Tonic

by Heather Lloyd

  Sarah and Taylor tell me to talk to Ryan before believing anything those stupid tabloids say. I try to not let it bother me, but I can’t help it. I’m not used to it.

  Finally, Ryan calls me. I am very stand-offish when I answer.

  “Hi Sweetheart,” he says. “What a rough day.”

  “Yeah, I heard,” I state.

  “I’m so sorry, Olivia,” he apologizes right away. “The rumors are not true. Well, I did stay over at Leslie’s, but nothing happened. Leslie’s boyfriend was there, too. We are and have only been friends. I had to leave early for an interview.”

  “Ok” I say, sounding dejected. It is hard for me to believe him.

  “Olivia, please don’t shut me out. Tell me what you’re thinking – feeling. Be honest. Just let it out.”

  “You said nothing happened,” I say quietly.

  “Damn it, Olivia. You’re shutting me out. Tell me!”

  “I…um…I’m not sure I believe you. I mean, this has already happened to me and it was true. So, what else am I supposed to think? I heard the news right away this morning and I was so devastated Ryan.” Tears ran down my face. I sniff. “I’ve had reporters after me all day asking if I heard the news and what I thought. You wouldn’t answer your phone. Didn’t call me back until now.”

  He growls and curses under his breath.

  “I’m so sorry, Love. It was a stupid mistake on my part. I’d gone over to Leslie’s because I was upset and needed a girls’ point-of-view. I talked to her about you all night. I think I might understand a little more because of her. But it was 2 am when I was ready to leave. Leslie wouldn’t let me drive because I had a few glasses of scotch. Please, Olivia. Please, don’t let this come between us. I can’t lose you.”

  Should I believe him? I have no reason to not believe him. He’s pleading with me, desperately. He told me about Leslie before. Just friends. Plus, what right do I have to be upset. I am the one who wants to just be friends. I haven’t told him that I love him. So, I should not be upset. I choose to believe him and move on.

  “I do believe you Ryan. It just hit me hard. I’ve been through this already and hard not to let it hurt me.”

  “Oh, thank god, Olivia. I swear nothing happened and nothing ever will. I’m truly sorry for putting you through that hurt all over again.”

  We talk some more. Ryan gets me to talk about how I felt when I heard what was reported this morning. I think it helps me move past the whole mess.

  However, a couple days later, I have a total melt-down. Between both of our busy schedules, I haven’t talked to Ryan for a few days. I have a couple of bad days at work. Then I find out that the creeper girl has been sneaking around my house again, going through my trash. To top it off, Craig calls to tell me that Annabelle’s pregnant and he doesn’t want me to hear it from someone else.

  All it takes to break me is to hear Ryan’s voice when we finally connect and I start crying hysterically.

  “Hey, hey. Olivia, baby, what’s wrong?”

  I try to talk, but only jumbled words come out.

  “Calm down. Take some slow, deep breaths.”

  I breathe for half a minute. “Why aren’t you closer Ryan? I need you,” I whisper.

  “Oh Sweetheart. I can be one the next plane, if you really need me, but I’d like you to tell me why you’re so upset,” he whispers back.

  I start crying harder again because he’s being so nice to me.

  “Olivia! You’ve got to calm down and tell me what’s wrong. This is driving me crazy!”

  “Give me a sec,” I manage to mumble.

  I take a little time to relax and get my emotions under control again. I cried so hard that now I have the hiccups. Finally, I’m able to tell him everything that has been going on - my stalker, my bad days at work and Craig’s phone call.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. You have a stalker?” Ryan spits out. He is livid.

  “Y…yes. I…I think it’s that girl from Las Vegas. I told you I thought it was her that morning Taylor and I went out for breakfast. My neighbors have been seeing a woman sneaking around my house trying to look in the windows and going thru my trash.”

  “Shit, Olivia! Why haven’t you told me about this before? I want you to tell me this stuff. Have you called the police?”

