Left Behind

by Vi Keeland

  “It’s a difficult subject to talk about, isn’t it?” Claire’s thoughts seem far away. “She was my sister and I still have a tough time with it. I guess it’s because, as kids, our mom never talked about it. All the focus was on your mother’s diabetes and her medications for that. Everything else was treated as a secret until we were teenagers. And by then, the things my parents didn’t speak of, the things I didn’t understand, had driven a real wedge between your mom and me.”

  Intimate conversations like this with a stranger make me nervous. I try to hide it, but Claire sees right through it, “We don’t need to talk about this now. It’s too much too fast. I’m sorry.”

  I always get a cold feeling in my body when I feel like someone knows what I’m thinking. I rub my hands together to try and make it disappear.

  “I live in California, Nikki. Do you know that? It’s where your mother and I were born and raised.”

  We’ve moved a dozen times, but never outside of Texas. I just assumed Mom was from here. I didn’t know she was raised in California but I’m not sure I should admit it. “Do you have children?” I ask instead.

  Claire’s face turns sad. “No, I don’t. It wasn’t meant to be for me. I lost my husband before we ever had any.”

  “How much older than Mom are you?” I ask, immediately hoping that I didn’t just stick my foot in my mouth. Why do I assume she’s the older sister?

  “Three years. I was three when your mom was born. Just turned twenty-five when you were born.”

  I always knew Mom was young when I was born, but it’s weird to think she was only a few years older than I am now when she gave birth to me…and to my sister. I can’t even imagine having one baby, let alone two, now, and with all of her medical problems.

  Mom’s age is really the only detail I’ve ever known about my birth. And that her diabetes got much worse after the pregnancy— another pregnancy would probably have ended her life. I remember a doctor telling her that when I was seven or eight. I don’t know why, but the conversation stuck with me all these years.

  After that, Mom had to have an insulin pump placed in her body. It sat on the outside of her waist in a little pouch; insulin was sent through a plastic tube into her body to help her pancreas work. Mom treated so many things in our life like a paranoid secret, that I’ve always hung on tightly to the facts.

  Claire eases the conversation into less intrusive topics— school, travel, hobbies. We even find we have a few things in common: we both like to read, neither of us can swim and math isn’t our strongpoint.

  Ms. Evans checks in with us a few times, but doesn’t stick around to talk. Eventually, there’s a lull in our conversation. After a long, deafening moment of silence, Claire locks eyes with me and softly asks, “What do you want to happen here, Nikki?”

  The point-blank question catches me off guard, freezing me. I can’t just blurt out, “I want to find my sister.” Claire hasn’t mentioned her, and Mom warned in her letter that Claire wouldn’t help me find her and probably wouldn’t even admit I was a twin.

  “I don’t know what I want, Aunt Claire.” I pause, choosing my words carefully. “I want my mom back, but I know that isn’t something anyone can give me. I don’t want to go to a foster home. That’s what I know I don’t want.”

  “I’d like to help you, Nikki. You’re my niece. I want what’s best for you but I don’t know if I’m it. I don’t want to be selfish. Maybe we can go day by day and see what each day brings? Do you think you could leave your friends and your life in Texas and start over in California? It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?”

  There’s nothing I need to think about. My mind is already made up. But if she thinks it’s a big decision, I’ll pretend I have to think about it. Although nothing could stop me from going.

  ***

  After lunch, Aunt Claire talks to Ms. Evans. They decide it would be best to try to arrange for me to stay a few months with Ashley’s family so I can finish school here. It’s already March and Aunt Claire can’t enroll me in school in California until a judge grants her temporary custody, which might take a while.

  Later, Ashley’s mom agrees to let me live with them while Aunt Claire goes back to California to work. Of course, the state of Texas paying Ashley’s mom money to keep me has more to do with her decision than my actual wellbeing.

  I’m surprised when Aunt Claire says she’s going to come back and forth every ten days to spend time with me until the hearing is scheduled. I just keep hoping it isn’t a continued test that I might eventually fail.

