Fearless Flying (The Vivienne Series Book 1)

by Karen Gordon

  I must have shocked him because he turns his head toward me and there they are, the most kissable lips. It’s more instinctual than planned when I lean up and gently kiss them. They feel just as good as I knew they would. I kiss him again and I’m blindsided by a wave of lust. I want more. I want to kiss his warm lips for hours. I want to feel them all over my body, everywhere I hurt, kissing away all my pain and tired.

  Just as a little voice starts to remind me that Danny doesn’t want this, that he doesn’t want me, he kisses me back and I shove that little voice away and let myself fall into this beautiful floating feeling. I feel almost drunk, definitely out of my head, for once. I’m only vaguely aware of Carla coming into the room. We pull apart but not before she sees us.

  She chuckles and shakes her head. “He always wondered when you two would get together.”

  Her words stun both Danny and me and we turn and look at her in unison.

  “He would talk to you on the phone.” She gestures to Danny with the bowl of ice cream she’s carrying. “Then after he’d hung up, he would always say that one of these days you were going to pull your head out of your ass and finally grab onto Vivey.”

  Danny is too stunned to speak. All I can do is laugh at the irony and the way Carla quoted my dad perfectly.

  He turns to me. “Did you?”

  “Know?” I shake my head, “No. He never said anything to me.” But it would have been nice, Dad. There is too much left unsaid.

  Carla hands us each a bowl of ice cream smiling like a Cheshire cat. She un-pauses Survivor, then sits down with her own bowl.

  I eat my ice cream and try to focus on the show but I can’t stop looking back at Danny. He looks like he is going over every conversation he ever had with my dad about me. He’s so lost in his thoughts that his ice cream melts before he ever takes a bite.

  Chapter Nine

  We finish watching Survivor with Carla then linger on our goodbyes, promising that we will come by tomorrow before we fly home. I know she’s spent nights here without my Dad before but it’s still hard to leave her alone tonight.

  Danny is still quiet on the car ride to the hotel. I catch him looking over at me occasionally.

  “What?”

  He shrugs.

  “Talk to me.” I want to reach for his hand but I’m not sure where his head is right now.

  “Do you remember when you moved into your apartment?”

  My Dad, Danny, Dom and Luis all helped me move in but only Danny stuck around to help put the bed together. Everyone else had somewhere to be that night. It was yet another time that I pretty much threw myself at him and he told me no. “Yeah, I remember.”

  He’s watching the road but lost in thought. “I wanted to stay.”

  Now it’s my turn to be shocked. I try to speak but don’t know where to start. He doesn’t notice because he’s still on the same train of thought.

  “It was about two months after she left.” I know he means his wife. He never says her name. “I told myself that I was rebounding, that your Dad would kill me, that you’d regret it. But I wanted to stay.”

  “But you never…I didn’t think you liked me. I mean, I thought you were only nice to me because of my Dad.”

  He’s still lost in his own memories because he doesn’t reply to what I said. “I’ve gone out of my way, more than once, to drive by your place.” He chuckles to himself then finally turns to me. “I’ve thought about just stopping in, pretending to be checking up on you, just to hang out with you for a while.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  He shrugs and goes back to watching the road but then replies. “It wouldn’t have been a good idea, even if I didn’t think Mike would kill me. I was usually feeling sorry for myself.”

  “But I would have…” He doesn’t let me finish.

  “Not fair to you.”

  And there it is again him and my Dad, thinking for me, telling me what I want and need, never asking my opinion. “Don’t you think that’s for me to decide? I know how to take care of myself, Danny.”

  He stresses his sincerity by looking over at me. “I know you do.”

  ✈✈✈

  He’s quiet the rest of the way to the hotel but when we get there he touches me more than he has since I’ve known him. He offers his hand to help me out of the car then holds mine in the elevator. He must be still torn about us because he’s studying the carpet. He finally looks at me when we hear the chime that we’ve reached our floor.

  When the door opens he lets go of my hand and steps off. I follow and stand there waiting to see if he’ll tell me where his head is now.

  “I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

  I feign shock.

  He glares at me. “But I’m going to lay it all out there.” He takes my hand and studies our entwined fingers. “I’m too old for you. I’m broke. I have a bitch of an ex-wife,” I knew all these things so he brushes through them. But then he studies my reaction when he says, “And I’m leaving.”

  My heart jolts at the last word. “You’re leaving? What do you mean you’re leaving? Where are you going?”

  “I’ve taken a job in Saudi Arabia. I leave in two months.” He squeezes my hand. “This is a bad time to tell you. I’m sorry. I want you to know before we…” He leaves a blank space for what might happen between us.

  “Why?” I ask but I pretty much already know why. There’s always a need for airplane mechanics in Saudi and it pays a shit ton, tax free. Guys go there to make money.

  “Remember when Nick was born, he had that heart thing?”

  I nod. Danny’s son was born not long after I met him. He was premature and had a heart defect but I thought all that was taken care of now. He had a couple surgeries when he was little to fix it.

  “Well, it’s back. He’s doing ok now, but he’s on some new experimental drug and treatment. It’s not covered by insurance.”

