I pulled up a chair and sat in front of him, holding the picture. He was clenching his jaw with his cold eyes staring back at me.
I said, “Who are you? Were you always the man that is before me today? Maybe you were a chameleon that was so good at covering your true self that no one ever saw the monster beneath the mask. Only a weak and spineless human being could hurt his own child and then hurt other innocent young girls to get his fucking rocks off.”
“Shut up! You know nothing about me.”
“Oh, I know plenty, and so did Carrie. That was why when you threw her out, she never looked back. You know, she told me on that day that she finally felt free of you, and maybe I didn’t know exactly what she meant by those words, but I do now. And so will our son. I meant what I said. You will never know him. Touch him. Hear his voice. Never in this lifetime or any other after me. But you can see him.”
He raised his head up in surprise, and then when I lifted the picture directly in front of him, he knew what I meant.
I continued, “This is as close as you will ever come to knowing Paxton. We were a family then, and we are a family now that only knows love, kindness, and compassion. Carrie knew you didn’t possess any of those things and made me promise that your hate would never touch our son, and that promise is still intact. You can keep this picture. I hope that what your hate has cost you will haunt you for the rest of your miserable fucking life.”
His lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears as I dropped the worn picture down to his lap.
Jake was back by my side and said, “Devan, come on, let’s go home. Paxton is waiting for you.”
“Yeah, he is waiting.” I looked back down to Harper, and then I said, “He’s waiting for us.”
Harper roared in pain as Jake took my hand and led me away from him. Down the road, I knew I would have to be called in to testify against him for the crimes he committed, but for now all that mattered was getting home to my son. And with Jake in my life, and officially being a couple, everything in my world was right.
Paxton had a million questions when I arrived back to my parents’ house with my mom and Jake beside me. Paxton ran into my arms, held onto me, and didn’t let go for a while until he was content knowing we were all safe. He didn’t leave my mother’s side for the rest of the night, and she insisted we all stay over to ease Paxton’s worry. Jake and I didn’t care. We knew we had a lifetime of nights to spend together, so this was no hardship agreeing to my mother’s request. Paxton never knew of Carrie’s parents, and some may disagree with my choices on that matter, but I would never regret the decisions I made. After learning all the dark details of his grandfather’s duplicitous nature, I was more confident than ever that I did the right thing.
The details about Miles were also downgraded for Paxton’s benefit. For as long as I could, I would protect Paxton from the harsh realities of the outside world and keep him safe in our bubble. My parents were his grandparents, and they were very close and always would be. I trusted them emphatically with the welfare of my son and told Paxton simply that his mom’s family was not like ours, and her father did some things that weren’t so nice.
I loved his response to me: “Our family only knows love and understanding. Even though we know it, it’s not always like that for some people. We try to keep those things close to our hearts.”
He can’t be ten, right? But he officially is and is the sun, moon, and stars of my life. He has such a strong and loving heart.
One week later, and the events from the previous week were long forgotten. It was time to celebrate my son’s tenth birthday. We’d been planning this celebration for the last month or so, and even though he was disappointed about missing his camp party, today was his birthday, which trumped everything else.
“Okay, the last balloon is blown up. I don’t think I have any more air in my lungs,” said Jake, as he strolled in and hugged me from behind.
“Yeah?” I responded. “That’s a shame because I was hoping you would have enough energy to blow something else. But no, you said you’re tired. …Ouch! You bit me!”
“You deserved that,” he said before turning me around in his arms to look at him. “I’ll never deny you anything. You know that, right?” My man changed moods as easily as flipping a switch. He was so serious at the moment.
“Yes, you tell me all the time,” I said in return.
“When are you going to start believing it?”
“When you agree to move in and live with me.”
“Already in the works, baby. I told you that the business is not an issue, nor is my team. You have to be ready for me because I am a lot to take on. I want you to be as sure as I am.”
“I’m trying, Jake. It’s been a long time since I had to answer to anyone about my feelings, but I know for certain that you are that person. Move in with me, and that will definitely curb my nerves.”
“Okay, but do something for me?”
“Anything.”
“Meet my family. I have a brother back east. He’s married with two boys around Paxton’s age. We’ve been real from the beginning, but like you, this is very new for me. Merging our families together would curb my nerves. They have never seen me with anyone before, and now that the situation with Harper went public, they know now and want to meet you.”
“Here or there?”
“How about here for this trip, and then maybe the next school break, we can take a trip up to Vermont to see them. How does that sound?”
“It sounds perfect,” I told him.
“Hey! Everyone listen up,” I called out to get everyone’s attention. The party was coming to a close, and I had one last surprise for Paxton and all his friends that were here today. “Thank you so much for sharing today with us. It means so much to Paxton and our family.” Lily began the applause, and then Paxton along with Sebastian and the other boys were all high fiving one another. I took a look over at Lily and winked at her. She tilted her head to one side and was curious what I was up to. I smiled back and then focused my attention on the kids.
