Left Behind

by Vi Keeland

  “You sure?”

  “Positive. What do you want?”

  “Whatever. I’m easy.”

  I arch my eyebrows and grin. Kissing her chastely on the lips, I walk out leaving my girl with a flush face.

  Chapter 30

  Nikki

  I slide down the wall to sit alongside the front door, listening to the hum of Zack’s Charger as it pulls away from the curb and sets out for Better Burger. My head is swirling, reliving each of the moments on the couch as I reach down to my jeans and pull out the note Zack handed me when he walked in. I forgot I’d even stuffed it in my pocket until now. My heart is racing as I open it. This little ritual with Zack has become something I so look forward to.

  Nikki,

  You make my heart pound with excitement.

  My body tremble from your every touch.

  My mind long for your every word.

  I’m crazy about you.

  Please forgive me.

  Zack.

  I pinch myself because I’m sure it can’t be real. He can’t be real. I came to Long Beach to find a sister I never knew existed and I met a guy I’m crazy about. He’s not perfect. Heck, neither am I. We both have a ton of emotional baggage. But I feel the bond to him down deep in my soul. Fate had to bring us together.

  Forcing myself from my Zack-induced fog, I pick up the phone to call Ashley. It buzzes as my finger hovers over the keypad. Ashley. Who else would it be?

  “You’ve got great timing, Ash,” I say as I force myself to snap back from dreamland.

  “I’ve heard that before. It’s just one of the few amazing things about your best friend. There are so many others.” Ashley laughs at herself.

  “How are you?” she continues. “Did note guy re-break your heart over the last few hours? Because if he did, I’ll be putting out my thumb and hitching a ride with the next creepy trucker that passes on by this crappy little town. See what a good friend I am? I’m willing to risk being murdered by creepy trucker guy just to come kick mutant note boy’s ass if he hurt you again.”

  She has a unique way of saying it, but her point is sincere. Ashley means it. She’d walk to California if she thought I needed her. “Just the opposite, Ash. Everything is great. We talked, he apologized and explained why he has been struggling and things are good. I feel like we’ve made a lot of progress. He’s here now. Well, not at the moment. He went out to get us burgers but he’s coming back soon. I’ve never felt like this with a guy before, Ash. Never. I can’t explain it.”

  “Oh, no. You’re scaring me. This guy screwed with your head. Please don’t say you’re falling in love, Nikki. Love is dangerous and you’re not ready for it. You’re barely ready for a silly crush.”

  Her words hurt me, make me defensive. “Like you’re so ready for it, Ash? Give me a break. You were in love four times last year and I put up with all of it. And this is different. So, so different. It’s real. Whether you believe me or not.” My tone lets Ashley know I don’t want her to tease right now.

  “Cool down. I believe you. I’m just worried about you. This guy has been snapping your heart back and forth since you got there. I don’t trust him. That’s all.” I know Ashley means well but there’s no way to explain what’s going on between me and Zack. Our bond isn’t something I can put into words, so I wouldn’t expect her to understand.

  “He’s going to be back any minute, Ash. Can I call you later?” I feel badly blowing her off, I don’t want to insult her, but I feel good for the first time in weeks, and I don’t want her to bring my head down.

  The doorbell rings as I’m standing in my room smoothing my hair back in place. “Burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes.” Zack holds up two bulging paper bags when I open the door. “Aunt Claire would ban me if she knew. Actually, she’d probably ban me even if I were bringing in organic, free range tofu, if she knew what I was thinking about her niece.”

  “What were you thinking about me?” It’s obvious from his tone, but I want to hear him say it.

  Zack drops the bag on the table and pulls me into his arms. His eyes drop to my lips. “You want me to tell you?” he dares.

  “Do I?” I ask coyly.

  With a devilish smile on his face, Zack nods his head.

  I swallow. “Tell me.” My voice is barely a whisper.

  “I was thinking about what you taste like. The way you feel underneath me. The little sound you make when you start to come undone.”