  “Oh.” I nod. That explains a lot about him being broke in spite of his two jobs.

  “I’ve signed a three year contract.”

  I nod again and exhale my frustration. It feels like a cruel joke. After ten years I find out that he wants me and he’s leaving. We’re both completely emotionally wrung out from the funeral and now this.

  He leans in and rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry.” He puts his other hand on my neck and pulls me in for a hug.

  I say, “I’m sorry too” into his collar.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “For me. For you. For us.” I sigh and burrow farther into his warm neck. “For Carla, for my Dad.” My voice cracks and he pulls me close with both arms. “Come sleep with me.” I feel him start to pull away then I add, “I mean sleep, as in go to sleep. Don’t let me lie there alone in my room and overthink all of this.”

  “How can I stop that?”

  “If you’re sleeping next to me, possibly without this annoying shirt,” I bump his collar with my nose. “I won’t be thinking about much of anything else.”

  He laughs softly and kisses my forehead. “Alright. We’ll just sleep.” I can tell he’s as tired as I am but there’s still a question in his voice that that’s all we’ll do.

  ✈✈✈

  In my room, we strip. He takes off his socks and shoes, jacket and shirt but leaves his dress pants on. I don’t bother hiding in the bathroom as I unbuckle my shoes and toss them on the floor then pull my dress over my head. I stop momentarily trying to remember which bra and undies I have on. I look down. It’s my pink lace set, more sweet than sexy but it makes me feel pretty when I’m sad. Danny raises his eyebrows at it and smiles. I pull back the covers and slide into bed. Danny’s still standing there.

  “That’s what you’re wearing to sleep?”

  I nod and pull back the covers on his side. He shakes his head in protest but slides in between the sheets and turns off the lamp before settling himself on the pillow. I scoot across until my head is on his chest and my leg wrapped around his.
>
  “I’m supposed to sleep like this,” He asks. His hand caresses my back.

  “For now.” I relax into him.

  “You’re not making this easy.”

  “I don’t want to,” is my drowsy reply. I don’t torture him anymore but only because I drift off immediately.

  ✈✈✈

  I don’t care if it’s only for a short time. I’m awake and have been for almost a half hour, just laying here watching Danny sleep and trying not to move and wake him. When he told me he was leaving last night, I was crushed, so crushed I had to push it aside and forget about it so I could get some sleep. When I woke up this morning I knew exactly what I want to do. I want to be with Danny for as long as I can.

  I’ve been thinking about my Dad and Carla. Would they have missed the chance to be so in love if they had known it would end so soon? Hell, no. I’m glad my Dad quit his job to move to New Orleans and be with Carla. I’m glad he had those few years when he wasn’t lonely anymore. His life is giving me my answer.

  I reach for Danny’s hand and lace my fingers with his. He mumbles something and rolls away from me taking my hand with him. I’m now squished up against his back so I take advantage of it.

  I touch my cheek to his warm skin and breathe in. I’m going to imprint his smell on my brain because it makes me so damn happy. He twitches and mumbles again then rolls onto his back and slowly opens his eyes. With my chin on his chest, I look up and him and smile.

  “Morning.”

  He doesn’t respond and I get the feeling he isn’t a morning person but he moves his arm from under me to around my shoulder and pulls me in close. We lay there in companionable silence but I can only stay quiet for so long.

  “I thought about what you said, and I don’t care if it’s only for a short time.”

  With my head against his shoulder, I can’t see his face but I can hear him take a deep breath as he thinks about my answer.

  “Do you think my Dad would have stayed away from Carla if he had known it would only be for a few years?”

  He rubs my arm for a few minutes before he says, “No.” He’s still staring at the ceiling deep in thought.

  “I get why you’re leaving. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

  I take my hand from his and rub it up his arm. He has a faded farmer’s tan on his bicep where his uniform shirt ends. I’ve noticed it before and wanted to touch him there. So I do.

  “Let’s just do this, for right now, for the time we’ve got.”

  I caress his forearm, the muscles and tendons I’ve watched bunch and flex as he would work with my dad. I want to touch him everywhere and I’m really getting turned on but I’m not feeling much movement from him. I pull away to see his face.

  He’s debating again.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I should warn you, it’s been almost two years.” He shakes his head and laughs. “Two fucking years.” He looks down at me. “I don’t want this to be bad but…”

  I don’t understand. I would think after two years of no sex he would be on me like white on rice. I want to roll on top of him and get this party started so I start to and he eases me off.

  “Vivey, do you know what happens when a man hasn’t had sex in two years?”

  I have to admit I don’t.

  “I’m gonna be like a god-damn teenager again. This may be really quick. You are killing me right now.”

  I had noticed the tent in the sheet but figured it was just morning wood. He might have been trying to warn me off by telling me that he was going to be bad in bed, but all I heard was that I was killing him. Me. I feel like a goddess who can turn on this beautiful man.

  I know my smile is wicked but I can’t help it. Drive you crazy and kill you with sex? Challenge accepted. I lean down and kiss his chest, then his sternum, his belly button and the start of his happy trail.

