Fearless Flying (The Vivienne Series Book 1)

by Karen Gordon

  “He doesn’t hate you. So you fight, then you get to make up. Lots of make-up sex, right?”

  I’m silent. I don’t reply because even our sex life is starting to tank. “Not so much.” I admit.

  Her quick, “oh,” tells me that even Dom is running out of answers.

  ✈✈✈

  I’m secretly thrilled when he dismantles his bedroom because it means he can start to stay at my place. I reason that maybe things will be better if we are away from the thing we keep fighting about. But it turns out to be another grudging compromise. He comes home with me some nights but never brings a suitcase or even his toothbrush. And it doesn’t improve our sex life much. The passion is gone, even the angry passion. I’m starting to feel like fucking is now just another task on our color-coded timeline.

  One night after a particularly ugly fight about how to arrange things in the storage unit, he lay in bed next to me but felt a million miles away already. I want to apologize but don’t. I’m right, damn it. But I also wanted to try to grasp at his love that I can feel him rapidly pulling away from me.

  “Arrange the locker any way you want,” I say. It’s not an apology but a concession.

  He breathes a heavy sigh. “I don’t care about the god-damn locker. And you’re right anyway.” The last sentence sounds completely defeated.

  “Danny I…” I start to explain my position again but he cuts me off.

  “You’re right. Ok? I realize it, god damnit. You’re right about the paint and the furniture and the fact I need to take vitamins. You’re right about the realtor and that I need to buy new work boots.”

  “I just want to help you.” I shrug and squeak out. I have a horrible tightness in my chest that I’m having trouble talking through. It’s the words I’ve been dying to hear but not in his demoralized tone.

  He lies back with a sigh. “I know you do, Vivey. I know.” He stares at the ceiling and I wait for the but-statement that will follow.

  “What? Say it. Whatever it is.”

  “Don’t wait for me.”

  I bite my lip and look down so he can’t read my face. I’m caught. Now that it’s clear he is leaving I have been secretly planning our lives once he returns.

  “I have a three year contract. Do not wait for me.” He stresses each word.

  I don’t answer because I won’t agree to something I had no intention of doing.

  He catches my lack of answer. “Fuck,” slips out before he can stop it. He rubs his forehead as if I’m giving him a headache. “We never should have started this.” He says it to the room, not me.

  I can’t face him now. I cry silently until I finally have to sniff. He looks over at me.

  “Vivey.” He brushes the tears away from one cheek as I wipe them from the other. “Vivey, I know you’re not going to understand this but I love you, I swear I do, but that’s why I need you to agree not to wait for me.”

  “That makes no sense.” I sniff again and try to curtail my crying. “You love me?” I grab on to that. “If you love me then we should be together.”

  “No.” He reaches over and pulls me to him. “No, it doesn’t mean we should be together. In our case, it means we should let go before we kill each other.” He settles me against his chest. “Vivey, isn’t it obvious now that I’m not the right guy for you? I don’t want you wasting three years of your life not meeting the guy who is right for you.”

  “Is this because I’m pushy?” I don’t know if he can read the terror in my voice but I’m naming my biggest fear; that it’s because of me, of who I am, that we failed.

  He breathes out and carefully chooses his words, “I have never met anyone who needs others less than you.” He turns on the pillow to look at me. “I need to be needed, Vivey. I want to be needed. I want to be right sometimes.”

  I’m crying hard now. This really is the end of us, the end of my Danny dream, because we tried, and I failed.

  I have no counter arguments because for once he’s right. I don’t need anyone, even him. I curl up against him and let him hold me while I cry myself to sleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  You know that sick feeling you get when you are still technically in a relationship but you know it’s really already over? Danny and I are still a couple, but…

  He went to Charlotte to visit his son for Christmas while I’m at Dom's trying not to spread my desolation all over her family gathering. Luis’s family is there too so there were now double the number of wedding-crazy, holiday-happy Puerto Ricans in the house. I’m hiding out in Dom’s room a lot, pretending to not obsessively check my phone for calls or texts from Danny.

  I make an appearance at dinner but wish it was socially appropriate to eat alone in the kitchen. I’m not sure if anyone else is buying my sham smile, but Dom isn’t. She corners me in her room and lures me out of my cone of sadness with her aunt’s killer pie.

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Seriously?” I smirk. “I don’t think I’m really adding to the festivities.”

  “I would be worried sick about you if you weren’t here.”

  I lay my head on her shoulder and take another bite of pie. “Thank you. You don’t need to worry about me, but thank you.”

