***
One Saturday night, in February—Ground Hog's Day—parked at the Berry Bush Forest Preserve, as Donna lay her head on Stan's shoulder in the backseat of the car; the two engaged in a most interesting conversation. Stan and Donna learned that night that they shared a mutual fascination with the dead, and with life beyond the grave—although the two of them might have had slightly different perceptions. Death wasn't so morbid as the rest of the population might have believed. Stan and Donna both believed that death and the world beyond the grave was a new beginning. It was birthing into a new existence, a higher level of existence that transcends the physical world. And maybe it was possible for those who move on to return in a physical sense.
It was Donna who triggered the conversation by initially talking about church. She originally intended on gauging whether or not Stan believed in God, and was serious about his faith. She did, after all, see Stan and his family on many occasions at mass. "...I mean sometimes when I'm praying to Mary or the saints, I can feel their presence. I feel like I can reach out and touch them; reach for their hands. Many times I feel like there is some sort of invisible wall that can easily be penetrated. If you can get past this wall, you can visit Heaven for a short time."
"I think I know what you mean." acknowledged Stan. "Did you ever look at a dead person in a coffin? Did you ever wonder if it is truly the end for that person? What if there were a way to simply touch that dead person and wake them up?"
"Nobody can do that." rejected Donna. "The only person who was ever able to do that was Christ. And it isn't the end for that dead person, either. They simply go to Heaven, provided they lived a good life."
"Well what about doctors in the emergency room who bring a dead patient back to life?" argued Stan. "They've done it plenty of times. And some of those patients swear that they spent a brief moment in Heaven. How do you explain that?"
"I've read about that before." answered Donna. "That's always fascinated me."
Stan continued, "I guess my point is: can a person be called back to their body after being dead for some time?"
"That's a very difficult question." pointed Donna. "As for that person who is brought back to life, maybe their purpose wasn't fulfilled yet."
Stan introduced a new subject to their conversation, “Hey, do you remember that girl in town who was killed in a car crash? I still remember her name, Lisa. This would have been in '59."
"Oh yes, I remember her." answered Donna. "We actually went to her funeral.—friend of the family. It was so sad."
"Well the cemetery where she's buried is actually right in my backyard." continued Stan. "Her grave is right near the fence. I actually watched them lower her into the ground. And then a day or so later I saw her picture in the newspaper. I'm sort of embarrassed to admit, but I guess as a boy that age, I actually thought she was pretty. I felt bad that a girl so pretty had to die. And that's when I got the strange idea of visiting her grave at night. I simply hopped the fence over and sat down near her gravestone to be with her. [Stan wouldn't dare confess to his defilement of Lisa's grave.] I don't know what possessed me to do it. But I remember wondering if it were possible to bring her back to life—you know, call her back to this world so she could be alive again." At that point, Stan was conveniently re-inventing the course of events from that night in 1959 at the cemetery. Interesting thing: although Stan's intention as a young boy was simply to defile the grave a fresh, young woman; his re-invention of the course of events from that night reflected a subconscious purpose, one that Stan certainly wouldn't have been able to understand as a young boy. So for all practical purposes, Stan wasn't exactly lying to Donna in that moment. Rather, he was reaching a moment of epiphany.
There were several seconds of silence before Donna answered. "I don't think I've ever met someone who did that. So you were so affected by the death of Lisa that you visited her grave at night as a boy?"
"Yes..." admitted Stan.
"That was so nice of you." cited Donna. "I guess that's what makes you a nice guy. And you wanted to bring her back to life?"
"Yes..." further admitted Stan.
"Well maybe you can't bring the dead back to life, but you can talk to the dead." pointed Donna.
"You can?" asked Stan.
"Yes; they listen to you just like the saints, angels and Mary. And in a way, that's what you were doing as a boy. You visited Lisa's grave and told her how sad you felt that she was gone. It probably meant a lot to her that you thought she was pretty."
