by Tia Siren
"Oh, I know. Trust me, there is no shortage of candidates. Samantha for example, remember her? She has been begging me to take her under my wing. Begging. I might have to hold auditions at this rate."
I shook my head, holding back my laughter. I had to admit I was going to miss Liana, too. When I had woken up from the car crash with no memory, I couldn't believe that she was my best friend. She just seemed so unlike the kind of person I thought I would be friends with. But now that I was leaving, well, I was really going to miss her.
"Hello, hello," she suddenly said. I looked over to see her holding one of my journals, my only journal. For some reason, I hadn't been able to find the others that I knew I had. Not that I cared. I had been planning on throwing them all out when I moved anyway. "What have we got here?"
"That one is definitely going in the trash," I said, reaching out for the journal only for Liana to snatch it away.
"Let's see what we have here." She began flipping through the pages until she landed on one that she seemed to like the look of. "’I can't believe how in love I am. I have never felt this way before. It's like’–boring." She flipped to another page.
"Come on, give it here," I said, reaching for it, only for her to jump back again.
"Oh, here we go," she said, smiling. "’It's over. Everything is over. Not just my relationship, but my life. There's a great big hole where’–well that's morbid." She frowned, flipping to another page. "’I trusted him. I thought that I could trust him, but now I know that I was wrong. After everything he said to me and everything he did, I don't know if I will ever be able to trust again. Let alone love him.’"
She stopped and pulled her eyes from the page to look up at me. Her expression wasn't one of sadness, but concern. She looked genuinely worried for me.
"Those are from over a year ago," I said, reaching out and taking the journal from her. This time she let me. "A lot has changed since then."
"Kate, babe. I love Liam, I do. You know I think he's a great guy and minus one very serious transgression, I think the two of you are perfect for one another. But have you thought about this? All of it?"
"Of course, I have," I said seriously. "What? You think he’s going to cheat on me? Or dump me again? Come on." I laughed, but it was a weak laugh. An uncertain one. The look on Liana's face took away all the conviction in my voice.
"I don't know,” Liana said. “All I know is that he has before. Twice! I love you babe, and I just want to make sure that you have thought about this. If you say you have, then that is good enough for me. I won't ever mention it again. I'll give you my blessings and let you carry on with your perfect life. But if you aren't sure, then I have to ask if you really want to do this?"
"Yes, I am sure," I said. As I did, my hands squeezed down on the journal. I could feel them shaking, physically struggling to keep a grip on the book. "He told me he loves me. And I love him. And that's good enough for me."
"Perfect!" Liana beamed, her attitude doing an instant 180. "I'm just going to pop into the little girl’s room, okay?" She hurried from the room toward the bathroom.
Once she was gone, I sat down on the end of my bed, the journal still in my hand. Unable to help myself, I opened it up to the very last entry and read.
This will be my final entry. I started writing in here because it made me happy. I loved writing about Liam and myself and everything that we got up to. I loved how he made me feel, and I wanted nothing more than to put those feelings into words so that I would have them with me always. But that is over now.
Liam broke my heart. He stomped all over it. I have never felt pain like this. I have never felt such misery. I want to describe how it feels, but I don't even know how to put such thoughts into words. To do so might burn the page and set the pen on fire. Instead, I will leave my journal with this final sentiment.
Don't ever love again. Don't ever trust again. To do so is for fools, and you, Kate Monroe, are no fool. Not anymore.
I reread the passage, unable to comprehend the words. I remembered writing that passage as clear as day, as if I had written it yesterday. I remembered how much it hurt to write, and how much I was hurting at the time. I remembered promising myself that I would never love again, that I would never fall for such a trap. And for a while there, I managed to keep my promise. Until Liam came along again.
Liam was the architect of my original downfall, but he was also the reason why I stood as tall as I did today. As I looked around the room, at my half empty cupboards and half packed bag, I had to ask myself again if I was doing the right thing. Liam and I were leaving in a few days for our new life together. If I was going to go through with it, I had to be one hundred percent certain that he wasn’t going to break my heart again.
"So girl, are we doing this?" Liana asked as she bustled back into the room.
Still sitting on the edge of the bed, journal in hand, I looked up at my best friend. I didn't answer her. I didn't know how to answer. Although I knew I wanted to live the rest of my life with Liam, I wasn't sure if I could. I wasn't really sure of anything.
CHAPTER 33
LIAM
"Everyone, everyone!" Clint shouted. "Shut up! Good. Everyone, I would like to propose a toast."
It was my going away party, and Clint, a few drinks deep at this point, saw it as the perfect time to silence the room and toast to my good name.
My party was being held at a small bar just around the corner from the hospital. The spot was chosen by Sandra, of all people, as she wanted as many people from the hospital to be able to go. And indeed, the bar was packed full of nurses and doctors. Many, who were still working, even had their scrubs on and had just ducked over to say goodbye.
Although I shook hands, hugged friends, and told them all how sad I was that I was leaving, the truth was that I could not be happier. And not just because I was finally leaving the hospital, but because I was doing it with Kate at my side.
