Baby Zeke: The Diary of a Chicken Jockey: The Complete Minecraft Series, Books 1-9: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

by Dr. Block

  “That’s pretty stupid,” I said. “Who makes this stuff up?”

  “I don’t know, but I do know that a single bat is unusual. And, at this point in time, I am not a fan of the unusual.”

  I suddenly felt very scared. Was the bat a minion for Herobrine? Had it really come to this? I was scared of bats now?

  “What should we do?”

  “Just be prepared.”

  The bat continued on its course, apparently oblivious to its surroundings. It flew towards the camp, but without urgency.

  “Maybe it is just looking for some apples or something?” I suggested.

  “Maybe.”

  I continued watching the bat flap its wings. “It must be amazing to fly,” I said, wishing I could be high in the air without a care up there where the air was fair and passed through your hair.

  Zeb nodded but said nothing. He continued to focus on the bat.

  The bat was flying to the south of where we were sitting, when it suddenly changed direction, and headed straight for us.

  “Get your sword ready,” said Zeb.

  I stood up and pulled my diamond sword from my inventory. I held it in front of me in a defensive stance.

  The bat maintained its altitude, until it was directly above us.

  Then, it stopped.

  Flapped its wings once.

  And exploded!

  Chapter 10

  I raised my sword in front of me to shield myself from the force of the blast. Fortunately, it was a minor explosion. Well, minor unless you were the bat.

  The bat blew into pieces and then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

  “You okay?” asked Zeb.

  I nodded. “Still have all my arms and legs. You?”

  “I’m fine.”

  It was then that I noticed a small bottle, like a potion bottle, on the ground near my feet. I pointed at the bottle and said, “The bat must have dropped this when it exploded.”

  “I think you are correct. Let’s open it and see what is inside,” said Zeb, reaching for the bottle.

  At that moment, the Ender general appeared before us with a whooshing sound as he teleported from who knows where. He reached out with his long black arm and clasped his hand on Zeb’s wrist.

  “Don’t touch that. It could be dangerous.”

  Zeb pulled his hand away from the bottle. “So, what should we do?”

  “We should build a structure out of obsidian, put the bottle inside and then use some sticks to pull the stopper to see what is inside the bottle. That way, if it explodes or releases a poison gas, we should be safe.”

  “Seems like a lot of work,” I said. “Are you sure we need to do all that?”

  “Absolutely,” said the general confidently.

  Otis arrived at that moment, out of breath. “I saw the explosion and came running. What’s going on?”

  We explained about the bat and the mysterious bottle and how we planned to open it. The entire time Otis kept nodding and looking at each of us.

  When I had completed my explanation, Otis said, “You guys are wimps.” And then, before we could stop him, he pulled out a pickaxe from his inventory and smashed the bottle.

  The Ender general quickly encircled his arms around Zeb, Otis and me and teleported us a good distance from the smashed bottle. Otis struggled against his grip.

  “Let me go,” he demanded.

  The general did and then shouted, “You idiot! We could have all been killed! If you can’t follow orders, I don’t want you in my army!”

  Otis laughed. “I can’t believe you, of all people, are a coward. It is obvious that bat was from Herobrine. That bottle has a message in it, I’m certain.”

  I looked in the distance at the broken bottle. It did look like there was a small parchment on the ground in the middle of the broken glass. I walked back to the area, and everyone else followed. As we got closer, we could see that Otis had been correct.

  “Told you,” he said.

  The Ender general reached down and picked up the parchment. He unrolled it and silently read its contents. His shoulders slumped and he shook his head sadly.

  “What does it say?” I asked.

  The general handed me the parchment without a word. I held it open and read:

  Hello, Baby Zeke and Friends:

  I saw your five ender scouts snooping around my extreme hills fortress. (By the way, I like to call it my High Castle and I call myself the Man in the High Castle. If you ever come to visit, be sure to use the correct terminology.)

  Anyway, I saw them snooping, but they could not see my High Castle through its epic camouflage, so they just blipped around like little flies on rotting meat. It was funny to watch. But, eventually, my amusement lessened so ... I killed them.

  And, Zeke and Friends, I am going to kill you too. That is, if you can find me before I destroy the world. If you can’t then, well, actually, I will kill you that way, just not face-to-face.

  So, I guess I got a little sidetracked there, but anyway, what I was trying to say…. No. What I am saying is that you’re already dead. I mean that as a metaphor since you are actually undead.

  Argh. Focus, Herobrine, focus.

  Here is the deal. You are going to die soon by my hand. Either in battle or when I blow up the entire world. So, you may as well just give up and spend the rest of your days riding that stupid chicken of yours.

  But, if you want to try and stop me, feel free to come to the High Castle. I’ll light a fire at the top of the mountain so you can find me.

  Yours Very Truly,

  H.

  P.S. -- The “H” stands for Herobrine

  I was stunned. Herobrine had killed five ender super elite soldiers like it was nothing. And now, he was taunting me. I didn’t know what to think.

  “What does it say?” asked Otis impatiently.

  I handed him the parchment.

