Remembering You

by Tricia Goyer

  She took the steps two at a time to the second story. She had video clips to edit and a plane to catch tomorrow. If she was lucky, she’d finish picking out the best clips before she and Grandpa Jack joined the other veterans on the bus that would take them to the airport in Vienna.

  Though her work was challenging, she hoped it would help get her mind off of so many other things, especially the realization that her motives weren’t always as noble as she’d like to think. Somewhere between her high opinion of herself and Dennis’s cutting observation was the truth. A truth she didn’t always like.

  Yet even thinking about a video made her head hurt. She didn’t have to finish it tonight, but she would have to wrap it up over the next couple of days to have it ready to air by next week. The thing was, she needed the perfect story to tie up all the segments, and that would be hard. There was nothing perfect about what had happened today. Her video would have to be different than the reunion, because from what she had seen today, Clark and Rick were already using that.

  Back in her room, she set up her computer and the camera. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. Her throat hurt, and her stomach lurched. Even though she worked to get her mind off everything that had happened, her emotions weren’t swayed so easily. She felt miserable. Ava couldn’t believe this was her last night in Europe, and this was how she was going to spend it.

  Tomorrow she’d be back in Seattle, and the day after that at work. She’d get cheers from her team for all her video work and for making the reunion story possible. And she’d have to have a serious talk with Jill. Ava didn’t know if she could be friends with someone who’d given away the information on Chenogne.

  Not that she knew the truth of her grandfather’s involvement in Chenogne—not that she’d ever know.

  When she got home, she’d clean her apartment, go through her mail, attend church, and try to ignore the wedding dress still hanging in her closet. She’d meet her friends for coffee, but she’d still be thinking about her grandfather and about the people whose paths she’d crossed, if even for just a moment.

  And now she’d think about—no, obsess about—the fact that Dennis had been ready to propose but never did. She’d imagine what their life would have been like and she’d be miserable.

  Ten minutes later she connected the cable from the video camera to her computer and then lay on her bed, stomach down, hair in her face, waiting for all the video footage she’d taken at the Mauthausen camp to transfer.

  “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she mumbled, unsure if she was talking about Dennis, or herself, or this day, or her life in general.

  “I don’t understand,” she said, turning her head and peering out the window at the steeple of the cathedral. “I liked my life. I was happy with my job. I was perfectly fine scheduling cooking segments and bad author interviews.” Ava punched her pillow, and even though she said that, she knew it wasn’t the truth. Still, the discontent she’d felt then was much easier to deal with than the renewed heartache.

  A knock sounded at the door, interrupting her words. She glanced at the clock. It couldn’t be Grandpa Jack. He had a key. And she sure hoped it wasn’t Clark or Rick. The last thing she wanted was to see them. And the last thing they’d appreciate was finding her like this.

  Dennis.

  What if it was him? Apologizing not only for today but for letting her go so long ago? What if he finally realized that her intentions had been good after all, no matter how things had turned out?

  The knock sounded again. Ava jumped from the bed and hurried to the mirror on the wall. She straightened her blouse, wiped the makeup from under her eyes, and then ran her fingers through her hair. She stood with shoulders back and then opened the door.

  A frail man stood there—Paul.

  Her shoulders deflated. Then she scanned the hall.

  “Sorry, I’m the only one here. Didn’t mean to disappoint you.”

  “No, I’m sorry, Grand-Paul. It’s always good to see you. I thought you were going to dinner.” She offered him a quick hug. “You’re feeling okay, aren’t you?”

  He accepted the hug and then nodded sadly. “Yes, I’m doing well. I wish the same could be said of you.”

  She brushed her hair back from her shoulder. “I’m fine, really. It was a long day, that’s all.” Ava nodded as if agreeing with her own words. “Whew, and I still have this video to work on. Actually, I’m not sure that it’ll even be needed now that my studio sent its own crew and all. Still”—she patted his hands—“I’m going to do it, and I’m going to do my best, just like someone really special told me once.”

