Run

by Mary Wasowski

  When I first met him, I believed he was this detached, submissive gay man that would fall at my feet if I commanded him to, but he was so much more than I ever realized. Devan Knight was mysterious and downright badass when he called me out back in his office. With a few keystrokes, he probably had the power to dismantle my life, and that shit was scary, not that I believed he would.

  Guys like Devan didn’t throw out words like “love” at the drop of a hat. He meant it, as I did when I said the words to him. But he also scared me, because now knowing what he knew about Harper could make him run and take Paxton with him.

  He admitted to me that he could disappear if he wanted, which made me put a plan in place just in case he did. I wanted to trust him, and I needed him to do the same, but something felt off and I had to be sure.

  I made it to the Y and waved off the remaining parents at drop-off. I bypassed Miles, who gave me a questioning look. He’s always looking at me in his weird way. I wasn’t in the mood for it today. I ignored him and went straight to my office, closing the door behind me.

  “Mike, you back in Seattle?” I said over the phone.

  “I am, and working my fingers to the bone as we speak. Marcy has a shitload of paperwork she has me completing.”

  “Never mind that right now. Has Parker checked in with Jonah?”

  “Yeah, all is well. The Harpers are still being tracked. They kept to their norm this morning. Breakfast at a local diner, grocery shopping, you know the deal.”

  “They were both together? The husband and wife?”

  “I believe so, why?”

  “Why? Are you fucking serious right now? It’s vital that I know every step Harper is making, that’s why.”

  “Okay, boss, I’ll call the guys right now and ring you back.”

  “See that you do.”

  “Are you okay? Anything you want to talk about?” he asked.

  “It’s probably nothing.”

  “In our line of work, there is no such thing.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the tip. We have to finish this with Harper. Everything set for the morning?”

  “Yes, Marcy reached out to them, and you will video conference with them tomorrow morning. When are you coming back here?”

  “I’ll know after tomorrow. I have to keep my cover today, and then when I get home, I will finish compiling the file.”

  “And your guy? How’s he doing with all of this?”

  “I really don’t know. Now that Devan knows the truth, I’m just afraid he’s going to do something, and not knowing what it is has got me freaking me out. Listen, keep the surveillance on the Knights, and that includes Devan. If he even sneezes the wrong way, I need to know about it.”

  “Boss, you sure about that? From what you sent me this morning on him, he may have eyes on you.”

  “Well, I guess it’s a chance I have to take. I can’t have him running, not when I just found him. I have to go. Keep in touch.”

  I hung up on Mike and then held my head to stop it from exploding. Fuck! How the hell did I get into this situation? Yeah, I already know. For the first time in my life, I led with my fucking heart, and if he runs out on me, it’s a sure bet I’ll never recover from it.

  I quickly changed and started my day with the campers. I still had a job to do here with these kids. Hours later playing outside in the blazing sun, I nearly downed a gallon of Gatorade. These boys had boundless energy and pushed me hard today. I blew my whistle, as Miles and the other coaches assembled the boys.

  “Okay, listen up. Friday marks the end of camp, and I want to say how much I have enjoyed working with all of you. You all have made amazing progress as players, and I, along with Coach Miles and our staff, want to reward you. So on our last day, we are going to have one last practice, and then for the rest of the day, we are going to give you boys a proper end of camp send-off.”

  “Like a party?” Paxton asked.

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Your parents are invited, as well as any siblings you may have. We are going to have a water slide set up on the field, along with other games you can enjoy. When you are totally wiped out from that, we will finish up with lots of pizza and junk food.”

  They all roared in applause, and with a final blow of my whistle, the camp session was over for the day.

  I checked my phone while waiting for Paxton to be picked up, and I had no messages from Devan. I hadn’t heard from him since we parted early this morning. I settled my brain and didn’t allow myself to go there. He would be here, he promised. Five minutes later, I stopped worrying because I saw Paxton run into the arms of the man I had come to care so much about. He twirled him around and then placed him on his shoulders. God, I wanted that. He was such a good father.

  “Hi,” I called out, as Paxton was putting on his seatbelt.

  Devan closed the door and told Paxton to wait for him.

  “Hi, how was your day?” he said, making me want to put my arms around him and never let go.

  I looked over my shoulder and there Miles stood and stared at us. He saw me and then ducked his head down to his clipboard. I shrugged it off and went back to concentrate on Devan.

  I said, “I want to kiss you, and I mean badly, but we have an audience.”

  “It’s fine. We have time for that later when we can be alone.”

  “Tonight? Can I see you later?”

  “I wish, but I’m all out of sync from the last few days, and I need to get my family back on track.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Jake, it’s not what you think, so wipe that mistrust off your face. If you meant what you said to me this morning, then be that guy. Don’t be the guy that took the job. That’s not who I need right now.”

  “What do you need?”

  “I’m figuring it out, but when I do, you’ll be the first to know. I promise. I have to go.” My instinct was screaming at me not to let him leave. He was making this too easy. I reached for his arm and pulled him close to me, not giving a shit who was watching us.

  “Jake, what are you doing?”

