The Uncertain Years

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘How long will all this take?’ Harry sighed. ‘I want to go home.’

  ‘A day or so, I expect.’ Will gave them a sympathetic look. ‘Then you’ll get leave until they can assign you to another ship.’

  This was something Bob had tried not to think about, as it was quite likely they would be split up. They had been together from the beginning, and the time spent in the lifeboat had created a bond between them. He would particularly miss Reg if he was put on a different ship. But he knew, as did everyone else, that personal feelings had no part in what they had to do.

  The medics reached them. ‘Welcome home, men. We’ve got ambulances waiting. Are you all able to walk without aid?’

  ‘We’re all right,’ Bob told them.

  ‘Good, let’s get you off before the Americans begin to disembark.’

  When they reached the dock, all of them stopped and turned to look up at the sea of faces on the ship, searching for Greg and Hal, and the others they had come to know.

  Suddenly a great cheer went up and a group on the upper deck started waving frantically. They smiled and waved back.

  Bob cupped his hand around his mouth and shouted, ‘Good luck!’

  They answered, but the words were snatched away by a stiff breeze.

  The sailors turned and walked towards the waiting ambulances. Their interlude of relaxation was over. Now they were back on duty.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It had been an agonising wait but Becky had just heard that Bob was safely home, and she had put in a request for leave so she could go and see him. Will’s letter had told her that Bob had been in a bad way when rescued, but the doctors in New York had saved his life. She wouldn’t be completely happy until she saw him for herself.

  ‘You under there, Becky?’ Alice called, bending down to peer at the person whose legs were sticking out from under a car.

  Becky pushed herself out and gazed up at her friend. ‘It isn’t lunch time, is it?’

  ‘Not quite, but I’ve got some news for you. You’ve been given the pass you requested, but it’s only for forty-eight hours.’

  ‘That’s better than nothing.’ She scrambled to her feet.

  ‘I’ve got one as well.’

  ‘Wonderful! Come home with me, Alice. Everyone would love to see you again.’

  ‘I’d like that. My family are too far away for a short pass. Perhaps we can take Bob for a night out in London.’

  ‘What a good idea.’ Becky smiled with pleasure. ‘We could take him dancing at the Hammersmith Palais, providing he’s fit enough, of course. He’s a lovely dancer and has always enjoyed it.’

  Alice’s face lost its smile. ‘We’ll have to see how he is before we suggest it. I’ll see you tomorrow morning then. Do you think there’s any chance of cadging a lift? It will save time.’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ Becky winked.

  ‘What are you two planning?’ Pete appeared from behind a lorry.

  ‘We were just wondering if we could get a lift to East Sheen in the morning.’ Becky looked pointedly at the vehicle Pete had been working on. ‘That will need a good test run now you’ve changed the gearbox, won’t it?’

  ‘Absolutely. I’ve already arranged to take her out at six o’clock tomorrow morning. Of course, if I see two ATS girls walking towards the station at that time, it would only be polite to pick them up.’ He walked away whistling. ‘See you at five-thirty, Becky.’

  ‘You’re making an early start,’ the guard on the gate said. ‘Trains might not be running yet.’

  ‘We’ve only got forty-eight hours, and we’re going to make the most of it.’ Alice smiled sweetly. ‘We’re going dancing in London.’

  ‘Ah, well, you watch those Yanks. London’s full of them. They’re good at dancing though, I’ve been told, and have a lot more money than us poor devils.’

  They heard a truck coming towards them, so they hurried through the gate and up the road.

  Pete soon stopped beside them. ‘Hop in.’

  ‘Thanks, you’re a real friend.’

  In no time at all they were at the house, and as soon as Pete had dropped them, he turned and headed back to camp. He’d told them that the lorry was needed by ten o’clock.

  ‘Hope he makes it in time.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Alice, if he’s late he’ll tell them he broke down again, but he’s got plenty of time to get back.’

  While they were talking the front door opened. ‘Are you going to stand there all day?’

  ‘Will!’ Becky rushed to greet her brother. ‘I didn’t know you’d be here as well. Where’s Bob? Is he still in bed? Is he all right?’

  ‘He’s fine,’ said the tall sailor standing right behind her brother.