  “God damn, Vivey.” I can hear his conflict, Stop, but…don’t.

  I sit up and unbutton his pants then unzip them slowly. I reach in and scratch my nails along the fabric of his boxers, against the length of him.

  He grabs onto the pillow behind him with both hands. Yeah, you’d better hold on.

  I use both hands to pull his pants and underwear off together and toss them aside.

  Oh, fuck me. He has those indents on his hips, the ones that seem to point right to my prize. I want to taste him but I show a little restraint and use my hand to caress him from tip to base then slide down to cup his balls. He’s rigid and pulled up tight and I realize that he won’t last long so I dive in. I take as much of him as I can in my mouth then try to relax and take in more, past my gag reflex. I hear a sharp inhale followed by a raspy exhale. His reaction makes me feel even more powerful.

  I work him with my tongue, spurred on by his stream of curse words interspersed with my name. He reaches for my head when he’s about to come and holds on to me. I don’t know if he wants me in a certain place or is afraid I’ll let go and stop. But I don’t until he’s spent and uttered the name of every deity he knows and added mine to the list.

  I fall back onto the bed and laugh, conceited with my prowess. I rocked his world. And that was just round one.

  Chapter Ten

  It seems I was a little premature, feeling smug and thinking I had a few things to show Danny. Round one took the edge off of him, the two year build-up of sexual tension. And it made round two an eye-opening lesson for me on the difference between sex with a man and sex with boys.

  I thought I’d had pretty good sex in the past. I mean it was fun and felt…good. But it was all fast-food sex; quick, serves a purpose, just the basics. I thought that was all there was until Danny introduced me to gourmet sex.

  Sure, I had always assumed he’d be good in bed because one, who fantasizes about crappy sex and two, there’s something in his walk, an ease in his own body that just said that he would be uninhibited and confident. I got that part right. But I didn’t know that was just the tip of iceberg, the part of this incredibly sexy man that the world could see. I’d always thought he would be a great fuck because that’s all I knew. But what he is, is a fantastic lover, something I thought only existed in steamy romance novels.

  The first idea he erases is that sex is just the actual act, tab A in slot B. After his mind-blowing blow job, he’s in no hurry to fuck whereas I’m definitely ready. I try to move things along, reaching for his dick, wanting to get him hard again. But he takes my hand off of him, laces it with his, moves both my hands over my head and rolls half onto me. I’m trapped, in the best way, at his mercy for him to set the pace.

  He leans in and nudges the tender skin on my neck with his lips and stubble. It sets off a ripple of sensations through my body.

  “Slow down.” He whispers to me.

  My knee-jerk reaction is to do the opposite because no one tells me what to do. But then I realize that he’s right. I’ve wanted this, exactly what’s happening right this minute for years. I’ve dreamed about it and now that I’m here I’m going to rush through it?

  I stop fighting him, pushing against him, and relax under his weight. It feels so good.

  “That’s it.” He’s trying to encourage me but all I hear is patronizing. I’m having a hard time letting go of the fight that we’ve been having for the past two years and I tense up again. He notices.

  “What’s wrong?”

  What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that I’m me—uptight, neurotic, overbearing me.

  “Vivey, relax.”

  Nerves and frustration bubble up into a laugh. “Me, relax? When have you ever seen me relaxed?”

  He knows me well enough to chuckle at the idea. “I haven’t. But I want to.” He leans in again and slowly presses his entire body to mine and gently slides up then down. “I want to make you feel good but I can’t if you won’t relax.”

  He’s ignited nerves all the way to my toes; every inch of my body wants him. He’s exciting parts of me that I’d never thought about during sex. The
front of my thighs can feel the hair on his legs and the muscle beneath and they want more. My belly feels soft against his and my breasts are tickled by the hair on his chest. He’s moved from kissing my neck to my shoulders then my clavicle. I doubt any other guy would know where my clavicle is let alone how kissing me there would fire so many sensitive nerves.

  I can feel him starting to get hard again but he’s still in no hurry. He’s meticulously making his way down my body, blissfully torturing me. The urge to take over and get relief is overwhelming.

  I try rubbing my hip against him but he pulls away, denying me access. I scoot closer but he sets his strong lower leg over my hips to keep me in place. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m turning lovemaking with the man of my dreams into a WWE grudge match.

  I can’t begin to hide my tension. He stops kissing me and let’s go of my hands.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He rolls me onto my side and spoons me from behind. “It’s alright. First times together are never easy.” We lay there for a minute and I worry that he’s giving up on me.

  “Don’t stop, please,” I say and immediately regret it. Wow, now I’m begging for it. Please have sex with the insane control freak.

  I can feel his lips smile against my shoulder. “I haven’t. I’m still holding you.” But then he pulls away and I panic. I’ve pushed him too far.

  He tells me to, “stay right there,” as he gets out of bed. I’m so relieved he’ll be back that I ignore the fact that he just gave me a command…sort of. I roll over to watch him.

  He finds his wallet and digs deep into the lining before producing a smashed, battered condom package. He flips it around in his hand. “Do these expire?”