The Heights of Perdition

by C. S. Johnson

  “I’ll have to ask Exton about that,” Aerie decided. “That’s strange. Maybe she is related to me. I don’t have any relatives on my mother’s side that I know about.”

  “Exton?” Alice repeated. “You mean the Captain?”

  “Yes.” Aerie immediately felt her face turning red. “Yes, that’s who I meant. The Captain. Sorry.”

  “Does he talk to you?” Alice asked. “I’ve heard he lets people call him by his name that he’s close to.”

  “We haven’t talked that much.” Aerie tried to shrug it off. “I mean, I’ve talked way more with Emery.”

  “I’ve heard he’s taken a liking to one of the new refugees,” Alice said. “I was wondering if it was you. You’re so pretty.”

  Aerie felt her mouth drop open in surprise. “Well, thank you, but—”

  “Do you have a crush on him, too?”

  “I’ve heard that the Ecclesia teaches that gossiping is—”

  “Gossip and staying informed are different things,” Alice interrupted. “But I was right. It is you, isn’t it?”

  “I—”

  “Are you almost done up there, Aerie?” Orla called down from below. “I’ve got my batch ready.”

  “Coming.” Aerie smiled back at Alice, trying not to feel like it was forced all of a sudden. “I’ll see you in a bit. Excuse me.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief as she passed Orla. The small, graceful woman didn’t seem to sense her distress.

  No wonder there are so many whispers around, if they think Exton is attracted to me.

  Well, he is, Aerie thought, correcting herself. But it wasn’t like that was anyone’s business but his, and hers, too.

  Aerie smiled, thinking of how they spent a good hour together in the Captain’s Lounge, just talking and sitting in the small room, watching the celestial bodies shift through the high window.

  He walked her to her room, said good night, and left her wondering if she hated or admired his fortitude in keeping his promise not to kiss her unless she wanted him to.

  Aerie realized, somewhere in the middle of her restless night of half-sleep, confusing dreams, and discomforting darkness, that it wasn’t Exton she was angry with, but herself.

  She was lying to others, and she been lied to; maybe she was even lying to herself.

  Aerie woke up to Emery at the door, letting her know she’d been excused from working with Olga that day so she could help with the harvest.

  The work was pleasant, if hard, but Aerie was unable to find peace. The work was absorbing enough that the dull hum of disappointment and confusion were able to be held at bay, but only just so.

  Aerie passed by a window. Awe struck her all over again as she gazed out to see the small, growing shadow of Earth against the darkness of space. The sun shone brightly on its cloud cover, illuminating the soft tapestry of wind patterns flowing over the world. She could see faint traces of green and orange glow at the northern pole, where the gray waters of the ocean faded to blue.

  “It really is an ugly sort of beautiful,” Aerie murmured to herself.

  Just like me.

  It was an unfortunate mess she was in, and Aerie felt the anger creeping into her heart again.

  The truth mattered. Why did this surprise her?

  Aerie sighed. She thought about her notes on the crew and the Perdition. It was a stupid idea to begin with, she thought. The URS didn’t need to know about the Perdition. Of course, that was no reason to stop asking questions. She wanted to find things out for herself while she was onboard. And she would.

  As for the URS … Aerie decided her father was going to have a lot of questions to answer when she got back.

  If she went back.

  If only it could be so easy to stay.

  It was hard to imagine a world where she did not go to class, or work, where she did not get to talk with people she had grown up with, where she did not see the same things outside her window she’d always seen. Brock, Serena, her brothers, and her father. Even her stepmother, Phoebe, and her class of peers.

  But in the past week, it had become increasingly difficult to imagine going to a job where there was none of Olga’s kindness, living in a place without a friendship like Emery’s, and leaving behind a world with Exton’s kisses.

  Her guilt prompted her to ignore her thoughts on the matter before she examined them too closely.

  Instead, she wondered what it would have been like to meet Exton before his heart had been crushed.

  “Daydreaming again?”

  “Exton.” Aerie jumped at his voice. It was as if she’d summoned him. “What are you doing here?”

  He grinned at her. “Maybe I came to work.”

  “Really?” Aerie arched her brow. “You’re not here to spend time with me?”

  “I can be, if you want.” He gave her a smug look. “But for that to happen, you’d have to tell me first, and I don’t think you want to sacrifice your pride.”

  “It can’t just happen?” Aerie asked. “I have to ask for it?”

  “Like forgiveness for a most egregious sin,” he confirmed.

  Aerie laughed. “I’ll take the penance for my pride,” she said, “because I don’t want to impose on your hospitality too much.”

  “You’re not. Didn’t Emery explain how the work system goes here?” Exton asked. “You’ll get credits for working, and you can spend them on what you want.”

  Aerie recalled Emery mentioning something like that as they walked around the Perdition. “I guess I didn’t understand,” she admitted.

  “You can use them for classes, with the Ecclesia, if you’d like. Emery mentioned you like botany and plants.”

  “That would be wonderful,” Aerie agreed, excitement starting to bubble up inside of her. “What kind of classes can I afford?”

  “You can look it up once you get to your room to know for sure, but there are plenty of classes. I’m sure you could find at least one to interest you.”