The last week had been an unprecedented rush. In those six days, literally everything had been organized and accounted for. Not only was my lease taken over, I had my last shift and managed to find a new spot to set up my brand new practice. On top of all that, I found accommodations for me and Kate. I even managed to find someone to take over her lease and got Liana to give me her blessing.
It had been nothing short of hectic, but at the end of the week, it was all worth it. I still could not believe that it was happening. Not that I was moving, but that it was happening with Kate.
The last week had been as if nothing had ever happened. It was more like she had gone away for a weekend, and now we were finally back together. Sure, I may have gone a little overboard here and there with some of the things I bought her to say sorry, but I just wanted to make sure that she knew that it wasn’t going to happen again and that I truly was sorry. But after five days of gifts, presents, and surprises. I was pretty sure that she got the idea.
And so, I was able to attend my going away party, secure in the knowledge that my life was taking a turn for the better. All my friends were there, and a few who weren't friends, but I knew from the hospital. And even a few that I didn't recognize at all.
In fact, the only person who wasn't at the going away party was Kate. And I had no idea where she was. She was supposed to have turned up hours ago, but she had never shown. And worse, when I tried to call her, she didn't answer. I knew that she had spent the day packing with Liana, so I assumed that the two had gotten into some wine and maybe lost track of time. But even still, I couldn't help but worry.
And even when Clint had begun his speech, I quickly tried calling her again, only for the call to go to voice mail.
“Where to begin," Clint continued as he held his champagne glass in the air. The room was silent and all eyes were either on him or me. "I've known this prick for years. All the way through medical school. All the way through our internship and now, all the way into our residency. Was he the best doctor? Not really. Was he an ace student? Definitely not. Was he
the first person you would want in the room with you if something was to go down? I can see at least ten faces right now who I would prefer with me.”
"Come on," I said, laughing along with the rest of the crowd. "Give me something."
"I'm getting there," Clint assured me, hushing the crowd with his hands. "The point I was going to get to was this. He may not be the best at those things. Not even close actually. There was this one time in our third year when these twins came in with sore—"
"I don't think that story is appropriate," I cut in, still laughing. "Save it for my wedding."
"Okay,” Clint continued. "Like I was saying. He may not be the best at a lot that he does. But one thing he is tops at is being a good friend. I have never once had to question this man's friendship. Not for a second. You can take your top doctors. You can take your best diagnoses and ace surgeons. I'll take this guy any day of the week. Because he's my best friend, and I'm going to miss him."
"Here, here!" The room cheered as Clint threw back his glass of champagne, swallowing the whole thing in one go.
"Not bad," I chuckled as Clint saddled up to me. "A little sappy near the end, but overall, an okay speech."
"A little sappy? That's the point. I would be shocked if the nursing staff weren't all in tears. At the very least Sandra will be."
"Clint, that speech was nice," Sandra cut in as she approached me and Clint. Unlike how she usually acted, Sandra hadn't spoken to me all night. She was probably one of the people with whom I was the closest at the hospital, and I was surprised, to say the least. "I was wondering if I could borrow Liam for a moment?"
"Oh, sure thing," Clint said. "My glass is empty, and I won't be happy unless I crawl out of here tonight."
He looked around the room, spotting a table full of champagne glasses and was on them before I had a chance to blink.
"Sandra, I was wondering where you had gotten to," I began. "I thought maybe that—"
"Ah, can we maybe talk over here?" she asked, indicating to a side room just off from where the party was taking place.
"Yeah, sure," I said smiling as I let her lead me to the room. It hadn't really occurred to me, but my leaving had probably affected Sandra more than she was letting on. She had always had a crush on me, that much I knew. And even without the crush, she and I were still good friends.
As we entered the room, I prepared myself for what I assumed was going to be a heartfelt goodbye.
"So," she said.
She held an empty glass in her hand and judging from the way she was standing and the glassy look in her eyes, I had the feeling that she had more than a few drinks under her belt.
"So," I countered.
"This is it. The end of an era." She smiled.
"An era? Would you call is that?" I joked.
"Maybe not an era. Did I ever tell you that you were the first doctor I spoke to on my first day?"
"No, you never did. I do remember speaking to you though."
"You do?" she beamed.
"Of course. I remember your hair was a mess. Like really all over the place. And you had vomit down your top.”
"Oh my god," she said, covering her face with one hand while slapping me lightly on the arm with the other. "Yeah, I had just been thrown up on, and I needed a doctor to check the guy out. And there you were."
"Who would have guessed?" I said, patting her lightly on the arm.
"Guessed?" she asked, looking confused.
"That we would still be friends all these years later. You're probably the only nurse that I talk to, honestly. Outside of asking for an IV drip to be placed."
"Really?" she asked, beaming up at me again. It was just then that I noticed that her eyes were actually a little red and bloodshot. If I had to guess, I would say that she had been crying.
"Of course. Didn't you know?"
"Well, truth be told, I was always a little distracted around you," she said, looking down at her feet.
"Is that right? I can be pretty intimidating." I laughed.
"No, it's not that. I didn't know if you ever knew this, but I always had a bit of a crush on you."
