Take 2 on Love

by Torrie Robles

“Come here.” He pulls my hand, willing my body closer.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.” I try to pull back, but his grip tightens, so I give in.

  “I’m not asking you to climb on me cowboy style.” I smack his arm, hitting the I.V. and making him wince in pain.

  “Shoot. Sorry,” I say before I rest my head on his stomach.

  “You’re all right,” he tells me as he runs his hand through my hair. “We’re all right,” he says in a whisper as he drifts off to sleep.

  “Yeah we are,” I respond even though I know he can’t hear me. “We’re going to be all right.”

  Six days have passed since Heath woke up after surgery. He’s been working hard on his inpatient physical therapy in order for today to happen. We’re just waiting for the doctor to come in and release him.

  Heath’s sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of lounge pants, a T-shirt, and his slippers. He’s sporting a week-old beard, and it doesn’t look half-bad. He’s lost some weight and muscle in the short stay at the hospital, but the doctors have assured him that it’s normal, and once he gets his energy and stamina back, there’s no reason why he can’t get his physique back to where it was before the attack.

  Jenna stands next to Charlie with her arms around his waist. Those two have always been close, leaving Trevor out as the typical middle child. Charlie has fallen into his big brother role now that he’s been back, giving Trevor grief for the stunts that he pulled with his so-called friends. Trevor glances at Charlie and Jenna, and I see something pass over his face, jealously, maybe? Charlie’s been gone for two years now, and in that time Trevor and Jenna have grown close.

  “Knock, knock.” Dr. Phelps comes through the door, clipboard in hand. “Look at you, Mr. James. You’re ready to get out of here, right?”

  “Absolutely,” Heath confirms.

  “Great. I need to ask you a few questions before I’m able to release you. Do you have a ride home today?”

  Heath glances my way. “Yes.”

  The doctor laughs. “I know, annoying questions but they’re hospital policy, so please bear with me. No allergies to any medication? I need to make sure that the medicine I prescribe for home use will be sufficient.”

  “No allergies,” Heath replies.

  “Okay, and is there an adult at home who will be able to care for you in the first few days after release?”

  “Yes,” I answer. “I’ll be there.”

  Heath’s head whips towards mine. “Whitney?”

  “Heath, don’t. I’m doing this.”

  The doctor gives me a little wink. “All right then. We’re good to go. Please call your primary physician in the morning to schedule your first follow-up. Good luck.” He shakes Heath’s hands, patting Trevor on the shoulder before exiting the room.

  “Okay,” I say as I slap my hands together, “Let’s get you home.”

  “I bet you’re glad you never built the house with the second floor, huh?” I ask as I help Charlie walk Heath through the house, making our way down the hall.

  The lump in my throat grows increasingly bothersome, as I get closer to the bedroom. I wasn’t joking when I told the doctor I would be here to take care of him. That’s my plan, and I don’t want to overstep, but I don’t want Heath to think that I don’t want to be here, helping him.

  As soon as we hit the closed door, I speak up. “Hey, Char, you got it from here? I’m going to head back to the car and grab the rest of your dad’s stuff.”

  “Whit–” Heath starts, but I don’t allow it.

  “I’ll be back.” I pat his arm, turning around and booking it down the hallway.

  As soon as I step foot outside, I stop and lean over, taking a deep breath. “Damn it.” I chastise myself for my emotions. I’m treading in murky water here. Heath and I haven’t had another moment to ourselves since he first woke. The kids haven’t left his side, which is understandable.

  “You okay?” Charlie’s voice comes from behind me, and I jump.

  “Shit, Char. You know I scare easily.” I turn to see him smiling.

  “And I know that I’ve been gone far too long not to do that.” He laughs which makes me squint my eyes at him. “I’m not even sorry,” he says as he walks past me, heading to the car.

  “Don’t forget his medication, that’s important. It’s in the plastic bag in my purse. I’ll go over everything with you. I need you to know what to do in case I’m not here.” I open the back door, grabbing the duffle bag I had Tony pack and bring to the hospital on one of his visits.

  “You plan on not being here?” He shuts the front door right before I shut mine.

  I turn to face my son. “I didn’t say that, Char.”

  “Don’t forget, this is your house too.”

  “My house is closer to town. You know this.”

  “I know that, Mom, and like you said, your house, but your home is here with us. With Dad.”

  I go to argue with my very stubborn son, but a van pulling into the drive followed by Liam’s Suburban stops me from trying to explain something to my son when he already has another thing on his mind.

  “Good, the food’s here,” I tell him as I walk towards the van.

  “This isn’t over, Mom!” Charlie yells as I retreat from him and get closer to the cars coming up the drive.

  “Mrs. James?” The driver gets out of the car and heads over to me. My eyes flick over to Liam, who is digging around in the back of his truck.

  “That’s me.” I give him a smile, and he nods back.

  “I have your entire order. Would you like me to start bringing it into the house?”

  “Yes, that would be great.” I turn towards Trevor, who followed me out of the house. “Grab a couple of bags, honey.”

  “No problem, Mom,” he tells me.

  Jenna passes me, stopping to drop a kiss on my cheek, then continues on her way to the van. “Thanks, honey,” I tell her, patting her butt as she passes.

