Winter Wishes

by Fern Michaels

  “It’s true. I never had a pet.”

  In his jeans pocket, his cell phone pulsed. He pulled it out to check. “Sorry, I should take this. It’s my mom. We’ve been playing phone tag since Christmas.”

  “Of course,” Jillian said. He knew that his relationship with his parents seemed odd to her, and that she was concerned about how they’d react once he got back home and told them about Cole.

  Stepping away from her and his son, he tapped the phone and held it to his ear. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Hello, Michael. Thanks for calling at Christmas. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to connect.”

  “Not a problem.” He’d walked down the beach and now turned to watch Cole heave the stick into the ocean again. Freckles raced after it, flinging himself into the cold water just as enthusiastically as he had the first time. Jillian was squatting down to photograph brown streamers of what he’d learned was kelp.

  “I hope you’re having a good holiday, though it doesn’t sound like your usual spot,” his mother continued.

  Normally, he chose destinations based on architecture that intrigued him. “It isn’t, but I’m having fun.” Being with Cole, Jillian, and her family made him realize how much he and his parents had missed out on. He’d have to arrange his life to spend more holidays with Cole. It dawned on him that he didn’t know his son’s birthday. He’d be turning eight soon.

  “Interesting architectural designs?”

  Her question made him refocus. “Eclectic. Everything from cantilevered cedar and glass to tiny A-frames and yurts.”

  “Yurts?”

  “Octagonal huts. They originated with nomads in Central Asia and those were portable. Now, many are more permanent and the idea’s become trendy. By the way, I’ve almost finished the plans for your renos. Let’s you, Dad, Deepa, and I get together when I’m back after New Year’s.” He’d tell them about Cole and show them the album Jillian had made. He’d deal with the recriminations and questions, and then they’d all figure out how to handle the new reality.

  “Good. Speaking of getting together, you haven’t forgotten about the black tie dinner dance next week?”

  “Of course not.” He had, but now he remembered telling her he’d attend a hospital event to raise funds to buy some fancy new piece of medical equipment.

  “We hope it’ll be good timing. People should still be filled with Christmas generosity as well as New Year’s resolutions. Have you invited a date?”

  “Uh, no.” Dressing in a tux, picking up a stylish woman in an evening gown, making polite chat with a bunch of wealthy people while they all ate a fancy six-course dinner, dancing to a small orchestra playing “New York, New York” and “In the Mood” . . . It didn’t sound anywhere near as much fun as this afternoon’s entertainment. Watching Freckles drop the stick and dig up sand with his front feet, spraying it out behind him as a laughing Cole dodged it. Appreciating the curve of Jillian’s fine butt as she hunkered down with her camera.

  “Good, because I have someone in mind,” his mother said.

  “Are you matchmaking again?” She and his dad, both second generation Canadians, hadn’t had an arranged marriage, but they had been introduced by their parents. Periodically, she tried to interest Michael in some eligible young woman. Her choices were often pretty good and he’d dated two or three of them, after making it clear he wasn’t in the market for marriage.

  “She’s an intern. Very smart. And attractive.”

  He did a quick mental flip through his contact list, thinking of women he’d dated recently. Was there anyone he’d like to sit beside and dance with?

  Now Jillian was shooing Freckles away from a pile of seaweed that he was trying to roll in. She was scolding, laughing, her cheeks pink, her curves partially revealed and partially concealed by those slim-fitting jeans and a down vest worn over a heavy sweater. She’d look dynamite in an evening dress, though likely she didn’t own one.

  She was the woman he wanted to be with. But since that wasn’t going to happen, he said, “Fine, Mom. Set it up, if she’s free.” Maybe the woman would be interesting, and if not, at least he’d make his mother happy.

  They talked a while longer and he thought how strange it was that, while he loved his parents, it was a rather distant love. It was sad for all of them that he’d never had much in common with his parents, not their interests nor their personalities. Watching Cole romp with the dog, Michael wondered how he’d have felt if, on meeting his son, he’d found they had nothing in common. But they did. He saw himself in this boy. He saw Jillian, too. As well as things that were distinctly Cole.

