Mom's Perfect Boyfriend
Page 5
Gratitudes:
I am grateful for Crystal, for sharing with me.
I am grateful for Lisa, for inviting me to Christmas at the Fontanas’.
I am grateful for my panoramic x-ray instructor, for reminding me to slow down and be patient with others.
Boople Chat, Weds Sept 6, 11:34 AM
Lisa
omg those sand cat kittens
Crystal
right????
Lisa
those eyes!!!
Crystal
yeah and those markings
Lisa
cutest thing EVER
Crystal
so what’s new at boople
Lisa
not much
Lisa
still trying to figure out what i’m doing here
Lisa
sounds like there’s some flexibility in the role
Lisa
which is a nice way of saying they don’t know what the hell to do with me
Crystal
oh dear
Lisa
nah it’s cool
Lisa
i’ve got some ideas on how to fast track my way to a promotion
Crystal
nice
Crystal
btw i ended up telling mom about the layoff thing
Crystal
i wasn’t going to but then she saw an article about princesses inc outsourcing and stuff
Lisa
oh man
Crystal
yeah
Crystal
i ended up crying too
Lisa
aw :(
Crystal
i was going to try to stay strong
Crystal
but then i had to pay the full rent again
Lisa
still no word from david?
Crystal
no
Lisa
aw
Lisa
you didn’t tell mom about you and david yet, right?
Crystal
no managed to keep that one in, at least
Lisa
ah ok
Crystal
so this morning, when i saw the article about outsourcing, i clicked on a link to the princesses inc website
Crystal
just for fun, i went to “new arrivals” and clicked on the desert palace play set, which was one of my tasks before i got laid off
Crystal
and i look at the description, since i submitted it right before the layoff meeting
Crystal
but it’s not my description
Crystal
instead, it says this:
Crystal
“WHITE PLASTIC TOY”
Lisa
you’re kidding
Crystal
i wish i was
Lisa
god that’s terrible
Lisa
it’s like describing a granola bar as “FOIL WRAPPED OATS”
Crystal
pretty much
Lisa
or a book as “paper wrapped in cardboard”
Crystal
thanks i got it the first time
Lisa
heh sorry
Crystal
anyway i was feeling a little sensitive
Crystal
and then when mom asked me about my job it didn’t take much for it to all come tumbling out
Lisa
aw
Crystal
she did that thing where she sounds all sympathetic
Crystal
but you feel like she’s secretly delighting in it
Lisa
yeah like she’s thrilled that she gets to be the shoulder you cry on
Crystal
exactly
Crystal
makes me feel manipulated
Lisa
yeah
Crystal
i know she’s trying to be supportive, but still
Crystal
she’s been calling me every day since, and texting me all these cheerful messages
Crystal
she even sent me a card with an otter on it saying, “You are otterly amazing!”
Lisa
oh dear
Crystal
i don’t know why, but it makes me feel even more like a loser
Lisa
yeah
Lisa
like it rubs in how un-amazing your life situation is at the moment
Crystal
yeah
Lisa
and you know she wants you to say the same kind of thing when she’s feeling down
Crystal
exactly
Crystal
but i can’t because that’s not who i am
Lisa
sure
Crystal
i know she means well, and it’s sweet of her to think of me
Crystal
but i guess i just wish david was here
Crystal
because his hugs are the best
Lisa
yeah, that sucks
Crystal
although he probably wouldn’t be proud of me right now
Crystal
i was actually doing pretty well limiting my interactions with mom before this week
Crystal
but now it’s even worse than before
Lisa
well don’t be too hard on yourself
Lisa
if he were here instead of finding himself in the mountains or wherever, you wouldn’t be talking to mom so much
Crystal
TRUE
Lisa
how’s the writing?