  “Yes, the police are involved. But right now, there’s not much they can do. She hasn’t been caught, always runs off. We don’t know who she is. We don’t even have a picture of her. I’ve been writing everything down that’s strange that happens.”

  “I don’t like this, Olivia.”

  “I don’t either. It’s stressing me out a lot, but she hasn’t done anything violent or threatening. Right now she’s just being nosy. Hopefully it will stay that way. I’m being extremely cautious. And my neighbors are watching out for me, too.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this before now?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you,” I say. Ryan makes an aggravated sound, but I ignore it. “And it really just came out in the open these past couple days. Before that I would just see her out at some of the same places I would be. I didn’t think anything about that. And we don’t know for sure that the stalker is this woman. I’m also wondering if the roses are from her. If she isn’t the stalker, then there is someone else out there giving me the roses.”

  “Dammit! Let me get you security.”

  “No Ryan. I don’t want another person following me around.”

  “Olivia, please be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I just found you. Damn it. Why do you have to be so far away from me?”

  Ryan and I talk about the other troubles I’d mentioned that were stressing me out. He calms me down about Craig’s baby saying that if I and Craig would have had a child, I would never truly be rid of Craig. Because I did not have a child, I can sever all ties with Craig. As for my work issues, everyone makes mistakes. He was sure I apologized profusely and probably already corrected the mistakes.

  “What a crappy week you’ve had. Not that everything you told me isn’t enough to stress anyone out, but is there anything else causing you stress?”

  It’s weird how well he knows me already. I’m trying to hide my worries about him from Ryan. But he can ‘see’ right through me. I still try to cover it up. “No. That’s it, just the divorce and normal work stress.”

  “I don’t believe you Olivia. You can tell me anything. Please.”

  “Fine. Well, I guess I’m stressed over you.”

  “Me?” he asks shocked. He’s quiet for a little bit before he added, “I thought we had that all cleared up a couple days ago. There’s nothing between Leslie and me. I guess I could let you go and you’d never have to talk to me again.”

  “What?! No!” I practically scream at him. “I meant I’m stressing myself out over you because I like you way more than I think I should. And I don’t know how to handle it.”

  “Oh, thank God,” he exclaims. “So…you’re stressing yourself out instead of sitting back and seeing where this goes?”

  Yes, it sounds silly when he says it. But I cannot help who I am.

  “I shouldn’t like you as much as I do. I shouldn’t miss you as much as I do, at least not this soon after meeting you,” I whisper, knowing this comment would irritate him.

  “Why not?” he demands.

  “Because we hardly know each other.”

  “God damn it. That’s bullshit, Olivia. We’ve been over this. We know each other. Sure, we only met a few weeks ago. But we got to know each other very well out in Vegas. And even better talking almost every day since. What’s next?”

  I know I am making him angry, but I’m trying to be honest, like he wants me to be, and without telling him I love him.

  “You’re this big actor who lives out in Los Angeles.”

  “So I’m an actor. I’m still a human being who has feelings. Quit making excuses and tell me what’s really bothering you.”

  “I’m scared. My feeling
go really deep for you and I’m scared of you not feeling the same. I’m also terrified of what I have to face because you’re you.”

  I hear him sigh. He’s quiet for a moment.

  “Sweet Olivia. I wish I was there to hold you. Olivia, I have feelings that run really deep too. You’re not alone there. I can’t stop thinking about you, always wishing I was with you. I can’t do anything about who I am and what you might have to deal with and THAT scares me. I’m worried that you won’t be able to handle all the attention and prodding and hounding and I’m afraid you’ll run screaming away from me. I’m not sure I’m worth all the headaches and gossip and intrusion that will inevitably follow us,” he laughs nervously. “We both have our fears, but I don’t want to lose you over them. Can’t we take things one day at a time and see what happens?”

  I feel so much better knowing he has similar concerns, too. And it makes me hopeful that he does have strong feelings for me. I think I can maybe just relax a little to take things one day at a time.