  “Are classes the only things I could buy?” Aerie asked. “What do other people use their money for?”

  “Room, board, and food, some entertainment—”

  “Wait,” Aerie interrupted. “It costs something to live and eat here?”

  “Yes, but you don’t need to worry about it. You’re my guest,” Exton reminded her softly. “You don’t pay for that.”

  “Who pays for it then?” Aerie asked.

  “I do.”

  She paused, startled. “You’re paying for me to be here?”

  “I have enough credits, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “It’s fine.” He took her hand. “I wanted to.”

  “I’ll pay you back,” she promised.

  “No. I don’t want you to.” Exton shook his head. “It’s a gift, Aerie.”

  “Then I should give you something to make it equal.”

  “Equal and fair again, huh?” Exton sighed. “It’s not like that here, Aerie. When you’re given a gift, you don’t try to pay for it. You just take care of it.”

  As she stared at him, he began to laugh. “You should see your face right now. Has no one ever given you anything, without any expectation of repayment or thanks before?”

  “I … I don’t know.”

  “Well, then consider this time onboard with us a first, from me to you.” He took her hand and tugged. “You’ve been working on the harvest long enough today. Come and see everything that the Ecclesia has set up in the gym.”

  Aerie saw Orla coming down from the storage pantry and Naomi making her way over, a speculative gleam in the older woman’s eye. “I don’t know. I still have a lot of work to do.”

  “You’ll get it done,” he told her. “I’ve been watching you work.”

  “You have?” Aerie’s question was soft and full of awe.

  He smiled. “Yes. It’s very relaxing for me. You seem to take it pretty seriously most of the time. You about had a fit when those kids
two rooms over ran through here. But you didn’t scold them. You laughed and redirected them, and then when they were gone you grumbled while you picked up all the fallen sprouts off the floors.”

  “I would have scolded them if they weren’t so … so … ”

  “Young?” he offered.

  “Maybe.”

  “Aerie, the harvest is going to last all week,” Exton reminded her. “Come and see the traditional first day festivities with me, and then you can come back and work.” Exton reached over and brushed her bangs out of her eyes, marveling at the uncertainty and relentless curiosity he saw in their amber-colored seas.

  “Are you sure?” she asked. “What will people say?”

  “Who cares?” Exton scowled. “Everyone talks about me, Aerie. There’s very little stopping it. Even God, who, I will be the first to admit, has infinitely more power and influence in such matters than I do, can’t get all his followers to stop the gossip on this ship.”

  She giggled. “If you’re sure … ”

  “I’m sure.”

  “I don’t want to ruin you.”

  “If you ruin me, I’ll ruin you.”

  “Is that another deal?” Aerie asked. She saw the playful smile on his face as she grasped his hand in hers.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m beginning to like our deals.”

  His hand tightened around hers. “Me, too.”

  ♦♦♦♦

  Exton couldn’t recall the last time he’d enjoyed dancing.

  The last time he danced was Emery’s wedding, and he had loathed it. Of course, it was not for a lack of skill or partner; Emery was beautiful and wistful and awing, her movements graceful and precise despite his rusty skills.

  But that was Emery, through and through. Exton knew his sister was a romantic at heart, and a practical woman at will.

  In contrast, Aerie was an unexpected adventure. She was hesitant but brave, curious but polite—and she always looked to him to catch her if she fell.

  Aerie laughed and smiled as he twirled her around, pulled her in close, and led her into turns.

  “You’re having fun,” she said. From her tone, Exton knew it wasn’t a question.

  “It seems I am,” he said. “Are you?”

  Not that Emery’s wedding wasn’t as cheerful and happy as the Harvest, he thought. It was just different with Aerie.

  So much is different with Aerie.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever danced like this before,” she confided, giving him another one of her guilty smiles, the kind Exton both loved and hated.

  He hated she was still wired to side with the URS more often than not, but he knew she was coming around. And he knew what it was like. Hadn’t he experienced the same thing ten years ago, before he cut ties with them and committed treason?

  Maybe a few more weeks here will help her.

  “You mean you’ve never danced just to have a good time, rather than for ceremony or matters of State?”

  Exton might have been teasing her, but her eyes were somber as she nodded. “You’re right,” she replied.

  Those eyes, he thought. So big and bright, even when they were sad. There was something about them that tugged at his heart.

  With his attention focused on her, Exton suddenly stumbled. He felt her crash into him, her arms pull him close, and instant concern cross her features.

  Exton fell back into his memory of the moment where he picked her up out of the tree and held onto her. His chest ached in that moment, weakened by the desire to respond to her vulnerability.

  All over again, he felt the thick, hardened barrier around his heart crack in triumphant rebellion. This time there was no fear, only falling—and then he was free.

  “Are you okay?” Aerie asked, as other people laughed and danced around the room as though the floor hadn’t slipped out from under his feet, as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred in the last, longest second of his life. “You have a strange look on your face.”

  A pair of dancers bounced against him, but he only clung more tightly to her.

  How could life change so much, in less than a twinkling of an eye?

  “I do believe,” Exton told her quietly, “that you’ve ruined me.”