  Chapter 8

  Zack—

  Long Beach, California

  “You’re not going to wear that, are you?” Emily barks from the bottom of my driveway.

  “It’s too early to fight, Em. It’s Saturday. I can wear whatever I want. I’m washing the car,” I respond, not even looking up from the bucket of water I’m filling.

  “Zack!” Emily bellows as she walks up the driveway.

  Stopping what I’m doing, I look up, seeing a face full of frustration. I also now see she’s dressed in a new white dress. One that makes me glad that I have a hose of cold water nearby. The tight little dress hugs her sexy curves, and dozens of silver bracelets shine atop her perfectly tanned skin. I follow the hem of her short skirt down her toned, mile-high legs until I reach her strappy silver sandals.

  “I mean tonight. You’re not going to wear that tonight! Are you?”

  “It’s ten in the morning, Em. I haven’t thought about tonight or my wardrobe.”

  “Zack!” she scolds, as she moves into my personal space, intentionally brushing up against me.

  It’s been three days of holy hell because I didn’t race up to her room after the library the other night. I didn’t even know if she still intended to go to the bonfire down at the beach tonight. But I guess I should have known. Emily never misses a social event, especially the one celebrating the end of our junior year. She never wants to be seen without being on my arm, always needing me to play Ken to her Barbie.

  “You still want to go to the bonfire?” I ask.

  “Of course I want to go! Everyone expects us to be there.” Moving in closer so I can feel her breath on my neck, Emily says in a low, sexy voice, “Do you like my dress? I bought it just for you. For after the bonfire. You still want tonight to be our first time, don’t you?”

  “I can’t wait, Em,” I say, hoping I sound more enthused than I feel.

  “Careful with my dress. You want me to wear it later and look perfect. Don’t you?”

  Do I want her in the dress? Is that a trick question? I go with the right answer instead of what I really want to say. “Yes, of course, Em. You look gorgeous. You’ll be the most beautiful girl at the bonfire. But you look great in anything. So why don’t you go change and wash the car with me?”

  A couple of years ago Emily would have ran upstairs and changed her clothes. But so many things have changed. Emily’s changed. I’ve changed.

  “Be ready at six,” she yells, ignoring my offer. “This is going to be the best night of our lives, Zack. I promise.”

  ***

  When Emily slips into the passenger seat of my car at just after six, my body reacts on its own. She looks beyond incredible tonight.

  “Well, how do I look?” Obviously Emily knows the answer. She has four mirrors in her bedroom for god’s sake. And she spends all of her spare time looking in them.

  “Gorgeous. You’ve never looked more beautiful, Em.” I’m not lying a bit. Her smooth, tanned skin glows against the tight white dress. Her long, thick, wavy blonde hair lies flawlessly around her high, firm breasts. She’ll catch the eye of every guy tonight…which is exactly what she wants. Who needs the damned bonfire? “Let’s stay home and just hang out me and you, Em. I don’t want to share you with anyone tonight? What if we ride our bikes down on the boardwalk like we used to?”

  Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. “Go bike riding? Really Zack?” Emily scree
ches. “This is the biggest night of the year! We have to go.”

  “Alright, Em,” I say sounding like a good little boy as I start to back out of the driveway. She doesn’t even notice I’m deflated.

  Emily chatters the whole way there about who is going to be there, who is dating who, and other superficial nonsense that I can’t, nor want to, keep track of.

  ***

  As we exit the car in the beach parking lot, the bonfire party can already be heard roaring off in the near distance. Dozens of cars arrive just as we do and it only takes a minute before Emily and I are surrounded by people.

  “Oh my god, you look so stunning,” one of Emily’s devout harem members squeals. It’s the first of many squeals, as Emily and I are quickly pulled apart so that the girls can surround her and pay her compliments. I try not to roll my eyes.

  A familiar voice catches my attention. “You look lost.” I turn to find Allie smiling at me. She’d been grabbing something from her trunk and I almost walked past without noticing her.

