I Am Lioness (The Bloodshed Series Book 1)

by Dee Garcia

  Emmanuel wasn’t lying about going back for Jason. When we made it back the hotel, he did a sweep of our room for precautionary reasons and advised us to lock the door before shutting it behind himself.

  As advised, I latched on the lock and led Hazel to the bathroom without so much as a word. The silence stretched on through our shower. It wasn’t tense, more like an aftershock from the events that unfolded over the course of a few short hours.

  I took my time washing her hair and then she washed mine. She also took special care of cleansing my face, fighting back pained tears all the while. I wanted her to set them free, to let go of it all, but she remained hard as a rock.

  “What are you thinking about?” I questioned, running my fingers through her damp curls after we crawled into bed.

  “That I’ve never been more scared in my life than I was tonight.” She traced a finger down the side of my face and along my jaw, tears finally spilling free. “I don't know what I would have done if he would've…”

  “Shhh.” I took her face in my hands, wiping away the wetness now clinging to her cheeks. “I'm okay, baby. A little banged up, but I'm right here. I'm good.”

  “I can't lose you, Knox.” Her voice trembled, bottom lip quivering. “If I lose you, I lose everything.”

  “I've told you once and I'll tell you again. You’re not going to lose me.”

  “I could have, had things not played out the way they did.”

  “But they didn’t. They happened exactly as they were meant to and that’s what we need to focus on. Don’t dwell on the what if’s that never happened, it’ll drive you crazy.”

  “I know.” She agreed, leaning in to my touch. “It’s just hard when all I keep seeing is you tied to that chair and Jason pointing the gun at your face.”

  “I’m okay.” I reminded her because I wasn’t sure of what else to say. Forgetting what happened tonight would not be an easy feat for either one of us. I just hoped it wouldn’t stir the demons that haunted her for so long. She didn’t deserve it then and surely she didn’t deserve it now, not when we were both alive and well.

  “Kiss me, please.” She whispered, clenching her eyes tightly.

  With her cheeks still nestled in my hands, I sealed my mouth over hers, pouring every last bit of what I felt for her into that kiss.

  “I love you.” She said suddenly, her fingers clasping around my wrists.

  I stilled, positive that the pistol to my head and the double dose of chloroform had done some permanent damage. When I didn’t respond, her eyes snapped open to search mine, a hint of fear swimming just beneath the surface.

  “What did you just say?” I asked in disbelief.

  She pressed herself impossibly closer, swallowing deeply as she played with my hair. “I love you. You’re my better, Knox. My heart personified. I’m not afraid to live anymore, to love anymore, and it’s all because of you.”

  Every single word burned through me, wrapping around my heart so tightly, I thought it might burst from my chest.

  She loves me.

  I smiled, squeezing her with all my might. “Say it again.”

  Hazel giggled softly, brushing her lips against mine. “I love you, Knox”—kiss—“Steel”—kiss—“Carr. With my whole heart and every last piece of my soul.”

  “Move in with me then.” I blurted out, rolling her onto her back.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I’m so madly in love with you that I can’t imagine going back home and not having this every single day.”

  The smile that spread across her face was without a doubt the most beautiful one she’d gifted me thus far.

  “I can't either,” she admitted. “I'm too used to having you all to myself.”

  “So is that a yes then?” I hedged, settling myself between her legs.

  “It's a hell yes.”

  He loves me.

  Knox Carr loved me and I couldn’t imagine not loving him in return. It took seeing a gun pointed to his head for me to finally admit it to myself.

  I’d known for sometime but was afraid to acknowledge it because acknowledging it made it all real, and if it was real, then it was equally terrifying to lose. In the time I’d been with Knox, I’d finally come to understand that the tragedies of my past, while unfortunate and heart-wrenching, weren’t my fault.

  Still I struggled with the guilt that came knowing the decisions I made led my loved ones to their deaths, but I couldn’t continue to blame myself for the rest of my life.

