by Mike Lupica
He still felt mad sometimes, and probably always would, to the point where it took everything he had to calm himself. But he knew he was getting better at it. Day by day and game by game. Ms. Moretti had taught him to imagine a bubble filled with his anger when he started feeling that way.
“A bubble?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And what do I do with the bubble?”
She smiled, spread out her arms wide. “Pop that sucker!”
“Instead of letting myself pop, you mean?”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”
He tried using Ms. Moretti’s technique when things weren’t going his way on the court. Lately, though, he hadn’t needed to use it too often. There had been times when he’d thought the Bobcats couldn’t be as good as they were playing. But the wins had kept on coming.
Now there were just two games left in the regular season, and if they won those last two games, they would play in the league championship game.
Nearly everything in his life seemed to be going right. Everything except his friendship with Zoe. No matter how many times he told himself that things between them could never be the way they used to be, that they were hiding too many secrets from each other, he still wanted them to be friends.
Maybe it was because he’d never had a girl in his life before. Or maybe it was just this girl in particular. But no matter how many times he tried to find the words to tell her the truth, he’d always shut down when the time came to actually speak up. He wanted to explain to her that he wasn’t really a thief, that he’d just made a mistake, that what he’d done, taking those sneakers, wasn’t really him. More importantly, he wanted to separate the truth from the lies, make her understand that he’d never had his hands on drugs, even somebody else’s, once in his whole life. For some reason, though, he couldn’t find the courage to come out and say that.
Oh, he and Zoe kept going through the motions of still being friends. It wasn’t as if they were avoiding each other altogether. They just never hung out after school anymore. Never had any real conversations.
Jayson still wasn’t ready to give up.
The Friday afternoon before the game against the Geffen Grizzlies, Jayson tried to talk out the problem with Ms. Moretti. Yet when she tried to get him to reveal some details, Jayson shut down again.
“Even when you’re putting yourself out there,” she said, “you still hold back.” She shook her head. “Man, it must be tough staying so tough.”
“Some things you have to keep to yourself.”
“Fair. So without giving away the full story, what’s really bothering you?”
“That I should’ve been honest from the beginning, and now I’ve made a mistake I can’t undo.”
They were in the Lawtons’ living room, as usual. She just let his words hang there in the air for the moment.
“People make mistakes, Jayson,” Ms. Moretti said in a soft voice. “But sometimes, owning up to them can make things right.”
“Not if those mistakes take on a life of their own. It’s too late now.”
“You can’t know that. All you can do is guess and remain afraid of finding out. How will you ever know if you don’t give it a shot? Seems to me the ball’s in your hands.”
She had a point. He had nothing to lose by trying—nothing else seemed to be working with Zoe Montgomery these days.
32
FIRST THERE WAS THE BUSINESS of the game against Geffen. The Grizzlies had lost both of their starting guards halfway through the season and had only two wins, but too much was at stake for the Bobcats to be looking ahead. They needed this one to keep their championship hopes alive. Win this game and get to next Saturday, where Jayson would not only have a chance to help his team make it to the title game, he would also get another opportunity to beat his old team.
Throughout most of the game against the Grizzlies, Jayson had no reason to think that next week’s game against Moreland East wouldn’t be the one he was hoping for, with everything on the line. The ’Cats were at the top of their game against Geffen, building up an eleven-point lead by halftime and at one point stretching it to seventeen in the third quarter. Jayson barely even noticed as the Grizzlies started to chip away at the lead.
With four minutes to go, the ’Cats still held a thirteen-point lead. Jayson couldn’t help it—he began thinking about that next game against Moreland East and all it would mean.
Huge mistake.
While in the beginning of the game it seemed the Bobcats could do no wrong, suddenly they weren’t doing anything right. It was like the whole team had decided to break down all at once, like they were all looking ahead to the rematch with Moreland East. It started with a couple of quick baskets for Geffen on plays that the Bobcats had been stopping all game long. It grew worse when Brandon fouled out, committing a dumb one far away from the basket. That meant Cameron, who had just committed his fourth foul, didn’t even have time to catch his breath on the bench. Coach had no choice—he had to get Cameron back in.
But Cameron actually needed that time on the bench. He was tired, and it showed. Finding himself out of position on his first possession back in, he reached over the top of the Grizzlies’ center and now he, too, had fouled out.
Two free throws for the Grizzlies. They made them both.
Six quick points for Geffen.
Bobcats by only seven now.
Then Jayson, frustrated at what he saw slipping away, tried to force a pass to Bryan that ended up in the hands of a Geffen player, who ran it down the court. Jayson, mad at himself, lagged behind defensively, giving the Grizzlies a momentary advantage. Bryan’s man kicked the ball out to Jayson’s man, who was all alone at the top of the key, the fifth player in a five-on-four fast break. Three-pointer, nothing but net.
Just like that, the lead was down to four. A 9–0 run for Geffen. The flow of the game could change in a heartbeat in sports, one team taking momentum away from the other. It was exactly what the Geffen Grizzlies were doing to the Belmont Bobcats. Both teams knew.