  “I will try to take one day at a time. I think you’re worth it. I’m not going to run away from you. I might have a melt down every now and then but not run away.”

  “I can handle melt downs. I just can’t handle not having you in my life. Now, I do have a couple days free. I was going to go out on the ocean with some friends, but I could come for a short visit if you’d like.”

  “Oh hell, no. You don’t need to come out. I mean, if you want to you can. But I’m not asking you to come. I’m ok. I’m sorry I freaked out on you. I feel like an idiot.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad I know what’s worrying you,” Ryan says. “And look at what we found out. We now know that both us have strong feelings for each other. We just have to figure out what we’re going to do with those feelings.”

  “Yes. I do feel much better after talking with you. With everything that’s happened and me missing you so much, I felt like I was drowning.”

  “You know, I miss you like crazy, too, don’t you?” he asks.

  “Probably not as much as I miss you,” I counter.

  He starts to say something, but I cut him off.

  “We could argue about that for a long time. I should let you go. I’ve kept you from whatever you were going to do.”

  “I have no plans. I don’t do very much that’s not work related. I haven’t dated since I met you.”

  “Ryan…”

  “Don’t Olivia. My friends are mostly busy with filming their own movies,” he bulldozes on. “Leslie and I will go out for a drink now and then, but she goes out on lots of dates. Look Olivia. I just want you to understand how serious I am about you,” Ryan says. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before you. And I’m going to be worried about you with that stupid stalker. But I’m going to trust that you’re doing everything the police tell you and you will be keeping yourself safe.”

  My heartbeat is thudding loudly from Ryan’s words. “I am. And I will let you know if anything more happens.”

  “Then I will let you go. Goodnight and get some sleep. You need it. I miss you like crazy Olivia.”

  “I miss you, too.” I almost add ‘I love you’.

  Chapter 8

  A couple weeks come and go, as does Valentine’s Day. Ryan sends me three dozen beautiful, long-stemmed red roses and some yummy chocolates. I hear no objections from Craig about the divorce. All the paperwork is in place and all Craig has to do is sign. I hope that Craig wants to be done with the divorce so he can get on with his life with Annabelle and the baby.

  My stalker seems to have disappeared. I have no troubles or sightings for a couple weeks now. Work drags on. I am moderately busy but I don’t have the motivation for it anymore. I have momentary troubles concentrating. Thank goodness it’s slow for me for a little while yet. The weekends are a welcome beacon because it means that I get to hang out with my girls.

  Ryan is busy promoting his new movie that’s coming out soon. I watch him on a couple late night shows. Of course, the questions that are always asked are “who was the girl in Vegas” and “are you still seeing her”. His reply is always that I am a really good friend from Kansas City and that we are still in contact.

  I still talk to Ryan almost every day. We talk about everything and I fall more in love with him. I know just how perfect he is for me. We like a lot of the same things and feel like we’ve known each other forever. And I’m still scared to death.

  Ryan asks me a few more times about the awards show, but I keep evading his question – telling him that I just don’t know and need more time to think. Since the show is Sunday, I’m surprised Ryan hadn’t pushed me for an answer. I berate myself, thinking that I should be going with him. Plus, Ryan’s birthday is the day after the show and it would be fun to celebrate with him. But now I’m afraid to see him because I don’t think I can hide my feelings for him when I’m face to face with him. So the question is am I ready to let Ryan know that I love him.

  Thursday morning at work, I’m tackling a monotonous spreadsheet that normally would take me a couple days to get done. I’ve been working on this one for four frustrating days now and I’m not even half-way done. Struggling to get through work every day, I’m looking forward to this evening. I have plans to go out to dinner with my girls. My thoughts are interrupted by my office phone.

  “Olivia Sterling,” I mumble into the receiver.

  “Well, you could have a little bit more enthusiasm than that when I call.”

  A smile instantly breaks out on my face and my mood lifts. “Ryan! Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

  “I just talked to you yesterday,” he reminds me. “What are you doing, Beautiful?”

