Betrayed Hearts

by Susan Anne Mason

  ****

  In direct contrast to their carefree dance in the courtyard, the atmosphere on the drive home was somber and dark. From the corner of her eye, Lily watched Nick as he drove. A nerve ticked in the hard line of his jaw. Since she’d seen him with Reverend Baker, his mood had changed for the worse. He’d hardly said a word to her the rest of the evening, and now his death grip on the steering wheel had turned his knuckles white.

  “What did Ted say to you?” Lily asked when the silence in the truck became unbearable.

  Nick’s nostrils flared as he stared out at the road. “Nothing worth repeating.”

  Lily crossed her arms and frowned. “Someone upset you, and I don’t think it was Mike.” Mike had, in fact, broken up the Reverend’s talk with Nick quite quickly.

  Nick glanced over at her. The ridges on his forehead relaxed a little, and he blew out a weary sigh. “Ted raked me over the coals for kissing you. He wants to meet with me tomorrow to lecture me about the responsibilities of being a pastor.”

  Nick cracked the window, allowing a burst of fresh air into the cab, which did nothing to cool Lily’s outrage.

  “That’s so unfair. Why do religious people always try to control your every thought and action?”

  “Not all pastors are so judgmental.”

  Lily shook her head. “I’m sure you won’t be like that, but you seem to be the exception to the rule.”

  They sat in silence for the last few minutes of the drive. Lily hated seeing her worst fears come true—that Nick’s career would suffer because of his involvement with her. As much as she enjoyed being with him, Lily would not allow him to throw away his life, or his career, for her. She couldn’t, in good conscience, put her own happiness above his.

  When Nick pulled into Lily’s driveway, she waited while he shifted into park to gather her courage. She twisted her hands together, fighting the depression that threatened to engulf her like the low lying fog now creeping over the lawn. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. “Nick, I know how important becoming a minister is to you. If our being together is going to jeopardize that”—she took a breath—“maybe we should stop seeing each other.”

  She stared at her lap, not daring to look at him. Tension crackled in the air.

  Nick shifted in his seat to face her. “Is that what you want, Lily?”

  When she looked up, his face was cloaked in sadness, and she just couldn’t lie to him. “No, it’s not. But I won’t let you—”

  He silenced her with a lingering kiss that stole the air from her lungs. When he pulled back, a determined gleam shone in his eyes. “I will not let Ted Baker, or anyone else, dictate who I can care about.”

  Wisps of doubt continued to cloud Lily’s brain, but another kiss from Nick made them evaporate…for the moment.

  19

  Nick parked his truck in front of Good Shepherd Church and turned off the engine. Despite his apprehension over the upcoming confrontation with Ted, Nick allowed himself a brief moment of happiness. Lily had come to church again this morning, without him even asking. Could this mean she was beginning to feel a tiny spark of faith? He hoped so—with everything in him.

  Because although he loved Lily just as she was, he couldn’t marry her unless she allowed God to be an integral part of their marriage—of their lives. Even if they weren’t meant to be together, if God had other plans for their lives, it would be a comfort to know Lily had come to develop a trust in God which would sustain her in the future. At least the seeds had been planted. Now they needed time to grow.

  Nick kept this idea in the forefront of his thoughts as he approached the church office. He stood for a moment in the silent hallway, inhaling the familiar scents of pine soap and candle wax that drifted as far back as the office area. Once he felt focused, he knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Ted stood with his back to the door, staring out the large picture window. “Sit down, Nicholas.”

  The familiar dread returned. Nick had prayed long and hard that morning for God’s help with his constant battle to control his temper. Now he took a seat, determined to keep calm.

  Ted turned and sat down in his chair across the desk from Nick. Shadows underlined his faded blue eyes. The hollows in his cheeks seemed more pronounced today. A pang of guilt spiked through Nick at his less-than-charitable thoughts of late. Did Ted suffer from ill health? Could that be the real reason for his retirement? Nick straightened on his chair, vowing to keep an open mind to whatever Ted was about to say.

