by Kimi Flores
She moved in closer, causing the leather on the couch to squeak. Good she felt his love not rejection. “Have you been talking to Leah about this?” She questioned.
“No but if the two people who love you, see that this needs to happen then maybe you should consider it.” Placing his nose on the top of her head, he took a sniff. He loved to smell her and today her hair had a pine fragrance. She smelled just like Christmas.
“He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness though.”
“You’re right but forgiveness is not given for his sake. You do it for your own. Even if he were to say that he doesn’t want your forgiveness, which I’m sure he won’t say, you do it for yourself. You can leave that heavy weight at his feet, walk away and feel so much lighter. You will keep running into him, it’s inevitable. This town is too small. Even if you don’t see him, you will see one of his family members.”
“I don’t know, I’m kind of an avoider. I’d rather just stay clear from him.”
“I know it seems easier, but trust me, you will feel so much better afterward. It’s one conversation and maybe a little counseling is needed, because I don’t think you’ve fully dealt with the death of your child either.” That look on her face wasn’t good. Maybe he pushed her too far. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you but this is kind of my point. You should be able to talk about it without it upsetting you so much and I really need you to be happy.”
“I have to think about this Caleb. It’s a bit much all at once.” Pulling away from his touch, he felt the cold air replace her.
If she was going to pull away, he was going to follow her. Slowly, so he didn’t scare her off, he moved closer then placed his hand on hers. “I know it is but you can do this and I will be behind you the entire time; whether you want me involved when you have the conversation or just for moral support. I can also refer you to the counselor that helped me with Rene’s passing. She was fantastic.”
“A shrink?” Abby looked at Caleb like he’d just grown two heads.
“No, a counselor. She will give you tools that can help you deal with everything. Like I said, I want to help you through this. Any way you need me to.”
Looking like she would actually consider this, she moved her eyes to his hand on top of hers. “Let me think about it, please.”
“I’m here whenever you are ready.” Sounds of little feet came bouncing on the kitchen floor, and Madison reentered the room. “Can I have a peanut butter sandwich and hot cocoa please?”
Abby was dead on her feet by the time she got home from the Festival of Lights. This was yet another tradition her mom and she shared while growing up, but they hadn’t gone to together the last couple of years. Her mom and husband did make it this time, joining their large group. Abby was delighted that Leah closed the flower shop early enough to meet them, as well as Grace and Robert. Their party covered a large area on the sand just outside of the harbor. Like previous years, the boats parading through the harbor were so beautifully decorated. The Christmas lights bounced off the water as they sailed by. It was just breathtaking. Standing next to Caleb’s warm body as he held Madison in his arms gave her a sense of longing. She wanted to be a part of their lives, more than she needed her next breath. Caleb talked about marriage often, but she didn’t know if he’d decided that she was the one he wanted forever. He said he loved her, and she did believe him, but for life? Could he love her endlessly after knowing her such a short time? Christmas was around the corner, would it be absurd to think that a ring could be under the tree for her? At that thought, she smiled to herself and got ready for bed.
This is what it was all about, kindergarten school performances. It was bittersweet this year however, since it was Abby’s last opportunity to be with her kindergarteners. Madison was just approaching the small bleachers on the stage along with the other children as Abby and her co-teacher Melissa directed them. Standing in her brown sweat suit, reindeer ears and a light up red nose, his little girl waved at him from center stage. He couldn’t be upset with her for it, but knew this was Abby’s last ‘screw you’ to whoever was responsible for having her transferred out of kindergarten. She did use her pull and favoritism to make Madison into Rudolph.
Grace, Robert, Leah and he looked on as the children began to sing ‘Up on the Rooftop’. Laughter sounded throughout the room as the first child started to pick his nose and another began to wander off and cry. Thankful his father-in-law thought ahead of time and brought the video camera, Caleb joined the crowd in merriment. Little fingers attempted to snap during the “click click click” part of the song. This right here was one of the best feelings Caleb could have.
