Borden (Borden #1)

by R. J. Lewis

  I unlocked my door and hurriedly entered. I’d just shut the door and turned when I stopped short, jumping in surprise. My father stood there, in the middle of my living room, turning away from the windows where he would have likely just seen me getting dropped off. He was dressed in his golf pants and collared shirt. It was golf day, of course, and he was usually happy the days he went golfing with his uppity buddies, but today he was far from it. While still looking immaculate – that was my dad for you – his face was nothing to smile at, especially when he took in the state of me. He was pissed. Royally pissed and I flinched when he strode to me.

  “So this is what you’ve been up to!” he shouted, stopping in front of me to peer at me from head to toe. “You think your mother will be proud when I tell her you’re jumping into bed on the other side of town with an uneducated thug who sells dope on the side?”

  Oh my God, I felt like my life was over.

  I didn’t know how to react. My emotions were all over the place. Mostly, I was surprised he’d figured it out because I’d told no one of Marcus, not even my closest friends.

  “Did you have me followed?” I whispered in shock.

  “Of course I had you followed,” he retorted angrily. “You’re my only child, my little girl. Did you think I’d just sit back while you suffered in class and avoided us? Your mother is going to be devastated, Kate. You’ve put me in a terrible position. Did you do this to me on purpose?”

  “No.”

  “Are you trying to rebel?” he questioned, his face pained. “Have we stifled you? Did I fail you as a father?”

  “No, Dad, no.”

  “Then why?”

  “It had nothing to do with you.”

  “Everything that is part of you has to do with me!”

  My eyes watered. “This wasn’t malicious, and I understand your anger, Dad –”

  “No,” he cut in with a shake of his head. “I’m disappointed more than angry. I truly thought you were different from all the rest. Never did I think I’d catch you doing something like this. Throwing it all away for a boy, a criminal who is nothing – who will forever be nothing!”

  “He’s good, Dad, I wouldn’t spend time with someone if he wasn’t a good person –”

  “I’ve had him checked out, Kate. He’s not a good person. He’s been in out and of trouble since he was fifteen. Look where he lives, look what he does, think about what you’re saying before you tell me he’s a good person.”

  It wasn’t fair. Anyone could look through his life and paint him out to be a terrible person, but there was so much more to Marcus than that. It just wasn’t fair.

  I didn’t respond. I was too lost for words. I’d been caught out, red handed, no way of hiding it or trying to sugar coat the situation. I felt like I’d done the walk of shame in front of my freaking dad, and I was mortified and embarrassed, but, more importantly, I was disappointed in myself. It wasn’t because of my dishonesty, either, but for not being more careful, which further cemented how glued I was to Marcus.

  “Now,” he continued, “this is what’s going to happen next –”

  A knock interrupted him, and I froze at the sound. There was only one person who could be at the door right now. Shit.

  Dad’s eyes widened at the realization. “You gave him a key?” he whispered in shock.

  I hesitated and his face darkened. He stormed past me, and I followed him frantically.

  “Dad, stop!” I called out to him. “Don’t, please, don’t do anything.”

  He pushed me aside and opened the door, and he stilled at the sight of Marcus holding my wallet, looking like his usual self in baggy jeans and a black tank. Dad went five different shades of red, and I grabbed at his arm quickly when he made to move to him.

  “You son of a bitch!” he hollered at him, pointing his finger at Marcus. “You stay away from my daughter! Do you hear me?”

  Marcus took a step back, looking between him and me with a blank look on his face.

  “You’re a fucking nothing!” my dad went on, and I grimaced and pleaded for him to stop. “I know all about you! I know you’re a black hole and you’re no good for my daughter. Do you hear? You leave her alone!”

  Marcus just stared at me, his face void of emotion. “You left your wallet,” he then quietly said, and before he could continue, Dad tore it out of his hand.

  “Get out,” he demanded. “You go around my daughter one more time and you’re done. I’ll have the police on you and you’ll be put away for all you do on the side. Do you hear me?”

  Marcus didn’t respond to him. He was good at keeping his emotions hidden, and I’d have preferred to see him angry instead of looking like an empty void in front of us.

  “Marcus,” I whispered to him, pouring out the sorrow in my voice.

  He simply shoved his hands in his pockets, shot me one last look, and took off down the hallway. I was quivering by the time Dad slammed the door shut and phoned my mother. I felt lost and trapped, and while Dad carried on about how I was going to change my ways, the same question buzzed through my mind, over and over again.

  How the hell was I going to see him now?

  *

  The entire day was hell. My mother acted like I’d committed murder, sobbing at my apartment, threatening to bring me back home so she could “show me the way again”. Dad didn’t go to golf until the afternoon, after he’d spent three hours giving me a lecture of how we were going to fix this before people in our social circle found out I was with a “criminal.”

  It was disastrous.

  I resented them, and I’d never had a bad thought of my parents before that day. But I hated them for judging, for not letting me explain the way I felt for him.