  I’m not sure if he hears it, but a barely audible whimper escapes my throat.

  He kisses me. “Your Aunt Claire doesn’t come home until eight o’clock in the morning tomorrow, right?”

  I nod my head. Unconsciously, I lick my lips.

  Zack growls. He steps back and shakes his head. “Go. Eat. I’m going to throw some cold water on my face.” He heads toward the bathroom, mumbling. “Eat fast.”

  ***

  I lie in bed still awake as the sun rises, replaying the whole night with Zack in my head. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fall sleep. A vision of Zack lying next to me in my bed, propped up on his elbow, flashes in my head.

  “Are you a virgin?” He’d asked casually, while lightly drawing circles with his finger around my exposed belly button.

  “Yes.” His finger stopped tracing its path momentarily. “Does that bother you?” I asked, curious at his sudden halt.

  He didn’t respond verbally. Just shook his head slowly with a smile.

  “So why did you hesitate?”

  “I was taking a moment to thank God,” he responded with a wicked grin.

  I’m not used to talking to boys about sex. Or anyone for that matter. Mostly because there was never anything to talk about. So it took me a few minutes to muster the courage to ask.

  “Are you?” I almost felt stupid asking. He’d had a long term relationship with Emily and….well, look at him. A lot of girls throw themselves at a guy like Zack.

  I was shocked when he nodded his head. “I know it’s hard to believe, since what girl could keep their hands off all my hotness, but yes, I am. And, I have to say, I actually don’t mind at all right now. I’m glad that we both are. If we decide we’re ready, it will make it that much more special.” I almost melted.

  It’s not just our talking about sex and fooling around that keeps me awake, though. Although we did enough of both to keep my mind occupied for the entire day. Something bigger happened between us last night. More than an apology and an acceptance, we took a giant step forward. Agreeing to be open and honest, not hide the things that make us who we are. We connected in a way I’ve never felt with anyone before.

  That’s why I feel guilty. I didn’t tell him about my sister. I wanted to. I really did. But the timing just never seemed right. I made him promise to be open and honest with me from now on, yet I’m still hiding my own secrets.

  Chapter 31

  Nikki

  Monday afternoon at school, Zack meets me at my locker before English class. The hallway is beginning to clear out as kids duck into classrooms before the bell rings. Two doors down from our room, Zack tugs my hand and pulls me toward the emergency exit, leading me under the staircase.

  “What are you doing?” I giggle as he pushes me up against the wall.

  “I’m getting you alone. This place needs more spots for privacy.”

  “It’s a school, Zack. I don’t think they factored the necessity of places for privacy in when they built in.”

  “Well that’s a shame.” He steps toward me, leaning one arm on either side of my head against the wall.

  “We’re going to be late.”

  “I don’t care. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your mouth since I left last night.” His eyes drop to my lips. The bell rings but neither one of us attempts to move.

  “My mouth?” I whisper, repeating his word on a pant, not really questioning.

  A wicked grin on his face, he nods and moves closer. Our noses are almost touching. He lifts one hand and his t
humb brushes my bottom lip. “These lips taunt me. Every time I close my eyes I picture them.” I suck in a breath. “I need to kiss you now. I wouldn’t have been able to wait two more periods until after school.” His mouth crashes down on mine and he kisses me. Really kisses me. I get so lost while he completely ravishes my mouth, I don’t even notice my books drop to the floor from my hands.

  “Wow,” I say, breathless, when we finally break for air.

  He leans his forehead against mine. “Tell me about it. I’ll be sitting in English class with a hard-on now.” I blush, but totally love what our kiss can do to him.

  “Nice of you to join us today, Mr. Martin, Ms. Fallon,” Mr. Davis says as we walk into class five minutes late, my lips still swollen from our kiss. “Your lateness just volunteered one of you to be the first to share your poetry assignment with the class. Which one of you will it be?”