“Okay, most of you are pretty big Marvel Comic fans, am I right? In honor of Paxton’s special double-digit birthday, I thought it would be great to forget about the classic beating of the piñata and try something different. As you can see, I am standing in front of a makeshift wall of blocks. The goal is to tear down this wall to see what is waiting for you behind it. Can you do it? Who’s up for the challenge?”
The roar from the kids was deafening. I knew this was a great idea, but I couldn’t take all the credit. Jake’s extra surprise was going to make the boys go wild.
“Daddy, can I go first?”
“You sure can, Pax. Hit the wall with all you’ve got.”
I handed him a foam bat to hit the double layer foam wall I had constructed by a company who did theme birthday parties. Every block that was hit just right would sound off a special effect to make it sound animated and to get the kids excited. What they didn’t know was what was waiting for them behind it.
Paxton took his first swing, and sounds of crumbling rock sounded off. His big brown eyes brightened trying to figure out where it was coming from. To make it fair, all the boys would get one hit before I hit the button to make the wall come down. Yeah, another trick to this fun game. Sebastian went next and jumped back when he heard a loud bang. The rest of the boys took their turns, and then it was time for the big reveal.
I announced, “Okay boys, we must be doing something wrong here. The bat doesn’t seem to be working to bring this wall down. I have another idea.” I pulled out the remote control and all their eyes widened with anticipation. Even the parents were on the edge of their seats. “Okay, count with me, and then it’s detonation time. On the count of three, ready? 1, 2, and 3!” I shouted out, and then the foam blocks came down.
Jake jumped out from behind the wall with his huge Hulk hands and shouted, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAXTON!”
The parents went nuts along with their excited chil
dren as they rushed over to the Hulk aka, Jake, my man. My mom painted his entire body green, and then he had the rubbery hands and feet along with the wig to complete the look. The muscles belonged to Jake. He was such a good sport about it. He took a Polaroid photo with each of the boys and then did a group shot with the entire party. He certainly made Lily’s day when he lifted her in his arms and then tossed her over his shoulder for a photo-op. She squealed with excitement but was in no hurry to get down until her husband cleared his throat. They all laughed and knew it was all in good fun, but could you blame her? He was gorgeous, but he was mine, and I was never letting him go.
“So, did you have a good time today at your party?” I asked as I closed the book I was reading to my son and then tucked him in. He may be ten and growing up, but I loved that he still wanted me to do these things for him, which made my heart burst with love.
“It was the best. Thank you so much, Daddy.”
“You are most welcome. You know I would give you the world if I could.”
“I know,” and then his face fell a bit.
“What’s wrong, little man? Why the long face all of a sudden?”
“I’m okay, Daddy, I was just thinking of mommy. She was watching from Heaven, right?”
“Absolutely, she was. She’s always with us, Paxton, and for as long as I live, I will always keep her memory alive for you.”
“I know, and I’m not sad. I have you, Nonna, grandpa, and now Jake, who’s going to be my dad too, right?”
Wow! That’s something I didn’t expect my son to say. Sure, I’ve talked to him about my feelings for Jake, and he knows he’s moving here, but to go as far as calling him “dad,” my breath caught in my throat. It’s always just been us, and now with Jake, it feels a thousand times of wonder all happening at once. Do I want to marry Jake? Would it be something he would want with me? I thought to move in together was a big step, but I guess we’ve been showing Paxton it’s a lot more serious than that.
“Um, Paxton, is that something you’ve been thinking about? You know it’s only been you and me for a long time now. I don’t want to push something on you that you’re not ready for.”
“Are you ready, Daddy?” another mind-blowing question I didn’t see coming, but then I answered quicker than I believed I was capable of.
“Yes, son. When it comes to sharing our life with Jake, I’m ready.”
“I love you, Daddy, and I love Jake too.”
“I love you too, Son, so much. No matter what happens in life, you will always be my number one. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”
“I won’t.”
“You are awesome. Now get some sleep. Ten-year-old Avengers need their rest.” I leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead and then to my surprise, he sat up and wrapped his arms around my neck to hug me back.
“What was that for?” I inquired.
“You’re my number one too! I just wanted you to know that.”
I smiled happily as I closed his door behind me, and then I saw Jake leaning up against the opposite wall with his muscled arms crossed over his chest.
He smiled back, and then I said, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything is right. You’re a good man, Devan Knight. I knew it from the minute I laid eyes on you. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. We can take this as slow or fast as you want. As long as I get to wake up with you each morning, all is right.”
How did he know that’s exactly what I needed to hear? For years, I’ve spent time worrying about others and not myself. Self-doubt was my friend and I questioned everything, but not my son. For someone such a young age, he just seemed to get it and had a great deal of understanding about things before it even sounded off in my head. Jake was the same way. This beast of a man barreled through my life without warning and all I wanted him to do was never leave.
To hear him say that he loved and wanted me was just all the happy holidays wrapped up into one big fucking present, and it was all mine.
