by Megan Slayer
“The Lutheran church down on Maple.” He grabbed Raine’s hand. “Wait.”
“I can’t get too far.” Raine half grinned. “I live here.”
“Why don’t I come back and get you? I don’t want to walk in alone.” His heart hammered. Raine was right—he could control the men in the hangar and in order to complete work on the various aircraft, but facing his family scared him shitless. He couldn’t even fake bravado. Not now. He didn’t want to be there and couldn’t handle seeing his sister in that damn coffin.
“How long?” Raine rested his hands on his hips.
The man was so handsome, especially naked. Tate hated himself for having to leave him behind. He didn’t have much choice. “Give me two hours. I’ll be back by…twelve-thirty.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs.” Raine pointed to the door. “If Blake sees you all dressed up, you’re not likely to get to the… Yeah.”
“Why?” He eased his arms around Raine. “You don’t think he’d let me leave the apartment?”
“I don’t and if it’s not him, then another one of those guys will step in. They’ll think you’re a sucker.” Raine rested his head on Tate’s shoulder. “But you know Blake and his shit.”
“I like the warning. It shows you care.” He petted Raine’s hair. “It’s nice to have someone worry about me.”
Raine stayed in Tate’s arms for a few more minutes before he pulled away. His smile faltered. “Better go. You don’t want to run late.”
“I won’t.” Tate scrambled into his shirt and located his jeans, but not his underwear. Raine had already disappeared into the bathroom. Instead of looking for his boxers, he stuffed his feet into his socks and shoes. He’d worry about the underwear later. He waited for Raine to return to the main portion of the studio apartment. He couldn’t leave—not even now—without saying goodbye.
Raine strode back into the room and clutched a towel. “You’re still here?”
“Couldn’t leave without this.” He pressed a hard kiss to Raine’s lips and swatted his ass. “Bye for now. I will be back.”
“I’m sure you will.” Raine held the towel in front of his junk and walked Tate to the door. “I’ll be here or downstairs.”
He kissed Raine once more, then darted out of the apartment. He glanced back at Raine’s door, but Raine had already shut it. Blake’s door hung open wide. The sound of conversation drifted into the hallway. If he wasn’t mistaken, cigarette smoke wafted around, too. He shook his head and made his way down the stairs to the ground floor. He’d probably always be friends with Blake, but he doubted he’d ever spend much time around him ever again. They lived in different worlds. He’d had to grow up, while Blake never would.
He slid behind the wheel of his car and gripped the steering wheel. He pushed aside his worries and frustration. He didn’t have time to deal with his feelings right now. For once, he wished he were back in Korea or on any of the other bases, with few worries or cares. Things made sense. He’d have to be without Raine, but they’d only known each other for a few hours. He’d asked so much of Raine. How did he expect Raine to understand what went through his head when he didn’t comprehend what went on? Despite their time together being short, he’d developed a bond. They’d gone through their own version of hell and that hell would only get worse before it got better. He held on to the hope he’d still have a chance to be with Raine once the dust settled. All he had left was hope.
Chapter Five
Tate pulled into the driveway of the house he’d grown up in and parked close to the road. He wanted to sneak inside instead of grabbing everyone’s attention. He noticed Aaron’s mother’s car wasn’t in the drive. Good. He didn’t feel like dealing with the double mother firing squad. He ducked in the back door and up the rear set of stairs to the second floor. He managed to escape to his room before anyone seemed to notice. Perfect.
The moment he closed the door, time seemed to stop. Memories rushed into his brain. Conversations on his bed with Blake, talking to his sister through the bathroom that connected their bedrooms. Playing his metal music at top volume and doing his homework. He’d tried cigarettes there and the lone contraband beer, then proceeded to throw up. He’d kissed his first boyfriend in his room, too.
He shrugged out of his rumpled shirt and jeans. If he didn’t get his head out of the past and into the present, he’d never return to Raine on time. He headed into the shower and turned on the water. Within seconds, the hot spray splashed down on him. He stuck his head under the faucet and paused.
