Maureen McKade

by A Dime Novel Hero

  “I assume you’re finding marriage to that so-called hero suitable?” he asked with a sneer.

  Kit resisted the urge to lower herself to his level. “We’re very happy, thank you.” She lifted her chin and attempted to stride past him. He caught her arm, spinning her around.

  “Let go of me, or I’ll scream,” she said, pitching her voice low so the other customers wouldn’t hear.

  David released her and held his hands up. “I was merely going to tell you something.”

  “And why do you think I’d be interested in anything you have to tell me?”

  “Still the same Kit, claws and all.” He brushed an invisible speck of dust off his immaculate jacket. “I heard a disturbing piece of news the other day.”

  “News is your business,” she retorted dryly.

  “This news pertains specifically to you.”

  Despite herself, Kit found her curiosity was piqued. “And what was that?”

  “Your beloved husband bought the loan papers for your ranch.”

  Kit’s heart warmed at the thought that Jake would protect her like that. “Since it’s our ranch now, I’m not surprised he’d want to keep it safe.”

  David shook his head, his close-set eyes narrowing. “He bought the papers two weeks after he moved back to Chaney. I checked.”

  For a few moments Kit was confused, then her vision darkened and the store blurred around her as the meaning of his words sank in. “You’re lying. He’d have told me.”

  “I just can’t figure out why he married you. Pity, perhaps. All he had to do was wait for you to miss the payment and the ranch would’ve been his,” David pressed. “And he’d have had every right to throw you and that whelp of yours out into the cold.”

  Kit struggled to make sense of his words. If she hadn’t been able to meet her loan deadline, he’d have gotten the ranch anyway—the ranch he’d offered to buy when he’d first come to visit.

  The room seemed to close in around her, and she turned and scurried out the door. Standing on the boardwalk, she gulped in deep draughts of air. Sickness threatened her, and she choked back the bitterness.

  Why hadn’t Jake told her? Would he have taken it from her just as David had said, if she hadn’t married him? And if he had bought the loan, why did he marry her? He could’ve had both the ranch and Johnny without tying himself to her. Had he felt sorry for her? Or duty bound, because she had raised his son?

  She didn’t want his pity, or to be a blemish on his conscience. All she’d wanted was his love. Was that so impossible? Was she so unlovable?

  Despair overwhelmed her as her fleetingly perfect world shattered around her. She thought of her declaration of love, and humiliation burned her cheeks. She had laid bare her soul, her heart, and he’d been laughing at her the whole time.

  She’d made her bed, and now she was damned to sleeping in it—but she’d sleep in it alone. She’d done it before; she could do it again.

  Kit’s paleness alarmed Jake. That, and her silence since they’d gotten the supplies and loaded the wagon. He’d asked her if anything was wrong, but she’d only shaken her head.

  Something had happened, though. Something that had upset her badly enough that she wouldn’t speak to him about it. Later, when they were in bed together, he’d get her to tell him what troubled her.

  Supper proved to be a quiet affair, and even Johnny noticed his mother’s uncharacteristic brooding.

  “What’s wrong, Ma?” the boy asked, his dark eyes anxious.

  Kit blinked, and her lips turned upward in a caricature of a smile. “I’m just a little tired, is all, sweetheart.”

  Jake didn’t believe her excuse, but he didn’t want Johnny to worry any more than he already did. “It’s been a long day, son. Once you’re done eating, I’ll tuck you in and tell you a story. How does that sound?”

  Although not convinced, Johnny nodded. “Maybe you should tell Ma a story, too, so she can go to sleep.”

  “That’s all right,” Kit said. “I don’t think your father has any stories I haven’t heard.”

  Her sharp-edged tone surprised Jake. Had someone in town told her something about him? Something that would’ve upset her?

  As soon as they’d finished eating, Jake took Johnny upstairs to his room. Half an hour later, the boy was asleep and Jake returned to the kitchen. The dishes had been washed and the lamp had been extinguished, but Kit was nowhere in sight. He went back upstairs to their bedroom. That, too, was empty.

