Her Lone Star Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  “Some drunk ran him over and knocked his truck into a family,” App scoffed.

  “Wiped ’em all out ’cept fer Colt,” Sam said, shaking his head as he headed back toward the kitchen.

  “Have Jess and Luke gone to him?”

  “Yup,” Stanley supplied. “Montana went after thar mother. Didn’t want her to find out from strangers.”

  Gabi could only imagine the anguish Colt was experiencing. He and his brothers had been through so much. How was he handling this? How was Jess handling it?

  “Where are they?” she asked, following Sam into the kitchen.

  “Kerrville,” Sam said, grabbing plates.

  She couldn’t help herself. She needed to be with Jess.

  The strength of her need to be by his side scared her a little, but she paid it no mind in the face of the extreme crisis the Holden family was going through.

  She prayed for the lost family and hoped with all her heart that they’d find peace with the Lord. Thinking about the drunk man causing all of this had her flashbacking to what could have been her own experience. Standing in the middle of Sam’s kitchen, it hit her suddenly how similar the circumstances were to her own near miss. Only this had no happy ending.

  Nauseated, Gabi managed a goodbye and headed out the rear door of the building. On the back porch of the diner, she bent over and grabbed her knees, sucking in air as she willed the nausea to go away. God protected me. He sent someone to show me the light at the right moment. Thankfulness washed over her like nothing she’d ever experienced before. Yes, she’d been thankful in the hospital when she’d realized how close she’d come to disaster but this—oh, what must Colt be going through?

  Standing up, Gabi’s hand shook as she grabbed the porch railing for support. Stepping down off the elevated porch, she headed toward her car. She had to see Jess, had to see if there was anything at all that she could do to help.

  * * *

  Jess was standing outside the hospital taking a break. Colt was unhooked from the IV and they were waiting on the doctor to come by and release Colt to go home. Montana had arrived with his mother and was with Luke and Colt.

  He’d had to come outside for a breather to escape all the overwhelming care and concern oozing from Rhonda. He’d had to get some fresh air.

  He hadn’t felt this angry in a long time. And there was one thing he knew. He couldn’t go back up there right now. Not like this.

  Striding off the sidewalk, he headed toward a distant clump of trees at the far edge of the parking lot. Trees equaled solitude. Even the small clump offered a measure of seclusion—in case someone decided to come looking for him.

  He couldn’t take his mother right now, inside or out here.

  At the moment he didn’t care to be found by anyone. He had to get his head on straight so he could be of use to Colt.

  He made it to the trees and walked to the back side of them. There was a fence there and then a vacant lot. Jess was relieved. Grasping the top of the chain link fence, he stared at nothing, dropped his head back and looked up accusingly.

  “What is it with You?” he growled. “I just don’t get it.”

  “Jess?”

  He flinched at Gabi’s soft voice. Spinning around, he found her standing at the edge of the trees. She was breathing hard, as if she’d run across the parking lot after him. She had a stricken expression. He’d never been more happy to see anyone in all of his life. In two strides he met her, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her soft, scented hair.

  Thank You, God. He closed his eyes and held her.

  “I got here as soon as I could,” she whispered, clutching him close.

  Nearly breaking her in half, Jess hung tight, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to loosen his hold. “Thank you” was all he could manage to say for the first few moments.

  Nodding, Gabi gently continued to hold onto him as if willing strength and emotion and support to him.

  In all of his life Jess had never felt like this. It was as if Gabi filled a hole that had been empty forever.

  “How is Colt?” she asked at last, rubbing her hand along his back, gently easing the impossible tension knotted there.

  Pulling away but still holding on to her, he drank her in. “I can’t believe you came.”

  “I couldn’t get here fast enough.”

  He took a deep breath trying to process his emotions. “He’s not saying much. I think he’s in shock. When we first got here, he was medicated and kind of stunned. But now there’s no meds in him and he still seems in his own world. It’s hard to explain. It’s killing him. That’s what it’s doing.”

  “Oh, Jess.” Gabi’s eyes filled with tears.

  “A well-meaning little lady came by with books and magazines about seven this morning and there was a picture of the family and the drunk on the front page.”

  Gabi gasped. “Oh, no! Did he see it?”

  “We all did,” he said, quietly, rubbing his forehead. “Colt’s been more withdrawn ever since. He’s refusing to say anything. Just staring out the window like he’s the one that’s dead.”

  Tears filled Gabi’s eyes. “Is there anything I can do?”

  Jess stared at her, loosening his grip on her so she could breathe. “I’m not sure at this moment there’s anything any of us can do. If it were me in Colt’s shoes, I’d just want to be alone. I’d need to be alone. Right now he’s got Luke and Montana looking after him. My mother is up there, too.” He added the last sentence with total lack of emotion.

  Gabi remembered their conversation and knew this was hard for him on so many levels.

  “My brother is hurting and I’m down here because I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. Luke has forgiven her. And Colt has too, in his own way.”

  Gabi didn’t know what to do to ease his pain as he wrapped his hands again around the chain link fence.

  “What you’re feeling is understandable,” she said quietly. “Totally understandable.”