Crystal
slow this week
Crystal
it’s hard to focus when i keep getting texts and stuff
Lisa
yeah i bet
Crystal
sorry i'm so cranky
Crystal
i’ve only got two months of rent left, so if i don’t hear from david soon, i’m pretty much homeless
Crystal
i’ve even started looking for some legit jobs, but there’s not much out there
Crystal
at first i thought i could be a barista or something on the side but there’s no way i could afford this place on that kind of money
Lisa
yeah :(
Lisa
my offer still stands though
Lisa
if you see anything that interests you at boople, just say the word
Lisa
you could even crash with bryan and me until you found a good housing situation
Crystal
aw thanks, but i think your studio apartment is crowded enough without a third wheel
Lisa
i’m sure we could manage for a couple of weeks :)
Crystal
thanks, i’ll keep you posted
California Tech Article, September 13
Boople’s Smart Companion Program Incites Ethics Debate
SAN FRANCISCO – Boople’s new Smart Companion Program is still in the research phase, but it’s already drawing scrutiny from ethics experts. Boople has released little information about the program, but they have claimed that its goal is to produce robots “designed for domestic use.” Dr. Adrienne Fisher, professor of AI Ethics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, recently stated that Boople’s language is “deliberately vague,” and “conveniently avoids the ethical implications.”
“In his book,” Fisher explains, “[Dr. Paul Devereux] claims that the next generation of robots will be androids with the capacity to think, feel, and love.” She believes the Smart Companions will meet these criteria, and that “it opens a whole host of ethical consequences.” Questions of sovereignty, emancipation, payment for services rendered are “only the tip of the iceberg.”
“What happens when a robot is faced with the ve
ry prospect of his own humanity, or lack thereof?” she asks. “I hope Dr. Devereux has weighed the potential consequences.”
Dr. Devereux and the Boople Smart Companion Team were unavailable for comment. However, the program appears to be proceeding, as a recent Boople inventors’ meeting suggests that field tests will begin in the next quarter.
Boople Chat, Tues Sept 19, 10:12 AM
Lisa
i have a title now :)
Crystal
ooooh tell me tell me
Crystal
or is it top secret?
Lisa
no i can tell you
Lisa
i’m Community Relations Manager
Crystal
nice
Crystal
i especially like the “manager” part
Lisa
LOL right?
Lisa
sounds important
Crystal
so just what does a Community Relations Manager do?
Lisa
that’s top secret ;)
Crystal
fine don’t tell me
Lisa
aw
Lisa
it’s good though
Crystal
well it’d better be ;)
Lisa
so how are things in LA?
Crystal
i’ve discovered an upside to unemployment
Crystal
i can stay in my pjs until the middle of the afternoon, and i don’t have to worry about blow drying my hair anymore
Lisa
nice
Crystal
but seriously this city is stupid expensive
Crystal
october rent is coming up and it’s going to wipe out half my bank account
Lisa
have you gotten any money from unemployment yet?
Crystal
yeah, but it’s not much
Crystal
i’m not going to starve, but it definitely won’t cover david’s rent
Lisa
:(
Crystal
i have a little in savings but that’s for emergencies
Crystal
and for the record we aren’t there yet
Lisa
you want to crash at our place for a bit?
Lisa
the couch is far more comfortable than it looks
Crystal
aw thanks
Crystal
i’ve been running through options
Crystal
i thought about selling the prada shoes but it’d probably be too little, too late
Crystal
and i could dig into my emergency fund but that wouldn’t last long either
Crystal
maybe i shouldn’t have blown off that nanny interview
Lisa
you would’ve been miserable
Crystal
being broke is probably worse
Crystal
i really wish david’s money would show up
Crystal
but it’s been weeks, and i don’t think i can wait anymore
Lisa
i can’t believe he just left you with the rent
Crystal
yeah he’s usually a lot more responsible
Crystal
he’s never had a late payment on his credit cards or anything
Lisa
yeah bryan is like that too
Crystal
but still i’m running out of options
Crystal
i’m starting to seriously consider staying with mom
Lisa
really?