  Grand-Paul nodded. “I’m sure it will all work out. I think we can ask God to help us with that. What your grandpa Jack said in Bastogne is true. Maybe we do need to pray more—even about the small things. I’m willing to try if you are.”

  Ava nodded, noting a softness in Grand-Paul’s gaze that she hadn’t seen before. Peace, even after all the craziness of the day.

  “Being around my grandpa has had an effect on you. I can tell. It’s had an effect on me too.”

  “And being around Dennis has impacted me too. Waking up to find him reading his Bible and praying encourages me.” Grand-Paul winked. “Your grandfather and my grandson are not perfect, but they seem to know who to turn to when they need help. It’s what I found on this trip. I remembered how much peace God could give me. I remembered Him.”

  Ava swung the hotel room door open wider. “Would you like to come in? I’m sorry I didn’t think to invite you in sooner.”

  “No, I am heading over to dinner. I just wanted to see that you’re okay. I know we’ll see each other tomorrow on the bus, but I just wanted to make sure you didn’t head out anywhere. You never know what a night like this could bring.” His eyes brightened with a twinkle.

  Ava crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes, I’m here, and I’m fine. I’ll look forward to catching up tomorrow. Will you tell Dennis good night for me since I won’t have a chance?” Hearing about his doing morning devotions had taken away the edge of the anger that had been there before.

  “Of course I will. And promise me you’ll come by and see me in Florida. If there get to be too many clouds in your life, sunshine is only a flight away.”

  “I know, Paul. I promise I will.” She gave him another hug, remembering how she wanted to ask him to be a guest on the show someday soon. But she wouldn’t ask now. She’d talk to him later about that, if at all. The last thing she wanted was to be accused of taking advantage of someone for ratings.

  “Don’t give up on this day yet, Ava,” Grand-Paul said in her ear as he gave her a quick hug. “Never give up. Sometimes the future isn’t what we expect, but when we get there, it often isn’t as scary or as overwhelming as we first thought.”

  “Thank you. I’ll remember that. I’ll never forget this trip…” Her voice trailed off. “And I’ll never forget you.”

  “How could you?” He kissed her cheek. “I’m unforgettable.” Then he held her arms and looked into her eyes.

  “And don’t give up on my grandson. He can be difficult at times, but so can each of us. That was my other prayer, you know. I’ve been praying it since Bastogne. I thought it would be a great place to start.”

  “For us, Dennis and me?”

  Grand-Paul nodded. “Yes, for you. Both of you to find the love you’re looking for—in each other.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Ava punched in Jill’s number. She didn’t bother figuring out what the time zone was. She needed to talk to Jill. The idea that her friend would sacrifice her grandfather’s respect for a “surprise” story was eating Ava up inside.

  The phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Jill.”

  “Oh my gosh, Ava, how did it go? Was it the most exciting thing ever? Was your grandpa completely surprised?”

  “Yes, he was. So was I. And not in a good way.”

  “What? Are you se
rious? Ava, that was the best reunion ever. I can’t wait until we air it!”

  Ava took in a deep breath and then breathed it out slowly. “Finding Angeline was great, although it could have been done differently.”

  Ava placed her pillow against the headboard and leaned against it. She felt fidgety inside, restless. Not just because of this phone call, but everything. “But that’s not what I’m mad about. Why in the world did you talk to Clark about Chenogne? How could you do that? That was between me and you—friend to friend. It was horrible, Jill. Everyone was so excited, talking about the reunion with Angeline, and then Clark had to bring that up—the deaths. How could he? I’ve never seen my grandfather’s face so white. I thought he was going to pass out.” A sob burst forth. “My grandpa doesn’t know I had anything to do with it. He assumed that the reporter just researched it and found out for himself.”

  “I didn’t tell anyone. I swear, Ava. Clark must have read my notes, and then he must have done some research on his own. Maybe he just assumed the village was connected to Angeline.” Jill heaved a sad sigh. “I’m so sorry that hurt your grandpa. Will he be okay?”