  Fear squeezed his heart. Where had she gone?

  He flew down the steps and out into the cool night air. Pausing in the middle of the yard, he pivoted around, wondering where she would’ve gone. Jake hurried to the corrals, his heart thumping in his chest. Seeing a figure, he moved toward it, hoping it was Kit. A tall lanky form stepped out of the shadows into the moonlight.

  Disappointed, Jake called, “Ethan, have you seen Kit?”

  The young man nodded. “I seen her headed to the barn where her critters are. Is something wrong?”

  Jake forced himself to smile reassuringly as he shook his head. “She didn’t tell me where she was going, is all. Thanks.”

  He hurried to the barn, berating himself for not guessing her destination. Opening the broad door, he slipped inside the warm, hay-scented building. A kerosene lantern hung from a nail in a post, and Jake walked toward it. He spotted Kit sitting on a pile of hay, both kittens in her lap. She had her hands wrapped around the small animals, absently stroking them with her thumbs.

  Her anguished expression halted his approach. She appeared so desolate that Jake’s own heart seemed to tear in two.

  What had happened in the short time they’d been separated in town? Had Jameson bothered her again? Jake’s blood boiled, and he crossed the distance to Kit in three long strides. Hunkering down beside her, he took hold of her shoulders and gazed into her downcast eyes.

  “What is it, Kit?” he asked, keeping his voice gentle against the rise of concerned anger within him.

  She set the kittens aside and scrambled away from him. The loathing in her pale features struck Jake like a physical blow, causing him to fall back.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded, her tone high-pitched.

  Bewildered, Jake could only shake his head. “What’re you talking about? Tell you what?”

  “The ranch. The loan papers.”

  Panic seized Jake. “What about them?”

  Her lips trembled. “You had them all along.”

  Kit’s misery twisted his gut into knots. He’d planned on telling her, but the time had never seemed right. “I’m sorry, Kit. I figured it didn’t matter, not after we were married.”

  She balled her fingers into fists at her sides. “You accused me of lying, of hiding the truth about Johnny. I was scared you’d hate me, that you’d never be able to forgive me, for deceiving you.” She laughed, a sound filled with heartbreak and disillusionment. “And here you were hiding your own secret from me.”

  Jake held up his hands in supplication. “I can explain.”

  Kit shook her head vehemently, her hair falling across her face. “I should’ve known. The first day you came out to the ranch, you asked me if I’d sell. I should’ve known you wouldn’t give up so easily.” She stared at him like he was something to scrape off the bottom of her shoe. “I guess the only reason you married me was to stack the deck in your favor. You weren’t sure I’d make that payment or not. Too bad you didn’t wait a little longer—you could’ve had the ranch and Johnny without a wife you didn’t want.”

  Jake stepped toward her and she moved back, keeping the distance between them. Helplessness clawed at him. “No, that wasn’t the reason I married you.”

  She folded her arms below her breasts. “It sure as hell wasn’t because you loved me.” Kit blinked, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I thought you cared for me. This past month you almost had me believing you loved me in your own way.” A convulsive sob escaped her. “I was such a fo
ol, thinking the great Jake Cordell could care for someone like me. But all you wanted was the ranch and Johnny. And now you have them, along with a woman to take care of your ‘needs.’ You should be real proud of yourself.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Jake nearly shouted in his frustration. “I didn’t tell you because I figured you’d take it wrong, just like you’re doing.”

  Kit’s lower lip trembled and she swallowed. “Are you getting tired of me yet? Or do I have a few more nights left in me?”

  Jake looked away, guilty because he had had those thoughts, back when he’d been consumed by self-pity.

  Before he’d fallen in love with her.

  He felt the blood drain from his face, and he flattened his palm against a pole to steady himself. He didn’t know how to love. Of course, he loved Johnny because he was his son, but did he love Kit?

  The woman who’d seen past his drunkenness to the lonely man. The woman who’d taken in his son. The woman who’d given him her love, knowing she might never hear the words repeated to her.

