Played

by Jeanette Battista

  He lowered his head to hers, grazing her bee-stung lips lightly before moving down to her throat. She hissed softly as he worked there, nibbling and running his tongue in circles along her neck. His hands ran over her bra, applying light pressure against the satin. She murmured, her head rolling on his pillow.

  He wanted to feel the fullness of her breasts in his hands and against his mouth, but he took it slow. He cupped her bra, rubbing his knuckles against the smooth skin at the top of it, pushing upwards so more of the skin spilled up and out. His lips brushed against her flesh and he slipped two fingers inside the top of one cup to capture her nipple between them. She gasped, lifting her head and capturing his mouth in a burning kiss he felt all the way in his dick.

  Rolling her bud in his fingers, he watched as her head fell back. She made a noise in the back of her throat, all want and sex, the sound electrifying him. He pulled her bra down to expose her breast, then captured her erect nipple in his mouth. Lila arched up from the bed with a cry, her arms locking around his neck. He took it as encouragement and lavished attention on the pert bud. With his other hand, he kneaded her other breast through the cup of her bra.

  He pulled away and smiled at her moan. Van blew a cool breath across her exposed skin watching as the flesh puckered further. He pulled the other cup down, lightly mouthing that one. “Do you like this?”

  “Yes,” Lila said in a voice that was more breath than sound. “Don’t stop.”

  He had his marching orders. Van lowered his head once more, laving her nipple with his tongue and pulling it into his mouth to suck. Lila writhed beneath him, making noises low in her throat. He loved to watch her come undone before his eyes. He pulled the straps of her bra slowly down her arms, kissing the path down before reaching around and undoing the thing completely. Lila tossed it to the floor.

  She rose up, clasping his head in her hands and pressing her tongue into his mouth. Van could feel his dick twitch, heavy and full against his stomach. But he could take his time with Lila. Every sound, every movement seemed designed to drive him crazy and he loved it. The feel of her naked breasts against the skin of his chest as she moved against him made him groan.

  His hands moved to her jeans. He popped open the top button, then undid the zipper. She wriggled out of them, helping him push them down her thighs. He pulled them off her, then pushed her down on her back. His hands traced her curves, skimming over her shoulders and collarbone, gently weighing the fullness of her breasts, sliding across her stomach. He lowered his head to the grey cotton panties she wore, inhaling the ocean scent of her. With her panties still on, he pressed a kiss between her thighs.

  Lila cried out, her voice shattering the silence. Her hands clenched and unclenched in his hair. He continued to kiss her through the thin cotton, listening to her rapid breaths when he hit a sensitive spot. Finally he grabbed the side of her panties and pulled it down with his teeth. His hands pushed it down her legs, baring her completely.

  Van lowered his head to taste her, his tongue flicking at her clit. His hands rested gently on the inside of her thighs, spreading her for his mouth. He dipped into her with his tongue and Lila uttered a cry that made his dick throb. Her hips began to move in time with his tongue, matching the thrusts.

  “Van,” she said in a choked voice, sounding wrecked. “I…oh….”

  He smiled against her, at the edge in her voice. She was close. He flattened his tongue, lapping at her like he was a cat and she was a delicious bowl of cream. He took long, lazy strokes, bringing her closer to the brink with every touch.

  “Inside,” she whispered. “I want…” her breath caught in her throat and he felt her spasm against him. “Inside me.”

  Van didn’t have to be told twice. He lifted up, stepping out of his clothes. Opening the drawer in his nightstand he took out a condom, ripping it open with one hand and his teeth. His other hand was busy with Lila, making sure she stayed in the moment. When he was sheathed, he took his place back between her legs, dipping his head down to continue teasing her with his tongue. Lila writhed beneath him, her hair a tangle around her face. Her hips lifted and she gave a low growl.