God damn it.
He scrubbed his hand across his face. The water wasn’t the only thing streaming down his cheeks. He lathered a washcloth and squished it until suds formed. He washed his body, but barely noticed. His thoughts were stuck on his sister.
“Why, Evie? You knew better,” he murmured. More tears stung his eyes. “You fucking knew he was trouble, but you ran right into his arms. What did I do wrong?”
He couldn’t breathe. His sister, the woman he’d been told to protect, was dead.
“I tried. I wanted to stay here, but I couldn’t. I needed to get out and do my thing.” Guilt washed over him. “I knew you’d do something like this. You love riding the edge, but the fucking edge slices. Did you care about anyone but yourself? Didn’t you see Aaron only wanted to use you?”
He shook his head and rinsed the cloth. “Was Raine right? You didn’t care what I said or how it destroyed me to see you fuck up your life?” Water sluiced over him and the suds slid down the drain. Fuck it. He shampooed his hair and hurried to rinse out the soap.
Tate turned the water off, then dried himself before he returned to his bedroom. He’d taken down the posters from the walls and the trophies from track were long gone. He almost wished he could step back in time and make things normal again.
He grabbed a fresh pair of boxer briefs from his bag, then his dark socks. He’d shined his shoes the morning before. He placed the shoes on the floor, then unzipped his garment bag. The least he could do to show respect for his sister was wear his dress uniform. He eased the undershirt over his head, then shrugged into the white cotton shirt. He tugged the trousers up over his hips, then buttoned and zipped. He secured the cummerbund in place. He clipped his cufflinks into his shirt cuffs and brushed a stray hair off of his jacket. His medals gleamed. He’d done so much to earn the little pieces of medal and strips of embroidery.
Tate squared his shoulders. Raine had been right about Evie and also about Tate. He dealt with personnel on a regular basis and kept the hangar running smoothly. He’d stood with his fellow airmen when the base had come under fire and held his head high when he’d passed through basic training. He might not have agreed with the way his sister conducted her life, but he couldn’t change what she’d done. He didn’t control her and never had. His mother and Aaron might blame him for Evie’s actions, but she’d been the one making the decisions. He eased his arms into his coat and buttoned. He stepped into the bathroom to check his look. Everything seemed to be in place. He’d make his commander proud.
Right now, he wanted to make Raine proud, too.
Once the funeral and dinner concluded, he’d give Raine his full attention. Raine mattered to him—more than he’d realized and leaving him behind was something he didn’t want to think about.
He sighed and left the bathroom. Time to pick up Raine and move on with his life.
* * * *
Raine paced the length of the foyer. He didn’t dress up often and when he did, he spent most of the time tugging on the collar of his shirt. He hated things tight around his neck. He jiggled his keys in his trouser pocket and checked the time on his phone again. According to Tate, he’d be back at twelve-thirty. The phone read a quarter to one. Maybe the traffic was bad. Maybe his shower ran long.
“Hey, you.” Tate stood in the doorway to the foyer. He grinned. “Wish this was under better circumstances.”
Raine gasped and swept his gaze over Tate. Holy shit. He’d seen
the guys on television in dress uniforms, but had never thought much about them. They were just images on a screen. This was a very hot man in a very real uniform standing before him. He’d never thought of himself as a uniform kind of guy, but he wanted to strip Tate down right there and lick him from head to toe.
“I stole your breath?” Tate’s grin widened. “I’ve never done that to anyone—that I know of.”
“You did more than that.” Raine forced himself forward and grasped Tate’s hand. “I’m not sure I’m dressed-up enough to be seen with you.”
“You’re perfect.” Tate escorted Raine to his car and opened the door.
“Nice.” Raine slid onto the seat. He didn’t say anything as Tate rounded the hood and settled beside him. He held Tate’s hand and tried to figure out how to conduct himself during the funeral. He’d been to a few wakes and a couple of viewings and wasn’t worried about how to act. What did concern him was making Tate comfortable. He shouldn’t have had to worry. Tate let him know exactly what to do—he kept Raine’s hand in his throughout the service as they sat together in the pew.