  He gazed at her proud stature, at the achingly familiar defiance in her raised chin. He could proclaim his new discovery, but she wouldn’t believe him. Not now. He’d hurt her too badly. This time it was he who’d lost her trust.

  Jake held out his hand and spoke softly, “I bought that mortgage before we became friends. Before I knew you.”

  She stared at him, bitter betrayal reflected in her eyes. “You may have your precious ranch and your son, but you’ll never play me for the fool again.”

  She rushed past him and out of the barn. The silence was broken only by the kittens’ mewling.

  The door opened once more. Had Kit returned? The tall silhouette in the opening extinguished the glimmer of hope.

  “What is it, Ethan?” Jake asked, suddenly weary.

  “What’d you do to her?” the boy demanded.

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “Miz Thornton was crying.” Anger vibrated through Ethan’s words.

  Conscience-stricken, Jake couldn’t even find the strength to remind Ethan Kit was now a married woman. “We had an argument. She’ll be all right.”

  “I ain’t never seen her cry before.” A savage scowl marred his handsome features. “Not until you came here.”

  Self-recrimination filled Jake. All she’d been guilty of was being generous and loving, and he had turned her life upside down. He stepped toward Ethan. “Look, I know you care for her, but she’s my wife.”

  The boy’s eyes glittered like cut obsidian. “You hurt her.”

  Jake glanced down, shouldering the guilt of the accusation. He raised his head, meeting Ethan’s damning gaze. “That’s right, I did. I admire your loyalty to Kit, but this isn’t any of your concern. It’s between Kit and me.”

  “You ain’t no good for her, Cordell.” Ethan raised his fists.

  Charlie entered the barn, laying a meaty hand on the young man’s shoulder. “He’s right, Ethan. Kit’s his wife now. Ain’t any of our business what goes on between them.”

  Jake could see the boy’s struggle. After a few moments, Ethan’s tense posture eased, and with a final glare at Jake, the young man spun around and strode out of the building.

  “Thanks, Charlie,” Jake said.

  Charlie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t thank me, Jake. Iffen any harm comes to that girl, it’ll be both of us you’ll be dealin’ with.”

  Charlie left, leaving Jake alone with the kittens. He picked up the tiny creatures, cradling them against his chest. Salty rubbed Jake’s chin with his white head, and Pepper curled up in his palm, purring in contentment.

  Kit’s friends, though few, were a stalwart group. Freda had staunchly defended Kit when Jake had first moved into her house, and Patrick was fond of Kit, too.

  “Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not any good for her or Johnny. Maybe I should go back to bounty hunting. Leave them and let them go back to how they used to be.”

  But he couldn’t go back to his former life. He had a family now. He had a responsibility to them. A responsibility to make them unhappy? It would be so easy to shake Chaney’s dust from his boots like he’d done six years ago. But he’d promised Johnny he wouldn’t leave, and he’d promised himself he’d be a better father than his own had been.

  A chilling thought struck him. What if Kit left?

  How would he tell Johnny his mother had left them? Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Had his father lost his mother’s trust, too? Maybe Jonathan had driven her away, even though she had loved Jake and hadn’t wanted to leave.

  Was history doomed to repeat itself?

  Chapter 18

  Kit fled to her room, the tears that filled her eyes blurring the walls surrounding her. She closed the door behind her and flung herself onto the quilt. Jake’s musky smell filled her senses, bringing into crisp focus images of her and Jake making love in the four-poster bed.

  She’d been naive to believe his flattering words and charming smile. But she’d wanted to believe him. Even when she’d confronted him in the barn, she’d wanted to believe the despair in his expression was genuine.

  She curled her fingers into her palms, silently cursing her weakness. She’d married him knowing he didn’t love her. Why did the proof hurt so badly? He’d made no secret of his desire to possess his father’s ranch. Had he also used his position as Johnny’s father to achieve that goal?