  “I do worry about you because here’s the thing: you think you’re Wonder Woman, and you are probably the closest thing alive to her, but you are still human and you’ve had the shit kicked out of you these past few months. Even Wonder Woman gets to lean on her sidekick.”

  “She didn’t have one.”

  “What? What about Steve Trevor?”

  I laugh a little and shake my head at her ironic mistake. “Boyfriend and no, theirs was not a cry-on-my-shoulder kind of relationship.” I soothe my raw emotions with another huge bite of pie. “I thought I wanted Danny but I guess I only wanted the idea of Danny. He was right about one thing; we sucked as a couple.”

  She doesn’t disagree.

  “I thought I wanted my dad to butt out of my life.” I shake my head at the memories of all the times I told him to back off and pull in another shaky breath. “Now he has.”

  “You didn’t make that happen. You are not that fucking powerful.” She hugs me to her and rubs my back. “And I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You’re getting married, sweetie,” I say. “Luis will have you and you’ll have him.” I lie back on the bed and set my empty plate on Dom’s side table. I stare at the posters on the ceiling of her bedroom as I’ve done a thousand times before and contemplate my life. “My problem is that I want a guy, but I don’t.”

  “No, you want a man but you don’t need one.”

  “I always thought that was a good thing.”

  Dom lies down next to me and grabs my hand. “It is. You’ll see, I promise. There will be someone, a smokin’ hot male someone, who can handle you, deal with how amazing you are; someone who will appreciate you. ”

  “I’m glad you’re so sure.”

  “Are you going to his going away party?”

  I shrug. Maintenance is having a happy hour get together at The Rail to send Danny off to the land of no liquor or unmarried women. “I’ll probably stop by but Bob’s leaving for a major sales presentation in Seoul the next day. I need to be at work early to make sure he has everything.”

  “I’ll go with you if you want.”

  I give her hand a squeeze but don’t reply because for once I’m not making plans. My life feels too unstable and uncertain to plan even a few days ahead…except for work. God bless my job.

  ✈✈✈

  I do stop by Danny’s going away party, briefly and alone. Part of me wants to see everyone from maintenance, especially Darlene, and to be honest, part of me wants to see how Danny would act toward me around them.

  If I needed a final message that we are officially not a couple, I got it. He gives me a quick, friendly hug when I get there then moves on to make the rounds and talk to his friends. I don’t think anyone else notices, but Dar
lene does. She comes over and stands next to me.

  “Wanna talk?”

  I shake my head.

  She studies me for a moment. “You knew he was leaving, right?”

  I nod.

  “Hurts anyway?”

  I nod again and she puts her arm around me and gives me a squeeze. “Call me anytime you need to talk, ok?”

  I give her a weak, “thanks” then stand next to her for what I hope is an appropriate amount of time before I can beat it out of there. I wave to Darlene before I leave but don’t look back at Danny.

  ✈✈✈

  The next day I have Bob packed up and in the air before noon. He’s taking one of our newest, largest jets to demo for a Korean investor. As I stand watching him take off from runway nineteen I glance across at the commercial terminal. Danny’s there right now. I check the time on my phone. He’s probably waiting to board his flight to New York where he’ll connect with his flight to Riyadh.

  I left him a note this morning, telling him good bye. Telling him that I love him and probably still will when he comes back, whether he likes it or not.

  He still has a half hour until boarding. It would take me at least forty-five minutes to drive to the other side of the airport. Or… I could use the security clearance I keep for moving Bob’s stuff around and take the direct route.

  I commandeer one of the linemen from the JetStream ramp and asked him to give me a ride across. I have him drop me near Danny’s gate. I’ve never abused my clearance before, and can’t believe I’m doing it now, but I submitted to everything short of an anal probe to get the security badge that I’m now flashing all over concourse C. I deserve to use it illicitly at least one time.

  Danny doesn’t look overly surprised when he sees me approaching. He smiles a little and nods. “Of course you know how to get in here without a ticket.”

  I flash my badge at him. “Of course.”

  I’m not exactly sure what I came to say but I want us to part on a better note. We stand in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. He doesn’t look at me, but finally speaks.

  “You are amazing. You know that, right?”

  I want to say, “but not amazing enough for you?” But that would keep us in the same place we had been for weeks now. So I say, “thank you” instead.

  I touch his hand and he takes mine. “I know you don’t see it, but you are still the most amazing man I have ever known.”

  He chuckles. “Then you must have not gotten to know me too well.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m still going to check up on you, you know. I’ll be home once a year.” He looks out the window at the JetStream headquarters across the field. “I expect you’ll be running the place by the time I’m back.”

  I chuckle. “I run Bob’s life. That’s enough for me.”