  “Stopping you from running.” I leaned in as close as could and grazed his earlobe with my teeth. He shuttered as I touched him, already making him hard as he pressed against me. “You promised, baby. Please tell me that you weren’t lying to me this morning?”

  “Jake,” he said, barely audible for me to hear. “If I was intending to run, I wouldn’t be here in your arms right now. If you don’t believe me, then that is your problem, not mine.”

  He tried to pull away, with only me holding him in place. I glanced over to Paxton, who was occupied with his iPad, not caring what we were doing just a few feet from him.

  I said, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight. I’ve just been a little rattled today and not hearing from you did not help.”

  “I wasn’t avoiding you. I needed to take care of a few things.”

  “Like making an escape plan?” Dammit! I hated myself for doubting him, but I couldn’t stop the words that fell out of my mouth. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes, a drastic change from the last time I looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

  “I have to go, Jake. My son is waiting for me. Let. Me. Go. Now.”

  He wasn’t playing. Neither was I, but I did as he asked. I fucking hate it to watch him drive away, but once I was home and cleared my head, I would go to him and talk it out, whether in words or in bed. One way or the other, I would be with Devan tonight, and there is not anything he could say or do to stop me.

  A couple of hours had gone by since I watched Devan leave me. It was gutting my insides down to my core. After showering and finishing up my work, I believed I was ready for my progress call with Harper. I would skate over everything I knew and request a meeting in person. It had been a little difficult holding him off with his constant calls to my office and pestering Marcy. She was a pro though and pacified him. Once our video call was in place, she said he seemed to calm down.

  My goal wa
s to get through tomorrow and lay the groundwork I needed to bring him down once and for all. I wondered about the wife. Did she truly know the man she was married to? And I’m also wondering if she knew about Carrie, or just turned a blind eye? It’s all going to come out sooner than later, but now, I have to see my sexy man and love on him for a while.

  On my way over, I tried calling, which went straight to voicemail. I tried a second time and got voicemail once again.

  “Don’t go there. He’s where he supposed to be. You would know if he left,” I said aloud to myself. Worrying over Devan didn’t help my nerves, but I was here now and hoped he would be too.

  Why is it that every time I am with Jake, it feels as if I have run a marathon? My breathing speeds up, my heart races faster, and I lose all my senses to think straight. I did an okay job avoiding him today after I dropped Paxton off at camp.

  I needed to think about the clusterfuck my life had become in a matter of a few days. Discovering who Jake really is and why he came to town has me completely thrown off. I wanted to hate him and never think of him again, but the sexy fucker goes and says that he loves me and makes me admit my growing feelings for him. Do I love Jake Mercer? This total stranger appears in my life, knocks it completely upside down, and I fucking fall for him. Yeah, I love him, but can I really believe that he’s mine? Our lives are so different. His life is in Seattle, and mine is here with my son and family. How will it work? And there’s still Carrie’s parents to deal with.

  Once I was home, I went back to my office and pulled up everything I could on the Harpers. I knew Jake had his information, but I also wanted an insurance policy in place for me to use if I had to. I thought back to the diary entries, and it frustrated my mind that Carrie kept those parts to herself. I was her best friend in life, and she didn’t trust me to help her when her father was hurting her. Not that I doubted she wasn’t in love with Paisley or was truly gay, but it all seemed now like a cover to thwart off her father.

  My head was spinning with all this new information. I thought I was secure and safe. I knew where the Harpers were and would be alerted if they made any moves to find me. I had access to their bank accounts, credit cards, and the deed to their home. Yeah, computer genius at work over here. I knew how to get around the system and use it to my advantage, but how the hell did I miss Jake Mercer? The one person that broke down all my walls and punched me right in the heart.

  Most of my morning was spent with my lawyers. My safe contained our passports, birth certificates, and other pertinent documents that I would need if I grabbed Paxton and left in a hurry. My custodial rights were never in question. Paxton was my son. It was my right to choose who would be in his life and who wasn’t. After learning more about Carrie’s past and what her father did to that poor girl, he would never touch Paxton. She should have been honest with me from the beginning. I want to be angry with her for it, but I can’t. Not when she lost her life giving me my son.

  Jake told me that he planned to confront Harper about all he knew, and Jake believed he will back off and not fight me. But I was not so sure. They are the maternal grandparents, and how the hell am I to know if the courts will side with them and allow them to see Paxton? It’s all fucked up.

  As of right now, they were still in Portland, which gave me a little peace of mind. If the truth does come out, and the Harpers find us, will Paxton understand my reasons for not telling him about them? It’s so frustrating and scary. As much as I promised Jake I wouldn’t run, it’s all I want to do. I’m watching my precious boy sleep and probably dreaming of turning ten, while my life is unraveling at the seams.

  I stepped out of his room and then onto my deck to look up to the stars. It’s been a while since I had a heart to heart with Carrie, so no time like the present.