  The older man removed his glasses, set them on the desk, rubbed a hand over his eyes, and then looked at Nick. “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry if I’ve come down rather hard on you lately, son, but believe me; it’s for your own good.”

  “I understand. You only want the best for the parish you’re leaving behind.”

  Ted gave a wan smile. “Exactly. Which is why I want to talk to you in more detail about the realities of being a minister.”

  He spent the next ten minutes describing the pitfalls of life as a clergy member, focusing on the importance of a spotless reputation, to be above reproach in every area of his life. Ted stressed the need for a supportive wife and helpmate, one who understood the rigorous demands of a pastor’s career and who could, in a best case scenario, contribute her own gifts to the ministry.

  Nick congratulated himself on his patience as he listened.

  “The reality is that as pastor you are under a constant microscope by your parishioners. You cannot afford one misstep or you will lose their trust and respect. This goes for any potential spouse as well.”

  Nick squirmed on the hard chair and pulled his tie loose an inch. “I agree. As ministers we are role models of Christian behavior.”

  Ted hooked his glasses over his ears. “I’m glad you see the gravity of the position. It will make it easier to understand what I’m about to say, and why I feel it necessary to do so.”

  The uncomfortable sensation returned to Nick’s stomach. “What is it, Ted?”

  “The board of church elders have met with me to discuss your situation, and we are unanimous in our decision. I’m afraid if you continue to see this Draper woman, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend you, nor will the elders accept you, as my replacement.”

  Nick sat in stunned silence for a moment, reeling with the implications. Resentment settled in his chest like a stone, lodging his reply in his throat.

  “If you truly believe God is calling you to this vocation as pastor of Good Shepherd Church, you must stop seeing Miss Draper. Immediately.”

  Nick clenched his jaw together so hard his back molars ached and counted to ten to keep his anger in check. His immediate reaction was to tell Ted exactly what he could do with his job. Yet he wasn’t ready to throw away his career on a whim of temper. He needed time. Time to discern God’s will for his life, to make sure his powerful feelings for Lily fit with God’s plan.

  When Nick felt he could speak in a civil manner, he released a slow breath. “This isn’t a decision I can make on the spot. I’ll need time for serious consideration and prayer.

  Ted stared at him for a good thirty seconds before responding. “Fair enough. But I’d like your answer as soon as possible. If God is leading you elsewhere, the parishioners need to know so they can seek the person God has in mind for them.”

  Nick got to his feet. “I understand.”

  Ted stood as well. “I hope you know this isn’t personal, Nicholas. I have the larger picture to consider.”

  Not personal? How could it not be personal when the man he’d looked up to for years now seemed more adversary than friend? Any type of acceptable response escaped him. Nick gave a curt nod and left the room in silence.

  When he reached his truck, the fury he’d pushed back now coursed its way through him until he thought he’d explode. He slammed his fist onto the hood of his truck. Pain radiated up his arm and into his shoulder.

  How could his mentor, a man he admired
and trusted, issue such a harsh ultimatum? Ask him to make this type of sacrifice?

  Nick got in the truck and bowed his head over the steering wheel, recalling the day he’d made the decision to become a minister. All the pieces of the puzzle had clicked into place, filling his soul with joy and contentment. At last he was on the right path, the path God wanted him to follow.

  Then why had Lily come into his life? To test the strength of his commitment? Did God really want him to sacrifice his relationship with her in order to prove his worth? Or was that only Ted’s doing?

  Nick rubbed his chest, trying to loosen the pressure building there to the point of pain. The thought of having to choose between two of the things he cared most about in his life proved unbearable.

  How would he—how could he—ever make that choice?

  ****

  On Wednesday afternoon, Lily approached the Martin residence with nervous perspiration dampening her palms. She did not have a good feeling about this meeting, and Nick’s odd behavior of late only made matters worse. He’d barely spoken to her since she saw him at church on Sunday. Nothing had seemed amiss then. In fact, he’d been pleased to see her. She’d gone, not only because it would make Nick happy, but because she sincerely wished to share that part of his life with him. Once again she’d been surprised to find comfort in the scripture readings.