Right after the three-pointer, Bryan came up short on a wide-open look, which led to a fast break for the Grizzlies, and an easy layup.
With a minute left, the lead was two points. What had looked like an easy win now had a chance to be their worst loss of the season. Jayson brought the ball down and passed it off to Bryan, showing confidence in his shooting guard even though he’d been missing in the last few minutes. Bryan missed again, but got fouled shooting the jumper. When he got to the line, he had a chance to stretch the lead back to four, give Belmont some breathing room. Bryan had been an 80-percent foul shooter throughout the season, easily the best on the team.
He missed them both, barely touching the front of the rim with the second one.
Every player on the Bobcats was playing tight now, their confidence completely gone, the way their lead was.
Then Deion Daniels, the Grizzlies’ best player, had the ball in his hands again, with a chance to tie, or even take the lead with a three.
No way, Jayson thought. This time he was the first one back on defense, running hard as soon as the Geffen center had come down with the rebound. But Bryan was slow getting back on his man, a converted forward named Kenny Wright. Kenny only had a step on him. But in basketball, that was all it took. Deion hit him with a perfect bounce pass, Jayson having no shot at batting it away, so Kenny took the ball, and then he kissed it against the glass for a score.
Game tied. The Bobcats in a total freefall now. The only question was when they would hit bottom.
Coach stood up, called time, and waved them over.
As they headed toward the bench, Bryan came up alongside Jayson and said, “I’m scared I’m going to do something to lose us this game.”
“Then go tell Coach to take you out,” Jayson said.
Maybe Bryan was expecting
a pep talk from Jayson in that moment. Or words of encouragement. He certainly didn’t expect to hear what he’d just heard.
He reacted as if Jayson had slapped him. “What did you just say?”
“Tell him to take you out. You’re scared about a basketball game? Then maybe you don’t belong in one.”
They needed this game. And he knew Bryan couldn’t play it scared. He was just trying to give his teammate some steel, get him mad and ready to take it out on the Grizzlies.
Coach kept it simple. He always did, whether it was the first quarter of the game or the last minute of the fourth. His voice was upbeat, acting like this was the only place he wanted to be, wanting his team to feel the same way.
The opposite of scared. Full of steel himself.
He grinned and said, “I’ve got nothing.” Trying to lighten the mood.
Jayson heard some nervous laughter behind him.
“What I mean is,” Coach Rooney said, “I don’t think we should run a set play. By now they know everything in our playbook. The ball’s in your hands on this one, Jayson. The rest of you, spread the court while Jayson gets the offense in motion. Keep on passing like we’ve been doing so well all season, use up the clock, and then when we get our chance—and I know we will—don’t be afraid to take the shot that wins us the game. How does that sound?”
Jayson answered for all of them. “Love it.”
“You know they’ll put Deion on you for the last play,” Coach said. “If he tries to be a hero and go for a steal, make him pay.”
Jayson nodded.
“This is our game to lose,” Coach said. “But we’re not going to do that, are we?”
“Not a chance,” Jayson said.
Jayson refused to accept the possibility that they were going to lose this game after having dominated for so much of it. But he knew they had to win the game right here and now, because they weren’t beating the Grizzlies in overtime without Cameron or Brandon.
Twenty-four seconds left when they inbounded the ball. Enough time for one play if Belmont milked it, with the shot clock turned off.
The Bobcats spread the court like Coach had told them to do. Bryan ran to the left corner, his sweet spot. Jayson threw him the ball. But Bryan was well defended, the Geffen defense on high alert, not giving up any easy looks, so Bryan gave it back to Jayson, running to the other corner as Marty Samuels left that spot and got himself open to give Jayson an out. Jayson handed the ball off to Marty, who got jammed up a second later, and gave it right back to Jayson.
Jayson thought they were passing the ball around like they were playing a game of hot potato.
Fifteen seconds.
Jayson felt his heart pounding. Good nerves, he knew. He hated losing, but he never played afraid. He was just like Coach in this moment: right where he wanted to be.
He dribbled back to the top of the circle. Deion stayed with him. He saw Deion look past him, probably checking the clock at the other end. Time was running out fast.
It turned out Deion wasn’t interested in letting the game go to overtime either. Just like Jayson, he wanted to win in regulation.
So Deion went for the steal.
Just a quick lunge, hand out, careful not to foul. But Jayson had been watching Deion’s hands, waiting for him to make his move, dribbling being like breathing for Jayson, who didn’t need to keep his eyes on the ball. So Jayson wasn’t just ready for him, he was already on his way past him.
Nine seconds left.
There was an open lane to the basket. But it closed up fast, the Grizzlies’ center cutting Jayson off. It was one of those moments when Jayson felt as if he could see the whole court, like a quarterback with all day to throw, scanning the field, everyone in motion now. He saw Bryan’s man, Kenny, coming over to cover Kyle, filling in at center for Belmont now that Cameron and Brandon were out, leaving Bryan open on the right side.