  All of it made him feel connected, protective, and almost fierce in his desire that Cole have a good, happy, healthy life.

  He loved his son.

  How about that? Watching the kid run down the beach with the dog, Michael grinned widely. When he’d come here, he hadn’t known what outcome he was looking for. But he’d found this special, amazing boy and he’d learned what it was to love your child. Though he and his son might live in different places, he vowed that their love would not be emotionally distant.

  Michael’s mom, who’d been talking about a new surgical procedure she’d recently tried, wound up. “I must get back to work. It’s been good talking to you, Michael. Have a happy new year.”

  “You too, Mom.” An impulse made him add, “I love you. You and Dad and Deepa.”

  The momentary pause made him realize how rarely he said that. “We love you too,” she said, her voice softer than before.

  As he put the phone back in his pocket, he again wondered how his mom and dad would react to the news that they were grandparents—and had been for almost eight years. There’d be recriminations and questions. He’d probably end up playing the role of intermediary, trying to make sure his parents stayed involved in Cole’s life without overdoing it. Deepa, he had no concerns about. She would be a loving great-auntie.

  Freckles had pelted down the beach, chasing seagulls. It seemed to Michael that the birds were taunting the dog, strolling the shore nonchalantly until Freckles roared up to them, and then at the very last moment soaring into the air.

  Cole was crouched over something on the beach, Jillian bending down too with her camera. Michael walked over to see that the subject of their interest was an orange-shelled crab.

  The boy straightened. “You were talking to your mom?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do she and your dad know about me?”

  Michael was aware of Jillian standing up too, but he kept his gaze on his son’s face. “Not yet. I’ll tell them as soon as I get home.”

  “Will they want to meet me?” he asked hesitantly.

  “I’d bet on it. We’ll have to figure out how to make that happen.” His parents were so busy, it wasn’t likely they’d take time off and come to Destiny Island. Maybe Cole could visit Toronto at spring break. Was he old enough to fly alone? Michael could come and get him. Or Jillian could accompany him, if she could get time off from Blue Moon Air. Would it be awkward, Jillian meeting his parents? And where would she stay? Cole could stay with Michael, but having Jillian in his apartment, sleeping down the hall . . . that was way too much temptation.

  “Cole, what’s wrong?” Jillian asked.

  Michael stopped musing and focused on his son, who was staring down at the beach, kicking at some broken purple shells. “Cole?”

  Not looking up, the boy muttered, “I guess you didn’t want me.”

  It took a moment to figure out what he meant. “Back when your mom got pregnant?”

  His head dipped in a nod.

  “I told you about that,” Jillian said. “How your dad and I had such different lives.”

  “It’s true,” Michael said. He would never tell his son that he’d assumed Jillian would have an abortion, but he didn’t want to lie to him. “And the fact is that I didn’t want a child. I was nowhere near ready. I was immature and, well, if you’d met me back then, you probably wouldn’t have li
ked me much.”

  The boy’s head tipped up and he studied Michael. “Mom liked you.”

  Jillian stepped in again. “You know how babies get made. The best way is when two people love each other very much and want to start a family. But that’s not always how it goes. With your dad and me, we were just casual friends who had fun together. I did like him, but we didn’t know each other well at all. Neither of us intended to create a baby. When we did, we had to figure out how we felt about it.”

  “You don’t have to have a baby just because you’re pregnant,” Cole said, surprising Michael by how savvy he was for an almost-eight-year-old.

  “That’s right,” she agreed. “But I realized I did want to have a baby. I wanted to have you.”

  Cole gazed at her. “You were more mature than him.”

  She grinned. “You bet I was.”

  “She was,” Michael agreed. “And now that I’ve met you, I’m really glad about that.”

  Cole turned to him. “I wondered about you. Mom didn’t tell me much.”