  Knox was right; I didn’t force-feed Tori those drugs or drive head-on into my parent’s car. Certainly I didn’t cause Bernie to go into cardiac arrest either. Death was merely a part of life and sometimes life didn’t deal us the easiest hand.

  We had to trudge on though. I couldn't change the past, but I could sure as hell take control of my future rather than run from it.

  We woke up late the next morning, deciding to skip our last session before the finals to rest until we were starving.

  After lunch, I spoke to Manny regarding Jason’s whereabouts but he didn't offer much information other than he handled it. I didn't press him for the full details because truthfully I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

  True to his word though, Jason never reappeared seeking vengeance nor did he try contacting us either. Lexi was back in hiding as well and I wondered if she'd even show her face at the arena or simply forfeit.

  Later on that evening, Knox took a phone call for what I presumed was another new client. In the weeks since taking on role as my coach, fitness junkies and aspiring athletes back home were blowing up his phone on a constant basis for a highly coveted spot on his schedule.

  He was going to be a very busy man once the season was over. Busy was good though and I was thrilled for him and what this meant for his career.

  I slipped out undetected onto the balcony to give him some privacy and also to clear my overly clouded head. The night before finals was always filled with a clusterfuck of emotions and it was all too easy to succumb to the anxiety and self-doubt.

  Bernie had taught me to quell those feelings and focus solely on the goal so closely within reach, but without him here, my mind was running wild. As I leaned against the railing overlooking the city beneath us, a crisp breeze rolled by that clung to my face and rustled my hair.

  Shutting my eyes, I inhaled deeply through my nose and blew out through my mouth, letting all my fears billow away with it. It wasn't long before I heard the sliding glass door open and then shut softly. Knox laid his front flush against my back and looped his arms around my shoulders.

  “You okay, baby?”

  I nodded. “I'm good, just thinking about tomorrow night.”

  “Are you nervous?”

  “For you I am.” I admitted.

  “Why for me?”

  “Because the finals are different, Knox.”

  “How so?” He asked, pivoting me in his embrace.

  I shrugged noncommittally. “No rules, anything goes.”

  His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then his lips thinned harshly. “Explain, Hazel. Now.” His tone was no nonsense.

  Sighing, I ran my hands up the length of his arms, the tips of my fingers tracing along different outlines of his ink. “It's one long round. There's no ref, no clock, and we’re only allotted three timeouts. It’s either submit or lights out.”

  I paused when I felt him stand a little taller and square his shoulders. He clenched his teeth together. “Go on.”

  I gulped under his scrutiny and took a deep breath. “Panterra and I go hard in that cage every year and it always ends in a bloodied mess. After last night I'm sure it's going to be infinitely worse this year.”

  Knox’s entire frame went completely rigid. I felt the muscles of his arms tense beneath my touch, his abdomen clenching into stone. “So you're saying there's a possibility she can really fuck you up.”

  Fisting the front of his tee, I pulled him closer and peeked up at his less than amu
sed expression. “There's always a possibility for that any time I step into the ring but yes, The Finals more specifically hold a larger threat.”

  His arms tightened around me, his head dropping to the crook of my neck. Silence fell upon us and we stood like that for quite a while, unmoving, no words exchanged.

  “I can take her, baby.” I said finally, in attempt to break the ice.

  Knox squeezed me harder still, his throat bobbing through a deep swallow as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

  “Hey, look at me.”

  He shook his head and turned away, his jaw clenched tightly, brows bunched together.

  I caught his chin, forcing our eyes to connect. “I've done this for three years. I can do it again.”

  With those blue eyes still regarding me, burning me, he dropped his forehead to mine. “I just don't want her to hurt you.” He rasped.

  “She’s going to, in one way or another. I'm fast but no rules takes the fight to a completely different level. I can take her though, I promise.”

  He pulled himself free from myself embrace and stepped back to put some space between us. “How do you expect me to let you walk into that cage now knowing it's a bloodbath waiting to happen?”

  “You have to trust me, Knox. I can do this.”

