Destroying the Soul (Destroyed Book 2)

by L. Grubb

  “Thank you.”

  “I only picked you up.” I chuckle, cupping the side of her face as her eyes open slightly.

  “No.” She shakes her head. “For Louis. Thank you.”

  I try to swallow the lump in my throat and rub my thumb over her cheek as I stare into her eyes. Her eyelids close slowly as her body gives way to sleep but still I don’t move, I just sit and stare at her before deciding to go into the living room and get a couple of hours sleep on the sofa.

  The thumping in my head prevents me from opening my eyes. I can see the bright morning sunshine pushing through my eyelids and I groan, which makes my head pound harder. I spread myself out like a starfish and sink into the soft mattress and relish in the cool, silk sheets under my arms. I can’t remember a thing from last night after having a few drinks. Hang on, where the hell am I?

  I crack open an eye and notice I’m in an unfamiliar room. The side of the bed I didn’t sleep on is cold to touch so no one has been there, or if they have, it’s been a few hours since they were. Did I get with someone last night? Did I get carried to theirs? Did I make myself vulnerable yet again? A whimper escapes my mouth, displaying how much of a frickin’ idiot I am.

  Having never had alcohol before, this thunderstorm rioting in my brain is an unwelcome and unusual feeling. Then the churning of my stomach kicks in and I’m soon rolling out of the bed and stumbling my way to the en-suite that I noticed in my haste to get to a toilet. Fast.

  I just about make is, heaving until nothing more comes up. That is disgusting. I lean my head on the cool toilet seat, taking deep, even, breaths. Puking has always made me panicky and I wish I had an answer as to why, or even a solution.

  “Jas?” A voice mumbles from the doorway. “Are you okay, babe?” Jay. It’s just Jay.

  My shoulders slump forward, relief coursing through my body. “This is why I’ve never touched alcohol.” Another round of heaving leaves me immobile as I hang my head over the toilet. The cramping in my stomach eases after this round and I sit back with my legs tucked under me. “Alcohol sucks.”

  “I could have told you that.” Jay laughs, handing me a glass half full with water. I smile my thanks and take a few sips. The rolling waves in my stomach have stopped but the headache is still going full force.

  “I think I need more sleep. My head is ready to explode.” I groan as I try to stand on weak legs. Never, ever, again am I drinking. And I mean ever. At least now I can say I experienced it and hated it with a passion. Jay helps me back to the massive bed and tucks me in. “How did I get here?”

  “You don’t remember?” Jay asks incredulously, eyebrow raised and lips thinning. I glare at him in answer. “I see. Well, you called me to tell me you were drunk and that you didn’t know where Callie and Dante were. I came to the rescue. Again.”

  My stomach sinks at his words. Why am I always the one that needs rescuing? What have I ever done to deserve the life that I’ve been dealt? Maybe after more sleep Jay can help. Maybe I should see a therapist. Hell, I better sleep before any more crazy stuff creeps into my brain. Sometimes I stun myself.

  I sink back into the mattress, sighing at the pleasant comfort of the cold, silk sheets and thick comforter. “Let’s talk later, I need to sleep this headache off.”

  “Very well.” He kisses my forehead, making me sigh and my stomach fills with butterflies. “Sleep well, babe,” he whispers against my ear. Shivers run down my arms and I smile just as I drift off into a dream of me and Jay in a different life, under different circumstances. That reminds me, I want to know the full truth of what’s been happening, where he went, what happened. For now, it can wait, but I will get my answers before I hand over my heart on a silver platter to him.

  I head back to the sofa, leaving Jas to sleep off her hangover. She looked terrible when she woke up and just listening to her dry heave made a smile spread on my face. Now she’s had a proper college experience and I’m sure she’ll never do it again.

  Deciding to get some work done, I flip open my laptop and open up the code I’ve been working on, typing away as fast as I can and getting engrossed in the screen.

