by Liane Shaw
“Mr. Pedersen!” The middle guy is now starting to look pissed, like I’m holding up the show that he thinks must go on. Obviously, there are so many terribly important issues to discuss in the massive town of Thompson Mills that there isn’t time to wait for me to get my act together.
Mrs. Lee gives me a sympathetic look and nods encouragingly. “Remember to address him as Mr. Mayor. It makes him feel important,” she whispers, smiling. Mr. Mayor is actually Mr. Greenman who runs the local convenience store when he isn’t pretending to run the town. He’s the kind of storekeeper that assumes every kid is in there to shoplift. He makes us leave our backpacks at the front and has surveillance cameras everywhere and then has a staff person whose only job is to follow kids around just in case someone has the sudden urge to steal a pack of gum. What he doesn’t know is that this only makes kids around here even more determined to rip him off just to prove they can outsmart the system.
I take the kind of breath needed to satisfy Coach Cody before he makes me dive to the bottom of the pool and then stand up straight, doing my best to hold on to the paper without trembling. I clear my throat and try to project my shaky voice. Why didn’t they give me a mic?
“Mr. Mayor and members of council, I am here today to present a proposal for the creation of a Thompson Mills Pride Parade.”
“A what?” Mr. Mayor looks at me, deep lines furrowing his forehead. I don’t know if he didn’t hear me or didn’t understand me.
“A Pride parade.” I say it more loudly, enunciating each word carefully. He still looks confused.
“Please explain further,” he says.
“I…we…” I gesture toward Ryan and Mrs. Lee, “want to put together a Pride parade here in town this June, near the end of the month to give us time to prepare. We are asking that Main Street be closed for one hour on the date that we all agree to and also for a permit to hold a rally on the steps of the Town Hall.” I’m trying to speak slowly enough that I’m understood, but at the same time fast enough to remember all of the words, so I don’t have to read them.
“How many people would you expect to attend such an event?” the mayor asks, looking skeptical now instead of confused.
“I don’t actually know. Probably not very many as this would be the first year here. We would advertise on social media and hopefully have an idea before the date.”
“A Pride parade. A Gay Pride parade is what you are referring to?” Another council person is speaking now, and I look at her. I can’t tell from her expression what she thinks of the idea.
“For the most part, yes. June is Gay Pride month. Many towns and cities in this area have parades in June and July.” Many might be an exaggeration, but there are definitely a few. I have the names written down on my paper just in case they ask.
“We also want to incorporate Disability Pride into the day,” Ryan speaks up from behind me. He wheels his chair out and into the aisle so they can see him better. A couple of councilors nod and smile. One even waves. Ryan is pretty well-known in our town, the combination of bright orange hair and wheelchair making him more visible than most people.
“Disability Pride? I don’t think I’ve heard of that.” The mayor purses his lips, as if we must be making it up if he hasn’t heard of it.
“Pride is about acceptance. Accepting yourself and everyone around you. Pride parades celebrate everything that makes us different and everything that makes us the same.” Mrs. Lee stands up as she speaks. Her voice commands the whole room and all of the councilors look at her like well-behaved school kids afraid to piss off the principal.
“All preparations and materials required will be coordinated through the high school, so we aren’t asking for any funding at this time. We are simply seeking the cooperation of this council and the option of a brief closure of Main Street.”
“I’m not sure what purpose there would be to such an event here.” The mayor puts a slight emphasis on the word here.
“Why not here? Is there some reason Thompson Mills doesn’t want to recognize Pride Month?” The words come shooting out of my mouth, flinging toward the row of faces with a force that surprises everyone, especially me.
“I wasn’t aware that we had…a community that would be interested,” the mayor says, tiptoeing around my question.
“Is that code for you trying to say you weren’t aware that we have any gay people here? Well, I’m gay. Mrs. Lee’s son, Benjamin, is gay. And who knows how many other people there are here who are afraid to admit it because this town makes it impossible to be different. After what happened to Benjamin Lee, we need to do something to let people know that Thompson Mills has some hope for the future. That we can have a town that is safe for anyone and everyone to live in.” I’m improvising, and I can’t keep track of my own words. I can feel my face warming up, so I sit down quickly before they notice my flushed cheeks.
“Thompson Mills has an excellent safety record. A very low crime rate,” Mr. Mayor says pompously. A couple of councilors nod in agreement. One woman closes her eyes for a second and just shakes her head.
“That isn’t what he’s saying,” she says, looking at him and then over at me. “Is it?”
“No,” I say quietly, shaking my head.
“Mr. Pedersen isn’t talking about crime, although recent events have made it clear to me that issues in this town have escalated. I believe, and please feel free to correct me, that Mr. Pedersen is referring to feeling safe from intolerance. Wanting to live in a town where everyone is accepted for who they are as individuals. Is that close?” She looks at me again.
“Yes.”
The mayor glares at the council woman. She might be the mother of one of the kids on my old soccer team, but I’m not totally sure.
“Recent events, as you call them, would make it seem that this isn’t the time for this sort of thing. The atmosphere is not really one of…” He hesitates.