  She held out her arms. ‘There you are! I thought you might still be asleep.’

  ‘Fat chance,’ he snorted. ‘What did you arrive in – a tank?’

  Delighted to see he was still the same as always, she grinned. ‘It was a bit noisy, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Come in, Alice.’ Will smiled. ‘It’s good to see you again. I hope you’re staying with us?’

  ‘I’d love to, but we’ve only got forty-eight-hour passes.’

  ‘That’s fine. Mum!’ Will called. ‘We’ve got visitors, so put the kettle on.’

  Then everyone was there, and they were soon sitting around the kitchen table, talking and laughing, happy to be together again. Becky took this opportunity to study Bob. He’d always been slim, but now he was quite thin, and his ordeal showed in the blue smudges around his eyes. He was no longer a boy, but a man who had seen his shipmates die. Her heart went out to him, and she couldn’t help feeling a sense of loss for the boy she had grown up with. This war was changing all of them, and it was something that had to be accepted.

  She put the smile back on her face. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Will, because we thought we’d take you and Bob dancing tonight.’

  ‘And we’re paying,’ Alice told them.

  ‘What an invitation.’ Bob smiled at Will. ‘That’s an offer we can’t refuse, isn’t it?’

  ‘I’ll say. Where are we going?’

  ‘How about the Hammersmith Palais?’

  ‘That will do nicely.’ Bob moved his arms out of the way as his mother began to clear the table of cups.

  ‘Why don’t you all go in the other room while I make us some breakfast?’

  The girls immediately dived into their bags and began pulling out packets of tea, sugar, biscuits, and even a little butter.

  ‘Oh, that’s a big help,’ Becky’s mother said. ‘Will and Bob brought us some tins of American food they got on the boat, so we’ll have enough.’

  ‘I haven’t finished yet.’ Alice was still looking in her bag. When she put two tins of salmon on the table everyone stared in amazement.

  ‘Where did you get those?’ Becky gasped.

  ‘Those nice Canadians gave them to me for arranging the dance. I’ve been saving them for a special occasion, and this is it.’

  ‘But we can’t take both tins.’ Becky’s mother pushed one back to Alice. ‘You keep one for your family.’

  ‘No need. They’ve already had their share.’

  ‘How many did they give you?’

  ‘Four.’ Alice smiled broadly at her. ‘Well worth all the hassle of getting the girls to and from the dance, don’t you think?’

  Becky was shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Just look at her. You wouldn’t think there was a devious thought in her head.’

  The boys were laughing and studying the lovely girl with interest.

  Mavis didn’t argue and put the tins in the kitchen cupboard. ‘I’ll make some salmon fishcakes for lunch, and then there will be enough for all of us.’

  The morning was spent catching up with each other’s news.

  The girls listened intently to Bob and Will’s account of the voyage on the Queen Mary, but not one word was said about the sinking of Bob’s ship, or what had happened to them. Becky an
d Alice had enough sense not to bring up the subject. Bob would, hopefully, talk about it when he was ready.

  In the evening when they were getting ready to go out, Becky was able to catch her brother alone for a moment. ‘Is Bob all right?’ she asked anxiously. ‘Would he rather stay home instead of going dancing?’

  ‘He’s looking forward to it, Becky. You know how much he’s always liked dancing.’

  She nodded, relieved. ‘I was afraid in case we were forcing him to do something he wasn’t ready for.’

  ‘Stop worrying about him. He’s had a bad time, but he’s coping well. The soldiers we became friendly with on the ship thought he was terrific – and he is. I’ve always thought Bob was a special kind of person, and now I know that for sure.’

  ‘You’re right, and I’m worrying too much again.’ She reached up and gave her brother a peck on the cheek. ‘And you’re a very special man as well, so don’t you ever forget that.’

  Her brother laughed. ‘You’re not too bad, either. You’ve always put others before yourself, but you matter as well, Becky. Don’t you ever forget that!’

  ‘I’ll try, and you be careful, Will Adams. You’re getting yourself into some dangerous places.’

  At that moment Bob came down the stairs holding out his arms. ‘Sisters shouldn’t ration their hugs to brothers.’

