by Liane Shaw
“Early birds,” Lucas says. “Looks like at least fifty. And that’s just the beginning.”
I don’t recognize anyone. I didn’t expect to. I also didn’t expect so many people here already.
As we walk over to the building, Lucas chats to everyone he passes. I can’t tell if he knows the people he’s talking to or not. That sort of thing doesn’t matter to him. He’ll talk to anyone he meets whether they want him to or not.
Clare, Ryan, Caleb, Mrs. Malloy, and Mrs. Lee are inside. Mr. Malloy is there too, working on the portable sound system that we’re going to use. I head over to talk to him for a few seconds, so he can show me how it works. If I have to talk today, I want to at least have something that will project my voice.
“Hi! Are you all set?” Mrs. Malloy asks when I finish with her husband and head over to where they’re laying out posters.
“Sure…I guess.” My voice sounds as uncertain as I feel. She smiles and ruffles my hair. Lucas walks over and looks at me critically.
“I disagree. I didn’t want to say anything in front of your lovely mama, but seriously, what is all this?” He sweeps his hand up and down in front of me.
“This is me,” I say.
“Is it really?” he asks. “I don’t think so. It’s like you’re trying to hide in plain sight. Come with me.” He grabs my hand and leads me over to the other side of the room before I have a chance to protest. He marches me up to a table that is holding most of the clothes and makeup that used to be lying across the bed at home. How did he pack it up so fast?
“Come, come. We have time. Everything is ready, and people are just starting to arrive. We need to give you some color. The theme is rainbows and you look like a blade of grass.”
“I don’t…” I’m not sure how I was planning to finish that sentence, but Lucas doesn’t give me a chance to find out.
“I know you’re not ready to go full-on Lucas yet. But a little color on those cheeks and some enhancing of your beautiful eyes. Some shaping of the lips. A bit of help controlling those gorgeous curls with some color added here and there.” He’s working while he talks. I seem to have lost control of my free will because I just stand there letting him work. I can’t believe I’m right here in public, having makeup put on me. I’ve only ever worn it in my bedroom at home, at night after my mom goes to bed. It feels terrifying and wonderful at the same time.
“There!” he says, holding a mirror up to my face. Was that in the suitcase too? I make myself look.
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh. You are lovely,” he tells me. I’m not sure if I’m lovely or not, but it’s not bad. I’m pretty good at putting on makeup, but Lucas is definitely a pro. It’s obviously there but somehow subtle at the same time. My hair looks as curly as usual, but it shines a little, and all the frizz seems tamer. Less like a Brillo pad and more like actual hair that looks soft enough to touch. There are shimmers of color in the blackness…sparkling streaks of bright green and yellow, with some purple in there too. I’m not sure how he got it in there, but I hope it isn’t paint or something. My eyes look bigger and brighter, but you can’t immediately tell why. They’re sparkling too, and I lean closer to see. My lids are covered in gold eye shadow that glistens like a million tiny sequins made their way into the mix. My lashes are pitch-black and thicker than usual, curling upward, making my eyes pop out from my face. A face that looks delicately flushed but not the fire-engine red I manage to create every time I get embarrassed. Maybe the artificial color will cover the natural flaring up when I have to stand at the microphone and try to remember what I wrote in a half-asleep stupor this morning.
It’s better than not bad. It’s good. Maybe even lovely.
“Thanks,” I say inadequately. There should be more said, but I’m still staring at myself in something close to awe. I look down at as much as I can see of the rest of me. The dull green is even duller now compared to my face.
“There’s more. Here.” I tear my eyes away from myself as he hands me a filmy piece of fabric that floats as it comes toward me. It takes a second to realize that it’s a shirt, long and silky, with an intricate pattern blending so many colors together that I can’t see them all. It’s just an overall impression of color, like an abstract painting that you wear on your back.
“Just slip it over your T-shirt and let it flow,” Lucas says, helping me put it on. It hangs down to my knees, covering up most of my drabness, making me feel like some kind of psychedelic butterfly when I walk away with it floating out behind me.