  One particular verse had stayed with her. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Could it really be that easy? Just confess your evil deeds and be made clean in God’s eyes?

  She’d wanted to discuss it with Nick, but he’d been busy all afternoon, which was understandable. She hoped he would call or come by after dinner at his aunt’s, but he never did. By Monday afternoon, she broke down and called him. He’d been abrupt on the phone, given her a lame excuse why he couldn’t talk, and hadn’t called since.

  Now, two days later, Nick’s silence was deafening. Was he angry with her for some reason? Worse yet, had Mike dug up some dirt on her, and now Nick wanted nothing to do with her?

  As she mounted the steps to the Martin house, she shook her head to clear the negative thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the front door. Mrs. Martin pulled it open almost immediately, as though she’d been waiting in the entrance for her. Dressed in a loose dress and slippers, and wearing the ever-present oxygen tube, Mrs. Martin bade her enter.

  “I hope I’m not late,” Lily said.

  “Not at all. Let’s sit in the parlor.”

  She followed the frail woman into a sparsely furnished living room. Though the furnishings were worn, the room itself was spotless. Lily took a seat on the sofa and waited while Mrs. Martin settled into a brown velvet armchair.

  “Can I get you a drink?”

  “No, thank you.” Lily would’ve loved a glass of cold water to ease her parched throat, but didn’t want her to have to get up again.

  Mrs. Martin continued to study her, and Lily grew more self-conscious by the moment.

  “If this is about Chloe’s grades...”

  “This has nothing to do with school,” Mrs. Martin said. “I want to know where you got that necklace.”

  Lily’s mouth fell open. She searched for an acceptable reply, but nothing but the truth came to mind. She swallowed. “From my mother.”

  Sonia Martin’s eyes narrowed. She thumped her cane on the hardwood floor. “That is a lie.”

  Lily pressed her lips together to hold back a denial. What could she say, other than admit Margaret Strickland was her mother? Lily clutched her hands together on her lap, wishing she could rush out of the house before the proverbial mouse trap snapped around her neck.

  Sonia perched on the edge of the chair and pointed a bony finger at Lily. “I’ve seen that necklace before. It belonged to my good friend, Margaret Strickland.”

  Lily held her breath, paralyzed. She bit her bottom lip and said nothing.

  “I’m going to ask you a question straight out, young lady, and I’ll know if you’re lying. Are you Adelaide Strickland?”

  Lily gasped. How had Mrs. Martin figured that out unless she knew Adelaide hadn’t died? She twisted her fingers around her purse strap, torn between keeping her promise to Nick and wanting desperately to confide in this woman. When she finally looked into Sonia Martin’s eyes, she just couldn’t lie to her.

  “Yes,” she whispered at last. “I am.”

  20

  Lily looked on, horrified, as Sonia Martin buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. Lily had expected anger, disbelief, but never tears. With shaking fingers, she pulled a tissue from her bag and handed it to the distraught woman.

  Sonia took the offering and blew her nose and then crumpled it into a ball. “All these years I’ve wondered if you were really dead.” Her face softened as she looked at Lily with something close to affection. “I haven’t seen you since you were a little child.” She reached out a thin hand to touch Lily’s cheek. “You’re the spitting image of your mother. That’s how I knew it was you. The necklace only confirmed it.”

  A ball of emotion lodged in Lily’s throat, welling up inside until tears slid down her cheeks. “Will you tell me about her?” she whispered. “I only have a few memories of her. And no pictures except this.” She clicked open the locket with her thumbnail. Inside, the tiny black and white photo had seen better days.

  Sonia leaned closer to see the picture. She smiled sadly. “Yes, Margaret was only twenty-two when it was taken. It was her engagement photo. There used to be a picture of your father on the other side.”

  Lily closed the locket and wiped her face. “What was she like?”