  He couldn’t tell if she fully understood what he meant, but her eyes twinkled with joy. A second later, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and, standing up on tiptoes, she gently pressed her lips against his.

  The shock of her shy kiss sent lightning dashing across his senses. If his heart hadn’t already insisted on loving her, his soul would have demanded it. The room, with all its stares and whispers, whisked away into nothingness as his arms tightened around her. He closed his eyes as his hands ran up her body to cradle her face and keep her close.

  She drew back a moment later. “Exton,” Aerie muttered, glancing around uneasily. There was a red tint to her cheeks. “People are looking at us.”

  “That’s your fault,” he murmured, “for breaking our deal.”

  “The deal was that you wouldn’t kiss me unless I wanted you to,” Aerie replied with a renewed sense of a challenge. “It said nothing about me kissing you.”

  “You are too clever at all the wrong times,” he teased. “If you’re uncomfortable with people watching, we can go somewhere else.”

  “I’m enjoying the dance,” Aerie said, some embarrassment still evident as she pulled him back into the rhythm of the song. “Emery told me she loves music, and this makes me see why. It goes from reverent to joyful to sorrowful, and then to resolved. It’s very nice.”

  “I agree with you. Music is much better outside the URS.”

  “Most things are, don’t you think?” Aerie asked teasingly, before she turned her attention back to dancing. “I can’t imagine this won’t last for much longer.”

  “It’ll go long into the night,” Exton promised. “This is one of our traditions here.”

  “Why? Won’t the people get tired?”

  “It started as we began to harvest the crops from the first year of being in space,” Exton explained. “The Ecclesia have a history of celebrations like this, where different events and foods mean different things.” He nodded to the other side of the room, where Emery was dancing with Tyler. “You can ask either of them for more details if you’re interested.”

  “You didn’t study that part, then?” Aerie asked.

  “No.” Exton gave her a smirk. “I don’t usually even show up for this celebration; if I do, it’s only for a few moments. Long enough to be seen.”

  “Long enough to be seen but quick enough not to be missed?”

  “That sounds about right.”

  “Do you have a lot of secrets?”

  “What?” He frowned down at her. “What do you mean by that?”

  “I was just wondering,” she said with a shrug. “People who carry a lot of secrets tend to avoid people. Or so I’ve noticed, anyway.”

  “You have some secrets too, then?” Exton asked.

  “I asked you first,” she insisted.

  He looked beyond her, to where Reverend Thorne and Brother Don were chatting with some of the Command Bridge crewmembers. “Every captain has some secrets,” he said. “All leaders do.”

  Aerie followed his gaze, before glancing over at Emery. “Do you really have a collection of MENACE fighters onboard?” she asked. When he looked down at her in surprise, she explained, “Emery said I should ask you about it.”

  “Curious, are you?”

  “On a regular basis,” Aerie said with a sigh. “Or so I’ve been told.”

  “Curiosity is not a virtue of the State,” Exton recalled. “But I would consider it one here.”

  “So you’ll tell me about the MENACE fighters?” Aerie grinned.

  “Relentlessly curious.” He slowed to a stop and pulled her back from the dancing area. “It’s probably better if I show you.”

  Her eyes went wide with a mix of suspicion and pleasure. “Show me? You mean the rumor was t
rue?”

  “Sort of. It’s complicated.”

  “But you can show me? And you would do that?” Aerie asked. “Can we go right now?”

  Exton watched as she wiggled her bottom and laced her fingers together, clearly trying to contain her excitement. “If you want.” He considered the matter more closely as he saw more people duck their eyes from his gaze. He didn’t need to subject Aerie to their probing looks, he thought.

  “Then let’s go.” Aerie started tugging him behind her. “I want answers, Exton.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he said, slowing her down. “But there’s no need to gallop out of here. And I have to warn you, Aerie, while the truth is important, it’s not always pleasant.”

  “Well, you’ve already managed to teach me that,” Aerie grumbled, “and I don’t seem to have suffered anything lethal.”

  He smirked. “Suffering is still suffering, even if it’s temporary.”

  “I can handle it.”

  “I envy your confidence,” Exton replied. “You make me wish I had more of it myself.”

  Loving her is not going to be easy, he thought.

  ♦21♦

  Aerie glanced around the rear hangar full of enemy star fighters, all of them gleaming. Her excitement suddenly tempered with caution. “They seem like they’re in working order.”

  “They are. We only used some of our larger shuttles, including the one you came in on, for supply runs and transports. We don’t use these for much.” Exton glanced over to see a frown on Aerie’s face. “What is it?”

  Aerie stepped back as her frown deepened. Something uneasy had settled into her mind while she stood there overlooking the hangar.

  Something was wrong.

  Stupid, stop thinking something is wrong just because you’re enjoying yourself. You’re allowed to be here, and if the General was here, he would likely encourage you to get a good look at their available forces …

  Aerie frowned. A good look …

  Exton indicated the far end. “There’s a smaller airstrip down here that opens up near the orbital thrusters; it’s actually a smart design. The rear of the ship has to be protected, because if we lose flight power we’re not able to do much to resist against an attack, let alone fight back.”