"Ah," I said, trying not to smile but unable to help myself. It was always a nice feeling, being told that you were desirable. I just had to make sure that I treaded lightly from there on out. Sandra was obviously drunk, and I didn't want to do or say anything that might lead her on. "I had my suspicions."
"You did?"
"Yeah, of course. To be honest, you weren't exactly subtle."
"Can I ask you something?" she said. As she did, she reached out and put her hand on my arm. I should have pulled it away, but I didn't want to come off as rude or hurt her feelings. So, I left it, aware that it shouldn't have been there.
"You can ask me anything," I said seriously.
"Why didn't you ever make a move? If you knew? Was I not your type? Am I too ugly?"
"Hey. Trust me, it isn't because you're ugly, okay.” She gave me a warm smile. "It's just that, well, we work together. I didn't think it would ever be appropriate. You know?" The real truth was that I just never saw Sandra in that light. But better to offer her a white lie, especially considering the state she was in.
"Really?" she asked, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah. Really. Trust me, if we didn't work together then who knows?"
Before I had a chance to keep speaking, or before I had a chance to comprehend the look that she was giving me, Sandra lunged forward, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me in for a kiss. I was totally caught off guard by the moment, and as our lips touched, I hated to admit that it took me a few seconds to pull myself from her grasp.
But I did. As soon as I got a hold of my senses, I reached for her arms, unwrapped them, and stepped back.
"Sandra. You know that was inappropriate," I said calmly. I didn't want to sound angry or risk making her feel worse. I really had no idea what to say.
"Why?" she asked. As she spoke, she slurred and stumbled slightly, and I suddenly became very aware of how drunk she actually was.
"Because I'm seeing Kate. If I was single, maybe. But I'm not, so there's no chance."
It was at that moment that I looked past Sandra for the first time, toward the open door to the room. And there, standing at the door watching me and Sandra, was Kate.
Our eyes met and for a moment time seemed to freeze. In that moment, I became only too aware of what it was that Kate thought she was walking in on. There was me and Sandra, alone in a room. We had been drinking. It was my going away party, and we were kissing. The kiss lasted for less than a second, but depending on when she walked in, it may have appeared to have been going for a lot longer than that.
I went to call out, but my voice got caught in my throat. Sandra reached out to touch my arm, and I didn't even swat it away. Really, I didn't even notice it. All I noticed were Kate's eyes. They were red and bloodshot as if she had been crying. I'm sure that she was crying.
Before I got a chance to say or do anything, Kate turned and ran away. Gone again. Once more, I realized that I may have ruined everything.
CHAPTER 34
KATE
It's difficult to describe the anger that I felt in that moment. Like my journal entry had said, such words were difficult to come by and not even worth thinking about. Because that was what I felt, anger. I wasn't sad or upset. Even though I should have been. I was furious.
After I had come across my journal again earlier that day and read the final entry, I had taken a few moments to collect myself. The entry had hit me pretty hard, and I wasn't so sure how I was feeling. It warned me against Liam and ever opening myself up to him, or anyone else, again.
And for a moment there, I honestly considered heading its words. But then I saw a picture of me and Liam. It was just a simple selfie on my phone. I had taken it a few days earlier when we were getting a coffee. There were no thrills behind it, and no declarations of love. It was just a photo with the man that I loved, and whe
n I looked at that photo, I knew that what my journal warned me against was in the past. I knew that Liam had changed, and I could trust him.
Shows what I know.
The reason that I was late for the going away party was a flat tire. A simple, everyday flat tire. My phone was in the car's glove compartment as I attempted to fix it. And there it remained as I waved down a good Samaritan who helped me change the tire.
It wasn't until I was in the car, on my way finally, that I looked at my phone and saw all the missed calls. The funny thing was that seeing those calls actually sent a small flutter through my heart. To me it was a demonstration that Liam was worried about me. That he cared. He was, I assumed, calling to make sure that I was on my way.
I guess that was a lie. He was calling to make sure that I wasn't coming. He wanted to know that I would be nowhere near the party that night so that he could have his way with the busty redhead. And he almost got away with it, too.
The anger that I felt as I stormed from that bar wasn't directed at Liam. I was past that point. The anger was solely for myself. I was angry at myself for having ignored all my instincts and trusting that piece of shit again. I knew I shouldn’t have. I had told myself I shouldn't have. Liana had told me. Hell, I wrote a book about it. Everything was pointing me away from being with Liam again, and I ignored it.
I had only myself to blame. It was a chilling thought and one that I would learn from. No more mistakes.
"Kate, wait!" I heard Liam's voice call out to me as I powered down the street, heading for my car. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to hear whatever excuse he had. I was done. "Seriously, Kate you have to listen to me."
"Why?" I screamed as I turned back to face him. "Why must I listen to you? So you can spin me another lie? So you can talk your way out of it again?"
"No, I'm not trying to talk my way out of anything," he said as he reached me. "What you saw in there wasn't what it looked like."
"Don't, Liam," I said. My anger had subsided. I wasn't going to waste it on him. Not anymore. "Don't treat me like some idiot. I'm not blind. I know what I saw."