  Kit hiccuped and sat up, drawing her hand across damp cheeks. She recalled how Jake and Johnny had laughed and wrestled together in the front room a couple of days ago. She’d peeked in Johnny’s bedroom as Jake had tucked him in the night before. The tenderness in Jake’s expression had been sincere. No, he truly loved his son: that much was certain.

  But was he capable of loving her?

  Faint rustlings from downstairs told Kit Jake had returned. If he demanded entry to their room, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to deny him. She concentrated on the caustic taste of bitterness, willing the anger to fuel her resolve.

  Perched on the edge of the bed, Kit awaited the approach of his footsteps, but the house grew silent once more. She mechanically changed into her flannel nightgown, then lay down and stared at the moonlit ceiling. Her heart thudded against her breast in a slow, steady rhythm. Although she’d spent numerous nights alone, Kit had never known the intense loneliness that now settled in her chest. Because she’d experienced passion’s heat in Jake’s arms, solitude became bitterly cold in comparison.

  She closed her eyes, wondering if Jake had gone into Chaney to visit one of the saloon girls, since he no longer would be able to amuse himself with her.

  A tear spilled down her cheek. If she hated Jake so much, why did the thought of him with another woman shatter the last remaining piece of her heart?

  Jake awoke to the early morning sunshine shafting in the front room’s window. He sat up on the sofa, groaning from the stiffness of having spent the night on the lumpy cushions. He’d tossed and turned throughout the long hours of darkness, falling into a restless slumber shortly before dawn.

  Standing, Jake pressed his hands against his lower back and stretched, gratified to feel his backbone snap into place. He’d missed having Kit lying beside him, the warmth of her body pressed against him, comforting him with her tranquil presence and keeping away the nightmares.

  He hoped she’d listen to reason this morning, but he had his doubts. Once she had her mind set on something, even dynamite would do little good in displacing her notion. It was that same unbreakable moral fiber that made her do what was right, instead of what was socially acceptable.

  He cursed as he remembered that he had to go see a client in Red Cliff, a town thirty miles south. He’d planned on telling Kit last night. The trip would take a couple of days and he hated to leave her and Johnny, but he had no choice.

  The sound of light footfalls caught his attention, and he walked into the kitchen to find Kit starting breakfast. Her head snapped up in surprise.r />
  “Good morning,” Jake greeted her in a low voice.

  She nodded shortly and went back to cutting side pork into long strips and placing them in the hot skillet. The meat sizzled and popped in the awkward silence, and the smell of frying bacon filled the room.

  Jake straddled a chair, resting his forearms on the back. Kit looked like she’d gotten as little rest as he had. “How did you sleep?”

  She tossed a curt answer in his direction. “Fine.”

  “So did I.”

  Glancing back at him, Kit said, “That’s good.”

  Her tone told him she believed his reply as much as he believed hers.

  “About the ranch—” Jake began.

  “I don’t want to talk about it now,” she interrupted.

  Irritation roughened his voice. “When will you want to talk about it?”

  She pivoted to face him. “I’ve heard all I need to know.”

  “No, you haven’t.” He stood, taking a step toward her. Wariness veiled her eyes, and Jake had the impression she wanted to bolt from him. Remorse cut a wide swath through him. Jake fought the impulse to hold her and chase away the shadows he’d created.

  “I planned on telling you about the mortgage,” Jake began.

  “That’s easy enough to claim, now that your secret’s out.”

  He lifted hands fisted in exasperation. “When I came back to Chaney, I planned to get my father’s ranch back any way I could. I was going to become a successful horse breeder, the one thing Jonathan hadn’t succeeded at. I was going to show everybody that I was just as good a man as the great Judge Cordell.”

  Her lips thinned to a grim line, and Jake could guess what she was thinking. She’d admired his father. He doubted her opinion of him was nearly as high.

  “When you told me Johnny was my son, my priorities changed. Being a father to my son seemed a sight more important than owning a piece of land.”

  “You have both.”

  Her words were blunt, yet they sliced through him like cold steel.