  He didn’t wait. He thrust inside her, feeling her tightness surround him. Van met Lila’s eyes, and they smiled at each other. She wrapped her legs around his waist and matched him thrust for thrust. His hips pumped into her, amazed at the warmth and strength of her. She was everything he’d ever wanted, that he wasn’t even aware that he’d been searching for with all of the other girls he’d been with.

  Afterwards, they curled around each other. Lila burrowed her face in the crook of his neck, breathing slowly returning to normal. Van’s hands traced her curves, in constant motion over her soft skin. Her breath fanned his throat. He tightened his arms around her.

  “That was fun,” she whispered, a laugh in her voice.

  “Would I be a pig if I wholeheartedly agreed?” he teased.

  “Not at all,” she assured him. “Is it okay if I get under the blanket? I’m kind of cold.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, then pulled his comforter over the two of them. “How’s that?”

  “Better.” She snuggled into his side. “I just wanted to get warm before I leave.”

  He stilled. “Leave? You don’t have to go.” He’d never said that before and actually meant it, but this time, he did. He wanted to fall asleep beside her. He wanted to wake up next to her. That didn’t help with his determination to have no complications in his life. He didn’t know what had gotten into him.

  Lila moved her head so she could see his face. She smiled softly, the curves of her cheek turned upwards. “Yes, I do.” She sighed. “You don’t have to pretend this is something it’s not,” she said. “No complications, remember?”

  Van wanted to kick himself. Lila was already getting up, finding her clothes. “Be right out,” she said, disappearing into his bathroom.

  He stared at the closed door, at a loss for what to say. He had no idea how to describe what he was feeling. His head felt clouded—maybe she was right, now wasn’t the time to do anything. Maybe his brain was dulled by the great sex he’d just had. Maybe Lila just dulled his senses by her very existence. He couldn’t say. But he knew he wanted to see her again. Preferably ALL of her, but he’d take what he could get.

  He leaned over and pulled on his jeans. He was pulling on his shoes when she emerged, fully dressed, except for the shirt they’d left behind in the kitchen. She stepped out to get it and pulled it over her head. “What are you doing?” she asked him as she pulled on her coat.

  “Getting dressed so I can take you home.”

  She gave him a peck on the lips. “That’s sweet. And also completely unnecessary.” She buttoned the navy pea coat she wore. “I’m perfectly capable of walking back to the apartment on my own.”

  “It’s no big deal…” he began, but she cut him off with another light kiss.

  “I want to walk home, okay? My choice.” She lowered her head for a moment and he saw a light blush color her face. “But I wouldn’t mind getting together again sometime. If you’d want to, that is?” She glanced up at him from beneath lowered lashes and it was all he could do not to drag her back to his bed then and there.

  Instead he leaned down and kissed her, slowly and deeply. “In case you have a translation issue, that was an emphatic yes.”

  Lila pulled away, reluctance in every line of her. It gave him a thrill that she wanted to stay, at least a little bit. “Cool. See you, Van.”

  “Count on it,” he said, and kept his front door open so he could watch her walk to the sidewalk. He kept watching until she disappeared around the corner.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Lila was happy to get back to the apartment and even happier to have it to herself. She took a nice long shower, only stepping out when the hot water ran out. The walk had helped her clear her head, and the shower relaxed her so she thought she’d be able to sleep, despite the rollercoaster her m
ind was currently riding.

  She’d had sex with Van. She’d had sex. With Van. More importantly, she’d had sex with someone who wasn’t Tyler. And it had been good sex, not that she had a whole lot to compare it to, what with Tyler being her only previous partner. It had actually been great sex, the thought bringing a smile to her face as she climbed into bed.

  Lila picked up the book she’d been reading for psych class, but didn’t bother opening it. Instead, she let her mind drift. She felt better than she had in ages; the empowerment of choosing who and what she wanted a heady feeling in her chest. She’d enjoyed herself. Van had made her feel good tonight, so good that she hadn’t wanted to risk ruining it with an awkward night together that neither of them was ready for.