  “You say that, but,” he shakes his head, “no. You are going to go incredibly far Vivey; way too far for a grease-monkey like me.”

  I don’t agree with him.

  They call final boarding for his flight and when he bends down to grab the handle of his carry-on, I let go of his hand. He leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before he turns to go.

  I call after him, “love you.” I don’t know if he heard me or not but he doesn’t turn around again. I want to watch him board and watch his plane take off, hang on to him until he’s out of the same airspace as me but my ride’s waiting on the ramp.

  ✈✈✈

  I decide to take an afternoon off. Something I could do anytime Bob is out of town, but I never do. I’m in no mood for friendly office chatter today. I’m going home to sit on my perfect, oversized, tufted sofa and hug my pink chenille pillow. I need to dig my pristine linen sheets out of storage and put them back on the bed, my bed. I’m going to have to face it alone sometime, feel the silence, move around without Danny in my way, and miss him. I need time to grieve losing Danny and my dad.

  I stop by my desk to pick up a few things when an urgent email catches my eye. It’s from Carolyn Guage, Joel Rockhurst’s secretary. I open it.

  Vivienne, I’ve set up a lunch meeting for you and Mr. Rockhurst in his office Monday at 12:45. Please reply and confirm your attendance.

  What the hell? Lunch for me and Joel Rockhurst? This has to be a mistake. I call Carolyn.

  “This is for Bob, right? He’s out of town but he’ll be back late next week. We can reschedule it.”

  “No. He specifically asked me to set up a lunch with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Don’t know and he didn’t offer a reason. You’ll be here though?” She posed it as a question, but everyone at JetStream knows that a request from Joel Rockhurst is really a command. No one tells him no.

  “Uh, sure. I’ll be there.”

  “Great. See you then.”

  I have no idea why he would want to have lunch with me but I’m sure my brain will come up with a few million between now and 12:45 on Monday. Whatever it is, my gut tells me this can’t be good. I need to prepare to meet with the CEO but how do you prepare for the most random mystery meeting in the history of JetStream aerospace?

  I call Dom.

  Thank you for Fearless Flying with Vivienne. I hope you enjoyed your flight. The journey continues in book two of The Vivienne Series, HiJack.

  HiJack will be landing January, 2017

  Overthinking-control-freak Vivienne Ramsey’s life is out of control.

  She’s lost her dad, the man she thought she would be with forever moved away, and her best friend is about to get married. The only stable thing in her life right now is her job. Thank God for her job.

  But even that might be up in the air.

  She’s been summoned to meet with the CEO of the company and has no idea why. The handsome, married exec has had his eye on her. But is she ready for a move to the executive suites? Can she out play a big-time player like Joel Rockhurst?

  HiJack is book 2 in the Vivienne Series, a continuing story of one woman trying to shatter the glass ceiling without her life breaking to pieces.

  Follow me on Facebook for the cover reveal, background information and sneak peeks into the next leg of Vivienne’s journey to the top.

  If you enjoyed Fearless Flying, you might also enjoy meeting The Burnouts, both completely out-of-the-ordinary, NA contemporary romances.

  The Burnouts Series

  Suburban Love Song (book 1)

  One party girl with a secret older boyfriend…

  One geeky guy with a girlfriend with a purity pledge…

  One afternoon that brings them together…

  On her sixteenth birthday Carrie Gould has no one to celebrate with. Her best friend’s grounded (again), her mother’s throwing a tantrum (again), and her dad’s not around (ever). There’s no one to help her eat the cake she made for herself, or is there…

  He always has to dribble three times before he shoots the basketball, always. Ben may be a total OCD geek, but he lives next door, he’s really tall, and he’s usually hungry. So what’s the worst that could happen if she invites him over? One afternoon won’t change everything…

  One day, two opposites, the start of something extraordinary.

  (click here or on the cover to get your copy now)

  Catch You If You Fall (book 2)

  I always liked him.

  We met sophomore year and just hit it off. We lost our virginity together because we knew it would be weird and awkward, so why not do it with a friend.

  We’d end up together, night after night, seeing who could drive the other insane with want. But we were still just friends, you know, with benefits.

  Then he dropped the “L” bomb, told me he loved me, and I ran…all the way to New York.

  I don’t know what he’s doing now, probably already married with a kid on the way.

  I’m where I thought wanted to be, with all the celebs and debs and money—so much money. But I don’t fit in. I feel pathetic, watching them, longing for what I can’t have.

  I miss
home; the quiet and my friends. I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been here. I’ve learned that I didn’t always like him.

  I loved him.

  (click here or on the cover to get your copy now)