  “I think it will be fine. I’m going to find him and explain.”

  Returning to her desk, Ava logged out of her computer. She wasn’t going to worry about the video. She wasn’t going to worry about anything but working things out with her grandfather.

  Ava got up from the bed and walked to the window. She stared down at the Austrian street, looking up and down the sidewalks for Dennis’s familiar walk, but she didn’t see him.

  “I’ll see you in a few days,” Jill said. “Again, I’m so sorry.”

  “See you soon.”

  Ava ran a brush through her hair and then just as she was slipping on her shoes, Grandpa Jack returned. He entered the room, and when Ava glanced up, she saw that the major was with him. Ava smiled to see that after all these years, he was still taking care of his men.

  “Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s a madhouse out there,” Mitch said. “The reporters won’t leave Jack alone. I think your grandfather’s a little shaken up.”

  “They followed us from Mauthausen to Linz?” Ava moved to her grandfather’s side, leading him to his bed, where he sat.

  “Couldn’t eat a bite of my meal. They just kept asking questions.” Grandpa Jack shook his head.

  Mitch nodded and then ran his fingers through his gray hair. “It’s a big story. The idea of a World War II vet being reunited with someone he saved has caught the attention of the world. My daughter called me from the States. A video clip of their first embrace in over sixty years is already on YouTube.”

  Ava could only imagine Todd’s excitement about something like this going viral. It would take their show to a new level. It would gain viewers, advertisers. A week ago she also would have been excited, but when she looked at her grandfather and saw his weariness, she wanted nothing more than to protect him.

  “I don’t know what to do. I imagine if the media followed us here, they’ll follow us to Vienna, too, and then be waiting when we get home,” she said. “We can’t let that happen.”

  Ava turned to her grandfather. “We have to leave now, tonight. We have to get out of this madhouse.”

  * * * * *

  Ava drove Major Mitch’s rental car to Vienna. He’d insisted she take it, saying he’d find a ride with one of the other guys. Ava’s only regret was not finding Dennis or Grand-Paul to say good-bye. She’d left a note, hoping they’d understand and promising to touch base with them once they got back to the States.

  “Ava.” Her grandpa’s voice trembled as he said her name.

  “Yes?” She paused, glancing over at him.

  “I need to clear something up. I feel like I have a Sherman tank parked on my chest, and I’d like to tell you something. It’s…about Chenogne.” He clasped his hands on his lap. “I want to tell you what happened. What really happened.” His voice shook, and he placed a hand on hers. His skin looked tissue paper–thin.

  “Are you sure?”

  He nodded.

  “Thank you. I do want to hear, but you need to know something first. It’s my fault. Their asking you about that today was because of something I did,” she confessed. “I asked a friend to look up information for me, and somehow it spread from there. It’s not what I planned. I was trying to figure out what was bothering you so much. I should have waited until you were ready to tell me.” As she said those words, she thought of Dennis. He had told her to wait, to give it time. She was sorry now that she hadn’t listened.

  “Oh, Ava.” He sighed. “If I hadn’t been so secretive, then you wouldn’t have had to ask for help. It’s just hard.” His voice caught in his throat, and then he cleared it. “The only other people I told were your grandmother and Paul. I knew Grandma had loved me, and Paul has stuck with me. I just have to trust that you’ll continue to love me too. I trust that you’ll understand I was a kid who didn’t know what to do other than to do as I was ordered.”

  “Of course. I know that.” She eased her foot off the gas pedal as she maneuvered a turn.

  He let out a soft groan. “We had only been on the outskirts of Chenogne, which is not far from Bastogne, for twenty-four hours. Our commanders knew what they were doing. They put the right troops and weapons in the right places at the right time, and we started gaining ground. We scared the Germans; they didn’t know what hit them.” He paused and then shook his head as if trying to shake out a memory. “Many of the Germans surrendered.”

  Ava bit her lip. She’d made the wrong conclusion after hearing Jill’s story. She also realized she never did receive that e-mail from the librarian as Jill had promised. It was the Germans who were the prisoners-of-war—the POWs.

