by Heaton, Lisa
In the spirit of getting outside of herself and her feelings regarding the Tuck situation, Chelsea was working on a new arm of the Keller Foundation. It was an organization that would help single moms, something she had meant to begin when she fell to pieces instead. Never had Chelsea’s heart gone out to anyone the way it did for them. Having had an unending supply of money, her life looked totally different than that of most women who raised children alone, and she was blessed to be home with hers. Even with those two benefits, it wasn’t easy. To imagine how life was for other moms, Chelsea knew she had to do something to help.
Irene had flown in for some of the earliest planning sessions. Together, they had met with Chelsea’s pastor at church and got the ball rolling. They were hoping to meet basic needs such as food and housing assistance, all the way to education for women who needed to get their GED and learn general office skills. Early on, they organized a clothes closet where women could get work clothes that were received through donations. Men in the church were volunteering to change the oil in their cars. All in all, it was becoming a beautiful ministry.
In the beginning, Chelsea was handling most everything, but soon enough, things were growing at a rapid pace, outgrowing Chelsea’s willingness to be away from home and Sara Beth. She remained involved, but eventually hired someone to manage the day-to-day details. With enough involvement to feel as if she were serving the kingdom, she still kept enough distance to be a mom. Balance was something that didn’t come easily as she found that the needs in the community far outweighed anyone’s ability to meet them. No matter how much money she threw at the problem, she found that money often wasn’t the solution. The loneliness of single moms couldn’t be solved with money. It required warm arms to hug them and someone willing to invest time in their lives and the lives of their children. Those were the people they were trying to get engaged with the ministry, people willing and able to get involved on a one-on-one level.
As she finished her call, Chelsea hung up the phone and rushed to the door, hoping to get there before the knocking woke Sara Beth. Swinging the door wide open, she found Tuck there, hands shoved in his pockets, looking rather sheepish. Since it was way too early for Lucy to be home, she knew he wasn’t there on a kid related visit.
Chelsea was caught off guard by how the sight of him affected her. It was an unusually warm April and already Tuck had the makings of a nice tan. His cheeks were brown, making his teeth look even more pearly white than usual. She felt her own cheeks grow warm just at the sight of him.
“Hi. Mind if I come in?”
“No, not at all. Sara Beth is napping.”
“Napping? She never naps for me.”
“I know. She usually doesn’t here either. A fluke I guess.”
As he passed by the living room, he couldn’t help but stop in and peek at her. One leg was hanging off the couch, and he was tempted to lift it back up, but Chelsea gave him a look like, if you wake her you’re dead, so he let her alone. He followed Chelsea on into the kitchen.
Curious, she asked, “So what’s going on?”
“I was hoping to talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” Moving toward the refrigerator, she asked, “Want something to drink?”
Waving his hand, he said, “Naw. I’m good.”
He was anything but good. He hated to even begin such a conversation with Chelsea, but Hailey had been asking for weeks.
“I’m pretty sure you know this, but I’ve been kind of seeing someone.”
“Kind of?” Chelsea grinned. He was sweet.
Grinning in return, he said, “Not kind of. I have been seeing someone.”
“Yes, I know.”
She was about to say how happy she was for him, but that wasn’t exactly true, so she said nothing.
“Yeah, well she’s really been wanting to meet the girls.”
Chelsea didn’t expect that. She wasn’t exactly sure what she expected, but not that he would want to take her children to meet a woman he was dating, maybe even sleeping with. The more she considered it, the more she was certain he was. He was this big scrapping guy. What girl wouldn’t want to jump in the sack with him? Embarrassed by such a thought, she wondered where that came from.
“Chelsea?” Tuck was waiting for some kind of response from her; instead, she blanked out.
Trying without much success to get the image of him with Hailey out of her mind, she mumbled, “Um, I don’t know. I guess I need to think about it.”
Wrinkling his forehead, Tuck asked, “What is there to think about?”
“I don’t know. It’s just kind of weird.”
“What’s weird about it?”
“I don’t know her. It just feels weird, the thought of my girls around some woman I don’t know.”
“Are you kidding me?” She was unbelievable. “I didn’t know John, yet I let you have Lucy around him.”
Chelsea knew he was right, but that seemed entirely different. She wasn’t sure how exactly, but it was. Wasn’t it?
“Look, I’m just blindsided by this. I don’t mean to sound like a…” What did she even sound like? A jealous ex? Exactly.
“Hailey is someone I care about. She’s been asking and I’ve been making excuses, but now I think it’s time.”
He cared about her. He said he cared about her. What exactly did that mean? Was he saying he loved her? Was he planning on marrying her? Finally, unwilling to respond to the fact that he cared about her, Chelsea only stared at him.
“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
The look on her face, some odd mixture of confusion and possibly a little bit of jealousy, took him back a little, nearly made him regret asking.
“And I’m sorry to sound like a lunatic.”
Tuck laughed. “You’re not a lunatic, just a really great mom.”