"I hope so..." commented Stan while remembering the night of Lisa's defilement. As he recalled, he saw in his imagination the young woman screaming out for help, but was unable to make a sound because she was dead. There was someone definitely there with Stan on that night in 1959, and he believed it was the tormented soul of Lisa who had to endure the fantasy rape of her dead body.
Stan confessed some more, "I used to come to these woods, a lot, and think about the dead." With this statement he remembered the morbid game that he played with the doll—unburying it from the ground where it was kept sealed in a metal toolbox. "I guess in a way, these woods are somewhat special to me."
Donna smiled for she knew that she was a part of Stan's "special" woods."
Stan continued "And then I saw the tree out there in the valley that reminded me of you. That valley in the forest is all the more special. It's alive. There's some sort of spirit in that valley.
"Yes, I know what you mean." agreed Donna. "I felt it there on the night that I was there with you."
"I think it wants us to be together." suggested Stan. "I think the spirit is trying to tell us that you and I are meant to be."
Donna momentarily recalled the night that she stood with her back against the tree while feeling like a goddess who had materialized on Earth to grace a mortal the privilege of kissing her. She wondered if this spirit had consumed her in those moments. It was frightening to consider because such an occurrence could very well hint to possession. But it was equally fascinating; so fascinating that she announced, "I want to go back there, Stan.”
"I don't think we can." answered Stan. "At least for tonight... at least until spring when the snow melts. They plow the parking lot whenever it snows, but I doubt they plow the trail."
"In the spring can we go back?" nearly begged Donna.
"Yes, of course." reassured Stan. "And when we get there, we should probably do something special; some sort of tradition that would make it officially ours. Whenever we go there, it would forever be considered our place."
Donna cuddled closer to Stan. She couldn't wait to return to the valley.
***
Stan had a very cyclical nature to him. In late summer and throughout autumn he would experience those morbid fetishes which wouldn't subside until around late November. Then, come early spring, he suffered from what modern day psychologists would identify as neurosis. This is simply an unusual frequency of heavy emotions. For Stan these emotions ranged anywhere from sadness to anger to jealousy to an unfounded mistrust of people. In that particular spring of 1965, Stan was in his relationship with Donna. It was his first love, and he wasn't exactly prepared for challenges.
"We've had a lot of melting of snow this past week." said Stan to Donna on a late Saturday night after picking her up under the usual protocol. "And I know you want to visit the valley in the woods."
Donna shrugged her shoulders. "Sure..."
Stan could sense that there was something wrong, something troubling Donna.
"What's wrong?" probed Stan.
"Oh nothing..." answered Donna. Then she sighed.
Stan insisted, "Oh, come-on. I know there is something bothering you."
"I got a letter from Fredrick." finally answered Donna.
"Yeah? What did he say?"
"Well, someone out there must have noticed us together and put two and two together. I don't know who did it, but someone wrote Fredrick a letter and told him that I might be cheating on him with you.
"
"What???" exclaimed Stan. "Do you have the letter? Can I see it?"
"No, I don't want to show you." answered Donna. "He wrote some personal things in there. But when talking about you and me, he said that he heard a crazy rumor that we were together. He reassured me that he doesn't believe the rumor, but was a bit bothered by it."
It was like glass shattering for Stan. That's the only way to describe what he felt in that moment. Since October—actually September—of last year he had fallen in love with Donna and felt like they were meant to be. Stan truly believed that the feeling was mutual between him and Donna, and that it would only be a matter of time before she forgot about Fredrick. But now she was showing rekindled feelings for Fredrick along with guilt for being unfaithful to him. Aside from that, Donna clearly had more loyalty to Fredrick with her refusal to show Stan the letter. Stan's voice turned low and almost lifeless at that moment. "Gee... I don't know what to say..." He continued driving and made his way to the Berry Bush Forest Preserve.