  “I know you can do it but knowing there’s nothing to keep her from murdering you doesn’t sit well with me. How can they allow that?”

  “Because it's the Underground. That's how it works. The Finals have always been brutal and it'll stay that way as long as the League exists.”

  “I don't like it.” He gritted out, looking off to the darkened horizon. “But I don't have much of a say. Just promise me you'll stay focused.”

  He sounded so similar to Bernie, my heart clenched and a shiver rattled me down to my bones, blanketing my skin with a thick layer of goosebumps.

  “Don’t I always?” I asked the same question I’d thrown at my old man many a times before.

  Knox turned back to me, anxiety and unease apparent in his expression. “Yes, but I mean really focus. You go in there with that ferocity that took me by storm the first night I ever saw you fight and you show Panterra no mercy. No fucking mercy, do you hear me?”

  I closed the distance between us and slipped my arms around his neck, holding his intense stare. “No mercy, Coach Carr. I got it. Don’t you worry, Lioness is going to dominate in that cage tomorrow night.”

  I meant it too, every damn word.

  Tomorrow night was going to be the night when Lexi Panterra finally submitted to me. She’d evaded every year since I took the title, forcing me to knock her out. A rude awakening didn’t quite cover what she was in for this year.

  The arena was packed to the brim, hundreds of people filling the stands, waiting for the ultimate bloodshed of the season.

  They were booing Panterra in the cage, loudly, vehemently. Some yelled obscenities while others stuck with the more traditional discouraging phrases that somehow still stung.

  Either way, she didn’t have much of a support system—other than her coach and a handful of fans—which always served to my advantage.

  I wasn't nervous, wasn't afraid, I was just ready. Ready to hop into that cage and give Lexi every bit of the beating she deserved until her hand came down on that mat.

  Knox helped me slip on my signature pink robe and kept his arms around my shoulders as the announcer requested silence and began his introductory speech. As soon as the words free for all left his mouth, the crowd erupted once more.

  “LI-ON-ESS, LI-ON-ESS!” They chanted harmoniously.

  “SHALL WE BRING HER OUT?” He asked, bringing them into an uproar of excitement.

  “WE ALL KNOW WHO SHE IS! HELL, SHE’S THE REASON WHY YOU’RE ALL HERE TONIGHT! LET’S MAKE SOME NOISE AND WELCOME YOUR REIGNING QUEEN TO THE CAGE! HERE SHE COMES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HAAAAZELLLL LIONESSSSSS PEERRRYYY!!!”

  They went absolutely ballistic.

  Showtime.

  I stepped out from behind the curtain onto the makeshift runway with Knox on my tail and made my way down to the steel octagon.

  As I approached, I noticed Lexi glaring at me from center ring. Her right eye was bruised and a little puffy from our recent scuffle, but otherwise she looked better than I was expecting.

  Knox unlocked the cage as I shrugged off my robe, handing it to him thereafter. Without an ounce of reservation, he grabbed my face and smashed his lips to mine.

  “I love you.” He yelled above the boisterous noise level of the arena.

  I grinned, knowing I’d never tire of hearing those words come out of his mouth. “I love you too.”

  “Give her hell, baby.”

  “Always.” I promised, and with a wink, I entered the cage, hearing the door clink shut behind me. The further I stepped in, the louder the cheering grew and the faster my blood began to pump.

  Lionessssss!!!

  We love you, Lioness!!!

  Hearing and seeing the amount of people who were there for me never ceased to amaze me. I threw my arms up as I made it to center ring, soaking in the positive energy they radiated in waves. I felt it all, absorbed it, relished it, and with a deep breath, I lowered my gaze on Panterra.

  “ARE WE READY LADIES?!!!” The announcer’s voice boomed over the speakers.

  Lexi and I focused on each other as we’d done just two nights ago and promptly nodded in unison.

  “THEN LET'S. GET. IT. ON!!!!”

  The bell sounded off, though it was barely audible above the chaos.

  I hopped onto my toes, waving my palms. “Bring it, Lexi. Don't hold back.”

