Cutter: Contemporary Romance Novel

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “Tell me a little about your brother,” said Sophia, clenching her hands together.

  “Mum always had trouble with him. The problem with Lennox was that he wanted more. He started to hang around the wrong people. He never did well in school. Mum brought us up alone because my father fucked off when Lennox was young. Mum tried really hard to be tough, but Lennox never listened. He wanted to do his own thing, make lots of money and take over the world, that sort of thing.”

  “Do you have any contact with your father?”

  “No, he never tried to contact us. He never gave my mum any money. To me, he is dead. I hope that I never have to see him again,” pressed Harry through gritted teeth. He never liked talking about his father. He carried on, trying to calm the edge in his voice. “Lennox got arrested when he was fifteen. He was always stealing or dealing. Mum tried to talk to him, social workers tried to talk to him, but he didn’t listen to anyone. We never had money and Lennox hated it. He was busted when he was caught with drugs. At that point he had gone through a few arrests and, in the end, the judge wanted to make an example of him. He got eight years.”

  “I know that you have another brother.”

  “Yeah, Maxwell. He is in prison in Dublin. The same reason. Mum nearly had a fit when she found out that Maxwell was caught with drugs in Dublin. He was supposed to be at university there. From then on, everything went from bad to worse.”

  “Oh my God, Harry, I’m so sorry. Did he say why he was dealing?”

  “No, he didn’t want to talk to anyone. Mum went there a year ago but he refused to see her. He got six years at first, then a further three for different offences. I think he was ashamed. I never tried to visit him. I knew he wouldn’t let me.”

  “Mr O’Donaghue,” called someone. Harry nodded and they both got up. They went through the narrow corridor, then through the white door, stopping in a small compact room. There were tables for visitors.

  Lennox was sitting at the back, watching Harry as they approached. He was over six foot two, largely built with an oval face. His hair was cut short and his chocolate eyes scanned Sophia with interest. Harry gave him a pat on the shoulder as they gripped each other’s palm.

  “How you doing, bro?” he asked sitting down.

  “As usual, fucking bored,” replied Lennox. He had a few scars around his cheeks, large, brown eyes and lots of tattoos on his neck.

  “This is Sophia, my good friend,” introduced Harry. He wished he could say that she was his girlfriend, but he wouldn’t get ahead of himself. There was still time.

  “Nice to meet you,” said Sophia and she lifted her hand to shake his.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sophia smiled, staring at Lennox who was the spitting image of Harry. His nose was slightly bent and he was much wider in the shoulders. She wasn’t nervous and she shook his hand with confidence. If she saw him on the street, though, she would probably cross the road to avoid him.

  “Good to see you. Harry has been ranting about you for the past few days,” chuckled Lennox, and a wave of eagerness passed through his eyes. Harry laughed.

  “Whatever, I had to prepare you for seeing a beautiful girl.”

  “So what did he say about me?” asked Sophia, glancing from Harry to Lennox.

  “You know, the usual. He was emphasising your beauty, your intellect. Pretty much he said that you are perfect,” he beamed. Sophia felt heat blazing through her cheeks. She glanced at Harry, who looked annoyed.

  “As you can see, he was over exaggerating. I’m pretty ordinary.”

  “Harry doesn’t get involved with ordinary girls, love. You should keep away from him. He likes women way too much.”

  “Lennox! I’m warning you. Shut up,” fumed Harry, narrowing his eyes. Sophia laughed when Lennox patted Harry on his back.

  “Don’t worry, bro, I got everything covered. By the end of these twenty minutes she will be leaving you for me.”

  “I thought that you wanted to know how Mum is,” interrupted Harry, shifting the subject away from Sophia. She wasn’t sure why, but she instantly liked Lennox.

  “Yes, how is she?” asked Lennox with a lazy smile.

  “Not great. The radiotherapy took a lot out of her.”

  “I wrote her a letter. Tell her that I’ll post it to her shortly.”

  “Mum loves getting letters from Lennox. He never wrote anything for her before,” said Harry, grinning. “He writes more here than when he was at school.”

  “Be careful or I might forget that you are my little brother.”

  Sophia laughed.

  “So, what do you do in your spare time, Lennox? It’s a large facility, so you must have a good library here. Have you been reading a lot?”

  “I like this girl; she knows how to talk with sense. Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you, love. I ain’t the kind of guy that reads. I’m more into a good workout.”

  “Yeah, he doesn’t read, Soph. Lennox thinks that his muscles are far more important than his brain,” smirked Harry.

  Lennox wrinkled his forehead with effort but he didn’t say anything. He probably didn’t want to lose control in the visiting room. Harry was doing a good job winding him up.

  “Enough about me. Tell me something about you, Sophia. What do you do and how the hell did you meet my brother?”