  He stared at her. “You think so?”

  Anger for him flashed in her eyes. “Sure. Look at what she did to y’all. Forgiving her for that would be unbelievably hard. Yes, we’re supposed to, but that doesn’t make it easy.”

  He wasn’t sure what he’d expected but it wasn’t this—especially the fire attached to her words.

  She must have realized that she’d shocked him because she huffed out a sigh and her shoulders slumped slightly.

  “I know, I know. As a Christian, I’m a little confused about my feelings toward your mother.” She frowned, looking frustrated. Despite everything that was going on, Jess wanted to smile.

  “You’re not alone. That’s how I feel every day,” he said, acknowledging a connection between them. Just her being here, beside him, lifted his spirits. “Right now this is not about me, it’s about Colt, and I need to be there for him. Will you come up with me?”

  Gabi reached for his hand. “That’s why I came.”

  * * *

  Gabi and Jess didn’t make it upstairs. Instead they met Jess’s family coming around the corner. Colt was in a wheelchair with a nurse guiding him out the door.

  Gabi’s first thought was that Colt looked lost. As if he didn’t know what to do from here on out. She considered that, and realized if something as tragic as this had happened to her, she would feel the same.

  Introductions were made between Gabi, Colt and Rhonda. Gabi felt a little awkward, what with Colt being in such a state of shock. It was apparent that he wasn’t in a speaking mood but, as if on autopilot, he nodded at her and even gave a distant smile. Rhonda, a thin woman with the same sandy-brown hair and coffee-colored eyes as Colt, looked nervous and worried. Gabi guessed her to be in her late forties or very early fifties.
Which would have made her fairly young when the boys were little. She held out her hand and Gabi took it. It was icy cold, but her grip was firm, as if she were hanging on for assurance.

  “I’ll get the truck,” Luke said, after he’d made the introductions.

  “I can walk,” Colt insisted, pushing up from the wheelchair.

  The nurse laid her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Colt, but you have to wait until the vehicle is here and then you can get up.”

  For the first time since Gabi met him, emotion sparked across his face. “I’m not injured,” he growled.

  “I know,” the nurse said kindly. “It’s procedure. If I let you up and that security camera there catches me, then my job is on the line.”

  “Just a little longer, honey,” Rhonda said, patting his shoulder.

  Gabi caught Jess’s flinch at the exchange.

  Feeling like an intruder into a family affair, Gabi waited to the side as Colt climbed into the truck. Jess looked at her and then the truck and she realized he was torn on which vehicle to ride in.

  “Don’t worry about me. You go with your brothers.” She gave him a smile. “I only came to show my support.”

  “Are you sure? You drove all this way and now you’ll have to ride back alone.”

  “I’m fine, Jess. Go.” Touched that he was thinking of her. To him alone she said, “You need to be in there with Colt. Just the three of you. A car and a long drive make the perfect place for good conversations. You don’t owe me anything for coming.”

  He gave a curt nod, squeezed her hand then strode over and climbed into the backseat of the four-door truck.

  Watching them pull away from the curb, Gabi said a prayer that the next hundred miles to Mule Hollow would be miles toward healing for Colt. Turning, she met Rhonda’s curious eyes.

  It struck her that Jess’s road to healing was up against a brick wall with nowhere to go. And she hadn’t helped his situation one bit.

  “Thank you,” Rhonda said, her voice heavy with emotion.

  “Yes,” Montana added. “Jess seemed better after you came. He was so tense that we were worried about him.”

  Guiltily, Gabi’s gaze flicked to Rhonda. If she knew why his nerves were better, Rhonda would feel like dirt.

  Gabi gave Montana a smile and tried to include Rhonda, though her eyes didn’t meet the older woman’s. “I’m glad. I didn’t know what else I could do. But I had to come.”

  Gabi thought about that statement all the way home.

  I had to come… .

  She had known Jess Holden for less than a month and she felt so connected to him that she’d had to be there for him.

  She knew she was kidding herself if she dismissed it as simply being a good Christian girl.

  Jess Holden had a hold on her that was like nothing she’d ever felt before. And there was just no getting by the fact.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When Gabi arrived at the clinic later that Monday, she found Susan in the rear grinding down an old horse’s back teeth. Like the human nose, a horse’s teeth never stopped growing—unlike a nose they had to be buffed down every once in a while.

  “You made good time. How is he?” Susan asked, pulling the foot-long dental tool from the horse’s mouth.

  Gabi had headed straight for the clinic as soon as she’d gotten into town. Susan had been nice enough to let her take off a few hours so she could drive to Kerrville and she wanted to make sure to show her appreciation by returning to work as quickly as possible. Besides that—she needed to be busy.

  “He’s struggling,” she said. “As you can imagine, he’s sad. In shock. Distant.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of,” Susan said. “How were Luke and Jess holding up?”

  “They’re very worried about him. This was my first time to meet Colt and he was really quiet. I only saw him for a minute. Jess was out front when I got there and I spent time talking with him. He’s pretty shook up himself.”