  My phone goes off several times but I ignore it, needing to stay focused on what I’m typing. Once I’m in the frame of mind to code then nothing and no-one can distract me. I get too caught up in the process, especially when I’m starting a new project; my attention is only focused on what I’m doing. Hell, who am I kidding? Once I start a code, I have to finish it before I can stop.

  Once I type the last line of the code, I stop and the ache in my arms tells me that I’ve been at it for a while. I lift them over my head to stretch them and look out of the windows that line the wall, the sky is becoming grey, dusk settling in. Shit! How long have I been at my laptop?

  “Probably about eight hours,” a soft voice says from the other side of the room.

  Did I say that out loud? My head whips toward the sound and I stare at Jas, she’s sat in the armchair with a book on her lap, looking like she’s right at home.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” she says, holding up the book.

  “No,” I croak then clear my throat, “Not at all.”

  She doesn’t move her eyes from mine as a small smile lifts up the corner of her lips.

  “I love how engrossed you get, you used to do that at the coffee shop and forget the time.” She chuckles. “I’d have to tell you that we were closing and you’d always have that shocked look on your face.”

  “Yeah.” I smile, closing my laptop and placing it on the table in front of me. “I loved that coffee shop.”

  “Really?” Her brows lift high on her forehead. “Why’s that?”

  I shuffle forward on the sofa. “Because you were there.”

  Her eyes widen at my response and she grips the book harder in her hands, turning away from me and worrying her lip. “I used to look forward to you coming.” She turns back to me. “I’d watch the door for what felt like hours, just waiting for you to come through it.”

  My lips lift into a grin at the memories and I stand up, moving closer to her and crouching down in front of her.

  “I miss who we were back then,” I tell her, placing my hands on her knees. “Sometimes I wish we could go back and do it all differently, to just run away and start over somewhere away from it all.”

  “Me too,” she whispers.

  The atmosphere in the room becomes thick and I move forward, my eyes not able to stray from her lips. They’ve captivated me and put me under their spell and I couldn’t look away even if I wanted too. I wonder if they’re as soft as they used to be?

  Her tongue comes out and wets her bottom lip and I grip her legs harder.

  “Jay?” she whispers, her voice bringing me back to the present and causing me to close my eyes.

  “Sorry,” I say, my voice gruff.

  “For what?” Her hand cups the side of my face, the pads of her fingers running through the scruff on my jaw.

  I open my eyes, trying to decipher what are in hers. I’ve never seen that emotion before and I’m afraid that I went too far; that I pushed too soon.

  “I-

  “Kiss me.”

  “What?” I ask, my eyes widening.

  “I’m not a china doll, Jay. Can we just be a boy and a girl who like each other? And forget about the baggage just for a few minutes?”

  “Are you sure?”

  She huffs in response and leans forward, her lips slamming down onto mine. For a second, I don’t know what to do, then I take control, gripping her hips and bringing her down to sit on my lap before pulling her closer and taking control of the kiss.

  My tongue swipes over the seam of her lips and she opens up willingly, moaning when our tongues touch.

  I can hardly believe that we’re doing this, that I’m actually kissing her or that she’s in my arms. I’ve dreamt about this for so many years, imagining her in my arms and I have to say, I didn’t do it justice in my mind.

  One thing is for
certain, now that she’s there, I’m never letting her go again.

  Shocks are running through my body as his lips move against mine softly. Remembering the past, where his lips used to brush mine tenderly was completely different to doing it now. The kiss becomes heated quickly. The hard push against my mouth and his tongue breaking through my lips has me moaning out quietly. I’ve never made such a sound before and I tense up, wondering if that’s the right thing to do.

  “Why did you tense up, babe?” he says once he’s pulled away. The tip of his fingers run down my cheek and over my bottom lip which makes my eyes close and my toes curl.

  “The noise I made… it just came out.” I can feel the blush rising from my chest to my cheeks, the burn telling me that I’m as red as a tomato.

  “Was hot as fuck. And no, I’m not apologizing for cursing. Deal with it.” His smirk lifts the corner of his mouth and his eyes are sparkling with amusement. “Don’t be shy, Jas. Not with me.”