  Allie’s smile is contagious. It’s sincere, not for show. No court of friends surrounding her. Wearing shorts and a t-shirt, she holds a volleyball in her hands. A ponytail loosely ties back her long, dark hair. She certainly hasn’t been getting ready since ten this morning. But somehow I think I like her look better. Emily would freak if she knew that…but it’s the truth. Sure, Emily looks gorgeous tonight, but her beauty is one-dimensional, the kind I’m realizing fades quickly.

  “Planning on taking me on?” I tease in a way that, in all honesty, borders on flirting. My eyes point to the volleyball and then meet her gaze with a smirk.

  Her face flushes, but she gives it right back to me. “Think you can take me, Zack? I might surprise you.”

  Whoa…I better walk away now. Emily would spot what was going on in a heartbeat. Her other-woman meter is the most sensitive organ in her body.

  Just as Allie and I hit the sand and start to join the large crowd, I see Emily laughing and posing in the center of a group of wanna-be-Emily girls. I look from Emily to Allie and go with my brain instead of my gut.

  “I hope I see you later, Allie,” I say, meaning it, as I walk off to join Emily. For a night that is supposed to be a night all about me and Emily, it sure isn’t starting off that way.

  ***

  “Zack, where did you go?” Emily demands. With the crowd surrounding her, she might as well be on stage. A stage where she comes alive, performing.

  “I lost you in the crowd for a minute. I’m right here. Relax.”

  Grabbing my hand, she pulls me into the inner circle. “Stay with us. The fun is all here.”

  The “fun” consists of taking Instagram pictures of me and Em in front of the bonfire, Em listening intently to every piece of gossip her friends share, and me standing within an inch of her side at all times.

  Dylan, the boyfriend of one of the girls Emily is currently gossiping with, looks as glazed over as I do. He’s a college freshman and, no doubt, tired of this scene by now too. We exchange glances and Dylan shakes his head. A minute later he tells his girlfriend he’s going to play in a nearby volleyball game. He asks me to join him. It’s a perfect excuse to escape the torture I’ve been enduring since we got here. Surprisingly, Emily smiles when I tell her I’m going with Dylan. I’m sure she thinks it’s cool I’m going to hang out with a college freshman.

  After tearing off his t-shirt, to the pleasure of the junior class, Dylan smiles. “Let’s go have fun and let them stand around and play with their phones.” Thank god there’s one sensible person in this crowd.

  Dylan is the star of the game within minutes of entering it. I’m not playing half bad myself. The volleyball crowd is definitely different than Em’s crowd. There’s trash talking, diving for the ball, and people don’t care if they are sweaty messes. Finally, some fun.

  Halfway through the game, several players on the other side get yanked away to other things and they sub in a few new opponents. I look up and find Allie directly across the net from me. I grin and yell over, “Oh, so you’re gonna take me on after all, are you?”

  Allie beams back a smile and serves the ball right at me. It should have been an easy volley, but I miss because I can’t seem to peel my eyes away from her smile. She just looks so happy and carefree. My missing evens up the score and elicits some spirited teasing and laughter from those around us— enough uproar to catch Emily’s attention, I guess. I don’t realize it at first, but she’s standing courtside, seething.

  “I was distracted. You got lucky on that one,” I tease as Allie serves her next shot. The ball travels back and forth a few times and then I rush the net and spike it down on the other side. Dylan and I high-five and it’s my turn to serve. “This one’s just for you, Allie.” I toss the ball high in the air and wail it across the net as hard as I can, still smiling. They miss. Allie sticks her tongue out at me— and that’s when I finally spot Emily on the sidelines.

  She lets the anger burn in her gaze just long enough to catch everyone’s attention, then she turns and storms off, her crowd of minions following her.

  “Just let her cool off. She’ll get over it.” Dylan says, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. Feeling like I haven’t done anything wrong, I’m not even sure if I care if he’s right. I let her go.

  ***

  Half an hour later, I find Emily sitting around the bonfire in the middle of her crowd. “Wanna go for a walk?” I ask quietly, offering my hand to help her up. I swear I hear the buzz start before we even walk away. It’s either gossip or be gossiped about with this crew.

