mostly,” Lola said. “Turns out running a bar’s expensive.”
“I could’ve told you that. But we’ll make this work. Even if I got to show up on time, I’m with you guys.”
Lola half smiled. “Thanks. Means a lot.”
Vero was suddenly even closer. “So, all right. We know it was fucked up, but sometimes that’s the best kind. I bet that tall drink of water stripped off his designer suit to reveal all kinds of kinky. Tell me about the sex.”
Lola blushed furiously, waving her off with a rag. “Stop it.”
“That good?” Vero’s eyes got big. “You enjoyed it?”
“Quiet,” Lola said. “That’s the last thing Johnny needs to hear.”
“So you did,” she stated as if that proved anything.
Lola looked at her hands. It hadn’t been kinky to Lola. It’d been more natural, just—right. He’d done new things to her, like commanding her to her hands and knees, and she’d liked them. He’d done normal things and made them worthy of fireworks. The sixteenth floor of the Four Seasons was a private space for her to be completely herself and to experience Beau without guilt. “It was different,” she said carefully. “Completely and utterly different than anything I’ve ever experienced.” Lola looked up. “Just different.”
“Lola. It’s sex. It’s okay if you enjoyed it. That’s kind of what’s supposed to happen.”
“Let me put it this way. He’s everything you’d think by looking at him and more.”
“More?”
Explicitly Yours Series Page 20