Love and Lust (Small Town Secrets Book 2)

by Jade C. Jamison

  There would be no prettying up what had happened, no mitigating the harshness of the facts. How the hell could I explain to a jury of old white men that I’d had a momentary lapse of reason, that my hormones had overtaken me? And how could I hide the fact that it wasn’t really momentary? It had been premeditated, something I’d desired for longer than I would have liked to admit.

  It didn’t matter how amazing the sex had been, didn’t matter how Ryan’s body seemed to fit perfectly with mine.

  No matter how much I couldn’t stop thinking about his touch.

  No matter how, deep down inside, part of me wanted to do it again and again.

  Ryan was a one-night stand. First, I had to figure out how to deal with my legal misstep. Then I’d have to manage getting him out of my heart and head.

  Until then, my stomach was going to remain a churning mess.

  * * *

  When I heard Adam talking to Janae just before lunch, I kept my eyes focused on the computer screen in front of me, but my thoughts were instead on my dilemma. Should I tell my partner or hope my indiscretion would never be discovered?

  Until I decided for certain, I’d have to lay low—because Adam could read me like a romance novel.

  My partner, however, had other plans. Tapping on my door, he sauntered in and lounged in one of my client chairs, patiently waiting for me to look up from my screen.

  So much for laying low.

  When I looked up from my monitor, Adam flashed a cocky grin. “Guess I didn’t need your advice after all. The DA offered one last plea bargain this morning, and Mrs. Roberts accepted it.”

  Act normal. “That’s great.”

  “Yeah. All my client got was probation and court costs. No jail time.” I nodded, hoping I looked like I usually would when Adam was sharing a victory. “Wanna know my theory?”

  “Sure.”

  “I think the cops found something on her lover and they’re planning to pursue that lead, and I think the DA wanted to get this case out of the way before moving on that one.”

  I forced a weak smile as Adam settled into the chair across from my desk. God, how long could I keep up this ruse? “Whether you got lucky or not, I’m sure your talent had a lot to do with it.” My partner and friend was likely the best defense attorney I knew. Sure, I’d handled one or two criminal cases, but my forte gravitated toward issues involving family law, domestic matters, real estate, a couple torts here or there. Adam, though—he liked getting his hands dirty, loved arguing. Between the two of us, we covered a broad spectrum of the law, but I knew he was one of the best—so saying it was a no brainer. The man was a hell of a negotiator but, of course, stronger words like those couldn’t find their way to my tongue. No, instead all I could come up with was a little flattery.

  And so it came as no surprise that my lawyer friend saw right through it.

  “What’s up?” One of his dark brows furrowed as he contemplated my mental state. My stomach started doing cartwheels again in response.

  I forced myself to maintain eye contact, something I’d gotten good at over the years, and I tried not to gasp for air like someone drowning. “Nothing.” I even attempted putting on the face of someone wondering if her friend had lost his mind for even suggesting it, but my acting skills had already pooped out. It was too hard trying not to vomit.

  Then he used his litigator voice. “Samantha, you forget I know you better than that.” I felt my intestines drop as if I were riding a rollercoaster, but then his concerned look changed to one of realization as he smiled. “Never mind. I wasn’t even thinking. I forgot.”

  Why did this feel like a trap? “Forgot what?”

  “I ran into Ed and he said he saw you on a date last night at some bar.”

  Fuck. That made any kind of denial I might have been planning in the back of my mind more difficult. But maybe I could fend off a deeper inquiry. “Ed O’Malley?” If Adam hadn’t already known my opinion of Ed, he would have been able to translate the disdain in my voice.

  “Yeah. He was assigned to the Roberts case.” I nodded and then picked up a file, hoping Adam would get the impression that I had lots to do. “You know Ed’s got a thing for you.” I frowned and rolled my eyes, something I probably would have done anyway, but I was hoping Adam would take the hint, drop it, and leave my office.

  I wanted to fret alone.

  “When we were walking down the hall, he was bitching and moaning about how he saw you with some guy last night and wondered if I knew who he was.”

  My mouth betrayed me. “Shit.”

  Adam laughed, still not figuring out that he was getting warmer. “Why don’t you just fuck the poor guy once and get it out of his system?” It took me a second to figure out he was talking about Ed, and the thought made my skin crawl. There was something creepy about the guy, something I hadn’t been able to put a finger on, and the idea of his eyes on my naked body made me shudder—and not in a good way. Ordinarily, Adam’s teasing wouldn’t bother me, but I was getting more anxious as the morning wore on. “I’m just kidding.” I shook my head as he laughed again. “He’d probably leave you alone, though.”

  While Adam amused himself, my brain was analyzing just how long it would be before my partner discovered the truth—and his eyes narrowed as he read my expression. “Come on, Samantha. Enough’s enough. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

  I let out a long sigh, trying to make eye contact. “I don’t know how to tell you.”

  Leaning forward in the chair, his voice sounded more concerned. “Now you’ve got me worried. Tell me what?”

  My eyes scanned my desktop while I assessed the best move—but I’d already pondered all sides long before Adam had come into my office. “You mind shutting the door?”