  “You're gonna regret that.” She snarled as she pushed off the mat and came flying out with a quick jab.

  I dodged and shot out with three swift punches, the last one nailing her right in the jaw. She shook it off and swung out, growling when I bounced her off with such force, she stumbled back.

  Charging toward her, I threw her back against the cage and smashing my knuckles into her bad eye. She howled in pain, her stance falling away, her body slumping ever so slightly.

  Already?

  I wanted to laugh.

  Trapping her in a headlock, I flipped her over and slammed her down onto the mat. My body blanketed over her a second later, my knees trapping beneath me as I continued to wail on that same tender spot. Each hit broke the skin a little more, the blood dripping off my hand a true testament of just how hard I was beating her down.

  “Submit, Lexi.” I gritted out beside her ear.

  My answer was an unexpected blow to face.

  I shook it off and chuckled, pinning my legs around her tighter and smashing my fist into the bloodied side of her face repeatedly. “Is that all you got?”

  She swung out again but I ducked my head and she caught nothing but air instead. An irritated growl ripped from her chest and then I felt her fingers snake their way into the tight bun on my head.

  She yanked me back and slammed her fist into my face. Stars instantly clouded my vision and I fell back, scrunching my eyes and breathing through the pain. It wasn’t the worst hit I’d taken but it was enough to put me down for a moment. I couldn’t stay down on the mat though. That was suicide.

  Quickly rolling to my knees, I lifted my head to locate Lexi and jumped back onto my feet. She was a bloodied mess of sorts barreling toward me. As she approached, I shot my leg out in a swift kick, whacking her right in gut and she folded onto the mat with a loud thud, gasping, struggling to fill her lungs with air.

  I was seconds away from mounting her once more when her arms flew up and she tapped her fingers against her palm.

  “TIME!” The announcer’s voice blared over the crowd.

  The cage door flew open and in came Knox, followed by Lexi’s coach who flew past me as I trotted to my corner. Knox was in full-on coach mode. He handed me my usual chilled bottle of Gatorade and wasted no time, closely inspecting both my hand and face.

  “It’s hers, not mine.” I
said before taking a long, refreshing sip.

  “I figured but I wanted to see it for myself.” He stepped around me and gripped my shoulders, rubbing them with the perfect amount of pressure. His head dipped low, lips a mere hairsbreadth from my ear. “You’re kicking ass, baby. You keep this up and she’ll be down in no time.”

  “That's the plan.” I smirked, melting into his touch.

  “That's my girl.” He growled playfully, pressing into me.

  I jabbed him softly in the ribs and turned to hand him the bottle.

  “Behave.”

  That wicked smile I loved spread across his face, swirling my stomach with a swarm of butterflies. It wasn’t lost on me that he was far more calm and collected than I thought he would be, given his reaction last night.

  Either he was hiding it well or he wasn’t nearly as worried now that he’d seen me dominate from the get-go.

  He pecked my cheek as the announcer called the end of the timeout. “Finish her so we can get the hell out of here.”

  “Way to keep me focused, coach.” I chided.

  “It’s your reward. That should keep you focused.”

  “Fiend.”

  “For you, always.” He called out, backing away toward the cage door.

  I shook my head in amusement and took off trotting to center ring, Lexi joining me moments later. Her face was clean now but the swelling was ever prominent, forcing her eye shut. Yet another factor that could only work in my favor.

  The crowd started up again, pumping my blood in time with their voices.

  “LI-ON-ESS, LI-ON-ESS, LI-ON-ESS!”

  I grinned, bringing myself into stance.

  “ARE WE READY, LADIES?!” The announcer’s voice blared above the chanting.

  Once again, Lexi and I nodded in unison, and then the bell rung out.

  I came out in a flash with a double, my knuckles connecting powerfully with her face both times. She stumbled back and I followed, throwing out as many as I could without overworking myself. I got a few in before she covered and dodged out of reach.

  “What happened to taking that title back, Lexi?” I asked, advancing toward her.