  And the funny thing was, she didn’t feel bad about it. Tyler had called her all kinds of names during the course of their relationship and accused her of flirting with or thinking about other guys on a regular basis. The word whore flew from his lips all too often. Lila had expected to feel some kind of shame after everything, some lingering guilt for being with another guy. Instead, she felt right. She felt awake, every nerve sensitized.

  She felt proud.

  Lila couldn’t describe it, not even to herself. She wanted to shout out how good she felt. She wanted to run, to leap, to spin in circles and roll on the floor. Her body was hers for what felt like the first time in forever. After all of the stress of the past few weeks, the fear of Tyler and what he may or may not do, it was a refreshing change to feel in control of something as fundamental as her own flesh.

  He frightened her. That wasn’t going to change anytime soon. He knew how to hurt her like no one else, knowing all of her insecurities, all of her soft places. That scared her. That and the fact that he was physically so much stronger than she was, and so volatile. But even with that fear came a strength. Lila wanted her life back, regardless of what he might do to her. She wanted to be free of even the specter of Tyler and the mess that was the two of them.

  This was a good way to start.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Lila sat down in the chair and found herself actually looking forward to talking to Ms. Feinberg. She wasn’t ready to talk about her run in with Tyler—that had been frightening, but it wasn’t at the forefront of her mind right now. School was going well. She was going out with Greg later that night. She’d had a fling. She liked her job. She was singing and playing again. She felt like a whole person for the first time in a long time. She knew she had more work to do on herself, but she was willing to take what she could get right now.

  Still, it did frustrate her, how much real estate her relationship with Tyler took up in her head. With things going so well in her life now, shouldn’t she be over it by now? She’d dumped Tyler. He’d shoved her down a set of stairs. She’d moved away. They were done. Why was he still popping into her head at unexpected moments?

  There were moments where Lila wished life came equipped with a remote control. She would give anything to rewind her life to the moment that Tyler asked her out and be able to tell him “No thanks.” She often wondered what her life would be like now if she’d never dated him. Or if she’d never answered the door after he hit her the first time.

  She was studying in her room. Her roommate was out, watching a movie with some friends. She’d invited Lila along, but Lila didn’t feel up for company. It had been a day since Tyler had slapped her and she wasn’t feeling much like being social. Truly, what she really wanted to do was catch a ride home and spend the weekend in her own bed with the comforter pulled up over her face and avoiding talking to her mother. But she was stuck on campus so holing up in her room was the closest she could come.

  When she’d gotten back to her dorm after leaving Tyler’s building, she’d taken a long, hot shower. It hadn’t made her feel much better. The sting of his slap wouldn’t fade. Even now, over twenty-four hours later, she felt its phantom burn across her cheek. She knew she hadn’t bruised and the redness of it had faded in her walk across campus, but she still imagined she bore some kind of mark. Like anyone glancing at her would look and know that something had happened to her. It surprised her when no one said anything.

  She’d ordered a pizza so she hadn’t even left the room for dinner. So when she heard a knock on the door, Lila just sat on her bed and willed whoever it was on the other side to go away through the sheer power of her glaring at the door. Her telepathic powers were on the fritz though, because whoever it was knocked again. Lila swallowed, a lump like lead sitting in the pit of her stomach. She felt hot and then cold, her hands turning to ice. She was alternately excited and afraid.

  A third knock, followed by the voice she’d been both hoping to hear and dreading. “Lila, it’s me.”

  Sitting on her bed, Lila closed her eyes, feeling tears very close to the surface. That voice. It had been a part of her for over a year already. She loved that voice and the young man it belonged to. But hearing it also twisted her up inside. It wasn’t a happy feeling now, to hear his voice at her door. She thought about just not answering it, of letting him just stand on the other side of it until the stars went cold and the building crumbled around the two of them.

  “I know you’re in there, Lila. I saw your light on from the quad.”