The song ended way too soon. Once the five-year-olds were ushered off of the stage, the next troop appeared. Caleb sat back chatting with Leah when Abby joined them. She smoothed the back of her skirt as she took her seat between him and her best friend. Leaning over to his ear she whispered. “Melissa said she had the kids so I could come out here with you.”
Caleb breathed back. “You aren’t on the clock, right?” She slightly shook her head from side to side. “Good.” Placing his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her close, and then kissed her forehead. He’d noticed the women all around them before he’d sat down. They were all watching because they hoped to find a reason to cause more problems. He wanted them to know that he couldn’t care less about their agendas. Abby and he were a couple, she’d been transferred already, and they no longer had any standing in the situation. Glad she followed his lead, Caleb smiled when Abby relaxed and placed her head on his shoulder.
Abby sat in the sand, allowing the cold grainy substance to slip absently through her fingers. As the sun started to set, she watched a young girl and her mother chase each other along the shoreline, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Silent tears fell down her cheeks as memories saturated her thoughts. Every year prior to this one, her mom and she had prepared a picnic in this very spot. It was their annual Christmas Eve tradition. Not this year though. This time she sat here, forgotten, while her mother was off on a cruise with her stepfather.
Darkness descended along with the heaviness in her heart. “Star shining oh so bright, I wish on you this Christmas night, hoping my wish may be granted in the morning. Make a wish Abby; Santa might hear you while he’s up amongst the stars.” The words floated to Abby in the breeze, the same words her mom used to say every time they had come here. At first, she thought she imagined them, and then a picnic basket dropped in front of her.
“Your mom called me and thought you might be here.” Grace explained her unexpected presence as she plopped down beside her on the quilt she’d used every year since she was a child. Tears still streaked across Abby’s face. She wiped them away, embarrassed to be caught in such a vulnerable state.
“You poor girl, come here.” Abby was pulled into an embrace by this kind, caring woman. “You know, when my Rene was young, we used to indulge in an entire chocolate cake every Christmas Eve and not once worried about our waist lines. It was our favorite extravagance over the holiday season. I miss her terribly, but over the years, I have also learned to love new traditions that have come about. I brought along my famous mud cake; do you care to join me?” The picnic basket was well stocked, and Grace got out all the necessities. When a whopping quarter of the cake was passed to Abby on a plate along with a spoon, she instantly smelled rich chocolate and knew she was in for a treat.
“Thank you, it smells wonderful.” The moist cake exploded with flavor on her tongue and Abby couldn’t help but moan in pleasure.
With both of their mouths full of delicious cake and unable to speak, they took the time to admire the beautiful scenery. Multicolored lights from cafes along the pier reflected off the water as well as the ones on the enormous Christmas tree proudly standing at the far end of the wooden dock. The waves had settled, and the water resembled a black mirror as far as the eye could see. Now that the sun had set, a cold breeze made an appearance. Only a few people re
mained, walking along the shore, dotted up and down the beach.
The peaceful silence was suddenly broken by an excited little voice rushing toward her. “Miss Abby, Miss Abby!” Upon turning, Abby saw tiny little legs pumping toward her, just before Madison jumped into her arms and lap. Luckily, she had just put her plate down moments before.
Bright eyes stared up at her and the loss of her mom on this particular day faded away, only to be satisfied with a new sense of fulfillment. The feeling was made even more complete when Caleb crouched down, wrapped his arms around them both, and gave Abby a peck on the cheek. “Hi Ladies.” He glanced over at Grace as he said it, who winked back at him. Being clued in to the fact that she was being played didn’t bother her in the slightest.
“Well, I best be going to fix Robert’s dinner.” Grace conveniently timed her goodbye as she stood up and dusted herself off. “Perhaps next year Madison and you can help me bake the cake?”
Before she got the chance to reply Madison was jumping up and down in her lap, “Can we, can we, can we?”