  “Let me help,” Liam tells the driver as he loads his arms up with bags. “Geez, Whitney, what did you buy?”

  “I think I got everything they offer at the health food store. Heath needs to change his diet, and I need to make sure that happens.”

  When I turn around, taking a few steps up the brick steps, I see Heath standing inside the door. “What’s this?” he asks.

  “This is you eating right.” I pat him on the shoulder as I head to the kitchen to start clearing out all the junk food.

  “I’ve already been eating right,” he tells me as he follows behind me.

  “Yeah well, now you’ll be eating even better.”

  When Heath opens his mouth, I turn to ignore him. The delivery guy walks in at that exact moment, so I point towards the table, directing him where to set the bags. “I do have to do it, so please don’t fight me on this. You’re not even supposed to be up. You’re supposed to be in bed.”

  “I’ve been–” he stops talking when he sees Liam walk into the house, arms full of paper bags. He watches Liam the entire time as Liam drops the bags and heads back out, not looking towards Heath and not saying a word.

  “Does this mean we have to eat healthy too?” Trevor asks as he enters the room right after Liam leaves.

  “Yes, you do. You need to encourage your father to eat healthy. It’s not fair for you to munch on crap when your dad has to stick to fruits and veggies.”

  “You can eat what–” Heath cuts in.

  “Ah!” I hold up my hand. “Don’t even think about finishing that sentence. You need a support system, and that’s what we’re going to give you.”

  “I think that’s it,” Liam says as he and Charlie place the last of the bags on the dining room table.

  “Thanks, Liam.” My gaze floats to Heath whose jaw is clenched. “Thank you for bringing the kids homework. I really appreciate it.”

  “It’s not a problem.” He smiles at me. “Heath, I’m glad to see you out, man. The kids were beside themselves while you were in surgery.
I can’t imagine what you were going through. I’m happy to see that you’re on the mend.”

  “Thanks.” Heath gives him a curt nod.

  “Well, I’m going to get going. Let me know if you need help with anything else. Whitney. That goes for you too, Heath.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him as I walk him towards the front door.

  Once I leave the kitchen, I hear the kids laughing and joking about the stuff that Heath is going to have to start eating. He makes no secret how he feels as he grumbles along with the kids’ chatter.

  “You okay?” Liam asks as he stands outside the door. He reaches for my hand but stops himself.

  “Yeah. I’m going to be staying here while Heath’s recuperating. Could you please keep an eye out for my place?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Thank you, Liam.”

  “You don’t need to keep thanking me.”

  “I know, but I still feel that I should.”

  “Okay, well, I’m heading home. I’ll be seeing you.” He takes a step towards me, giving me a chaste kiss on my cheek.

  “Night, Liam.” I watch as he strides towards his truck, unlocking it and climbing in. When I turn around, Heath is standing there. “Seriously!” I jump. “Between you and your eldest son, I’m going to be the next one who has heart issues.”

  “Don’t joke like that.” He crosses his arms over his chest. I can see the twitch in his face, so I know that his movement was painful for him.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. Are the kids unloading?” I take a step around him, but he moves in front of me again.

  “Do you need something?”

  He juts his chin out to where Liam’s car was sitting in the drive. “Is there something going on there?”

  “No, there isn’t. I’ve already told you this,” I confirm. “I’m not going to beat around the bush when it comes to Liam. He’s a friend. Yes, he’s attractive, but there isn’t anything there more than friendship, and there will never be any more than friendship.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I don’t know, Heath. Because I don’t have the history with him? Because he’s not the father of my children? Because he doesn’t piss me off or stress me out like you do? I can’t really answer why. I just know that nothing will ever happen between the two of us.” I take a moment to get around him before he can block my way.

  “Is he gay?”

  I stop and turn. “What?” I laugh. “No, he’s certainly not gay.”

  “It would be better if you would’ve said he was gay.”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  A glass of wine has never tasted so good in my life. The rich flavor hits my throat warming my insides as it trickles down. The fire pit is lit, flames flickering along stone walls of the built-in barbeque. The stillness of the winter night brings me a calming peace. There’s something to be said for the power of reflection because Lord knows I’ve been doing a lot of it over the past week. I think I’ve must have played every up and down Heath and I have experienced in our twenty years of marriage. All of the smiles we’ve shared, the laughs, the tears–both good and bad, everything that makes up a marriage. The struggles have been many, but the victories have made them worth it. They weren’t kidding when they said marriage is the hardest job you’ll ever have.

  When I was young a girl, Heath barged into my life, with his mud-stained shirts and scraped up knees. At seventeen years old, I fell in love with that boy. In the beginning, I thought I’d never be able to live without him, but with the years adding up, my opinion changed. My eyes opened, and I thought what I once believed was no longer true. But I was wrong. Heath is still the boy I fell in love with all those years ago, and I still believe that there’s no way I’d ever survive this life without him. It’s sad how a possible tragedy puts so much perspective on something you thought you were so certain about.

  Taking a sip of my wine, I hear the gliding of the slider as it opens. When I turn around in my seat, I see Charlie step out form the house, a mug of something steamy in his hands. Hot cocoa. Since he was a boy, he’s always had a thing for hot cocoa.