“My mother expects me to be a pall bearer,” Tate whispered into Raine’s ear and squeezed his fingers. “Give me strength. I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can. I know it.” Raine smiled, hoping he gave Tate confidence in a touchy situation. No one wanted to bury their sibling. He couldn’t imagine what went on in Tate’s mind. He waited until the casket had been carried out and the other mourners had left the church before he vacated his seat. He knew no one there. In the parking lot, he caught up with Tate.
“Mom already laid into me.” Tate threw his arms around Raine’s neck. “Christ. I can’t do this.”
“You can. I’ll be right beside you.” Raine waited until he and Tate were at the cemetery before he spoke again. The sadness within Tate bubbled over and filled Raine. He’d never met Evie, but felt like he had. A sense of ownership for her safety and anger over her choices filled him. He kept to the fringes of the crowd and once Tate returned from his final goodbyes, he held Tate as he sobbed.
The closeness between him and Tate increased. Maybe they’d never have a future together, but these two days had cemented a bond. He’d never forget Tate or the way Tate made him feel.
A woman marched up to them. Blotches of red stained her face and under her eyes puffed from crying. “Tate, take me home.”
“Ma.” Tate remained beside Raine. “This is Raine.”
“So?” she snapped. “You’re supposed to be worrying about me, not a piece of…him.”
Raine bit back a snort. Tate’s mom was entitled to her grieving and her way of dealing with the loss of her daughter, but she didn’t have to be so mean.
“Ma.” Tate shrugged away from Raine. “Don’t do this. You’re hurting, but this isn’t the time to take your grief out on him. Raine’s a good man.”
She narrowed her eyes as much as possible, despite the swelling. “He’s going to leave. That’s how my children do things. They leave me. When I need them the most, they run away.” She turned her attention back to Tate. “You should’ve been there for her and me. She needed you. If it hadn’t been for you joining the service and being gay, she’d still be alive.”
Tate’s lips parted, but no sound came out. The color drained from his face.
Raine stepped between Tate and his mother. “Don’t treat him like that. He’s never stopped protecting you or her. He defends our country. That’s huge.” He tried to keep himself in check, but the fight took a lot out of him. “I’m sorry for your loss. What happened is a true tragedy, but it’s not Tate’s fault. If you can’t accept him for who he is and what he’s done with his life—which his bigger than I can imagine—then you’ve truly lost out. You’ve still got your son, and you should thank God for him.”
“How dare you?” She glared at Raine. “You don’t know my son or the things he’s done.”
Tate cleared his throat and stood tall. “Ma, I’m sorry. I’ll never be what you want and no man can do the things you expected of me. I miss Evie more than you understand. You have no idea how much I’ve beaten myself up over the way things happened. I wish I could’ve made her see where she’d—where things went wrong, but she was too smart and adventurous for her own good. I need to live my life. If that’s wrong for you, then I’m sorry. You’ll never lose me, but I’ve got a job to do.” He turned on his heel and walked away from her.
Her lip curled in a sneer and she began to sob again. Her chin quivered, but she didn’t chase after him.
Raine ducked his head and followed Tate. He caught up with Tate beside a towering carved limestone tree. American flags on the various headstones flapped in the slight breeze. The silence of the cemetery damn near deafened him. He eased up beside Tate and brushed Tate’s shoulder.
“You didn’t have to say that to my mother,” Tate murmured. “None of it sank in.”
“You’re not mad?” He’d overstepped his boundaries, but the need to stick up for Tate had overwhelmed him.
“Nah. I’ve always known how she feels. That’s why I’ve avoided her most of the time I’ve been home.” Tate draped his arm around Raine’s neck and tugged him close. He sobbed and buried his face against Raine’s shoulder. “I fucked things up with my sister, and now I’ve fucked it up with you. I dragged you into my mess.”