Abby smiled widely while looking down at the little girl’s enthusiastic face. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.”
Grace left the three of them cuddled close for warmth as the chilly night air set in. They wouldn’t be able to stay out much longer. “So I guess you’re heading out soon? Are you going to see Leah?” Caleb inquired, and her face dropped. Was he trying to hint that he didn’t want me around anymore tonight?
“Don’t be silly Daddy! Miss Abby is coming for a sleep over so that she can wake up with us for presents tomorrow morning. Aren’t you Miss Abby?” Although Madison’s intentions were sweet, awkwardness now encumbered them.
“Actually, Leah is already with her family.” She tried to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. She hid her face, because she couldn’t look at them while she lied. A warm hand cupped her chin and Caleb turned her to face him. “You were going to spend Christmas Eve alone without telling me? I’m sorry; I just assumed you would have already made plans with Leah since you hadn’t said anything. I thought you would have arranged them a long time back. You are spending tonight and tomorrow with us. You belong with us.” His intense brown eyes looked into hers as he instructed, “Spend the night with me.” Shivers went down her spine, causing tingles all over her body.
“Miss Abby’s cold daddy; it’s time to get her home.” Madison was remarkably perceptive; they would have to be careful about that in the future Abby noted. Caleb helped them to their feet. Leaning in with an all-knowing smirk on his face, he whispered, “You weren’t cold, were you?”
Abby went back to her place to pack an overnight bag while Caleb took Madison home to get her into bed. The top drawer of her dresser had been open a full ten minutes as she stared back and forth between her warm, comfy, pink flannel pajamas, and a tiny black satin number. A war was going on in her head, and she didn’t know what to pick. Where was her best friend when she needed her?
Still undecided, she picked up her home phone and pressed number two on her speed dial, only recently putting Caleb in the number one spot. “Hola chica! Merry Christmas Eve! What can I do you for?” Leah’s overly happy voice came through the speaker. It was obvious she’d been enjoying more than a few glasses of sangria in celebration tonight.
“Well, see I have this tiny problem and...” Why had she called Leah? It should have been obvious there would be only one choice in her book.
“Spit it out Abby; what’s the matter?” The black item in question now dangled from her fingertips as she conveyed her problem through the phone.
“I’m staying at Caleb’s house tonight and I’m not sure what sleepwear to pick, cute pink flannels or the sexy little satin nightie? I don’t want to seem like I’m throwing myself at him, but I don’t want to be too frumpy either.”
Leah’s answer surprised her, “Go with the flannels; Caleb would want you to be comfortable more than anything else. Just make sure you wear something lacy underneath. I got to run girl. Call me with details tomorrow.” The line went dead, promptly cutting their call short.
Happy with her decision after confirmation from her best friend, she tossed the flannel pajamas, appropriate underwear, and an outfit for tomorrow into a bag. Walking toward the front door, she reached down and picked up Madison’s present that was from both Caleb and Abby. She’d kept it hidden at her house for the last week and was truly going to miss having it around. Sending a quick text to her boyfriend to let him know when to expect her, she carefully placed the sweetest gift on the passenger seat next to her before driving off.
When she pulled up to Caleb’s, he was waiting on the front porch. “Hey Sweetie.” As he gave her a quick kiss in greeting, he took the backpack off her shoulder and looked around to make sure the coast was clear. “Come inside; I’ve made you some dinner. Grace called to let me know you didn’t get a chance to eat a proper meal, just cake.”
The smell of garlic drifted toward the entrance as they walked through the door. “You didn’t have to do that.” Although she was grateful, her stomach was rumbling for some decent food.
“It’s nothing special. Just a simple creamy garlic pasta; I didn’t have much time after I got Madison to bed, sorry.”
“No, it’s more than fine, it sounds great.”