I took him in my arms and held him as close as two people could be.
“I love you, Jake, and I want everything with you. Just knowing you are willing to let me lead the steps means so much. I promise I won’t make you wait long for the happily ever after.”
“Good. I’ll hold you to that. Let’s go to bed.”
“Now, that, you can lead.”
It turns out that I didn’t have to wait long for our happily ever after Devan promised me that’s where we were headed. We were pretty much attached at the hip following Paxton’s birthday party. We had an amazing night making love and fortifying our commitment to one another.
The remaining weeks of the summer flew by quicker than we would have liked them to, but all was amazing nonetheless. We grew closer with each passing day as the new family we were becoming. My brother, Zach, and his family made their way to Boise to spend four days with us. Devan rented a cabin up in the mountains with plenty of room to accommodate our combined families, and a lot of running space for Paxton and my nephews, Mikey and Tommy.
The Knights spent two out of the four days with us while we were up at the lake. This was my first time spending any real time with my brother and his family since I came home from active duty.
I spent so many years living the self-contained life, and now that I was with Devan, all I found myself doing was dreaming big and wanting more. More kids? Would he want a child with me? Take a trip around the world and make it an adventure for the three of us to share. Buy a dog for Paxton, and watch him happily on Christmas morning and know his day has been made with a fur baby of his very own. Yes, this is what I see myself doing when I dream about Devan.
The transition and my role in my company were smooth and issue free. After Foxtrot assisted me with the Harper case, he decided he liked the freelance fieldwork and the freedom it gave him to still use all the skills he acquired while in the military. As long as the job didn’t take him far from home, he wanted to officially join Mercer Investigations. With my team’s blessing, I made him in charge of all field and surveillance operations.
Mike was in charge of operations in Seattle, along with Marcy, who ran the tightest ship next to a Navy destroyer. We had highly skilled operatives located all throughout the country, always on hand on an as-needed basis for any case. And then there was me, owner and CEO of it all. I was a very lucky man to have such a trusted team. Next to my brother and Devan, they were the closest people I called family.
My parents were gone, and for a long time, all my brother and I had was each other. Once Zach met and married Mandy, he felt the years of searching for the one was over, and he had never been happier. Now, I had a family of my own with Devan and Paxton, and I was counting down the days until I could make it official.
Transitioning to parenthood had its challenges. Paxton was amazing. He was so smart, funny, energetic, and athletic. I could praise the boy until the cows came home, but I was also learning that he had the ability to wrap me around his finger, kind of like my nephews did since they cried their way into the world.
Devan warned me about boundaries and the invisible lines that you never cross when it came to parenting Paxton. He’d always been strict and very protective of his son. He was not a father that conceded easily and strove to keep him grounded in all areas of his life. I’d only been the fun uncle that spoiled his nephews rotten while loading them up with sugar. It was easy to do that and then send them back to their parents. I didn’t ever have to worry about accountability because it was the responsibility of my brother, not me.
Now, however, I was a dad to Paxton, and it had been going very well until our first disagreement. I remembered how nervous I was when Devan walked in at the very moment Paxton was having a meltdown over a silly Xbox game and I sent him to his room to think about his actions.
As I finished my run, my memory brought me back to that night that I thought had gone from amazing to shit in only a couple of minutes, but then Devan righted my world with comforting
words to calm my nerves and touch my heart.
“So, when is daddy coming home?” asked Paxton, as he put the finishing touches on his pizza.
“He should be home any minute, and then after dinner, you are going to Sebastian’s for your sleepover.”
“I can’t wait to play my new NBA game. He’s going to freak when I tell him I have it.”
“Now, Paxton, that game doesn’t officially come out for another month or so, and you promised your father you would only play it here at home.”
“He won’t mind, Dad, and Sebastian is my best friend. Besides, it’s daddy’s company that helped to create it.”
“Yeah, that may be true, but a promise is a promise, and you can’t go back on one.”
“But, Dad, I know daddy won’t mind.”
“Well, I mind, and the answer is no.”
“Well, you’re not the boss of me, and I’m bringing my game over to Sebastian’s.”
Okay, breathe Jake, just breathe. I’ll never grow tired of hearing Paxton call me dad, but defying me isn’t going to fly, no matter how awesome he is. We agreed early on that if Paxton felt comfortable enough calling me dad instead of Jake, then we would just roll with it. Devan would always be the primary parent, but sharing his role and wanting to co-parent has meant the world to me and has brought us closer. He’s never once back talked or misbehaved before, so what do I do now? Stand firm, and stick with what I said. I have to believe Devan would not tolerate his rudeness, so, why should I? I remembered Devan talking to me about not backing down, so this would be my first test. I have to be strong and not allow him to get one up on me.
“Paxton, I’m not trying to be the boss, but I am the adult here. You will talk to me with respect and kindness, not the snippy attitude you just displayed. Do I make myself clear?”
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