  “I saw a white flag waving from a stone house,” her grandfather continued. “I shouted to the German soldiers and called them out. I expected a dozen maybe. They were walking like they were half-dead, beaten down. I think in the end there were sixty of them. I don’t know why they were surrendering to me. I was just one guy. Later, I realized they probably felt safe—” Emotion caught in his throat.

  Tears filled Ava’s eyes, and she quickly wiped them away, focusing on the road. She wanted to tell him to stop. She didn’t want to hear him say the words. Still, she couldn’t stop him. She had to know for herself.

  “A sergeant showed up. He said to take them over the hill. I knew what was going to happen. We had orders, you know. After the Malmédy Massacre—when the Germans had killed many of our American soldiers who’d surrendered—we were told to take no prisoners. We were to do to them what they had done to our guys.”

  “So what did you do?” The words escaped her as a heavy breath.

  “I turned them over to some other guys from my unit. Not long afterward I heard the gunfire.”

  “Oh, Grandpa.” Ava took his hand in hers and squeezed. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m so sorry that you had to live with that memory all these years.”

  His shoulders shook.

  “I can still remember their faces. I can still see them, Ava. Those German soldiers trusted me,” he whispered.

  “I still love you,” she said. “I know now…and I love you.” She viewed the dark countryside passing by outside the car window, realizing the war had changed everything. The countries she’d driven through, the men who still remembered. Their children and grandchildren—at least the ones who chose to listen.

  “A few hours after that, we headed to the Bastogne-Marche highway. I couldn’t feel bad any longer. I had a job to do. But as we moved down the road, I saw them—dark forms lying in the snow. It’s the image that I wake to nearly every morning. It only goes away with prayer. Some things only change with prayer.”

  “Does God help you to forget?” Ava asked.

  “No.” Grandpa Jack shook his head. “He reminds me I’m forgiven—for big things and small things. He tells me to look ahead, not back. He reminds me of heaven, where there will be no more
tears.” He sighed.

  “Have you read the letter yet, Ava? The last one?”

  “No, not yet, but I want to.”

  “When you do, it will help you to understand. God showed me many things through the war, and He’s still showing me. Like today.” He looked over at her. “Today I learned we don’t need to be afraid of sharing our whole selves with those we love.”

  * * * * *

  Ava glanced at the sparse boarding area, wishing there was a place to lie down. Airports would make a killing if they offered reclining chairs for rent by the hour. She’d give fifty dollars for the chance to lie down and shut her eyes.

  Next to her, Grandpa Jack slept. He sat up straight except for his chin, which rested on his chest. His eyes were closed, and if she listened closely, Ava could hear the smallest snore. He no doubt was weary from all that had happened at the camp this morning, and from their drive down to Vienna.

  She thought about pulling out her computer, but she didn’t have enough brainpower for that. Instead, she pulled out her phone. She considered calling Dennis, but she didn’t want to hear the anger in his voice. No, she wanted to forget about today and just hold on to the memories of yesterday. Yesterday—their day at Passau.

  Before they’d left, she’d gone to Dennis and Grand-Paul’s room. No one had answered the door, so she’d written a note instead and slid it under the door.

  A part of her hoped that Dennis would call her when he found the note, but another part of her wondered if another fifteen years would pass before she heard from Dennis again. She hoped not. Despite their last fight, she missed him already. She smiled, thinking of how he’d kissed her.

  She thought about Jay too, but only heaviness filled her chest. Warm heat rose up her neck. She should never have responded to his text. It was dumb to get flustered by his phone call. Why had she been so stupid? Even if Jay tried to make up for the broken engagement, she knew now he wasn’t the type of man she wanted to spend her life with. What she loved about Dennis was his relationship with God, his care for the less fortunate, and his dedication to Grand-Paul and Grandpa Jack. It saddened her to know that her work had hurt the older men. That Dennis’s fears had played out. It hurt even more to consider what he thought of her.