Jammed up in the lane by the Grizzlies’ center, Jayson used his left hand to shoot a cool behind-the-back pass to Bryan, who caught the ball, squared up his shoulders, and let it fly.
The ball looked a little short. But Bryan had shot it softly enough, put just enough air underneath it, that it touched the front of the rim, then the back of the rim, and finally fell through the net for the basket that won them the game.
Bryan looked more surprised than anybody. Maybe he understood that he had defeated more than the Geffen Grizzlies in that moment.
Jayson ran over to him and the two jumped at each other in the air.
When they came down, Jayson said, “Now what are you afraid of?”
Bryan laughed, then shouted at Jayson, “You!”
33
THE WEEK LEADING UP TO the game at Moreland East to decide which team would make it to the league championship was a blur to Jayson Barnes.
Jayson went to his classes, he went through his normal routine when he’d see Zoe, both of them pretending that nothing had changed between them. He still planned to talk to her. Just not right now.
He wasn’t letting anything get in the way of basketball, not this week.
He’d do his homework at night, but ten minutes after he’d finish, he couldn’t remember a thing he’d read, or written. It was the same with the basketball games he watched on television after he was done studying. He’d know which teams won, he just couldn’t remember how in the world they did it.
He kept thinking of being back in his old school, going up against Ty and Shabazz one more time.
As the season went on, he’d spent less and less time talking to Ty, to the point where right now they were hardly communicating at all. Finally, last night, Ty had broken the silence and called him.
“Hey, Snap. Are we still good?” he said.
Snap. It was a name Jayson barely heard these days. Like it had disappeared.
“Always,” Jayson said. “I’m just focused on winning right now. We’ll be better when the game is over.”
“After we stomp you out, you mean?”
Jayson felt himself grinning. “Lot’s changed this year, Ty. But you still talk the same old trash.”
“I talk it ’cause I can walk it.”
“We’re gonna find out soon enough.”
The only place where things made sense to Jayson—shocker—was in the gym. But he couldn’t spend all day in the gym, much less sleep there, so the Friday night before the game, Jayson was sitting in the kitchen with the Lawtons, eating dinner.
Didn’t mean he wasn’t talking about the game, though.
“I know I’m probably making this game bigger in my own mind than it really is,” he said to the Lawtons.
“Gee,” Mrs. Lawton said, “I hadn’t picked up on that. Had you picked up on it, Tom?”
Mr. Lawton shook his head. “Nope. Not me. Business as usual around here, far as I could tell.”
Jayson said, “I didn’t know when I moved in here how funny you two are.”
“Oh, we were always funny,” Mr. Lawton said. “You’re just late to the party.”
“Seriously, though,” Mrs. Lawton said, “only one more day until game day, and then you can put this out of your mind.”
“I can’t believe it’s finally here,” Jayson said. “It feels like I’ve been waiting forever to get another shot at them, just because of the way I cost us the first game.”
“Wasn’t just you, as I recall.”
“But you know what I mean,” Jayson said. “I let myself get carried away trying to prove a point, and we lost a game we should have won.”
“But now you get a chance to make things right,” Mr. Lawton said. “It’s one of the great things about sports: Sometimes you get a chance at redemption.”
“I don’t know much about redemption,” Jayson said. “I just want a win.”
• • •
The game in his old
gym wasn’t until four o’clock, a killer, the latest game they’d played all season. It turned out that the gym at Moreland East Middle was being used for a girls’ basketball game first, so ’Cats vs. Mavs was going to be like the second game of a big basketball doubleheader.
It made him feel like he had another whole week to wait.
He ate breakfast, put on a hoodie and some sweatpants, went out and shot around on the Lawtons’ court for what felt like an insanely long time. But when he finished and checked his phone, it was still only ten o’clock.
He went into the house and asked Mrs. Lawton if she’d mind driving him into town.
“Is there somewhere you need to be?” she said.
“Yeah, somewhere,” he said. “If I just hang around here for the next few hours, I’m gonna go crazy. I just want to wander around for a while.”
She said if he wandered around until lunchtime, the two of them could grab a burger at the diner.
“Deal,” Jayson said.
She dropped him off near the movie theater, and he told himself that if he just kept moving, he could make the time go faster. And maybe, just maybe, even though he hated all the waiting he still had to do, he could find a way to appreciate the anticipation he felt about finally getting to play this game.
So he just walked, up one street and down the other, keeping his head down, mostly, not wanting to run into anybody he knew. Telling himself, for around the thousandth time, that he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes against his old team that he’d made the first time; telling himself that the Bobcats had won as a team ever since and would win as a team today. The only thing they were going to do today was prove that they were the better team now.
The next time he looked at his phone, a lot of time had actually passed. It was almost noon, and he felt himself getting hungry. He hit Mrs. Lawton up with a text, told her he was ready to take her up on that burger. She hit him back right away, saying she’d be there in fifteen minutes.