  She cursed silently. He was probably going to stand out there all night. Tyler was nothing if not persistent. After another moment of internal debate, Lila climbed to her feet and padded over to the door. “What do you want?” she asked, hand on the doorknob but not yet opening it to him.

  “To talk. That’s all.” His voice was low and sounded wrecked.

  Lila opened the door a crack. Peering through the narrow opening, she saw his red-rimmed eyes, his haggard face. It looked like he hadn’t slept. His hair was greasy and he sported a heavy five o’clock shadow. She kept her foot propped against the door in case Tyler tried to push his way inside.

  Tyler’s green eyes searched her face, his expression relieved. “Thanks.” He gave her a weak smile.

  Lila frowned, shocked. He looked terrible. She forgot the angry words on her lips. She hadn’t expected him to look so…unlike himself.

  “I know you probably hate me right now,” he whispered, the words coming fast. “I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you never wanted to see my face again. So thanks, for talking to me.” Tyler stopped, licking at dry lips. His gaze locked with hers, all pleading green. “I’m an idiot, Lila. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. I really, really didn’t. It was an accident.”

  His bloodshot eyes bored into her, his mouth slack after his apology. Lila fought down the urge to touch her cheek, the one he’d hit. She wrapped her hand around the knob and refused to let it go. “You hit me.” Her words hissed out, an angry boiling kettle of sound.

  “I’m sorry.” He hung his head, his body drooping. “I would never hurt you. I love you, Lil. You know that.”

  She stared at him, at this golden boy she’d known her whole life. This young man whom she’d shared her heart with. Lila didn’t know what to make of him, standing at her door without words. Slowly, she opened the door wider. “Come in so we can talk.”

  He glanced up, shock written on his face. “You’re sure?”

  Lila nodded. “We need to talk.” She moved out of the doorway so he could enter her dorm room. She kept the door ajar. Just because she was willing to talk to him didn’t mean she was ready to forgive him.

  He crossed the threshold, then paced to her bed and sat on it. Tyler put his head in his hands, running his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean to,” he said, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  Lila didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say. She wished her mother were here, to tell her what to do. She wished she had some idea of what the next step should be. Should she break up with Tyler? Did she want to? Now that the anger and shock had faded, she didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

  She thought she loved him. Had that changed?

  “Lila.
” Tyler’s voice was a soft sound, a quiet plea. “I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that, even if you don’t believe me. I love you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

  A tear slid down his face and something inside of her broke. She felt tears fill her eyes, flood down her cheeks. Lila wrapped her arms around her waist, feeling like she needed to hold herself together. Like she might break open at any moment. “Tyler, I— “

  “No, wait, let me finish,” he said, getting up to cross to stand before her. “I know I screwed up. I’m under so much pressure with school and the team. I just…it’s a lot.” He took a breath, gulping down air like he was drowning. “I’m not good enough. These guys here, they’re just better than I am. It’s not like the team at home.” Tyler’s gaze snared hers. “I’m scared, Lil. I’m afraid I’m going to lose everything.” He reached out a hand, tentatively touching the top of hers where it rested tight against her waist. “I can’t lose you too.”

  “All you had to do was talk to me. Tell me what was going on.” Lila drew in a shaky breath. “Maybe I could help.”

  Tyler shook his head, but he pulled her hand into his. “You shouldn’t have to. It isn’t your problem.” His thumb rubbed circles over the top of her hand. “I swear, Lil. I will never do that again.” His voice quavered on her name.

  His pleading did something to her, worked its way into her chest, dug into her heart. “Ty,” she whispered, fresh tears spilling over her lashes.

  He reached out, gathering her into his arms almost like she would break if he were too rough. His tenderness took her breath away. Lila melted into him, a sob escaping her. She clung to him as he kissed the top of her head, murmuring soft words. She wanted to believe him. She needed to believe that this was a one-time thing, a fluke. That he wasn’t capable of hurting her for real.