For the first time, he wondered what it would be like if the tables were turned. If she were dating some guy and wanted to introduce his girls to him. That would make him crazy. It really was different with John since at that time, Chelsea and Lucy were just really good friends. Tuck quickly dismissed the idea of Chelsea dating since she would likely never move beyond John, but what if she did? It was a question he would have to put a little more thought into.
Tuck left having assured Chelsea he would pick the girls up at five for dinner. They were going to his house so that they would be in a place where they would feel comfortable. Also, it would give them the option of going up and playing in their room if they felt at all uneasy. He had been thinking and re-thinking the entire thing for the past week. Most likely, he would be the most uncomfortable one there. Already, he was a nervous wreck about it. It was a big deal to introduce the two girls he loved most in the world to Hailey, a step that said something significant. It said that he and Hailey were getting more serious. Maybe that was what made him most nervous.
Lucy and Sara Beth were playing in the yard when Hailey drove up. When they saw her car, they both stopped and watched her. Lucy understood more of what was going on, but Sara Beth was oblivious.
“Hey,” Hailey called as she stepped out of the car.
She was less nervous than she imagined. Being the youngest of four kids, she already had a whole slew of nieces and nephews. Always, she had been the Pied Piper of children.
“Hey,” Tuck called back as he walked out to meet her.
Normally, he would have greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, but he wouldn’t dare in front of the girls. Sensing that Hailey understood, he took her hand and led her over to where the girls were.
“This is my friend Hailey.”
“Hi,” Lucy said quietly.
She hadn’t expected Hailey to be so pretty, but she was, and she seemed nice enough so far, but she wasn’t as pretty or as nice as her mom.
Sara Beth looked up at Hailey and smiled. “I’m a cow
girw.”
Hailey giggled. “I can tell by your boots. I hear you have your very own pony, Lollipop.”
Excited that the lady mentioned Lollipop, Sara Beth nodded. “Do you want to wide him?”
“Someday, I would love to. I don’t think I can today.”
Tuck sighed in relief as things seemed to be off to a good start. Hailey was great with Sara Beth, and he hoped that Lucy would open up a little. She had not been pleased about the idea at all. Still, she was being polite, and he was proud of her for that.
As the evening wore on and Tuck watched Hailey interact so naturally with the kids, he felt something different than relief. He felt unsettled somehow. It didn’t feel right. For Chelsea’s daughters to be trying to make room in their lives for this other woman seemed off to him. Sure, they would adjust, but only because they would have to in order to accommodate what he wanted. He felt suddenly selfish, like some dead-beat dad who left his family in search of the bigger and better deal. With that thought, Tuck stood from the table and the board game they were playing and excused himself, mumbling, “You girls finish. I’m going to load the dishwasher.”
“Do you need any help?” Hailey offered.
Without responding, Tuck merely shook his head and kept walking.
Hailey couldn’t read the odd expression on his face. As far as she could tell, things were going well so far. The girls seemed to receive her well, but clearly, Tuck was upset. No more had the thought crossed her mind when Sara Beth threw up right there at the table, and immediately she began to bawl.
Tuck came rushing back into the dining room. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. She was fine one minute and then threw up.”
“Daddy, I’m…” Before she could say she was going to throw up again, she did.
“Baby.”
Tuck grabbed her and took off to the bathroom. He sat on the side of the tub and held her in his arms. Every time she began to heave again, he would lean her over the toilet, constantly caressing her hair and face.
“I want to be at Mommy’s house,” she said as she leaned her head on her daddy’s chest. “She can fix me.”
Tuck looked up at Hailey who was standing helplessly in the doorway. “I’m sorry. I think we should call it a night.”
“Of course. I understand.”
To Hailey, the moment seemed awkward; Tuck was clearly unsettled by more than Sara Beth’s illness. “I hope everything is okay.”
Smiling softly at Sara Beth, she said, “Feel better soon, sweetie.”
She turned to leave and passed Lucy in the hallway. “It was nice to meet you, Lucy.”
“It was nice to meet you, too.”
Lucy wasn’t glad Sara B. was sick, but she was sure glad that Hailey was leaving. Once Hailey passed and started down the stairs, Lucy leaned against the wall and began to cry. She wanted her mom and dad to be together, and prayed for it over and over every day. She had once prayed for John to come for Chelsea’s sake, and he did. Now she wanted her dad to come back for her sake and Sara Beth. Didn’t God hear her?
Finding Lucy in the hallway crying, while still holding Sara Beth, Tuck knelt before her and whispered, “What is it? Do you feel sick too?”
Lucy just shook her head. “This wasn’t right.” She turned from him and started down the steps. “I’ll wait in the truck to go to mom’s.”
Chelsea was waiting on the front porch when Tuck carried Sara Beth up the stairs. As soon as she was near enough, Sara Beth reached for her mom and began to cry again. Chelsea took her from Tuck and walked with her into the house, whispering softly into her ear. “Mommy’s got you, baby.”
The minute they stepped over the threshold, Sara Beth threw up again. This time, it was projectile vomiting and the entry was splattered with it.
“Go on up with her. I’ll get this.”
Tuck was still wearing a vomit covered shirt, so what did it matter if he cleaned up a little more?