  Zack looks to me; his eyes bulge for a second and he looks down then back to me. I follow where his eyes silently lead and find a noticeable swell in his pants. My eyes widen. Zack looks amused as he catches my gaze again.

  “I’ll do it, Mr. Davis,” I volunteer. Zack smirks and quickly sits.

  I walk to my desk, pull out the poetry assignment that was due today and quickly reread it. I wrote it a week ago. Shit. There’s no way I want to read this to the class. Not with Zack in the room anyway. When I wrote it I was hurt and sad and it seems like a lifetime ago. I also never thought anyone but Mr. Davis would read it. My thoughts are too personal to share. “Mr. Davis. I don’t seem to have the assignment with me,” I lie.

  Mr. Davis squints and walks to me. He takes the paper I’m feverishly trying to shove in the back of my folder out of my hands and glances down at it. “Here it is.” He points to the front of the classroom. “Go. Or sit down and take a zero and Mr. Martin can read his today.”

  The short walk to the front of the room feels more like I’m walking the plank. I take a deep breath and look to Zack. He’s watching me intently with a confused look on his face. I don’t look up as I read the words from my page.

  Shattered like glass.

  A million tiny little pieces surround my bare feet.

  The sun was shining.

  Now clouds loom low in the once bright sky.

  I try to move.

  But I can’t.

  The shards that remain cut my feet with every step.

  Reminding me.

  The birds once sang a song that was music to my ears.

  Now my world is silent.

  Blood seeps from the wounds inflicted at my feet.

  The pain keeps me from walking away.

  I wish he had remained silent.

  Never let me hear his voice.

  Never let me in. Only to push me out.

  The blood will dry. Cuts will heal.

  The pain will never be forgotten.

  The room is silent when I finish reading. I walk to my seat without looking up and quietly slip in, wishing I could disappear. I feel Zack’s eyes on the back of my head from the seat behind me, but I don’t have the courage to face him.

  Eventually the bell rings. Zack is standing beside my desk before I can even get my books into my backpack.

  “Nikki, could you please stay after for a moment?” Mr. Davis calls from the front of the class as the classroom begins to empty. I look to Zack and he appears as stressed as I feel.

  “I’ll meet you in the parking lot. I’ll skip practice today,” he says, his voice low.

  “I have practice too.”

  “You’re skipping too.” His tone tells me it’s not something he plans to discuss. I nod and he leaves me with Mr. Davis, a weary look on his face.

  ***

  Zack opens the car door for me. We’re both still quiet when he slips into the driver’s seat. The roar of the engine the only sound in the stillness of the car as we pull out of the school parking lot.

  “You hungry?”

  “Not really.”

  Zack nods and pulls onto the parkway. He turns the music on to occupy the miles of space that separates us. We drive for a while in silence until he pulls down a road. A lighthouse I’ve never seen before looms ahead.

  “Do you know all the lighthouses in California?” I try to make light of the tension that fills the air.

  He smiles. “I looked them up on the internet when you said you liked them. Probably passed them a million times and never even noticed they were there before you.”

  We walk up the narrow damp stairwell to the top of the lighthouse in silence. Climbing through a small window frame, we sit with our backs against the wall, our feet hanging over the edge. The sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline calms me…or maybe it’s the boy sitting next to me.

  When he turns to face me, the look on his face is so serious, so intense, it scares me for a minute. He brushes a stray lock of hair that escaped from my braid behind my ear. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.”

  There’s pain and sadness in his face. “It’s not your fault.”

  “Yes. It is.” His voice grows louder, insistent.

  “You were struggling. I get it. You lost someone you loved. I know you said you felt guilty for being happy, but I’m sure it was more than that. It probably felt disloyal to be with me. It’s not the same, but sometimes I feel that way with Aunt Claire. We’ll have fun just sitting around talking or shopping or something and then I get sad afterwards because I feel like I’m dishonoring my mother. Like I’m letting someone take her place.” I pause. “I wrote that poem almost two weeks ago. A lot has changed since then. We’ve changed. Let’s not look backward anymore, let’s keep moving forward.”