  “I didn’t know all that much about him,” she said.

  Michael took Cole’s hand and guided him up the beach to a log, where they sat side by side. Jillian came, too, sitting on the other side of Cole. “I didn’t want you,” Michael said, “because I was stupid. And because I didn’t know you. The best thing I’ve ever done in my life was coming to Blue Moon Harbor to meet you.”

  Cole cocked his head up. “The best thing?”

  “Yes. The absolute best.” He meant that, completely. “Until now, the best thing was getting my architecture firm going. But this is better. You’re better than anything.”

  Jillian moved slightly, drawing his attention. She’d raised a hand to wipe a tear from her cheek. He gave her a wry smile and turned back to his son. “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out.” He touched the boy’s shoulder. “I love you, Cole.”

  His son’s dark eyes appraised him for a long moment, and then he said, “I love you, too, Dad,” and he leaned forward to hug Michael.

  Michael enfolded him, closing his own eyes to hold back the tears of joy.

  He mustn’t have been successful, because he felt dampness on his cheeks. No, wait, it was starting to rain. He and Cole broke apart, both pulling up the hoods on their rain jackets. Jillian, bare headed, called, “Freckles! Time to go!” Cole ran to meet the dog and the two of them sprinted for the trail.

  Jillian broke the no-touching rule by slipping her hand into Michael’s. “That was lovely.”

  He nodded. “I meant every word.”

  “I know.” Too soon, she released his hand. “Let’s go before we get soaked. Sorry about the weather. You need to come here in summer. Or spring or fall. Winter isn’t our best season.”

  “In Toronto, the temperature will barely rise above freezing for months. A little rain feels fine to me.”

  “I actually like days like this. Let’s stop at Dreamspinner for takeout hot chocolate, then go home and curl up by the fire.”

  The coffee shop was part of the bookstore. “If we’re going to Dreamspinner, I might buy one of Hawke’s books. And read the old-fashioned way for once. Seems like the right thing to do, in front of a wood-burning fire.”

  As Jillian smiled at him, he thought that the whole package—fire and book, woman and child, even the wet dog—felt like exactly the right thing.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Don’t go back,” her son pleaded with Michael.

  It was New Year’s Eve. After dinner, Jillian’s family had driven through fat, drifting snowflakes the few miles to Blue Moon Harbor Park. Fireworks were scheduled to start in ten minutes, at eight o’clock. Her parents had gone to find Samuel and his family, leaving Jillian alone with Cole and Michael. Tomorrow, Michael would fly back to Toronto.

  “You don’t have to go back,” Cole continued. “I don’t want you to!”

  Despite sharing her son’s feelings, Jillian said, “Honey, you know he has to. He has his job, his apartment, his family, his friends.” And girlfriends, no doubt.

  While father tried to reason with son, she mused that she couldn’t imagine dating again. Not when Michael had gone and made her fall in love with him. Not, of course, that he’d intended to. But when you combined sexual chemistry, his unique blend of responsibility and a knack for having fun, the way he treated Cole, and oh, so many other things . . . well, she’d been powerless to resist. The capper had happened yesterday at the beach when he’d told Cole he loved him. Her heart had broken a little: in happiness for her son, in resignation to no longer being Cole’s sole parent, and in the pain of knowing that Michael would never say those words to her. He might be attracted to her, but it was only, as he’d said, the lure of the forbidden.

  She tuned back in to the father-son conversation to hear Cole say, “Fine!” His dark eyes, so like his dad’s, glittered fiercely. “Go back! It’s not like I care anyhow!” He stalked off in the gently falling snow.

  “Cole,” she called. “Where are you going?”

  He didn’t glance back. “To watch the fireworks with Jordan’s family!”

  Michael stared after his son, the tense lines of his face revealing his anguish.

  “Sorry he’s being a brat,” she said. “He does care. That’s why he’s so upset.” They’d all been on edge today. Even the snow, a rare event that usually engendered excitement, hadn’t lifted anyone’s spirits.