  “Hey, honey,” I greet him as he approaches me. I scoot over and pat the cushion next to me inviting him to take a seat. “Everything all right with your dad? Is he still sleeping?” The excitement of the day had knocked Heath out. After dinner, he excused himself to his room to get some rest.

  “Yeah, I was just in his room, and he’s still sound asleep. Trevor said he’d check on him periodically.”

  “That’s good.” I lean my body into his, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Mom.”

  “Of course, Charlie, where else would I be?”

  “Your place,” he deadpans. “It’s strange that you live in a place that I’ve never stepped foot in.”

  “I can take you there tomorrow if you’d like? I need to grab some things anyway.”

  “Maybe.”

  I lift my head from his shoulder and study his face. The white scar that runs along his jawline reminds me of the time when Heath called me, upset because the daycare told him Charlie had split his face open from his chin to his ear. It ended up being only an inch long, but Charlie was our baby, the first of our kids, and it didn’t matter if it was an inch or a centimeter, no parent wants their child hurt.

  “You’re staring,” he huffs.

  I reach up and run my finger along his jaw. “I’m glad you’re home, baby.”

  He gives me a weak smile. “You know, some of the best memories I have as a kid were our family movie nights. You, Trev, Jen, and me would pile onto the couch and wait. Dad would pop the popcorn, and then he’d add the Reese’s Pieces. The peanut butter would get all gooey, our fingers would be all sticky, but you didn’t care. That was the one night it was all right to eat on the couch.”

  “I remember, Char.”

  “What’s gonna happen when it’s time for me to have kids? Are they not going to be able to experience the same things as I did as a kid because my parents aren’t together anymore? We’ll have to do separate holidays—a couple of hours with you, and a couple of hours with dad.”

  I sit straight up, pulling my body from him. When I turn around, I prepare myself for the battle I know is coming. “For one, you don’t know what’s going to happen with your father and me. And two, that’s a bit selfish of you, don’t you think?”

  “You’re living somewhere else other than our family home, Mom. What else am I supposed to think?” He lifts his shoulders. “It’s selfish to want my parents together? Then maybe I’m selfish.”

  “It’s selfish not to take other’s feelings into consideration. You want us together because that’s what’s best for you. But what about me? Or your father?”

  “Dad seemed to be just fine with how things were between you two.” Oh how quickly his opinion of our separation has changed.

  “Look, I know what you’re thinking. This scare with your father has a lot of feelings running rampant. They’ve been doing the same to me. But we can’t make decisions based on emotions. That’s not logical, and you know that.”

  “You and Dad started because of feelings. How can you not take that into consideration when making a decision that will impact the rest of your life?”

  “I have taken feelings into consideration. My entire life I’ve considered those feelings. Why do you think I waited so long to take a break? I waited because I was worried about you kids. That’s what I do. I’m a mother. I’m your mother. I’ve always made sure you kids came before my own needs, and I hope you know that. But there comes a time, Charlie, when I need to put myself first. So I did what I thought was right at the time. There was no way I was being the best mom because I wasn’t happy with the way my own life was going. Don’t you see that?”

  “I see that you still love Dad. It was evident when you were crying in my arms.”

  My shoulders fall because there’s no way that I’m going to get through to him.
“You’re right, I do love your father. I’m very much in love with your father. Still. After all these years, I love that man with everything in me. Life happens, Char, and it gets in the way of what’s important. Sometimes the everyday struggles break the foundation what we spent so much time building. When that happens, the things that are most important get lost. Life is hard, buddy. You’re only now starting out. You have many more hills to climb and it’s best that you remember that. I don’t want to argue with you. I know you love your dad and me. I know that you want us to be together and happy. It’s not uncommon for any child to feel like that. But you’ve gotta give us the space we need to navigate through this. I’m not wavering on this.”

  With his lips tucked into a thin line, he nods. “I think I’m going to see about getting out of the military.”

  “Why?”

  “Dad needs my help, and I need to be here for him. He’s not going to be climbing up on roofs or in attics anytime soon, and he’s worked too hard to have his company fall under. I can’t let that happen.”

  “You need to talk to your dad about that, honey. I’m not sure he’d agree with you.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Mom. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m going to make it happen.” He leans in and presses forehead kiss to my cheek. “I’m headed to bed.”

  “I can’t take eating any more leafy shit, Whit. I need red meat.”

  “You need to watch what you put into your body, and right now, it’s not red meat–it’s green leafy, good for you kale.” I place the bowl of salad on the TV tray in front of Heath. He’s lying on the couch in the living room since he needed a change of scenery from the bedroom. I’ve opened the windows since the temp is starting warm, and I’m hoping the fresh air puts him in a better mood.

  “Come on, champ, eat up because we’ve got to get you to therapy.”

  “Christ almighty,” I hear Heath grumble as I head back into the kitchen, grabbing my sandwich and chips, and sit at the table. “You got chips in there?” he asks as I’m about to put one in my mouth. I opened the bag in the bathroom down the hall thinking if he didn’t hear it, he wouldn’t know.