  I melt every time he calls me Beautiful. “Well, I’m sort of working. Not much is going on right now.”

  “Sort of working?” he asks amused.

  “Concentrating at work has been tough since I came back from Las Vegas,” I admit.

  “I hope that has to do with me and not being able to stop thinking about me.”

  I feel my face turn red and I refuse to say anything.

  “Have you any meetings or anything to break up your day?”

  “No. But I think me and this spreadsheet are going to go a couple rounds.”

  Ryan laughs. “I just wanted to say ‘hi’. And I need to get your work address. I got a surprise for you.”

  That’s a little strange. Why can’t he send it to the house?

  “What’s the surprise?”

  “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I tell you.”

  “Fine.” I rattle off my work address. We talk for a brief moment. Then Ryan says he has to go, he has something to do. The whole phone call is bizarre. He always takes the time to talk to me and not cut our conversations short. But I let it go and conclude that he just has too much on his mind with the show in a couple days. Then he’s going off to London to film a few weeks after that.

  Ugh. He’s going to be so far away. I hope he comes to visit before he goes. It’s already been so long since I’ve seen him.

  Just as I hang up with Ryan, my phone rings again.

  It’s my lawyer telling me that Craig has signed the divorce papers; she just received them and will file them first thing tomorrow morning. Woot, woot! I am a free woman again. I am so ecstatic. It’s a great feeling to be completely free of Craig now. I can put that part of my past away. We really have reason to celebrate tonight!

  About an hour later, my phone rings again. The receptionist, with a very quiet, whispering voice, tells me that I have a delivery up front. With Ryan calling me earlier, I suspect that he sent me flowers. I walk up to reception and get a surprise of a lifetime.

  There at the front desk stands Ryan, smiling his gorgeous smile. I don’t believe it. I think I actually squeal and throw myself at him. Ryan catches me in a big hug, laughs and spins me around. The receptionist is staring at us – well, just Ryan. But I don’t care. I realize just how much I have missed him.

 
“What are you doing here? How long are you staying? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Ohmigod, I’ve missed you!” I ramble and hug him again.

  “I’m here to see you, of course. I’m staying just a day or two, depends. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to surprise you and I’ve missed you too,” he answers.

  “I can’t believe you’re here! Come on, come back to my office.” I drag him back down the drab hallway, into my office and close the door. “So, what? You don’t have enough to keep you busy right now and you thought you’d throw in a trip to Kansas City – just before your awards show?”

  Ryan gives me a mischievous smile. “There’s a specific reason I came to see you.”

  “What reason?” I ask, cautiously. I can only think of one reason why he would come all the way out here.

  “First.” He snags my hand and yanks me to him. “I’ve missed you so much Olivia.” His lips crash down on mine, demanding all my attention. My eyes drift shut while my hands snake up around his neck, pulling him closer. My heart goes wild. Oh yes, I am definitely in love with him.

  Ryan breaks the kiss but keeps holding me.

  “Mmm. That was nice. Thank you” I purr.

  He grins at me. “The second reason I’m here is that I’m kidnapping you for the weekend. I want you to come to the show with me. I’m not taking ‘no’ or ‘I don’t know’ for an answer any more. It’s an important night for me, you’re important to me and I want you there with me.”

  “Ryan,” I whine. “I’ll be too nervous. I’ll embarrass you. Plus, I don’t have time to get ready for it. I’d have to buy a dress, get my hair done, buy airfare. And this will just add to all the press about us already.”

  “Olivia. Breathe.” Ryan puts his hands on both sides of my head and holds it until I look at him. He kisses my nose. “I don’t care what anyone says. I want you with me. And you don’t have to worry about anything. It’s all taken care of. You just need to take time off from work. Do you think you can take more time off?”

  “Well…I have plenty of vacation yet. And I’m sure my boss wouldn’t have a problem with the short notice.” I just process what he said and I narrow my eyes at him. “What do you mean it’s all taken care of? Did you arrange everything for me even though I said I wasn’t going to come?”