Now this particular night in 1965 was March 13th. The Moon was a waxing gibbous, and had set below the western horizon by the time Stan and Donna reached the forest preserve. Additionally, the sky was cloudy so that not even starlight could be seen. The woods, obviously, were very dark that night. But that wasn't what caused Donna to be initially resistant to exiting Stan's car. She sat there motionless in the passenger seat after Stan had turned the engine off.
Stan stared at her for a few seconds before asking, "Are we going?"
Donna hesitated. "I don't know if I should."
"Why not?" nearly demanded Stan.
"I feel like you're mad at me." answered Donna.
"Well why would I be mad at you?"
Donna sighed, "I don't know..." Then she opened the passenger door and stepped out.
Before exiting the vehicle, Stan reached into the glove compartment for a flashlight because he knew it would be dark in the woods. He switched it on and shined it at the ground. "We'll need this."
Donna said nothing; just stood there as-if she really didn't want to be there while waiting for Stan.
It was about 40 degrees that night. Throughout much of the week, the temperature had reached considerably above freezing along with a couple of days of sunshine. These conditions resulted in just about all of the snow being melted from the trail and the woods. There were a couple of patches of slush and even some late-night ice. But the trail was mostly walkable that dark night in March.
Unlike the first visit to the forest back in October, Stan didn't put his arm around Donna to keep her warm. And really she didn't want him to at that moment. Donna partly had some negative feelings towards Stan at that moment along with feelings of guilt for being unfaithful to Fredrick.
About halfway into the hike which was guided by the illumination of the flashlight, Stan finally called out, "Donna?"
"What?" She responded with subtle bitterness in her voice.
"Are you mad me?"
"No!" answered Donna.
"Well I'm sorry, but you've never spoken to me like this before. What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" nearly snapped Donna.
Stan finally ordered, "Stop! We are not going anywhere until we solve this."
Reluctantly, Donna stopped walking as ordered.
Stan put both his hands on Donna's shoulders and looked into her eyes—at least as well as he could in the dark. "Now what is wrong? We agreed to come out here once the snow melted, and we both agreed that this the valley is our special place. Do you really want to go down there in this frame of mind?"
Stan couldn't see it in the dark, but tears began to well in Donna's eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just that I have some things to think about—some things to sort out in my mind." she answered.
"Like what?" demanded Stan.
"Well there's Fredrick; remember, my boyfriend who promised to marry me once he came home from the war? I was supposed to be faithful to him?"
"But, Donna, what about us?" argued Stan. "What are we? And don't I deserve some loyalty?"
"Well yes..." answered Donna. "It's just that... well..."
"Go on!" encouraged Stan with a note of anger in his voice.
"I guess, originally, this was like an affair. I was cheating on Fredrick, and I still am."
"Oh, so I'm the bad guy!" concluded Stan. "I'm the guy who you're cheating with or—as you word it—having an affair with. Never mind all the time we've spent together and the feelings we've shared. None of those things matter. You get a letter from Fredrick, and you suddenly forget about us?"
"I'm sorry, Stan..." apologized Donna while starting to crying.
"Well are you sure you still want to go visit the valley?" questioned Stan. "Or would that be cheating on Fredrick?"
Donna was unsure as to why; but despite how controlling and overly-emotional Stan had gotten, she still wanted to visit the valley. It was as-if some unseen force were coaxing her to press onwards to reach the valley. "Yes, I still want to go." she affirmed. "I hope that means something to you."
Without saying a word, Stan resumed walking towards the direction of the valley.
Donna followed his lead and walked beside him. She sniffled and wiped tears from her eyes. Donna wanted so bad to turn around and head back to the car; order that Stan take her home and never come back to see her again. But there was the mysterious force that seemed to have control over her decisions and her persistence to continue walking with Stan to the valley where the old tree stood.
Soon Stan and Donna reached the spot where they could deviate off the main trail and do some unpleasant bushwhacking before hiking down the somewhat steep ravine to the valley below. All the while doing this, Donna resented every second. The bushes and thicket were wet and surely made her coat dirty. Although partly frozen from the late-night temperature, the ground was muddy. And the illumination of Stan's flashlight made it possible to see only three feet in front of them. Still, Donna obeyed the mysterious force which seemed to consume her while following Stan's lead.