Crystal
yeah
Crystal
she said i could stay with her until i finished the novel
Crystal
i’d have the place to myself most of the day, since she’d be at work
Crystal
it’d relieve some of the financial pressure at least and i wouldn’t have to spend my time working some menial job
Lisa
makes sense
Lisa
but are you sure it’s a good idea? i mean this is mom we’re talking about here
Crystal
yeah i’m not fond of the idea of walking on eggshells all the time
Crystal
because there’s no way i can meet all her expectations
Lisa
sooner or later you’ll be labeled a Bad Daughter no matter what
Crystal
probably
Crystal
but maybe this time will be different, if i’m there to support her
Crystal
she hasn’t had a meltdown in awhile
Lisa
not that we know of
Crystal
hmm true
Crystal
I’m not thrilled about moving back in with mom
Crystal
but at least i know how to deal with her
Crystal
if i take a minimum wage job, i could easily end up with the The Manager From Hell
Lisa
so “the devil you know…”
Crystal
exactly
Lisa
have you talked to mom about it?
Crystal
only in hypotheticals
Crystal
i wanted to wait until i’d decided for sure
Crystal
didn’t want to get her all excited and then back out
Lisa
sure
Crystal
it’d only be for a month or two hopefully, until i can reach david
Crystal
ideally i’d be back in my own place before he comes home and he wouldn’t even have to know about me crashing with mom
Crystal
but that might just be wishful thinking
Lisa
you can’t worry about what he thinks
Lisa
it’s mostly his fault you’re in this mess
Crystal
i guess
Lisa
what would you do with all your stuff?
Crystal
get a storage unit, probably
Crystal
most of the furniture is his, and mom has a tv and everything so i wouldn’t have to bring much with me
Lisa
might be hard to keep the david situation secret if you’re living with her
Crystal
yeah i have some ideas for that
Crystal
it’s not ideal but if it’s only temporary i should be able to swing it
Crystal
i don’t like lying to her but this whole break/breakup thing is really complicated
Crystal
and she’s already super excited about planning the wedding
Lisa
yeah :(
Lisa
oh hey i meant to tell you
Lisa
i found a writing contest online that you might be interested in…i’ll forward the link
Crystal
cool thanks
Crystal
hey lisa
Crystal
this isn’t romance, it’s erotic fiction
Lisa
yeah i know
Lisa
i thought you could submit that short story you gave me at my bridal shower
Crystal
velocirapture??? that was a joke
Lisa
c’mon IT WAS GOOD
Crystal
it had a couple of moments but i’d be embarrassed to submit it to something like this
Lisa
they want creativity
Lisa
it says right there in the rules
Crystal
yeah they’re probably talking about creative sex positions not horny dinosaurs
Lisa
you could start the next big trend in er
o romance
Crystal
i doubt it
Lisa
they only want the first ten pages
Lisa
and you could win $10,000
Lisa
that’s like $1,000 a page
Lisa
what do you have to lose?
Crystal
my dignity
Lisa
use a penname
Lisa
pleeeeeease?
Crystal
no
Crystal
what’s it to you, anyway?
Lisa
i want to live in a world where there are books called “velocirapture” in the romance section!!!
Crystal
urgggggggggggh
Crystal
if i say no are you going to enter this behind my back?
Lisa
that’s a great idea
Lisa
i mean
Lisa
of course not
Crystal
alright fine
Crystal
but only because there’s no entry fee
Lisa
YESSSSSSSSS
Lisa
i can see the headlines now: “Velocirapture: How Dinosaurs Captured the Hearts and Loins of America”
Crystal
don’t make me regret this
Lisa
never
Email, September 20
From: Frank and Debbie Richards
To: Crystal Hemmingway
Subject: Re: David
Dear Crystal,
Sorry we missed your messages. We took the RV to Yellowstone and decided to go “off the grid” for a few weeks.
We were sorry to hear that David’s rent got lost in the mail. We just had a postcard from him. He passed Mt. Hood and is now in the more rural areas of Oregon. His internet access is very limited, but we will pass along your message as soon as we hear from him.
Is there anything we can do to help? How much is his rent payment?
Regards,
Debbie and Frank
Email, September 20