  Otis read it quickly and said, “That’s it! Let’s go get that freak.”

  “This time, Otis, I agree with you completely,” said the general.

  Chapter 11

  How can we possibly defeat Herobrine in the extreme hills biome?

  He would have the high ground. He would be more familiar with the territory. He probably had far superior numbers than we did, though he wouldn’t need them with such a good vantage point.

  Herobrine would see us coming. He would know how small our numbers were.

  He could destroy us by any number of means. He could cause an avalanche. He could cause a rockslide. He could have hundreds of skeleton archers waiting in a narrow ravine to ambush us. He could have set TNT traps all around his fortress. The possibilities were endless.

  Still, one thing was certain, if we didn’t go to him and try to stop him, he would succeed in destroying the world. It appeared we had no choice. We had to try.

  “Well, let’s get going,” said Otis.

  “Not so fast, Otis. We need to prepare a plan,” said General Matias.

  Zeb nodded his agreement. “Yes, if we rush in now, it will be a disaster. We have to think of something a little more clever than the bull-in-a-china-shop routine.”

  Otis folded his arms over his chest. “Fine, but hurry up with the planning. I’ve got some killing to do,” said Otis.

  “Otis,” said the general, “Zeb, Zeke and I will meet with a few of my top lieutenants to plan the battle. You tell everyone in the camp to meet us at the main cafeteria building in one hour. We’ll have the plan ready by then.”

  “What, you don’t think I could help you plan this assault?” said Otis, clearly hurt about it.

  “Do you really want to help us look at maps and count weapons and prepare a strategy?” asked the general.

  “Well, I guess it does sound a bit boring. Just let me know when I can start attacking the enemy,” said Otis as he walked off in the direction of the central training camp.

  I looked at the Ender general. He seemed very proud and valiant, but his face betrayed worry. I coul
d tell that the burden of these events on him was great. With the Ender King missing in action, the hopes of the world essentially fell on his shoulders.

  “The extreme hills biome is so far away from here,” I complained. “How are we ever going to get there in time to make a difference?”

  The general and Zeb gave each other funny looks.

  “What?” I said.

  “I think we can use a technique I’ve heard of called teleportation,” said the Ender general.

  I stared at the general with big eyes and a slack jaw. How could I have forgotten that? I slapped my forehead with my stubby hand. “Maybe the two of you should do all the planning,” I said.

  “Maybe,” said the general as he touched me on the shoulder and teleported us to his chambers where three other ender military officers were awaiting our arrival.

  Chapter 12

  The six of us tossed around various plans, none of which seemed likely to have much success. But, we kept trying.

  Most of the plans were a variation of a surprise attack. I felt like we could get close without being noticed by utilizing the endermen’s teleportation abilities, but I didn’t think we could actually catch Herobrine by surprise. He was too clever and too dominant for that to work.

  Eventually, we decided on a plan, and then went to the main cafeteria where Otis had gathered everyone. Counting the Ender soldiers, the pigmen, and the villagers, we were nearly 250 in number.

  Everyone was eager and ready to battle, but it just seemed like way too small a force to confront Herobrine, much less defeat him and his army.

  The Ender general stood in front of the assembly and raised his long black arms to call for silence. The room hushed.

  “Okay everyone, here’s the plan. We want to teleport all of our supplies to a base camp at the edge of the extreme hills biome. After that, we will look for the High Castle lit by fire as promised in Herobrine’s note. Assuming he’s telling the truth that we can actually find the High Castle by locating its fiery beacon, we will then move on to the second phase of our plan. In stage two, we will use siege engines to –.”

  One of the pigmen in the audience interrupted and yelled, “What’s a siege engine?”

  The Ender general looked at the pigman and explained, “Good question. A siege engine is like a catapult or a trebuchet. You put a heavy object in it and you can launch it a long distance. Here, look at this diagram I happen to carry with me at all times.”

  The pigman nodded his understanding.

  The general continued. “If anyone else has any questions, please feel free to ask. Just raise your hand rather than interrupting.”

  One of the villagers raised his hand. After the Ender general called on him, he said, “How are we going to get the siege engines? Are we going to build them here or build them at the new base camp?”

  “We build them here,” responded the general. “I’ve built them in the past, so I can show you how to do it very quickly. Since you have such good building skills and the endermen can gather supplies quickly by teleportation, we should be able to have three or four siege engines built within the next two hours. Once construction is completed, we will teleport them to the base camp.”

  The villager nodded his understanding and said, “I’m gonna be tired tonight.”

  The Ender general continued with his description of the plan. “As you all know, Herobrine loves to set explosive traps everywhere. We believe that he will have an inordinate amount of explosives in his High Castle. Therefore, it is our intent to use the siege engines to blow holes in the castle walls using obsidian boulders and TNT and then continue to lob TNT bombs through the holes in the hope that they will ignite a stash of bombs and thus blow the entire High Castle to smithereens.”

  “Now that’s my kind of fireworks display!” shouted Otis, clinching his fist.

  “It would be very bright and loud and smoky and stinky,” said Bob.

  “It would smell like victory,” said Harold.