Once reaching the valley, the babbling sound of a nearby stream could be heard.
"You hear that?" asked Stan. "You hear that water flowing?"
"Yes..." acknowledged Donna.
"It's coming from over there." he shined the flashlight in the direction of the sound. "Let's find it."
Nearly crazy, Stan briskly walked towards the direction of the stream until he could see it.
Donna stayed behind and watched Stan in disbelief.
"I found it!" he exclaimed. "I found the stream!" Then he ordered, "Come over here and look!"
Reluctantly and very nervously, Donna walked towards the direction of where Stan stood with the flashlight. She stopped a few feet away from him.
"Well come on!" continued to order Stan. "Take a look!" He just about manhandled Donna and guided her in the direction of the bank of the small stream where she shined the flashlight in. "See that?" he asked. "See all that running water?"
"Yes..." answered Donna.
That's from all the melting snow in this forest preserve. That snow had accumulated since November of last year, right around the time when you and I were falling in love."
Donna could hardly believe that Stan used the word love to describe their relationship. She really liked him, but never considered that perhaps she loved Stan. Love was to be reserved for Fredrick.
"Now I know what you're thinking." continued Stan. "Our relationship started as—your choice words—an affair. But it's a new year, and the birth of spring is in the air. Those old feelings of guilt are melting and washing away." He violently shook Donna, "You're going to let go of it all, aren't you? You're going to start your new life!"
Terribly frightened, Donna began to sob. What happened to Stan? Why was he so nearly-psychotic?
"Yes! Good!" Stan congratulated. "Make tears! Let them fall into the stream to wash away with last year's snow." Stan used the back of his hand, and wiped a large amount of tears from Donna's cheek,
and then flicked them into the water. "All those feelings for Fredrick from last year; they flow out and wash away into the stream... our stream... the stream belonging to the valley of Donna's spirit mother!" Stan shook Donna all the more to make her sob and run more tears into the stream.
Satisfied that the initial stage of the ritual had been completed, Stan next manhandled Donna towards the direction of the old tree. "Come! Let us visit your spirit mother! May she help you remember!" Stan shined the flashlight at the old tree. As they approached, the bark appeared wet and cold.
"Touch her!" ordered Stan. "Reach out with your hand and touch the spirit mother."
Donna hadn't the slightest idea as to why Stan continued to refer to the tree as her spirit mother. But she did as ordered and touched it. The tree felt exactly how it looked, wet and cold.
Stan once again manhandled Donna and spun her around. Then he pushed her against the tree before shouting in Donna's face, "Wake up! Wake up spirit mother! Reveal yourself to me!"
Held against the tree by Stan's strong hands and nowhere to go, Donna began to cry, "Stan, why are you doing this? Why have you turned so crazy?"
Stan paused for a few seconds and stared at Donna. Then he seemed to turn sympathetic. "I'm so sorry..." He hugged Donna and kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I just realized that in the winter you go to sleep with the forest. He pulled back and looked into Donna's face. "Forgive me, oh Donna's spirit mother. Forgive me for my lack of consideration. I didn't mean to wake you before the birth of spring."
Donna was baffled and equally frightened. Had Stan completely lost touch with reality?
"Let me put you back to sleep oh wise and ancient woman." Stan's face moved close to Donna and then kissed her lips. But it was more than a kiss. It was one... two... three... followed by prolonged locking of lips.
Donna turned her face away, "No!" Unlike the first time in the valley, Donna wouldn't grace Stan with the privilege of kissing her.
But Stan was crazy and terribly forceful on that night. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He simply grabbed a fistful from the back of Donna's long and beautiful, raven-black hair so that her face remained where it needed to be. He continued to kiss her so crazy and so passionately.
The Dead Forest Page 6