  And then, to make matters worse, Marcus didn’t call me like he promised he would. I’d kept my phone on vibrate in my pocket the entire time, and they were so upset, they hadn’t once thought to take it off me.

  The built up of anger inside my body was explosive. That night, I was so furious at my father for what he said to Marcus, I decided I didn’t care that he didn’t accept him. I wanted my thoughts of leaving to become a reality, and I convinced myself Marcus was worth leaving it all behind for

  I drove to his apartment after my parents left for the night. I wasn’t entirely in the right frame of mind, I knew that, but I needed to see him. It was only when I was creeping down the street that I came to my senses and realized it was a bad time to be out. There were people all over the streets, and their heads turned to my blue Corvette inching into a parking spot. It was dangerous territory, and I was close to talking myself out of stepping out, but then I saw him with a group of guys just outside his building. He was leaning back against the brick wall, downing a bottle of beer, looking particularly unhappy when he followed the attentive stares in my direction.

  It was too late to turn back now.

  I stepped out in my flip-flops. I didn’t look impressive like usual. I had plain black tights on and an oversized top. My hair was up, with fallen strands framing my make-up-less face. It was good I dressed down, I realized, as I slowly made my way to him, ignoring the deep stares of others as they scrutinized me.

  With his arms crossed, Marcus didn’t move to me once. He just stood there, waiting, that emotionless face staring back at my worried one. The guys around him broke up just enough for me to move within his circle and stop in front of him. Marcus glanced at them, and with that single look, they parted ways entirely, giving us space to talk. I was a nervous wreck, wondering how I could even begin to apologize for my father’s horrendous behaviour and somehow mend us at the same time.

  “Hey,” I hesitantly said, trying to smile at him.

  He leaned forward and quietly said, “What’re you doing here, Kate? It’s ten at night.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about this morning,” I replied. “You said you’d call, and after the whole incident with my father, you didn’t.”

  “I figured your old man would be monit
oring your phone, and I didn’t want you in more trouble than you already were in.”

  “He wasn’t monitoring my phone, and I don’t care about being in trouble if it means being with you.”

  Marcus sighed slowly. “Kate,” he whispered, and his voice sounded pained. “I don’t want you sneaking around with me anymore –”

  “I know that, and we won’t.”

  “But your father was right.”

  I stilled, staring at him in surprise. “He was right about what, Marcus?”

  “I’m no good for you. I’m a fucking screw-up, and even if I wanted you not to sneak around, I’d have to be the one to do it. With my job and the amount of trouble I’m getting myself into, it’s not safe for you to be around, especially now. For fuck’s sake, it’s late and these people you see around us here aren’t as tolerant as me of people with money. You’re lucky you found me here.”

  “I won’t come around here this late again.”

  “That’s not enough, Kate.”

  I grabbed at his arm and desperately squeezed. “I can’t be without you. We’ve been together every day. How about you just keep coming to me instead? I’m not ready to let you go, Marcus. I can’t. It would break me. I’m already breaking.”

  He’d become too much a part of me, and I was willing to admit that. I wanted to. It sat on my tongue, inching its way out.

  “I love you,” I breathed out, swallowing a lungful of air at the admission. “Okay? That’s the truth. I love you and I can’t be without you –”

  He cut me off just then with a hard kiss. He gripped my hair tightly as he took me in, and I felt like he needed me to say that. He needed to know he was loved. Dear God, in that moment, I wondered so much what horrors he went through to feel this way. When his mouth broke from me, he kept his forehead pressed against mine, looking at me with sad eyes.

  “Marcus,” I whispered, and he closed his eyes, inhaling sharply, like he was breathing me into his being. “I’ll throw it all away. I’ll leave it all behind for you. I want all the ugly.”

  His hand instantly dropped and he took a step back from me, torn and miserable. I couldn’t understand why he would be. He should have wanted this too.

  “I don’t know what to do,” he then said, shaking his head. “You deserve more, and I’d be robbing from you if you left it all behind.”

  I shook my head too. “You wouldn’t be robbing me of anything.”

  “I can’t trust that’s how you’ll feel in the long term, babe. I’ve seen it before. You’ll start to resent me –”

  “It’s not fair to say that. You’re just speculating. It could be the total opposite. I might love being with you more, and isn’t that worth the risk?”

  He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “I wish it was that easy. I’m in a lot of shit right now. You’ve been in the blind where I’ve kept you. There’s a lot you don’t know, and you being here right now isn’t a good idea. You need to go. You need to get out of here before anyone decides to say something to you.”

  “Then come with me.”

  “I got business to take care of.”

  “What, the drugs?” I hissed, feeling angry that he’d choose to deal than come home with me. Didn’t he hear me two seconds ago? I’d just told him I loved him, and that wasn’t easy to do either.

  His face darkened as he glanced around us, and then he grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me back to the car.

  “It’s more than that,” he gritted out in my ear. “It’s that you’re my fucking weakness, and you being here in front of everyone has revealed that. You need to get in your car and never come back to this place again.”

  “And what about us?” I cried out as he opened my car door.