“I love it!” I tell him, and he grins as he holds out one last thing.
“One more thing to finish the look.” He hands me a pale yellowish-gold bundle, and for a split second I wonder if he somehow managed to save my mother’s skirt from wherever Ryan hid it that day at the river. It takes another second to realize that it’s actually a pair of soft leggings. They look like they’re his, which means they’re long enough for his endless legs.
“I know they’re long, but that will help hide those sneakers. They’ve seen better days. Just pull them right down over the heel and don’t worry about them. I have lots more where those came from.”
I hesitate for a moment but then run into the bathroom and strip off my jeans. I pull on the stretchy fabric. The leggings slide up my legs like a second skin that is loose enough to make room for a few extra calories but doesn’t sag so much that it looks weird. I put my shoes back on and then pull the extra length down over the heels, which looks much cooler in reality than it did in my mind.
I stand and stare in the mirror, trying to see as much of myself as possible. My hair shimmers with subtle color in the dull bathroom light. My shiny gold eyelids make me look exotic. The gorgeous flowing rainbow shirt wraps around me like a multi-colored cloud.
I look good. Better than good.
Maybe this is me.
I tear myself away from the mirror and head out into the arena.
“You look great,” Clare says as I come up to where she’s getting ready to march.
“Thanks,” I say a bit self-consciously, resisting the temptation to run over to Lucas so I can grab his mirror and take another look.
“Hey, Jack? You’d better get out here,” Ryan calls to me from the doorway. I run across the room, thinking some catastrophe has happened. I get to the door and Ryan takes a quick glance at me. “Nice shirt. You look like a butterfly or something.” He seems oblivious to the rest of me. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.
“Thanks. I think.”
“Better than an ugly caterpillar.” He laughs, and I look at him in surprise. I didn’t think he’d remember. Once upon a time I told him that I wished I could be a caterpillar so that I could just disappear for a while into a nice safe cocoon. Then I could grow a couple of wings so I could fly far away from here where no one would ever find me, and I could be as beautiful as I want to be because no one cares if a butterfly is a boy or a girl. It’s just a pretty part of nature that everyone accepts.
At the time, I’m pretty sure he thought I was nuts. I think we’ve both come a long way since then. Ryan doesn’t want to be my babysitter anymore, and I don’t want to be a caterpillar anymore. He’s figured out how to be my friend, and I’ve apparently gone straight to butterfly.
I grin at him but then just stop and stare, mesmerized by the scene in front of us. Everywhere I look, there are cars and people. The parking lot is completely full, and the field beyond it is rapidly filling up. People are wandering around everywhere, some of them with their own flags and posters, others dressed in crazy costumes. It’s like a giant field of colorful wildflowers that suddenly sprouted legs and started to move. Everyone looks happy and excited.
“There must be at least three hundred people, maybe more,” Ryan says. “Mrs. Lee has gone over to talk to the mayor and the police about getting the road closed.”
I just nod,
too amazed to find a single word. That should be helpful during the rally.
“Told you.” Lucas comes up behind me, putting both hands on my shoulders.
“It’s going to be so awesome, Jack,” Clare says, wrapping her arm around my waist.
“Any room for me in this group hug?” Benjamin walks up slowly, leaning on his cane, a huge grin on his face. I was so busy staring at the crowd that I didn’t see him coming.
“Come on in! You can have my spot. I’m Lucas, by the way. Not that you’re interested in me at the moment!” Lucas says, laughing as he and Clare both step away from me. I can feel my pink cheeks heating up as Benjamin comes over and wraps one arm around me, still balancing on his cane with the other.
“I missed you,” he says into my ear.
“Me too,” I say back, holding on for a few seconds. He steps back carefully, looking me over. I’m feeling so nervous and self-conscious that I’m sweating. Any minute now my face is going to start melting and drip down onto my shirt, blending in with the rest of the colors.