  “I’ve… I’ve never gone further than a kiss before.” My admission just makes my face burn hotter and I distract myself by playing with the buttons of his checkered shirt.

  “Really?” I can feel his eyes on the top of my head, burning a hole through me. “All these years… no one?”

  “No one,” I whisper, swallowing past the unwelcome lump lodged deep in my throat. Jeez, I feel like a fifteen-year-old girl.

  “I’m speechless. You’re gorgeous! I’m surprised no one has ever snapped you up before.” I look up and see the smile beaming on his face and I’m momentarily confused.

  “After what Louis did to me… I didn’t want anyone going near me there.” I gulp through the panic, taking deep and even breaths to keep me away from the edge of the attack. “But with you…”

  “Me?” His eyes widen in shock before they darken. Is that what lust looks like in someone’s eyes? Real lust, not the pathetic and controlling lust in Louis’ eyes. “You want to... With me?”

  “Yes.” I shrug. “Why is that so hard to believe? You’re the one that knows everything about my past and all the bullcrap that I went through. I trust you, Jay. Show me how it can really be like between two people.” I actually can’t believe I just said that out loud. I’m not sure if I’m more mortified or more embarrassed.

  “Come on, babe. I’ve got you.” He grabs my hand and leads me from the room. Nerves tingle around my body but the tightening of my core and the shivers that shakes my body has me excited for what’s to come.

  Can I really trust Jay? Am I doing the right thing? I’m not backing out, I need normalcy and this… this is normal.

  In the bedroom, the door and drapes firmly shut, the light muted to a more romantic level, if you know what I mean, Jay places me softly in the middle of the bed where not so long ago I was sleeping off the worst headache I had ever experienced.

  “Are you sure, Jas?” he asks softly from the end of the bed. “I don’t want you to think that I’m pushing you into something.”

  “You’re not. This is my choice. I want this, Jay.” I gulp past the panicky lump lodged at the back of my throat and a take a deep breath. “I want to know what pleasure feels like.”

  He nods once before stripping himself of his black shirt. Not ever seeing a guy part naked before, bar the idiots that walk around the campus but I don’t stand around and ogle them, I’m mesmerized by his toned stomach and strong shoulders. His abs are well defined, telling me he regularly works out. His arms are bulging, twitching when my eyes land on them.

  Next, his jeans hit the floor and the evident bulge in his boxer shorts has my eyes widening. “Will that thing even fit?”

  His rumbling laugh echoes around the room, hitting me in the chest and making me smile weakly.

  “Thanks for the compliment, and to answer your question, yes it will.”

  He comes down over me, his hands on either side of my head. My eyes land on his and I almost combust at the smoldering look he’s giving me. He says, “You have way too many clothes on, babe.”

  That’s when the nerves set in and my limbs shake. Not visibly but on the inside. I can do this, I say like a mantra in my head. He strips me of his shirt that I shoved on earlier when I woke up and I forgot that I had no bra on underneath and I try in earnest to cover myself up. “Don’t hide from me, Jas. You can trust me, okay? I’ll look after you.” I let my hands fall away and squeeze my eyes shut tightly as his mouth assaults first one nipple then the other. Pleasure soon zings through my body and I can feel wetness pooling between my legs. “I will make you feel so good, baby.”

  His kisses roam over my body, going lower to the girl-shorts panties that I’m wearing where he proceeds to kiss along my waistband. I squirm as I lay there, my eyes still shut but not squeezed tightly like before. The nerves are still just under the surface of my skin but I’m trying desperately to ignore it, focusing instead on the pleasure my body is feeling right now.

  His hand slips into my panties and rubs along my slit, my face heats and I’m not sure whether it’s because it feels good or if I’m embarrassed. No one has ever been there before except… No, Jasmine, remove those thoughts right now, I scream at myself. This is not the time or place. I take a few deep breaths and concentrate on the feeling in between my legs.