“Acceptance? Tolerance? Basic respect?” Mrs. Lee punches each word out into the room. “I would think that recent events—a polite way of saying that my son was injured in what was most likely a deliberate attempt to frighten him because he’s gay—would be exactly the reason that this parade is desperately needed. The atmosphere needs to be changed.”
“We will take your request under advisement and get back to you shortly with a decision. Thank you for your presentation,” the mayor says abruptly, sounding extremely annoyed and obviously telling us to get the hell out. We are supposed to thank the council for their time before leaving, but I don’t really see what I have to thank them for. Obviously, Mrs. Lee and Ryan agree because we all head out in silence.
Once we get downstairs and out onto the sidewalk, I look up at the building.
“Do you think there’s a chance?” I ask Mrs. Lee.
“I think there’s every chance. They actually can’t deny the right to a peaceful assembly, so no matter what happens here, we can figure out a way to have a gathering. The question will be whether or not they will allow the road closure and use of the Town Hall grounds. Also, whether or not they will officially endorse the parade as a town function.”
“I’m not sure what that last part means.”
“Well, they can allow the parade but distance themselves from it. I read of that happening in other places. The local government chooses not to include the event on the official town calendar, for example, and in some cases even takes out an ad making it clear that it does not support the function. It’s a way of meeting basic rights requirements without actually having to be supportive. I would imagine that would be the route chosen by Mr. Mayor Greenman.” Mrs. Lee drips puddles of sarcasm down onto each word.
“It sounds like bullshit to me,” Ryan says.
“Ryan!” I point at Mrs. Lee, the vice principal of our school. He looks up at her and grins.
“Oops. Sorry about that. Please don’t tell my mom I just did that. She’d be
less than impressed, even though I was just saying it like it is. By the way, she’s all over helping with this. She said she’d get her school involved with making posters and things like that.”
“Isn’t she afraid that parents will get pissed if little kids are making posters for a bunch of gay people?” I ask.
“No. She said it fits with something called the ‘social justice’ curriculum. She also doesn’t give a shi…” He stops and smiles at Mrs. Lee. “Doesn’t care what parents think when it comes to something she believes in, like this.”
“You did a wonderful job, Jackson.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I forgot some things. And I was supposed to say LGBTQ+ but I just kept using gay.”
“Greenman was having enough trouble with the word gay. He would have passed out if he’d had to try to figure out what the rest of it means.”
Mrs. Lee smiles at Ryan and turns to me. “You spoke very well, quite impassioned. I should have filmed it for Benjamin. He is so excited you’re doing this,” Mrs. Lee says.
“Thanks, but I don’t think it was video-worthy. You did more than I did.”
“Well, I disagree on both points. I’m proud of you, and Benjamin will be proud too, when I tell him about it. I’m going to do that right now, if you’ll both excuse me.”
“Thanks for coming with us. It really helped,” I tell her.
“You are most welcome, but I think you would have been just fine on your own. Good night, boys. You are quite remarkable young men. I’m glad Benjamin is friends with you both.”
Friends. Thanks to Shawn, Asshole of the Century, we didn’t get a chance to see if we could turn it into something more than that. We didn’t even finish our first date.
We watch her walk off and then head home ourselves. I feel like we should be talking about what just went down, but I can’t find any more words. I’m drained, as if I just swam a marathon with Cody yelling at me the whole time.
“So, how does it feel?” Ryan asks, breaking several minutes of silence.
“I feel tired,” I answer, sighing a little for emphasis.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean, how does it feel to officially stand there in an official meeting with official-looking people staring at you and officially come out.”
“It feels…very official.”
He laughs. “But seriously, are you okay?”
“Actually, I’m good. I mean, it’s not like everyone didn’t already know.”
“It’s still different to actually come out and say it.”
“Come out and say it?” I grin at him and he laughs again.
“I guess that’s exactly what you did.”
I stop walking and just stand there. I can see the bridge at the end of the street, looking tired and worn but still proudly guarding the river the way it’s done for so long that no one can remember a time that it wasn’t standing there. The water is excited today, just enough of a breeze floating in that I can see movement in the late afternoon sun, little sparks of light reflecting off the gentle waves. The birds drift in and out of the trees, filling the air with their version of singing as the wildflowers dance cheerfully, happy to be back in full bloom again.
It looks the same as it always has. Everything does.
But nothing is ever going to be the same again.
Because I just made it official.
I’m gay.
And I don’t care what the council decides.
I’m going to make a rainbow parade.
twenty-one
I’m sitting on my bed trying to force myself to get up and get moving. I’ve been awake for at least two hours, maybe more, and it’s only six-thirty now. I seem to be glued to the mattress, destined to spend all eternity looking at my boring green walls.
The town council approved the plan but modified it from what we asked for. We can use the Town Hall steps for a rally, but we don’t get road closure for the parade part. The assumption is that the crowd will be small enough to stick to the sidewalks. We can advertise on social media, but the town isn’t going to advertise at all. Mrs. Lee called that one right. The mayor is obviously not a fan, so he basically said we could have a parade as long as we don’t call it the Thompson Mills Pride Parade. We can say it’s in Thompson Mills though. A small but apparently important distinction.