“You look gorgeous. I feel underdressed,” he says. He’s wearing a bright blue T-shirt with a rainbow and Kermit the Frog printed across the front and green pants a shade brighter than the frog.
“You look pretty rainbow themed,” I tell him. He smiles and points to his cane.
“Check this out. My mom got it.” I look at it and realize that it’s covered with tiny rainbows and clouds that remind me of the raining rainbows painting that came from the little kid at Ryan’s mom’s school.
“And his dad got this,” Mr. Lee says as he walks up to us, pushing a wheelchair. Benjamin makes a face.
“I don’t need that, Dad.”
“Well, I just might. These heels might not do well on these rural streets,” Lucas says. “We’ll just decorate it up and bring it along in case.” He smiles at Benjamin, who shakes his head at the obvious ploy but mouths “thanks” anyway.
“Fine, whatever works. Happy now, Dad?”
“Good enough for me. I’m going to go wait for your mother. See you at the march.”
The march. I suppose that technically this is a march, not a parade because we aren’t doing floats or entertainment. But we’re saying it’s a parade anyway, because this is our day and we can call it whatever we want.
“Oh, hey—there they are!” Ryan shouts. I look over to where he’s pointing. There’s a group of about fifteen or twenty wheelchairs heading our way. “I wasn’t expecting that many people. This is awesome! Talk to you later.” He heads off to join them, navigating his way expertly through the crowd.
“Look at him go. I never got my crappy wheelchair moving that fast,” Benjamin says.
“Ryan is really strong. You should see him swim,” I tell him.
“Jack, I’ve been looking for you. Hello, sweetheart!” Mrs. Lee gives Benjamin a big kiss. Now why didn’t I do that?
“Hi, Mom.”
“Jackson, Main Street is officially closed as of one minute ago. We’re ready!”
I instantly have a total and complete panic reaction. Look at all of these people! How am I supposed to get them all to listen to me and get in some sort of order? No one is going to pay any attention to me!
“Jackson?”
“Yes, what?” I look at her distractedly. So many people!
“The sound system is set up here and we’re ready to start. I’ll use my teacher voice to get things going.” She smiles, and I take a deep breath as I remember. Right. I’m not doing this part. We decided that Mrs. Lee would get everyone organized and then I would welcome them. I can do that.
Mrs. Lee grabs the mic and announces that the parade is about to begin. The crowd responds to her pretty much the same way the kids at school do. Within a few minutes all the flags and posters are handed out and being held high. Everyone is standing, looking expectant.
“Before we begin, I’d like to introduce the organizer of today’s event, Jackson Pedersen!”
Everyone claps, which startles me so much that I almost forget that I’m supposed to talk.
“Thanks for that,” I say into the mic. The applause dies down and everyone looks at me.
“My name is Jackson Pedersen. I’m a senior in the high school here in Thompson Mills.” The applause starts again, louder this time. Are they clapping for Thompson Mills? They obviously don’t understand where they are!
“I want to welcome you all here,” I shout into the microphone, trying to make myself heard. “And invite you to join us on this very first Pride parade. If you’ll just follow the folks with the banner,” I point to Lucas, Caleb, and Clare, “we’ll lead the way down Main Street to our rally at the Town Hall. Thanks for coming!”
As I walk over to help hoist the banner, I see Jamal coming toward me with Benjamin’s stone rainbow mounted on two thick sticks. He stops in front of me and smiles.
“I thought you’d like to help me with this. You look pretty strong. Also gorgeous, by the way. I recognize Lucas’s handiwork, I think.”
“Oh, my god, that’s awesome!” Benjamin comes over and stares at his artwork. “I wish I could help but I’d probably fall over!”