  “Of course ... it’s just a theory,” cautioned the general. “It’s entirely possible the walls are so thick we won’t be able to penetrate them or, even if we are able to breach the walls, there will not be a stash of explosives inside. If this doesn’t work, we’ll have to battle Herobrine and his army in hand-to-hand combat. That may not be a very successful endeavor.”

  At that moment, everyone in the room realized the true gravity of the situation if they hadn’t already.

  There was very little noise.

  Very little movement.

  Many of those assembled had distant looks in their eyes, as if they were having a vision of their impending deaths. I probably had a similar look on my face too.

  Eventually, the general broke the brooding silence. “Any questions?”

  There were no questions.

  The village craftsman knew what they had to do.

  The Ender soldiers began teleporting materials to the new base camp.

  After a couple of hours, the only things left in the training camp were four freshly made trebuchets.

  Otis walked up to the monstrous contraptions and said with admiration, “That looks like my kind of toy. Wicked.”

  “Well, if we had more time, I would train you on it and you could use it during the battle,” said the general. “However, these machines take a lot of skill to aim accurately, so I will put four of my soldiers in charge.”

  “That’s fine with me. I prefer the close-up stuff anyway,” said Otis with a savage, vengeful tone in his voice and a glint of insanity in his eyes.

  “You would’ve made a great Ender soldier,” said the general.

  Otis stood a little straighter when he heard that. He was still very puny, being a baby zombie pigman and all, but it was as if his spirit had grown several feet just from that one comment.

  “So, what now?” I asked.

  “Now, we get these siege engines in place and execute the plan,” said the general.

  Harold and Bob jumped on one of the trebuchets. “See you on the other side,” said Bob.

  The general motioned to eight Ender soldiers who had stayed behind. With one standing on each side of the four siege engines, they teleported the machines to the new base camp.

  Then, the general put his hands on Otis and me, and we teleported to the new base.

  Chapter 13

  When we arrived at the new base camp, I saw that the four trebuchets had been positioned so they all pointed in the same general direction.

  The base camp itself was located amongst thick tree cover so it would be difficult to spot even from far above or from the tops of the high mountains surrounding us. I looked around to see if I could see Herobrine’s fortress, but all I could see was trees and the top of one mountain in the distance.

  “Where’s Herobrine’s High Castle?” I asked the general.

  “A couple of the scouts found it a few hours ago. You know, he actually was telling the truth, at least partly. He did light a fire to help guide you to him. He no doubt has a trap set for you.”

  Upon hearing those words, I was suddenly overcome with a deep sadness.

  I remembered the day I spawned in a cave with those three full-sized zombies. I remembered how they made fun of me. I remembered I didn’t like it. But, I would’ve traded that for my current situation in an undead heartbeat.

  “So, I guess all the siege engines are pointed in the direction of Herobrine’s fire beacon?”

  The general nodded. “We are in the process of calibrating the exact distance as we speak.”

  Ender soldiers were moving around each siege engine and adjusting various settings. Occasionally, one would teleport away for a few seconds and then return, having gathered additional information to help calibrate the targeting system.

  “You really think this will work?”

  The Ender general sighed. “I know we can hit the High Castle. There’s no question about that. Whether we will actually penetrate its defenses, I honestly have no idea. Herobri
ne has powers beyond that of anyone other than Notch himself. Who knows what he might have crafted?”

  At that moment Harold and Bob walked towards us. I smiled as I watched their short stubby legs, even more stubby than mine, moving rapidly.

  “Hi, Zeke,” said Harold. “What do you think about all this stuff? Pretty amazing, right?”

  “I guess so,” I said. “I just wish we weren’t discussing the merits of war machines right now.”

  “Herobrine is evil!” yelled Bob.

  “Truth,” said Harold.

  “So, uh, are you guys ready to carry Otis and me into battle?” I asked.

  Harold and Bob nodded their heads curtly and with conviction and Harold said, “Of course we are. We know this is the final battle. We know this could be the apocalypse. And we’re here to help you stop it.”

  Without warning, I felt the strange sensation of powerful emotions rising up through my stomach and into my chest. It went into my throat and then my brain, and before I knew it, I was crying. I just stood there and put my hands over my dried out, undead eyeballs and cried and cried and cried.

  In a moment, I felt a wing touching my leg. I looked down and saw that Harold was trying to comfort me. Bob stood off in the distance looking glum.

  “It’s okay, Zeke. I know the last few weeks have been very stressful. But think, one way or the other, it’ll all be over soon. Either Herobrine will be defeated or, well, there won’t be anything left in existence, so it won’t really matter.”

  “I’m not sure that made me feel any better,” I said, though I had stopped crying.

  As I wiped the tears from my face, I watched as Bob sauntered over to the Ender general. “So, general, what sorts of things can you shoot with that trebuchet-thingy?”

  “Well, we have obsidian boulders, time delayed TNT bombs, ultra-sharp diamond bombs, piles of rotten flesh, and even some mushroom stew.”

  Bob nodded his approval. He began inspecting the trebuchet. “So what’s the maximum range of one of these babies?”