  Seeing the glimpse of the boy again in his eyes, Becky hurled herself towards him. His arms tightened around her and he rocked her gently, kissed the top of her head, and then stepped back. ‘That’s better. Now I’m ready for an evening of dancing with two beautiful girls.’

  ‘And so am I.’ Will held his hand out to Alice and helped her down the last few stairs.

  Alice raised her eyebrows to Becky. ‘You forgot to tell me what a couple of charmers these boys are!’

  ‘Hmm, they do seem to have learnt some manners just lately,’ she teased, and when they laughed she felt the evening had started on a happy note. Bob was hiding the effects of his ordeal well, but she could see a lingering sadness in his eyes, and that worried her. This evening out was a good idea.

  Both sets of parents came into the hallway, and Becky’s mother said, ‘My goodness, what a smart looking foursome you make.’

  ‘That’s because you pressed our uniforms, Mrs Adams,’ Alice said. ‘And Mrs Walker has polished our shoes until we can see our faces in them.’

  ‘It was a pleasure.’ Bob’s mother smiled. ‘Now, off you go and enjoy yourselves.’

  The dance hall was packed with servicemen and women of all branches of the armed services, and quite a few different nationalities. The noise was deafening when they walked in, and they all stood watching for a moment, fascinated.

  Becky couldn’t take her eyes off a group of Americans. ‘What are they doing?’ she asked Bob.

  ‘They call it the Jitterbug, or Jiving. It’s all the rage in America.’

  ‘Gosh, it looks fun.’ She looked up at him. ‘Can you do it?’

  ‘As a matter of fact I can. We were once delayed in New York waiting for a convoy to assemble, and some US sailors gave us lessons. Want to try?’

  Alice and Will were doubled over with laughter as they watched Becky try to master the steps.

  An American Airman tapped Bob on the shoulder. ‘Hey, you take my partner and I’ll show your girl how to do it. I was a dance teacher before the war. Come on, honey,’ he said, swinging her away from Bob. ‘Just relax and follow my lead.’

  He was an excellent teacher, and in only a short time Becky was making a good attempt at the dance, and thoroughly enjoying herself.

  ‘Ah, you’ll soon pick that up.’ The American beamed at her when the band stopped playing. ‘You’ve got rhythm, honey.’

  When she looked round she saw that Alice was with another American, and his partner was teaching Will. Bob came back to them, flushed and laughing. It did Becky’s heart good to see him relaxed and happy.

  ‘That was fun,’ she told them. ‘Thank you very much.’

  He waved away their thanks. ‘It’s my mission to teach as many of you as possible how to dance to the swing music. It’s a great way to have fun.’

  ‘Can we buy you a drink?’ Bob asked.

  ‘Sure, that would be great.’

  After exchanging names, they all headed for the bar. The Americans would only allow them to buy one round between them, and insisted that the rest of the evening was on them.

  By the time the dancing started again they had gathered quite a crowd around them. They were an assortment of English, American, Canadian, Polish and even a couple of Frenchmen, and it turned out to be a hilarious evening. By the time they left the dance hall they ached from so much laughing and vigorous dancing. But it had been such fun – and now they could all jive!

  The next morning was Sunday, and Becky was the only one in the kitchen at seven o’clock. Everyone else was still in bed, but she had never been one to linger once she was awake.

  ‘Is the tea in the pot still hot?’

  She jumped at the sound of Bob’s voice and turned her head to look at him. ‘Yes, I’ve only just made the tea. I didn’t expect to see you before midday.’

  ‘They have the habit of dragging us out of our bunks at all sorts of unearthly hours, and it disturbs our sleep patterns.’ He sat opposite her and took the cup she gave him.

  ‘So I see. Want some breakfast?’ she asked, checking the larder. ‘I can do scrambled eggs on toast – made with powered egg, of course.’

  ‘That’ll do.’ He watched her while she worked. ‘How’s your colonel?’

  ‘All right. He’s back with his regiment now.’ She glanced over her shoulder. ‘And he isn’t my colonel. He did ask me to marry him, but I refused.’

  There was a moment of silence, then Bob asked, ‘Why did you do that? I know you’re fond of him.’