  “I’m trying so hard not to be mad at you, but you should have told me how dangerous your father was. How could he pretend to be a man of God when he was hurting his own child? You made me believe that his hate would hurt us and our son if he ever got close, but what you were really afraid of was your father hurting him. A true monster inside who was sick and preyed upon his child and god knows how many more. I’m trying to understand, I really am, but it’s hard. I’ll always love you, best friend, and my promise to you still stands. I will not let anyone ever hurt our child, especially your father.”

  “Daddy…” I spun around to see my son behind me. “I had a bad dream,” he said.

  “Hey, come here.” I lifted him into my arms and hugged him warmly. “Let’s go inside and talk about it. What’s on your mind?”

  “I was dreaming about mommy.”

  “Mommy?” I questioned. “Can you tell me about it?”

  “She was afraid and crying. She kept telling me to run and don’t look behind me.” Pain filled my heart, and I worried to why he was dreaming of his mother in this way. “What else do you remember?”

  “That was it. She just kept telling me to keep going, but I didn’t know where I was, and I got scared. I couldn’t find you, Daddy, and then she was gone.”

  “Oh, my boy, it’s okay now. Dreams are funny things. Who knows why we dream what we do, but I promise no one is ever going to hurt you and I will never leave you.”

  “Mommy did.”

  “Yeah, she did, but she never wanted to. I would give anything to have your mom back with you, but as long as you keep her here in your heart, she will always be with you. Let me put you back to bed, okay?”

  “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

  “Yeah, sure you can.”

  I carried him upstairs to my room with his big green Hulk doll in hand. My mom thought it was funny to buy him this, and no doubt the joke was on me. I laughed and just went along with it. I was thankful for my housekeeper who cleaned my home from top to bottom today, including changing the linens on my bed. Memories of Jake and me rolling around in them last night gave me chills up and down my spine. I kept him at a safe distance when I saw him last, but now I wanted to see him.

  “I love you, son. No more bad dreams, okay?”

  “I love you too, Daddy. I’m not scared anymore. I have my Hulk to protect me.”

  “Yeah, and I have mine. He’s promised to love and take care of me for the rest of my life. I just need to allow him to do it,” I said to myself in a quiet whisper.

  “Yeah, thanks to Nonna.” I brushed his wavy hair off his forehead and placed a kiss down to him.

  “No, silly,” he said. “I mean Jake. He’s big and strong and probably can smash boulders like he does with the Avengers.”

  “Oh yeah? And what about me? You don’t think I’m big and strong?”

  “You are, but you don’t have muscles like Jake does.”

  “Yeah, so I’ve been told. Okay, no more talking. I love you. Go to sleep.”

  “Did the coach tell you about the camp party on Friday? They’re going to have water slides and everything.”

  “Sounds like fun, but I bet turning ten is going to be even better.”

  “It is! Goodnight, Daddy.”

  He rolled over and snuggled into the pillows and seconds later, he was smiling in his sleep.

  “Please, Jake, help me keep him safe.”

  I closed the door behind me, and the doorbell was ringing. I ran down to answer it and found Jake standing in my doorway. Before I could say anything, he shoved his way in and held my face as he kissed and begged my mouth for entrance. After he broke our connection, he placed his forehead on mine.

  “Don’t be angry. I had to see you,” he said.

  “I’m not. I wanted to see you too.”

  “You didn’t call. Why did you keep me at arm’s length today?”

  I closed and locked the door behind me and just looked at the man before me. He looked worried.

  “What’s going on, Jake?” I asked him, as he took a seat on the couch and invited me in with his arms.

  “Can I hold you for a minute?” he asked.

  I said nothing and sat besid
e him. He placed his muscular arms around my shoulders and pulled me in closer.

  He continued, “I had to see you. I hated how we left things back at the Y. I kept thinking you were going to leave and how I would never see you again.”

  I disengaged myself from his hold and stared directly at him. “I told you I wouldn’t. Did you not believe me when I told you that this morning?”

  “I’m trying, but it’s not easy knowing you can snap your fingers and uproot your life in just under an hour. You said it yourself, Devan.”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that, but yes, if I wanted to disappear, I could. But Jake, it’s not what I want, and I am not going to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. Contrary to what you believe, you are not at arm’s length, quite the opposite. I did a lot of thinking today, and I will be honest with you.”

  “About?” he said, now sitting up and giving me his undivided attention.

  “My affairs are in order, which means I have a clear path to start over anywhere I wish in the world, but that would mean a great many things for my family and son. I did that once, and I don’t wish to do it again. After Carrie died, I was instantly a single father and reeling from the tragedy I was now faced with. If it weren’t for my parents helping me through it, I don’t know what I would have done. I was the one that made the call to those vipers and delivered the news of her passing. I hated it, but my mother encouraged me to do the right thing. Hell, Jake, who knew what that was. After I spoke to them at the funeral and saw how little her father had changed, I knew it was the right thing to never tell them about Paxton’s existence. I still feel that way now, but in light of everything that has happened, I feel I must face them.”

  “Devan, I told you that I would take care of it for you. I am speaking to the Harpers in the morning by video conference and then I will arrange a meeting with them to present what I know. He will back down from ever seeking custody of Paxton, and with his record, as tarnished as it is, there’s just no chance for him of winning.”