We decided to have it on the Saturday before grad, which is on a Tuesday night. Clare and Lucas and maybe Caleb will be coming down anyway, because they wanted to watch us graduate, so they’re going to come early and help.
Today is the day Mrs. Lee is going to make the announcement to the school, which right now feels less than great. She’s going to tell the entire population of TMHS that I am planning a Pride parade and that anyone interested in volunteering can come to a meeting at lunchtime to sign up. I am going to have to sit in the art room with no other students but Ryan beside me for the whole lunch period, waiting for no one to come. Then I’m going to have to walk down the halls while everyone stares and points and whispers and laughs. And probably a few other things that I’m not going to bother thinking about right now.
Not that I’ll find that part particularly new or different. It’s been my life for so long, I’m almost used to it. Almost being the operative word. I don’t think anyone actually gets used to being treated like a pariah.
I’m not sure Ryan is going to enjoy it much. He is used to being different. He’s told me before that some people stare at him in a way that makes it seem like they think he’s contagious or something. Other people are overly sympathetic, treating him like he has something fatal and needs tender loving care. But for the most part, people are pretty decent with him. No one thinks he’s perverted or sick.
That might change for him today. Everyone knows we’re friends, but actually helping the gay kid with a Pride parade lifts that relationship to a whole new level.“You don’t have to do it, you know. I can handle it. Mrs. Lee is going to be here,” I told him last night, trying to give him a chance to escape before he got in too deep to get back out again.
He looked at me for a few seconds, head tilted a little to the side like he was trying to figure something out. Looking for something that he couldn’t see straight on.
“You’re trying to protect me now? Turning the tables? That’s nice, but I’m a big boy. I said I’d do it, and I’m going to.”
“Okay. It’s just, you don’t really get what it might turn into, the kind of crap people could decide to shove at you. It will be different.”
“I’ve had more crap shoved my way than most people realize. It’s not exactly been a picnic in the park. I’ve been the only kid in a wheelchair my whole life. No one in this town has ever had even the slightest idea of what my life has been like. And I prefer it that way. My personal life is my own business. But I’m not some wimp who can’t take an insult or even a threat. I’ve spent years coping with Cody, after all.”
He smiled a little, but his eyes stayed serious. Ryan is always so tough and sure of himself that I don’t often think about the types of challenges that come his way. How hard life as the only wheelchair-bound person in a high school might be. I’ve seen what it’s like for him to deal with stores that don’t have automatic doors and buildings without ramps, but I don’t know how it feels. I complain that my dad doesn’t respect my soccer skills and would laugh if he knew I love to dance. But Ryan doesn’t even have the option of trying those things. He has swimming, but he can’t just decide that he’d rather do hockey instead. At least not here.
“You’re right. Anyone who deals with Cody as well as you do can handle anything. Speaking of Cody, can I ask you a personal question?”
“If you really have to.” Ryan looked at me a little warily, which is fair, seeing as he’d just finished saying that his personal life is his own business.
“Well, I’ve noticed that you don’t mind
Cody helping out with physical things, but you seem really uncomfortable if I offer to do anything for you. As in, you basically tell me to get lost if I try. I was just wondering why.” I asked the question even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know his answer. He looked at me with a puzzled expression before saying anything.
“I never really thought about it before. I guess Cody is the only one outside of my family that I feel comfortable with.” He shrugged slightly.
“So, it isn’t just me?”
“No, not at all. I don’t let anyone help me if I can avoid it. But I’ve known Cody a long time, and he’s always just stepped in and done stuff for me without asking, and it just became…natural, I guess. I like to be independent, and when anyone else but Cody or family steps up, I feel like I’m not in control. I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“No, don’t be sorry. I wasn’t upset. Just curious. I guess Cody can be…helpful when he wants to be.”
“Cody can be a lot of things to a lot of people. He’s a complicated guy.” Ryan grinned a little.
“Yeah, that’s one word for him!” I laughed. “Anyway, changing the topic back. You definitely think you’re ready for whatever’s going to happen tomorrow?”
“Ready to sit in a classroom and wait for no one? Sure.” He grinned full on.
“My art teacher will be there, seeing as it’s her room, and Mrs. Lee, of course. But I doubt there will be any kids other than us.”
“It doesn’t matter who comes. We can make a few posters ourselves and we’ll have stuff from my mom’s school also. Clare and everyone will be here at least the day before and she’s into crafts. Not to mention Lucas, who probably has a whole Pride-parade-in-a-box or something like that. I also heard from a few guys from my rehab days who are interested, and I could ask them to bring some signs or whatever. It’s all good.”
®®®
It’s all good. That’s what he said yesterday.
Except that now it’s today and I have to get my butt off this bed and face the music. Which is not the right expression to be using, because I like music. I’d much rather be facing an orchestra than the kids at my school.