  Sophia shifted on the chair; she hadn’t thought about this. She couldn’t just tell him that she was Harry’s probation officer. This was too dangerous. She exchanged a look with Harry, hoping that he had an idea.

  “We met in town during a night out,” she blurted out, feeling her pulse increase. Harry exhaled with relief.

  Lennox raised his eyebrow; he looked astonished and was scanning her face. This was bad lie, but she couldn’t think about anything else.

  “Really? Night out? Harry doesn’t do clubs; he is a house party guy,” said Lennox.

  “Well, I was out with some friends, and he was just drinking at the bar. We were both bored and that’s how it all started,” she explained, feeling uneasy about the whole story. Harry’s eyes shifted away from his brother and met hers. A small smile crept over his lips. “Today he took me to the beach.”

  “The beach? Hmm, that’s good, bro. I taught you well,” muttered Lennox.

  They talked a few more minutes about Harry and Sophia’s day. Lennox kept glancing at the clock. He was obviously counting the minutes left for Harry’s visit to be over. He was much louder than Harry; he was eager to know what was going on around the neighbourhood and about how Harry was getting on with his probation. They left the prison close to three o’clock. Sophia appreciated that Harry had introduced her to Lennox, although she didn’t want him to expect anything from her. They both knew that they shouldn’t be seen together. They were both risking too much.

  “I’m glad you took me to meet him,” Sophia said once they were by Harry’s motorcycle.

  “Lennox can be very difficult, but it’s just his big ego that always gets him into trouble. I’m not sure if he will ever change, even when he leaves prison.”

  “I don’t know, he might. People change.”

  “Not Lennox. He just doesn’t want to be ordinary,” said Harry. “He wants too much from life, and he isn’t prepared to wait.”

  “I want to thank you for that visit. I didn’t expect to meet your brother today,” said Sophia. “Give him a chance.”

  Harry nodded but didn’t reply. Sophia climbed back on the back of his motorcycle, thinking about the day that she’d spent with him. She wanted to tell him that this couldn’t continue. They were breaking so many rules; a relationship between them could never work.

  “Thank you for bringing me home,” she said as the drops of rain started to fall from the sky.

  “Let me walk you to the door.”

  He was making this much more difficult for her. She liked how peaceful he made her feel. Her heart was beating fiercely in her chest when they stepped inside her lobby.

  “I enjoyed myself
today but I enjoyed, more than anything else, making you come,” he whispered into her ear. She couldn’t gather her thoughts when he was so close to her.

  “Harry, please. I had a great time, but what we are doing is wrong. We both know that this isn’t going to go anywhere,” she breathed out, but he didn’t let her continue. He was caressing her neck with his soft lips, pinning her hips to the wall. She was losing herself again. Even when his lips travelled back to hers, she couldn’t push him away. When he was close she didn’t feel lost, abandoned, and worthless; she was alive. His other hand moved over her arms, causing the eruption of lust inside her core. He cupped her buttocks, pushing himself against her. Then he nibbled her neck, muttering how divine she smelt. She didn’t care that anyone could walk in on them at any second.

  “God you are so soft. You can’t even imagine how much I want to make love to you.”

  His other hand found her bare skin and his fingers brushed across her stomach, travelling upwards.

  The ache between her legs was pulsing again. She wanted to make love to him, but she couldn’t push him further; she was scared. His hand was caressing the upper part of her stomach when he suddenly froze and pulled away from her.

  “Sophia, your skin,” he murmured, moving his eyes to her T-shirt. The blood drained from Sophia’s face. He felt the scars, exposing her to humiliation. “I felt them before, when you was at my house, but you brushed me off. Tell me what happened?” She swallowed hard and tugged her shirt down.

  “It’s nothing. I should go,” she said, quickly walking away. She was stupid, allowing him to touch her like that again.

  “Where did you get these scars from, Sophia?” he repeated his question. She could feel his eyes on her back while she was desperately trying to call the lift. She couldn’t look at him. He wouldn’t understand her past, her regrets.

  “It’s none of your business! We shouldn’t have gone out today. I’m not ready,” she yelled, fighting the tears. She didn’t care that she sounded like a crazy person; she couldn’t let him know that she loved this beautiful pain. He was looking at her, confused and angry.

  “Sophia, calm down. I’m just worried about you! Please, baby.”

  “I’m sorry, but this was all wrong. This is wrong. We shouldn’t do this. I can’t see you anymore,” she cried.

  “I’m sorry if I said anything wrong,” he pledged. “You can’t tell me that this whole day didn’t mean anything to you!”

  She shook her head, feeling sick as her stomach tightened. Blood was ringing in her ears.

  “No, it didn’t mean anything! Just leave me alone, Harry. I’m going to ask Susan to transfer you to someone else,” she said, running upstairs, unable to stop herself from looking at him again

  “Sophia, for fuck’s sake!” he shouted, but she didn’t care anymore.