  “Listen, Em,” I say when we’re out of earshot of the crowd. “I was playing a game. You know how competitive I get. Hell, you’re the same way. I don’t know why you got so upset.”

  Emily stops and turns to face me. “You really don’t know why I’m so upset?”

  “I’m guessing it’s because I was teasing Allison, but I don’t know why that would upset you. She’s just a friend.”

  “Why is she a friend? That’s the part I don’t get, Zack. We have so many friends, why do you need to hang out with people like her?”

  “Wait. So you’re not jealous of Allison?”

  “Jealous? Why would I be jealous of her?” She practically laughs at the notion.

  “Let me get this straight. You’re mad because I was having fun with people you don’t consider cool enough to hang out with?” Disgust laces my voice, but she either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

  “Yes, Zack. You’re ruining everything.”

  “Ruining everything? What are you talking about?”

  “Everything is so perfect right now.” She folds her arms across her chest, reminding me of a spoiled child about to throw a tantrum. “We have the best friends, they’re just like us, I don’t get why that’s not enough for you.”

  “Are you listening to yourself?” If I wasn’t so shocked, I’d probably be angrier. “Emily, you don’t pick friends by their social status or what they look like. I want friends that have fun, not pose and sit around caring about what other people think of them.”

  “And you don’t have fun with us?” The pitch of her voice rises a few octaves.

  “No. Actually, I don’t.” I feel a sense of relief admitting it. Saying it out loud makes me feel true to myself. Finally.

  Emily’s expression is scathing. “You are so not getting what you think you’re getting when we get home.”

  And there it is, the chip she keeps anteing up. She’s staring up at me, waiting for me to grovel or try to fix what she thinks I’ve done wrong. Only, I don’t want what she’s dangling at the moment. Never thought I’d see the day when I wouldn’t want inside of Emily Bennett. But right now, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. Looking her straight in the eyes, I give her the god’s honest truth. “You know what, Em. I’m not in the mood anyway.”

  Her jaw drops, the look of shock on her face is priceless. I’d really love to end this conversation by just
walking away, but we’ve strayed pretty far from the crowd and I won’t leave her to walk back alone.

  “Come on. I’ll walk you back to your friends.”

  “You’ll be sorry tomorrow, Zack Martin. And, you know what, by then it may be too late.” Nose high in the air, Emily struts back to the bonfire to rejoin the crowd.

  ***

  At midnight, I try to get Emily to let me drive her home. Speaking or not, I brought her here and I feel responsible for taking her home. “Em,” I say in a low voice, but loud enough so she can hear me.

  Every single mouth in her gaggle of girls shushes and turns to face me. They anxiously wait on our exchange. Emily looks up at me, but says nothing.

  “You want to get going?”

  “I’m staying. I’ll get a ride,” she says the words expecting a reaction from me. Thinks I’ll be upset that we aren’t going home together, for things to happen as originally planned.

  “Okay. Who’s driving you?” It’s an innocent question, one meant to make sure she gets home safely, although that’s not how Emily chooses to hear it.

  “Dylan will drive me.” She smirks and I see her girlfriends trying to suppress smiles. I’m sure they all knew what was supposed to happen tonight and are proud of Emily for what they perceive is my punishment. “You shouldn’t wait up.”

  “Okay, Emily. Get home safe.”

  Chapter 9

  Zack—

  Long Beach, California

  I wake to the creak of my door and the sound of my mother calling my name. Pulling the covers up over my head, I try to drown out the sound. But something about her voice shakes me to my core. There’s a thick tremble as she speaks. “Zack. Wake up.” She sniffles.

  My brain goes from groggy to high alert. My body bolts upright. She’s crying. My mother does not cry. “What’s wrong, Mom?” Assuming the worst, panic sets in. Something’s happened to my father, I fear.

  Her cries turn into sobs. She doesn’t respond.

  “Mom. Where’s Dad?” My voice is growing louder.