“Wait.” He rubbed Tate’s back. “First, you’ve got a lot to deal with. You put your life on the line. I just write stories twiddling with history. That’s a lot. Then you’ve dealt with your mother shifting the blame onto you for something you couldn’t control. That’s more stress. So you hooked up with me? I don’t want to be a stress on you.”
“You don’t understand.” Tate let go of Raine and mopped his face with the back of his hand. “I have to go back to Korea in the morning. The pass only lasted for five days.”
“I understand. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I get it.” He cupped Tate’s jaw in both hands. The man had to be so strong for everyone else and needed a place to land. He’d be whatever Tate wanted. “When we get back to the car, give me your phone. I’ll input my number, email and address. You call me whenever you need or write or whatever. I’m here for you.”
“You might be the only one who bothers to keep in contact with me.”
“I don’t care.” He kissed Tate, right there in the cemetery…before God and anyone else who bothered to look their way. “You made me feel things in the last forty-eight hours that I never thought were possible. I doubt I’ll ever be the same.” He’d spoken from his heart and meant every word. “Just don’t forget about me.”
“After one night with you, I don’t think I can.” Tate rested his forehead against Raine’s. “You’re special to me, too.”
He stood with Tate in silence, tangled together for what seemed like an eternity. In the distance, the rumble of car engines muffled, then faded away. A chilly breeze wrapped around him and forced Raine closer to Tate.
“We should go to the dinner,” Tate said.
He nodded. “Then back to my place? I’ll make sure you get to the airport on time.”
Tate’s smile wobbled. “I’d like that.”
Raine kept his arm around Tate and walked with him to the car. He’d fallen headlong for the strong airman. Part of his heart would go to Korea with Tate. He wished they’d met earlier and had more time to get to know each other, but he suspected they’d have ended up together no matter what. He wasn’t sure how he’d ever be able to let Tate go.
Chapter Six
Tate carried his knapsack and garment bag into Raine’s apartment. Skipping the dinner following the funeral probably hadn’t been the best idea, but he’d needed the clean break. He dumped his bags onto the couch. He flopped his coat and cummerbund onto the pile and kicked out of his shoes.
“I’ve got to be to the airport at six in the morning for my eight a.m. flight.” Tate wound his arms around Raine. “Think we can get up that early?”
Tate held his lover and swayed with him. “What is this between us? I hate definitions and someone told me once when you try to put a label on a relationship, that’s the end. I’m not sure that’s right.”
“I disagree,” Raine said. “I never thought I was a relationship kind of guy, but the more I’m around you, the more I realize that’s exactly what I am.”
“I’m a horrible person to partner up with. I’m going to be gone for the next nine months.” Tate breathed in the scent of Raine and brushed his lips across Raine’s earlobe. “We might not ever see each other again.”
“I know better.” Raine led Tate to the bedroom area of the studio apartment. “You’ll come back. Even if it’s to haunt me, you’ll be here.” He tapped his chest. “Right here.” He sat on the bed with Tate beside him. He’d shrugged out of his dress shirt and removed his belt. He wriggled his toes in his socks. He draped his arm around Tate’s shoulders and stroked his hair.
Tate whimpered. All of the strength he’d gathered melted away. He grasped Raine tightly in his arms and toyed with the thin trail of hairs between Raine’s navel and the top of his trousers. “Think it’s possible to fall in love with someone in two days?”
“Uh-huh,” Raine replied. He pawed at something on the nightstand. “I think it’s possible to find that one person who makes you tick and it takes serious strength to let him walk out. But I know you’re coming back.”
“I am.” He snuggled up to Raine. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. Staying awake and savoring each second with Raine should’ve been his priority, but the more he tried to fight sleep, the more he lost the battle. When he woke, he breathed in the scent of his lover and rubbed his ass against the bulge in Raine’s trousers.
“I suppose you want a fuck for the road,” Raine murmured. “A quickie before you go?” He sighed and ground into Tate’s ass. “Best way to wake up.”