“Lucy, help your mama with Sara Beth until I get there.”
He noticed Lucy walked by him with little acknowledgement. She was more upset with him than he had ever seen her, maybe even a bit angry at him. Obviously she felt the same thing he did after dinner, the impropriety of allowing another woman into their lives.
He got the majority of the mess cleaned up, deciding he would come back later once he knew Sara Beth was okay. Jogging up the stairs, he found all three of them sitting on the bathroom floor. Stepping over Lucy, bending down to kiss the top of her head as he did so, he knelt in front of Sara Beth and brushed her hair out of her face.
“You feeling any better, Punkin’?”
“I thwowed up again.” Leaning toward him, she asked, “Wiww you hoed me now, Daddy?”
Tuck looked at Chelsea, finding she had tears pooled in her eyes. It was a moment that stopped his heart, a moment that made him realize that all that mattered to him in the world was there sitting on that bathroom floor. Looking back at Sara Beth, he said, “I’ll hold you all night if you need me to.”
“I need you to.” Resting her head on Tuck’s shoulder, Sara Beth rubbed his back with her tiny hand and whispered, “You’we my favowite daddy of all.”
“And you’re my favorite little cowgirl.”
Crying quietly, Chelsea had to leave the room for a moment.
They had just gotten Sara Beth cleaned up and in bed and within ten minutes, Lucy began vomiting. Over the next hour, Lucy was sick, just as violently sick as Sara Beth had been. When it was all over with, Tuck ended up sleeping on the floor, stretched out on two princess sleeping bags laid end to end. The last Chelsea saw of him, he was lying there shirtless, sleeping on a fuzzy kitty pillow. Knowing he was so close, wanting more than anything to move down there and spoon with him, she realized she loved him so much she actually hurt inside. Maybe it would never be what she felt with John, but, if she considered it all fairly, she had never loved John in this lifelong, divinely intertwined way that she loved Tuck. Maybe it was okay to feel love in differing degrees. With those tangled and messy thoughts in mind, Chelsea finally fell asleep in the bed with the girls, arms and legs sprawled all over the place.
The morning brought wellness. As if nothing had happened, Sara Beth and Lucy both woke feeling much better. Because they had been so sick, Chelsea insisted they eat a lighter breakfast of oatmeal rather than the pancakes they were begging their daddy for. Being a dad, he had readily agreed to begin with, but Chelsea had to veto that, promising they could have pancakes for lunch if breakfast settled well.
The morning was like old times, which comforted Chelsea but truly unsettled Tuck. She could feel how uneasy he was and finally offered, “If you need to go, go.”
Her tone was rather abrupt.
“No, I’m fine. I want to stay.” Trying to figure out where that came from, he asked, “Why? Do you want me to go?”
“You’re just acting weird, like this is freaking you out.”
The kids were settled in on the sofa. Lucy was reading to Sara Beth, and Tuck was there in the kitchen while she cleaned up the breakfast dishes. Maybe she was the one who was unsettled. His shirt was in the dryer, and there he was with tan muscles bulging all over the place, causing Chelsea to lose track of her thoughts and fumble around the kitchen. He was crazy beautiful and made her feel all jiggly inside. Literally, she felt tremors every time she looked at him. It had been so long since she had been held and loved that the thought of Tuck wrapping his arms around her sent her mind reeling with little mini-movies of making out right there over a sink full of dirty dishes.
Moving to where she was, he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Last night scared me to death.”
His sincere admission interrupted her shameless train of thought. She stopped what she was doing and dried her hands. “Why?”
“I don’t know. We needed you and you
were here.” He had meant to say she, meaning Sara Beth needed her, but maybe his first statement was more accurate. “She’s so little still, and she needs you.”
The night before, with Hailey standing there in the doorway trying to be supportive, all he could wonder was why he had walked away from Chelsea. Wasn’t a pretend family better than none at all? And wasn’t the mother to his girls being there and involved all the time more important than finding someone who would look at him all googley-eyed? Real love was the day-to-day stuff, not wedding photos and longing looks. He was selfish and had blown it.
Chelsea sighed, sensing this moment was a defining point in how they moved forward. Part of her wanted to be selfless and give him permission to continue whatever search he was on, but her most recent understanding of the depth of her love for him wouldn’t allow it. They belonged together.
“Of course she needs me. They both do. What do you want me to say to that? I didn’t go anywhere.”
“I don’t want you to say anything, I guess. I just wanted you to know that everything feels off. Life with the kids now feels like some tangled mess.”
She suspected this had more to do with his relationship with Sara Beth. When he was an active part of their lives, his relationship with her made more sense, but now, he had stepped away. Sure, it must have been awkward having her around his new girlfriend, and the girlfriend probably didn’t like it much, but it hurt her to hear him call it tangled, as if how Sara Beth felt about him were some mistake.
“I hate to hear you call it tangled.”
“What would you call it?”
“Interwoven maybe, but not tangled. Tangled is an accident or a mistake. She loves you, so when she sees Lucy go home with you, of course she wants to go.”