  Like he was a cartoon character, Adam’s eyes bulged in a way that was almost comical—and had this been less serious, I might have giggled. But he got up and closed the door like I’d asked and, by the time he was sitting again, his furrowed brows were less amusing. “What the hell’s going on?”

  I pressed my fingers together as though I were sitting in court, attempting to look professional while keeping myself quiet. I had to tell Adam, even if I told no one else. When I spoke, I could tell my voice was lower than usual by the way his head tilted closer in an effort to hear my words. “The guy I was with last night?” I swallowed, fighting the urge to vomit again. “He was—um, is—a client.”

  Adam’s eyes changed from concerned to shock in less than a second. “What?”

  The words fought against my tongue, and my eyes wanted to look anywhere but at Adam, but I forced myself to face the music. “Yeah, I slept with a client last night.”

  My partner was quiet. Too quiet. I knew the information was sinking in with him, but he felt like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. It was funny I felt that way, because I knew Adam’s explosive temper was an act for juries, judges, and courtroom audiences. The man was actually level-headed and cool, something that could be maddening as a lover. But Adam knew how to play a courtroom.

  In real life, though, when his real emotions were involved, he grew quiet. And now all I could hear in my office was the clock on the wall ticking out the seconds. Before he even spoke, I could feel the disappointment coming off him in waves—and that was followed by palpable anger.

  That was fine. I could take it.

  But he didn’t yell at me. Not once. And that was probably worse than when his voice, so low an eavesdropper wouldn’t be able to hear it even with an ear on my door, crossed my desk. “Samantha, what the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t. It was all emotion.”

  “Obviously.” He walked over to the window, looking at our lovely view of the parking lot. He ran his fingers through his hair, letting it all sink in, before he turned to face me long moments later. “You know you could lose your license over this.”

  “I know. Don’t you think I’ve been thinking about that all morning?”

  “I hope it
was worth it.”

  The stupid slutty part of myself along with the comedienne deep inside thought, Oh, it was. But was it? Really?

  I was in doubt now.

  “What should I do, Adam?”

  “Hell if I know. You knew better than to do that in the first place, Samantha.” He walked back over to the chair and sat down, almost in a slump. “Jesus. What a mess.”

  “Adam, don’t you think I’ve already thought about this? I know what I did was wrong. I just don’t know how to fix it.”

  “There is no fixing it. What’s done is done.” I felt my mouth screw up and we sat in silence for a long time. I stared down at my hands, now holding themselves together in an almost desperate bout of prayer. When Adam’s voice cut through the quiet like a machete, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Are you going to tell the Bar?”

  “Should I?”

  Through his eyes, I could see the gears turning as my partner began doing what he was good at: assessing the damage before figuring out how to negotiate terms. “If it were me…I wouldn’t.”

  That was surprising, especially after I’d felt as though Adam had already judged me. So I had to know. “What would you do?”

  That fucking clock’s ticking was going to drive me insane. It almost made me wish for the good old days when computers were loud, a kind of white noise drowning out all else. But, after another painful silence, Adam finally put me out of my misery. “If it were me, I’d reassign the case to you and pray that no one else found out.”

  I felt a tiny glimmer of hope. “Is that what you’re suggesting?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” He shifted in his chair, sitting up straighter. “So tell me about this guy.”

  “What the hell do you want to know? Why he was so irresistible?”

  Adam almost laughed.

  Almost.

  Instead, he narrowed his eyes, making me feel like an errant child again. “His case. Tell me about what’s going on with his case—so I can handle it for you.”

  I let out a breath of air as some of my muscles softened. “Pretty cut and dry. Paternity testing. He wants to find out if he’s the father.”

  “Jesus, Samantha, you really pick ‘em.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Adam’s mouth turned down in a frown on one side. Instead of feeling like a problem child, I now felt like the mentally challenged one—and he explained it to me that way. “What if this guy is the dad? Did you ever think of that?”

  “So what?”

  “Well, he’ll probably go back to the ex. Try to start over, make it work.” I shrugged, feeling my mouth screw up. “Yeah, okay. I guess that’s not a problem if you just wanted a quick hop in bed.” I wasn’t about to say anything else to incriminate myself. I knew in the back of my mind that, somehow, Ryan had become lots more than just a quick fuck—and that made it a bigger problem. But I wasn’t going to pour gasoline on the fire we were starting to put out—so I said nothing. “Well, at least it’s something easy. Where’s the case file?”

  Like it had ever been far from reach. I pulled it off the stack on my desk and handed it to Adam. “Ryan Craig.”

  Adam looked up from the manila folder, one eyebrow cocked. “Tall tattooed guy?”

  “Yeah.”

  The back of my neck grew hot, and I tried not to be pissed that Adam had already figured it out. He started leafing through the few documents in the file folder. “So the ex and the baby are having the testing done next week?”

  “Ryan’s already been to the lab for his.”

  Adam’s gaze pierced through me again—and I knew it was because I’d used Ryan’s first name. But I was already guilty. I wasn’t going to add to it by playing innocent.

  Adam kept reading. “Mom has an attorney. You’ve already made contact. So we’re just waiting on the results right now?”

  “Pretty much.”