  He shakes his head and smiles. “How did I get so lucky to find you? I can’t find the words to tell you what I need to say, but here you are, knowing exactly what I was feeling.” He’s quiet for a long moment before he looks up. “I’m just going to say it one more time, because I need to. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

  I smile. “I accept your apology.”

  “Forward from now on, I promise,” Zack says and it looks as if a little of the weight he’s been carrying around may have been lightened.

  There’s a comfortable lull in our conversation and I realize we both need to move forward unburdened for this to work. “Umm…Zack. I need to tell you something,” I say apprehensively.

  His eyes jump to mine in a flash, his face grows anxious. “That doesn’t sound good.”

  I contemplate how to tell him, without revealing just how twisted my life is, but when I look in his eyes, he gives me the strength I need. He tells me that whatever it is, he’ll be fine with it, he won’t judge me — without ever saying a word. So I take a deep breath and begin. “I have a sister.”

  Zack’s eyebrows jump in surprise. “Okay.” He waits for the other shoe to drop.

  “Who I’ve never met.” Baby steps.

  “Okay.” His brows furrow a bit more, but there’s still no judgment.

  “And I only found out she existed when my mom died.”

  “Where is she?”

  “I don’t know. I think she might be here in California.”

  “Do you want to meet her?”

  “More than anything.”

  “So what’s stopping you?”

  “I don’t know her name or anything about her. Except we’re twins. My mom gave her up at birth, because she had health problems. My mom had her own serious health problems, raising me alone was already a challenge.”

  “And you don’t know who the adoptive parents are?”

  I nod.

  “How do we find out then?” Zack asks.

  We. He said we. And just like that, the bond between us grows deeper. For the next two hours, I fill him in on all the details. Mom’s letter, Ms. Evans, Aunt Claire. All of it.

  And when we’re all talked out, Zack wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. “Together,” he says and I pull back to look at him.

  His captivating blu
e eyes sparkle with the reflection of the blue sea behind him. “We’ll find her together. And if she’s anything like you, I’m sure I’ll love her.”

  ***

  The sun blazes its way down beneath the ocean, refusing to stop beaming its heavenly rays even as it’s swallowed by the horizon. We sit quietly and enjoy the view as daylight falls to darkness.

  Zack pulls me from sitting next to him to straddled between his open bent knees. Strong arms wrap around my waist, just below my breasts. He kisses the top of my head.

  “What’s your favorite holiday?”

  “Valentine’s Day.” I say, not having to think about my response. I haven’t told him it also happens to be my birthday. Seven more weeks and I’ll be eighteen.

  “Valentine’s Day, huh? Most people would say Christmas or Thanksgiving, I would think.”

  I shrug. “Not me. What’s yours?”

  “Valentine’s Day.”

  I smile. “Did you just make that up?”

  “Maybe.” I can hear the smile in his voice, even though I can’t see him. “I sort of like Thanksgiving a lot too.”

  “Why is that?”

  “All-day football, women cooking, and no shopping for presents,” he says as if it was the only obvious answer.

  “So you’re giving all that up and making Valentine’s Day your new favorite holiday. Just like that?”

  “Yep.”

  “And why would you do that?”

  He takes my chin in his hand and turns my head, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “Because it’s your favorite.”

  “Yes. But think of all those Thanksgiving traditions you’ll be giving up in favor of St. Valentine.”

  Zack rubs his nose up against mine, then kisses all around my lips. “We’ll make new traditions. Valentine’s Day traditions for just me and you.” He kisses me on the lips a few times, then runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I feel the sensation in places other than my mouth.

  “New traditions,” I whisper.

  Zack nods, a glimmer in his eye tells me we’re both thinking the same thing even though neither of us says it. “New traditions.” He grins and kisses me chastely on the lips. I only hope we can hold out for seven more weeks and make our first Valentine’s Day together special for both of us.