  He stopped against me and stared hard at my face. “You need to focus on what’s important right now –”

  “You’re important!”

  “I’m talking about your classes, your friends, your family, everything else that existed before me.”

  “But I need you.”

  He sighed heavily. “Maybe I’ll be good enough for you one day. Fuck, I’d do anything for that to happen, but that’s not in my cards, Kate. It can’t happen now. You have to go, and stop having a loser like me drag you down. Your father loves you. He’s doing this to protect you.”

  “He’s painting you black and white!”

  “I know, and maybe I deserve that for my poor choices. Point is, he’s not being malicious. He’s being caring, and fuck, Kate, if there’s something in life you have to treasure, it’s the love of your family. I didn’t get that, and you need it.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  He was right. I hated that.

  “So go,” he told me. “You have to.”

  I resisted at first, but he stared me down, unwilling to take no for an answer. I didn’t cry. I was angrier than I was sad.

  “You’re making a mistake,” I told him.

  I glared at him and climbed back into my car. With my hands squeezing the steering wheel as tight as I could, I drove out of there, watching his form in the rear-view mirror grow smaller as I went.

  He wanted me to let go.

  But I wouldn’t. Never.

  I reached out for weeks, called him relentlessly, and received nothing on the other end.

  It was only after the third week I’d heard about him leaving town.

  He didn’t return for four years.

  *

  “You should have moved on,” the man said, amused. “That could have been the end of you and him. You could have lived your life and this entire thing – you and me, right here and now – wouldn’t have happened.”

  “I couldn’t move on,” I replied, honestly, staring at the dark figure. “My heart didn’t let me move on.”

  Hearts wanted what they wanted, with or without your say.

  “Do you think he loved you?” he then asked. “You emptied your heart out, and he never said it back.”

  I sighed. “Marcus loved the idea of me more than he loved me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, in his head, I was unattainable perfection. He could never feel worthy of me if he stayed like that.”

  The man hummed thoughtfully. “Do you think that’s why he left town?”

  “I can’t be sure, but… I always wondered about it. I always wondered what was going through his head the night he took off.”

  And in this cellar, with the clock winding down, I knew I’d never get the answer to that question.

  “You defied your father, though, didn’t you?” he pried. “That’s why you became a teacher.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When did you know Marcus had returned?”

  I smiled softly. “I was at the grocery store in the checkout aisle getting ready to pay, when I glanced at the magazine rack and saw the local newspaper. I remember I went still all over. My heart squeezed so painfully. I picked up the newspaper with a shaky hand and read the article beneath the picture of him shaking his hand with the city mayor. He’d donated half a million dollars to renovate New Raven’s historic building previously scheduled for demolition, and they were thanking him for keeping the history alive by helping with the funding. He saved the building, and he was a hero for a while.”

  The news of that had been earth shattering to me. I felt like somebody hovering over her body, trying to grasp with a reality that didn’t seem possible. Yet it was true. Marcus had come back wealthy beyond belief, answering to nobody, all the while looking like an Adonis. He must have packed on fifty pounds of muscle.

  “How long after when you saw him?”

  I snapped out of my thoughts and shook my head slowly, staring hard at the man. “No more.”

  I wouldn’t tell him how intimate Marcus was to me. How hard he fought for me when he returned. How different he was in every way, yet still giving me parts of his old self that I knew lurked within him.

  I remembered taking my
morning walk through the park outside my apartment a few days after I’d read the paper. I remembered the way the air changed when I stopped at the gardens. I knew, before even turning, that he was there. And he was, dressed in a suit, looking remarkably unrecognizable. He’d stared at me with his heart on his sleeve, mesmerized by the sight of me.

  “You came back,” I whispered.

  “I came back for you,” he whispered back.

  I let out a faint sigh and felt my body slowly shutting down. I wouldn’t give this man anymore moments. They were mine and he couldn’t have them.

  “So you’re cutting to the chase,” he stated slowly.

  I forced a nod. “Yeah,” I breathed out, braver than I’d ever been before in my life. “I am.”

  I thought of Marcus when the man stood.

  I thought of the raw love I held for him as the man moved toward me.

  I felt that love in every inch of my soul as the man darkened my world with his hands around my neck. I fought to stay alive with everything inside of me, but it was no use.

  I was dying, and his face flashed before my eyes as I took my last breath. For a split second, Marcus was over me, holding me, telling me it was going to be alright.

  And then the blackness did finally consume me.

  Five

  Marcus

  She’s in the river, Mr Borden. I left her in one piece, which is more than you deserve. Consider that the next time you bring a woman close. Fuck off from our turf. These are our streets. Not yours.

  His soul had shattered at the message.

  He was too late.

  Marcus waded into the quiet waters, vaguely hearing the sirens of the ambulance and police cars in the distance.

  The figure floated, face up, a flicker of blonde hair swaying in all directions under the cloudy sky. He swam, uncaring of how cold the waters were, uncaring of anything but her. With eyes rimmed red, he frantically moved to her, his mouth trembling as he neared.

  “No,” he choked out.