  Michael sighed. “I know.” Turning to her, he took a breath and squared his shoulders. “Here’s a question for you. Do you care?”

  “C-care?” Her tongue stumbled over the word. What was he asking?

  “Do you care if I go? I know my suddenly appearing in your lives was tough on you. It’s been hard for you to share Cole with me.”

  She nodded, brushing damp flakes from her cheeks, still uncertain what he was getting at.

  “I guess that’ll be easier if I go back to Toronto.”

  If. He’d said if, not when. Michael was usually precise with language, so did this mean he was thinking of not leaving? No, she must be misunderstanding. He had so much waiting for him there. “From that perspective, I guess you’re right,” she admitted. Though it probably wasn’t wise to continue, she couldn’t stop. “But I’ll miss you. I’ve gotten used to the idea of the three of us as, well, family. Together, I mean. Not separated by more than half a continent.”

  He nodded, but his eyes were narrowed and he didn’t smile. “I guess I asked the wrong question. Do you care about me?”

  Her heart stuttered. “I . . . yes, of course.”

  “Of course? Before, when we were hooking up, you weren’t even sure you liked me.”

  “But now I know you. I like the man you’ve become.”

  “Like?”

  She drew in a breath and let it out, her breathing quavery. So was her entire body, not to mention her emotions. “I don’t know what you’re asking.”

  “Here’s the thing. When we knew each other before, it was all about having a good time. We didn’t talk much. Over the past eleven days, it’s been the opposite. I think you were smart saying we shouldn’t have sex, though it’s been sheer hell. But we’ve done so many other things. Hung out together with Cole. Talked about all sorts of things. I’ve seen you, Jillian. Seen who you are as a mom, a daughter, a pilot. A woman.”

  She nodded. “Yes, that’s exactly what it’s been like.”

  “On the beach, when Cole asked why I hadn’t wanted him when I found out you were pregnant, it hit me that I don’t just want him now. I love him.”

  “I know. I can see it. He loves you, too.”

  “I feel that. But there’s something else I feel. Tonight, you telling Cole why I needed to go back to Toronto, and then me trying to explain it to him . . . Well, it hit me. Yes, I have a life there and a business I love and am proud of. But none of that feels as meaningful now.”

  “You’d rather be with Cole?” She felt even more quavery. Did he want to move he
re and share custody? How could she bear not tucking Cole in every single night?

  “Yes. And with you. Because it also hit me—” He broke off as a thunderous boom and a dazzling burst of fireworks indicated the start of the show. Laughing, he stared upward. “A lightbulb moment, multiplied by a million.”

  Much as she loved fireworks, she wasn’t about to let anything interrupt this conversation. Raising her voice, she asked, “What hit you?”

  “That I love you.” He’d increased volume, too, but his statement happened to fall in the aftermath of a second explosion of pyrotechnics, so his words boomed loudly on the night air.

  “Oh!” She was so shocked that her exclamation was no more than a soft puff of air.

  “What did you say?” he almost yelled over the next burst of sound and dazzling colors.

  Who cared that they were attracting annoyed and amused gazes from spectators around them? This was one of the most important conversations of her life—after the one where she’d told him she was pregnant, and the one where she’d said she wasn’t getting an abortion and had turned down his proposal.

  At high volume, she asked, “How do you love me? Do you mean as your son’s mom? As a friend?”

  “Yes, all of that, but more. Everything. As a woman. An amazing woman. Do you think there’s any chance you could come to feel the same way and—”

  “Yes!” At the top of her lungs, she cut him off. “Oh yes. Every day for the past eleven days, I’ve been falling more and more in love with you.”

  “Really?”

  Maybe he read the truth in her eyes, because rather than wait for her to respond, he threw his arms around her and kissed her.

  As showers of gold and silver filled the sky behind his head, snowflakes brushed their faces, and laughter and applause sounded around them, Jillian gazed into his eyes and kissed him back with all her heart.

  Chapter Nineteen