  “So wet for me, Jas.” He kisses my stomach again before his finger pushes in and I feel myself tense around him. “Relax, baby. Concentrate on the feelings not the memories.” I listen to his words, relax and he pushes in further. I moan out as another wave of pleasure envelopes me and my back arches slightly. I can feel the smirk on Jay’s face against my belly and I want to smack him for his smugness.

  He adds another finger and the pleasure intensifies. I moan out into the room and grip the silk sheets in my tight fists. This is better than I ever expected, and this is just his hand.

  “Are you ready for me, Jas?” I nod, though I’m not sure if he’s looking at my head or in my panties. I guess he saw the nod as my panties are discarded and he climbs on top of me, resting his elbows on either side of my head. “Think of the pleasure, keep your eyes on me. Okay? You’ve got this, baby.”

  I feel the head of his penis pressing against my entrance, and I hold my breath just as he slips in easily. “Okay?” he asks once he’s buried deep.

  “Y-yes. Move, Jay. Please,” I whisper, my hands now gripping his bulging biceps. I swallow the panic that’s rising in my chest and focus on the euphoria that’s sweeping over me, breaking me out into a light sheen of sweat. It feels good, I can’t lie. More than good. A smile lifts the corners of my face and I relax as Jay gets into a steady rhythm. This is more than I ever expected, more pleasurable than I ever thought possible. I hope I feel good for Jay too. God knows what I feel like in there after years of abuse.

  I never thought this was going to happen, at least, not yet anyway. I’m starting to realize that I underestimated Jas. She’s so much stronger than I thought and the look of determination in her eyes as we came into the bedroom attests to that.

  As soon as my dick was inside her pussy, I thought I was going to combust because she feels so fucking good. I want nothing more than to fuck her rough and hard, but that’s not what she needs right now. In time, I know she’ll get there; we’ll get there.

  As I look down at her now, her eyes squeezed tightly shut and a flush on her cheeks that tells me she’s enjoying every second of what’s happening, I decide to do something I’ve never done before. I roll us over so that she’s on top and I rest my hands on her naked thighs.

  I never let go of control in the bedroom, I like to dictate what happens and when, but with Jas, it’s different. I need her to know that she can be in control here.

  “What… what are you doing, Jay?”

  My hand wanders up her thighs and past her waist, trailing over the side of her breast then up to the side of her neck. “Take control.”

  “Me?” She squeaks.

  I chuckle. “Yes, you. Take control, baby.”

  She wor
ries her lip and her eyes flick away briefly before she looks back down at me, resting her hands on my pecs.

  “I don’t know what to do,” she whispers.

  I bring my hands to her hips and move her up and down slowly, making her breath catch in her throat. “Just like that,” I tell her, smirking when her eyes roll into the back of her head.

  She starts to move slowly at first then speeds up, moaning out loud and not even caring about it this time. She’s losing herself to the pleasure and there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing her like this. Completely carefree.

  My hand moves to her pussy and I press my thumb onto the nub in her clit, gently brushing over it in small circles. Her eyes spring open and her mouth opens forming a perfect O.

  “That’s it,” I tell her. “Let go.”

  “Mmmmm.” Her tongue comes out to wet her lips and I sit up, capturing them and swallowing her moans while circling her clit faster and pistoning my hips in time with my tongue in her mouth.

  She starts to slow down as the pleasure gets more intense and I hold her tightly as her pussy clamps down on my dick. She throws her head back, her hair falling down her back and I wish that I could take a picture to capture this moment in time.

  “Oh, my God!” she shouts, moving her hips faster.

  I desperately want to flip her over and fuck her hard but I don’t, I let her have all the control. As her orgasm subsides, she looks down at me, gripping onto my shoulders and using them for leverage as she lifts her hips, riding me faster and harder, all with a smile on her face.

  I lift up, burying my head between her breasts and grip her to me tighter as the tingling starts at the bottom of my spine.

  “I’m close,” I murmur, bringing my face up and slamming my lips onto hers as my orgasm slams through me. I groan and grip her tighter to keep her still as my dick pulses, releasing thick waves of cum inside her. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and I know it’s because of Jas, she makes me feel things that I’ve never felt before.