  She put the plate in front of him and sat down again. ‘You’re right; I am very fond of him – too fond really – but there are many reasons I won’t let our friendship go any further. After his narrow escape from France I believe he’s attempting to put his life in order in case he doesn’t make it through the war. He wants a mother for his daughter, and as I get on well with Sara, it must seem like a good idea to him. He likes me, is even attracted to me, but that isn’t enough to build a lasting relationship on. I’m not going to rush into anything and find out when it’s too late that I’ve made a terrible mistake. Because people are unsure whether they are going to live or die, some are rushing into things they wouldn’t normally do. It doesn’t matter to me how uncertain life is at the moment, I’m not going to make a stupid mistake that could ruin the rest of my life.’

  She had always been able to talk to Bob, and it felt good to unburden herself like this.

  ‘I understand how you feel.’ He smiled and reached out to squeeze her hand. ‘You’ve always had a sensible head on your shoulders, Becky.’

  She sighed. ‘Sometimes I think I’m too sensible and that might hold me back from doing the right thing, but there’s so much against us. He’s from a different class, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t fit into his lifestyle and be the kind of wife he needs. Can you imagine me entertaining a bunch of officers and their wives?’

  ‘As a matter of fact I can. You’re being too hard on yourself, Becky. You’re as good as anyone else, and I suspect he knows that. This war is changing people’s perception of the class divide. We’re all fighting together no matter where we come from. He wouldn’t have asked you if he hadn’t believed you would be a perfect wife for him, no matter how worried he is about his daughter.’

  ‘I thank you for that, Bob, but I still have grave doubts. He’s an officer, and that throws a barrier between us, though I have to admit that I seem to be the only one it bothers. But he’s a kind man, has a sense of humour and a gentle side to him. He’s also a brave man and loyal to those he cares about.’

  ‘I can’t argue with that as I’ve never met him, but I’m glad you’re being cautious because I w
ouldn’t like to see you unhappy.’

  ‘What’s this about being unhappy?’ Will joined them and felt the teapot. ‘This is cold.’

  ‘I’ll make a fresh pot,’ Becky offered, and put the kettle on to boil.

  ‘That sounded like a very serious discussion you two were having. What was it about?’

  ‘Don’t be nosy,’ she teased.

  ‘Brothers are allowed to be nosy.’

  ‘We were discussing the colonel,’ Bob told him.

  ‘Ah, that accounts for the serious faces. Is he giving you trouble, Becky?’

  ‘I’m quite capable of looking after myself. Now sit down and I’ll make you some breakfast.’

  ‘Quite right.’ Alice walked into the kitchen. ‘You tell them, Becky.’

  She smiled at her friend. ‘Did you sleep well?’

  ‘Lovely; I don’t even remember getting into bed.’ Alice sat down and took the cup of tea Will had poured for her. ‘What were you talking about, anyway?’

  ‘A certain imposing officer,’ Will told her.

  ‘I see. He’s hard to resist, but Becky’s managing him quite well.’ Alice began to talk to the boys as if Becky wasn’t there. ‘He’s a determined man, though, so we’ll have to keep an eye on things.’

  When Bob and Will began to nod in agreement, it was too much for Becky, and she was sorry she’d ever brought up the subject. She was so used to pouring out her troubles to the boys, especially Bob, and it had always helped in the past, but she now realised that the problem was hers, and hers alone. In this case she was the only one who could make a decision. ‘Not another word, or I’ll leave you all to get your own breakfast. Mind your own business.’

  Three pairs of eyes studied her for a moment, then Will said, ‘The weather’s good today, so what are we going to do?’

  ‘That’s better,’ Becky muttered to herself as she set about measuring out the powdered egg, and ignoring their grinning faces.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It had been a frustrating wait for a new ship, and in spite of everything that had happened, Bob was longing to get back to sea. He stood on the dock at Liverpool and drank in the sight of the new destroyer. From the information he had been given, she was faster than his last ship, and bristling with armaments. He was going to enjoy inspecting her. His only concern about the new posting was what the crew would be like. He was going to miss those he’d sailed with before, and the sadness for the many who hadn’t survived tugged at him, but he pushed it away. The past was done and nothing could change it. It was time to move on.