  She ran until she got to the apartment. Fortunately, the apartment was empty. She shut the door and started sobbing, feeling like everything that had happened today didn’t matter anymore. Sophia knew that if Harry realised what she had done to her body, he would run away and call her a freak. She was damaged; her scars were just a part of her now.

  He was probably standing downstairs thinking that she was crazy and she didn’t want to show him that he was wrong. It was better this way; it was easier for her to stay away from him.

  Her phone started ringing. She saw Harry’s name on the screen and cursed. She couldn’t talk to him, so she switched off the phone and crawled under the covers. She was hoping to get some sleep, forget about the pain. She wasn’t sure how, but she managed to fall asleep.

  A few hours later she blinked herself awake. She wanted to cry again, thinking the awful end to a blissful day. She switched her phone back on, and a few text messages told her that her voicemail was full. They were probably all from Harry.

  Please talk to me. If I did something wrong then I’m sorry. Don’t shut me off.

  Sophia scrolled through her contacts and dialled Ramona’s number. She had a lot to tell her and she wasn’t even sure how to start.

  Luckily she picked up straight away.

  “Sophia, mon cheri! How are you?”

  “Something happened,” she began, swallowing her tears. There was a silence on the other side of the phone.

  “Right, fire away. I’m sitting down.”

  “There is a guy that I got close to in the past few weeks,” she said, hoping that Ramona would stay calm, but she knew that she was asking for a lot.

  “I just need to know if you are serious. You know that I can’t handle this if you’re pranking me now.”

  “I’m serious, but this isn’t a good story; it doesn’t have a happy ending.”

  “I don’t care about the happy ending right now, mon cheri. Now I’m getting excited to hear about this guy, so you better start talking right now. Otherwise I’m getting on the first available plane to Belfast,” she threatened.

  Sophia took a deep breath. She couldn’t just hang up now, but she knew that her friend was going to be upset that she didn’t call her earlier.

  “His name is Harry and I’m his probation officer. He got under my skin straight after the first meeting and, from there onwards, it was just wrong...”

  Chapter Twenty

  Sophia talked for about half an hour, telling Ramona about everything that had happened since she came to Belfast. She even mentioned today’s day on the beach and her first ever orgasm. She didn’t reveal Harry’s secret, because that was too dangerous and she couldn’t tell anyone about what he’d shared with her.

  “I can’t believe that you’re being such a bitch,” yelled Ramona. “Hiding all this from me!”

  “Can we not make this about you, Ram? Right now I’m the one in pieces,” howled Sophia, unable to stop her tears.

  “Stop being a wimp, you idiot, and tell me how does he make you feel?” snapped Ramona and Sophia stopped sobbing. Her friend was right; she had to pull herself together.

  “I feel good being with him. I don’t have any panic attacks and I don’t feel like I’m drowning again, but this is so wrong, Ramona. He hardly knows anything about me. I didn’t tell him anything about London. He wouldn’t understand.”

  “Bullshit. He doesn’t sound like a guy who wouldn’t give a fuck. You let him go further than anyone else and it’s a huge step for you. Maybe you shouldn’t write him off straight away. Just tell your supervisor that you don’t want to work with him and then you will be free to do whatever the fuck you want.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “Oh my God, Sophia, you are such an idiot. You live in a bubble. Not all people are bad. Just give him a chance.”

  “Please don’t shout at me.”

  “I have to shout at you, otherwise nothing gets inside that stupid brain of yours,” pressed Ramona, irritated.

  “There is nothing more to say. I won’t see him again. We are both completely different people that can’t be together.”

  “He made you come for the first time in your life and you are going to pretend that nothing happened between the two of you?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m certain that I have to go out with Mason to erase my memories of Harry completely.”

  Ramona laughed. “And what are you going to do after you and Mason get close? Are you going to run away like you did with Harry?”

  For a few moments there was silence. Sophia wasn’t sure how to answer any of these questions. Ramona knew everything about her past, about the long therapy, and now Sophia was ashamed that she’d cut herself after the date with Mason.

  “I’m not a mind reader, so I don’t know what is going to happen.”

  “Sophia, you are beautiful, but you have to stop hiding. I’m coming over earlier than I originally planned.”

  “What? When?”

  “The first week of August,” announced Ramona.

  “That’s two weeks away. I need to ask Vanessa if she will be okay with you staying.”

  “Don’t
worry about that. I can afford to stay in a hotel. Hopefully by the time I get there, you will have sorted out which guy you want to date. Personally I think you should come clean and tell whoever you are choosing about your issues and the therapy.”

  “Just let me know when you will be boarding the plane,” said Sophia, ignoring Ramona’s advice.

  “Sophia, I love you, but you have to stop being a baby. They are men; they will want to sleep with you. The scars are just part of you now.”

  “All right, Ram, I know but you know me. I don’t like talking about me. Anyway, I need to go now.”