  Susan crossed her arms, compassion in her expression. “I can see where Jess and Luke would be torn up over this. My Cole lost his first wife tragically young and he was having a hard time with it when I came along. His brothers were extremely worried for him. The Turner men feel each other’s pain…I’m sure the Holden men are no different.”

  Gabi’s heart ached. “They’re close. Especially since they relied so heavily on each other growing up.”

  “True. In a way so did Cole and his brothers. Except they were teenagers when their parents died in a plane crash. Jess, Luke and Colt were really young when their parents skipped out emotionally and physically on them.”

  “What do you make of their situation? Their mother was at the hospital.”

  “I think it’s a tough situation. She lives in Fredericksburg from what I’ve been told. That’s not too far from Kerrville. I wonder if Colt was trying to make it to her house last night.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I really do think a mother, who walked out on you young and now wants back in after you’re all grown up and don’t need her any more, would be hard to deal with. It’s sad. But from what I understand, Luke has asked her many times to move out to the ranch, but she won’t do it. God can heal all wounds…in His time and given the opportunity.”

  Gabi believed that, but the hurts ran deep. “Jess has a hard time with it.” She couldn’t go into detail since she was privy to Jess’s thoughts on the subject, and it felt far too personal to reveal his emotions.

  “Understandable. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t taken Luke up on his offer.”

  “Maybe.” Gabi tapped her boot on the floor impatiently. “You know, Susan. It just really makes me angry.”

  Susan was smiling at her. “Yeah, it would. That too is very understandable.”

  That struck Gabi as odd. “Why do you say it like that?”

  Susan gave a knowing smile. “When you care for someone, you don’t want to see them hurting. It’s as simple as that.”

  Gabi’s mouth fell open. “I can sure tell you one thing. There is nothing simple about it! Not one, single, complicated thing.”

  * * *

  Jess and Luke watched as Colt paced across his small cabin’s front porch. Inside Montana and his mother were putting up the groceries they’d bought for him. Rhonda had insisted on mixing up a casserole for him—though he’d said he didn’t want anything. Jess thought it was pretty sad that after all the times as little kids they’d gone to bed hungry or after eating a peanut butter sandwich, provided by Luke, that now their mother wanted to cook.

  Resentment warred inside him but he pushed the feelings aside and focused on Colt. Jess and Luke had tried to talk to him all the way home from the hospital. They’d given him ample opportunity to open up to them, but Colt had remained quiet. The drive had seemed endless.

  Jess wasn’t used to being out of control and lately it was happening a lot. With the cattle dying and this thing going on between him and Gabi…and now Colt’s situation.

  Things like the issues between him and his mom. He knew how he felt and how he was going to react. Watching Colt, he didn’t know how Colt felt, and there was nothing Jess could do to figure it out unless Colt opened up.

  “Okay, we’re all set inside,” Rhonda said, coming out onto the porch.

  Montana followed and went over to Colt. “You should be good for a few days.”

  “Maybe you should take a little time off from the circuit,” Rhonda added. “Get this behind you.”

  Colt stiffened. “Thanks for your help,” he said, almost too politely. “I need to talk to Jess and Luke alone now.”

  Rhonda looked stricken. “Sure, we’ll just go inside—”

  “I mean alone.” His eyes, as dead a
s they’d been all day, darkened with even more shadows when he looked solemnly up at Montana.

  Montana nodded in understanding. “Rhonda and I will go to our house. You just call us if you need anything.”

  Rhonda obviously got it too, and didn’t argue anymore. Instead, looking beat down she followed Montana off the porch and out to her parked truck. Within minutes the three brothers were alone.

  Colt raked his hands through his hair, then closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He looked as if he’d aged ten years overnight.

  “I can’t stay here.” His words were firm, his eyes still shut. “If I stay here, I’ll go crazy with my thoughts.” He looked at them then.

  “You need to take it easy—”

  “No, Luke,” he snapped, storming to the edge of the porch and swinging around. “Don’t y’all get it? I killed those people. Me. My truck. Wiped them out in one fell swoop. How am I ever gonna live with that?”

  His words were so broken and anguish-filled that Jess felt the sting of hot tears well up in his eyes.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Jess tried, though he knew if he were in Colt’s shoes, it wouldn’t stop the nightmare.

  “God’s not going to hold you accountable for that, Colt. You’ll have to let it go.” Luke’s words were as gruff and full of emotion as Jess’s.

  “Don’t you get it, I hold myself accountable. I was almost asleep at the wheel when that thoughtless drunk hit me head-on. If I’d have just pulled over half a mile back, they’d all still be alive.”

  “Maybe, maybe not,” Luke said. “Only God knows that, Colt. You can’t think that way.”

  Colt’s grief-stricken eyes slammed them. “I can’t think any other way. There were two little kids and a mom and dad in that car going on vacation. God—” Two strides and he sank into a chair and dropped his head into his hands.

  Jess felt the sting of tears again. He hadn’t cried since he was a little kid—hadn’t known he still could. But this was tearing him up inside.

  Luke stepped forward. “I know you don’t understand this. We don’t either, but the Bible tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not unto our own understanding,” Luke continued, trying to talk to him but Colt just shook his head at the scripture.