  He nodded, shutting the folder. “Got it.” Then he leaned forward, placing his hand on mine. I searched his eyes, feeling my soul flood with his compassion and forgiveness. Gratitude and relief helped my stomach relax. “We’ve all made mistakes, Samantha. Just let it go, okay? We’ll get through this.” I forced myself to smile, even though it was small and weak. “We’re still partners, all right?”

  “Thank you, my friend.” I nodded, squeezing Adam’s hand before pressing my palms together again. “But what if O’Malley gets snoopy?”

  “I’ll deal with him. I’ll just tell him you picked up some no name guy if he asks again. It’s not like that’s a stretch.” I nearly growled at him but instead just let my eyes communicate the disdain I felt. Adam chuckled and stood. “He won’t ask again. He’s got it bad for you, but he’s not a stalker.” He used the file folder like a pointer while he continued talking. “I’ll give this guy a call and let him know I’m handling his case now.”

  Maybe my stomach wasn’t so calm after all, because it clenched like a fist. “No. Let me do it, Adam, okay? It’s my problem, and I should try to clean up the mess before you finish it.”

  “If that’s what you really want.” He handed the folder back to me. “Just bring me the file when you’re done.” He walked to the door and paused, his hand on the knob. “You’ll tell him today, right?”

  I wasn’t that big a chicken. “Of course.”

  “Want me to leave the door open?”

  I wanted to say yes because that would mean things were back to normal—but they weren’t, not by a long shot. And I had a phone call to make.

  “No, thanks.”

  Adam nodded before closing the door behind him. I could hear his voice as he made small talk with Janae, communicating that things were just fine—but I figured Janae could read us just as well as we could read each other. The woman could smell bullshit a hundred miles away.

  But I had another task to take care of.

  I shouldn’t have had Ryan’s cell number memorized, but I tried not to think about that as I pressed the numbers on my phone. He picked up on the third ring, giving me no choice to put it off. I tried to sound casual, but I could hear the strain in my voice. “Hey, Ryan. This is Samantha. I, uh…need to talk to you about your case.”

  “Now?”

  No fucking way was I going to tell him this shit over the phone. “No, I was wondering if you could stop by the office sometime today?”

  For a second, I thought his call dropped because the line was so quiet. Finally, though, he put me out of my misery. “I can probably come by around four.”

  I told him I’d see him then before I hung up the phone, relieved that awkward moment was over. But that was just the beginning. The real fun would be when I had to confess face to face. I wanted to get it over with, but that wasn’t up to me. So I needed to distract myself, focusing on other cases that needed my attention—and, if I could do that successfully, the next several hours would disappear quickly.

  A little while later, Adam peeked his head in the door again. “Gonna grab a bite to eat. Can I pick up anything for you?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “You sure?” I nodded. My stomach, while no longer churning, continued to flutter, and I doubted my appetite would come back until at least the next day.

  “Okay. Be back soon.”

  He turned to leave. “Adam?”

  When he looked back, I said, “I just wanted to let you know Ryan will be in later, and I’ll give him the news then. And, uh…thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For everything.”

  He smiled, shaking his head. “Sorry I lost it with you.”

  “No hard feelings. Thanks—really.”

  “Hey, you’d do the same thing for me.” I nodded, because it was true.

  As he left, I forced myself to smile. Then I stretched, deciding to head to the break room for some coffee. As I passed by the desk, Janae said, “I’m heading out to lunch. Can you keep an ear out for the front door?”

  I told her I would. It was either that or lock it and
hang an out to lunch sign, but there was no reason for that today. Unfortunately, with both my coworkers gone, I was left alone with my thoughts.

  When I’d first awakened this morning, I’d felt like I was on my highest high and, just hours later, I couldn’t get any lower. Seriously, I was on the verge of losing my career, something I’d put in years of toil and tears for—and I’d thrown it away because of my hormones. I reminded myself that Adam had a decent solution, though. I could only hope that Ryan would understand why I could no longer handle his case. I’d just have to explain the serious ramifications I could face if I continued representing him, and I’d also have to tell him that Adam was one of the best attorneys I knew.

  I was having a harder time concentrating with the offices empty.

  But the day dragged on and, even though I got some necessary work done, I wasn’t nearly as productive as usual. As the last hour before four ticked on, time seemed to slow, each minute growing a little longer as my nerves once more grew taut and my stomach filled with bubbling acid.

  Some stupid part of me was desperate to see him again, almost like there was some self-destructive part of me that didn’t care. I’d felt the man inside me, knew what he could do to me, understood how my body responded to his touch—and so some tiny primal part of me didn’t care what the consequences were.

  What if Adam was right? What if Ryan did turn out to be the father and decided to move back to Trinidad? I wouldn’t want to stop him from reconciling with his ex and trying to be a good father, would I?

  Had that thought, buried in the back of my mind, driven me to act at a stupid time? Had I convinced myself that last night was now or never?

  No, that was dumb. I’d only wanted to fuck him once, get him out of my system.

  Maybe so, but there was something ridiculous going on with me, something weird and intense and emotional.

  And it didn’t matter. It would end here and now.

  Just as soon as Ryan showed up.