They sat down on his leather couch and dug into their pasta while chatting for hours. At one point, Caleb’s phone rang, and when he looked at the number, he excused himself, saying he had an important call he had to take. When he re-entered the room some time later, he had a cat-ate-the-canary type grin on his face. “Your call went well?” She assumed.
“Fantastic,” he replied without elaborating. “How do you feel about building a dollhouse with me before going to sleep? It looks pretty easy.”
Instantly thinking about all those family Christmas movies where the father and mother stayed up late on Christmas Eve to put ‘Santa’s presents’ together came to mind. “I would love to.” She would also love to see Madison’s face when she came down the stairs to discover the dollhouse.
After a couple of hours assembling this ‘simple’ project, a huge yawn escaped Abby’s mouth, which she covered with her hand. “Excuse me. It’s been a long day. Bed time for me I think.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized that she had no idea whether she was to sleep in his room or not. Had he even brought anyone in there since Rene? “Umm.” Surely her face was bright red because it certainly felt hot.
“I made up the spare bedroom for you. I didn’t want you to feel that I wanted you here for the wrong reasons.” Grateful he seemed to sense her discomfort; she nodded and followed him over to the spare room. “Good night Caleb.” She whispered. Before leaving, he leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips, taking the time to savor her mouth. “Goodnight Beautiful.” He left her there, standing dazed in the doorway. She had already received the best Christmas gift ever.
Sweet visions of Caleb danced behind Abby’s eyelids. The cozy, soft down blanket surrounded her, and she snuggled deeper into it, wanting to stay asleep for just that little bit longer. A contented sigh left her lips. Giggles sounded from beside her, and her eyes fluttered open to see Madison kneeling beside the bed, looking up at her.
“Merry Christmas, Miss Abby.” Her heart swelled as the little girl, who found a place deep within her life, lifted off her knees and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you.”
Well, if her heart weren’t expanded before, it was now overloaded and about to rupture in her chest. Happy tears formed in her eyes, “I love you too, Pumpkin.” She’d been thinking about something and wanted to use this opportunity to talk to Madison. “What do you say that we only use Miss Abby at school, and you can just call me Abby when we aren’t at school?”
This girl had the best smile, and it happened to burst free after Abby’s question. “Yes, Miss, I mean Abby. I would like that.”
Unable to resist the urge, she pulled Madison onto the bed and cradled the little girl in
her arms. “Would you like to help me cook Daddy breakfast?” Hopeful brown eyes lit up her face as she stared back at Abby.
“Can we cook pancakes? Daddy loves pancakes.” The bed rocked as she jumped up and off the side. “Come on Abby, before he wakes up.” What Abby wouldn’t do to go up the stairs and wake him up herself.
Softly yanking on Abby’s arm, Madison led her to the tree. “First, you have to see what Santa brought. Look at this dollhouse. How does Santa know so much? I always wanted this.” Abby held in her snicker. It was funny to her when small children said ‘always’ as though they’d lived a hundred years and pined after that one item every moment. “How fun would it be if it was super big and we could go inside to have a tea party?” Secretly, Abby would love to do that. Growing up, her mom didn’t have a lot of money so dreams like playhouses were not feasible.
“What do you say we get that breakfast ready, then we can play tea party with your dolls.”
“That sounds like fun Abby.”
Strutting over to the kitchen, she found all of the ingredients they needed were in the cupboards, so they got to work. The stack on the plate was almost full and Madison had just taken off to go to the bathroom when firm arms snaked around Abby’s waist from behind. Warm breath tickled down her neck as Caleb moved the top of her flannel nightshirt aside. Frozen on the spot, she held onto the counter top to keep herself upright then he brushed his lips along her shoulder. “I love waking up to the sight of you in my home, in what I hope someday soon will be our home.” At his words, she relaxed into him and let out a little moan.
“I love waking up to the sight of you too, although technically I haven’t actually seen you yet.”
He turned her around in his arms, and she got an eyeful of his bare chest and gawked. “Merry Christmas Abby,” he chuckled.