  A light glowed in Sonia’s pale eyes. “Margaret was a wonderful person, a good wife, a dedicated mother, and a dear friend. She adored you children. You were her whole world.”

  Sorrow banded Lily’s heart. With everything in her, she wished she could remember her brief time with her mother. “What about my father?” She clutched her hands in her lap, half-dreading the answer.

  Sonia’s expression hardened. “David was a good man, but circumstances intervened to change that.”

  “What sort of circumstances?”

  With difficulty, Sonia rose from her seat and limped to the fireplace. “You know the old saying ‘doctors make the worst patients’? Well, it was true of David. He was ill but ignored his symptoms until it was much too late.” She turned back to look at Lily. “He had a brain tumor which affected his personality. Made him anxious, paranoid, and totally unreasonable. Every time Margaret begged him to go for tests, he refused.”

  The ball of tension in the pit of Lily’s stomach began to loosen. “Why would he refuse?”

  “Margaret thought it was because he knew something was seriously wrong. None of us ever suspected what it would lead to. That he would destroy his own family.” Tears gathered in Sonia’s eyes. She moved over to the sofa beside Lily. “I still can’t believe you’re alive. We were told you’d died in the hospital. We even buried your ashes.” She pressed the tissue to her mouth.

  Lily took a shaky breath. “I know it’s hard to believe.” She didn’t want to upset the woman any more than she already had. Certain details, like Doc’s quest for the truth, could be kept quiet for now.

  “May I ask what took you so long to come back?”

  “I only found out the truth a few weeks ago. My adoptive parents kept the story from me—most likely to protect me.”

  “Please, tell me about your family. I hope they were good to you.”

  Lily forced away the negative feelings about her father and concentrated instead on the woman who’d raised her. “I had a wonderful mother. She was everything a little girl could want. Kind, gentle, and loving. I was very happy for a while…until she died when I was ten.”

  The lines around Sonia’s mouth deepened. “I’m so sorry. My husband, Leonard, died when Chloe was twelve. I’ve tried to make it up to her as best I can.” She
closed her eyes. “Only now my own health is failing.”

  Lily reached out to grasp Sonia’s frail hand, aching for the grief Chloe would soon endure. A type of grief Lily understood all too well. “Is there nothing that can be done?”

  Sonia sighed. “Unfortunately, no. It’s a degenerative condition with no cure. My sister died not long ago from the same thing.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Lily’s thoughts turned to Nick having to bear the loss of his aunt so soon after he’d lost his mother. How did he stay so strong? Was it his faith that gave him such courage?

  The two women sat together, hands gripped, bonded by shared sorrow.

  “I’ll be here for Chloe,” Lily whispered through her own tears. “I love her so much already.”

  “Lily, I must ask you a huge favor.” Sonia’s voice quivered. “Please don’t tell Chloe about this until after I’m gone.”

  Lily stilled. “I would prefer if you told her the truth yourself.”

  Sonia shook her gray head. “I couldn’t bear for her to know her own father killed her family. It’s better she thinks her mother was an unwed teen who gave her up. Besides, if she finds out I’ve lied to her all these years, she’ll never forgive me.” A sob escaped her thin lips.

  “Chloe might be upset at first—”

  “Please. You’ll have her for the rest of your life. I may only have months left.” Her desperation bored into Lily.

  The cuckoo clock on the wall chimed the hour, and Sonia jerked in her seat.

  “Oh, my stars. You have to go. Chloe will be back any minute.” She gripped Lily’s arm with steely fingers. “Promise me you won’t say anything.”

  Lily hesitated, recalling Nick’s concern for his aunt’s health. For the time being at least, she could ease Sonia’s mind.

  “I promise.”

  ****

  Nick rubbed his hands over the three days growth of beard as he waited for the coffeepot to finish brewing. He’d barely eaten, showered, or slept since receiving Ted’s ultimatum, ignoring the phone and his e-mail—basically shutting out the entire world. He needed time to think and pray. To sort out his life’s purpose and discern God’s true plan for his future.