“No problem. I can do it.” As I grab the left side and help Jamal hoist it up, I’m instantly glad the march is a short one. I have a different opinion than Jamal about how heavy this thing is! We turn to move to the head of the line and one of the red stones drops onto the ground. I bend down and pick it up before Benjamin can notice that his project is falling apart. I stare at it for a second, the red paint a sudden sickening reminder of the sight of Benjamin’s blood pooling on the rocks at the bottom of the embankment. I shake the image away. It doesn’t belong to this day. Today is about the future, not the past. I put the stone in my shirt pocket and stand up.
“If we get any unruly jerks along the way, we can always throw rainbow-colored rocks at them.” Lucas laughs as he comes over to give Jamal a kiss on the cheek.
“Not so much. Pretty sure violence of any color is frowned upon.”
“I’d have to agree with that.” I look over toward the voice. Officer Peabody is standing there in full uniform. “I am here to officially inform you that there will be a police presence today after all. We will be walking beside you, helping to keep the peace. I only wish I could carry a flag!” She smiles as she steps away.
As I watch her walk over to the crowd of people, I spot Sarah Edey and her friends, talking three hundred words a minute and looking excited to be here. I’m not sure, but I think a few other kids from school are here as well. Someone waves from the left side of the crowd, and I’m surprised to see that it’s Matthew. I’ve been so busy recently that I skipped my last couple of sessions with him and I never even told him I was going to be doing this. It’s seriously cool that he’s here. He’s even wearing some kind of crazy looking multi-colored hat and waving a rainbow flag, which is definitely a better look than his usual boring black jeans and white button-up shirt.
Cody is standing over by the edge of the first group of people, and when I look farther, I see the rest of his squad spread out down the line. I don’t know if the police will be happy to have an amateur team there or not, but I’m happy to see them. As far as I know, no one has thrown or yelled anything at us, but then again, we haven’t actually started walking yet.
So, we do.
We march our way out of the parking lot, across one small field, and straight onto Main Street. I wonder briefly if anyone will be annoyed when they realize they traveled hours to walk for about twenty minutes through our tiny town, but then the thought disappears as people start to chant and sing their way through Thompson Mills, wearing and waving every color of the rainbow as they go.
twenty-eight
Between making sure I keep my side of the rainbow as high as Jamal’s and trying to listen to everyone and watch everything at the same time, I barely notice peo
ple looking at us as we march by. I briefly see some curious faces and others that look less than thrilled. I think I might have heard the word fag screamed at me as I walked past, but it was drowned out so quickly I’m not sure. I see Cody out of the corner of my eye as he seems to head toward someone, but I move on before I can tell what he’s doing.
There are so many of us that even if somebody wanted to cause trouble, they’d have a hard time. The entire street is filled with people singing and chanting. Ryan and his friends are wheeling along two by two, surrounded, and in some cases being pushed, by incredibly colorful people who could give Lucas a run for his money.
Benjamin is doing great. There are so many people that we’re moving really slowly, and he’s able to keep up without resorting to the chair. Lucas is having a lot of fun with it though, giving people rides and then having a ride himself to rest his sparkly feet. Every few minutes I look over, and when he sees me do it, he grins with an I-told-you-so expression that makes me feel like dancing.
Lots of other people are dancing along the street, so I’d fit right in. This is so much fun! I wasn’t expecting that. Everyone is just celebrating being here together. No one seems worried about who might be watching or judging. And that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?
This is our time. Right here. Right now. And very soon it is going to be my time because Thompson Mills is so small that we’re already at the Town Hall.
As we reach the steps, I am surprised to see four council members standing there holding flags.
“Hi, Jack,” says the woman who helped me at the meeting. “We just wanted to show our support.” The other three all smile and nod. Mr. Mayor is conspicuous by his absence.
“Thanks. We appreciate it,” I tell her as we walk up to where Mr. Malloy has set up the sound system for the rally. There’s already music blasting through the speakers, which keeps people moving, even after they arrive at the bottom of the steps.
It takes a while for everyone to get caught up. Lucas waits a few minutes, smiling happily as he watches the crowd milling around, singing and dancing, and having a blast. He turns to Mr. Malloy and nods, stepping up to the mic as the music dies down.