Love's Cruel Redemption (The Ghost Bird Series)

by C. L. Stone

  I breathed out slowly. “Our schedule.” I didn’t say it, but the Academy had the guys keeping odd hours, too. And because I was here, the guys were constantly streaming in and out of the house.

  “It will be different once we’re back on a school schedule full time. Now that our class schedules have changed...” Luke twisted his back as he sat up, stretching. He scratched at his forehead. “Are the cakes ready yet?”

  “Cake?” I asked.

  “Pan in a cake,” Luke said. He shook his head and blinked a few times. “I mean cake in a pan. Pancake. Don’t talk to me. I mean don’t listen to me, I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

  I laughed a little as I sat up and combed my hair away from my face. “I think we need breakfast to come up with something. I could go back to Nathan’s.”

  “You’ve spent months at Nathan’s,” he said. “Come stay with us for a while. We’ve got the room.”

  It sounded like fun, but there was a problem with staying anywhere long term. “But what about Uncle?” My black hair clip was on the bedside table. After combing my hair with my fingers, I pulled it all back, twisted and then attached the clip. “Isn’t he going to think it’s weird if I’m staying overnight for a while? Won’t he have the same questions as Erica?”

  Luke shrugged and moved to put his feet on the floor. He absently scratched near his eyebrow. “I don’t even know. But he asks about you. Like why I’m not out with you on Friday nights. It’s sort of hard to explain.”

  There were lots of things that were hard to explain to others. The secrets we kept were so strange I wasn’t sure anyone would understand. Even Academy members like Uncle found us odd.

  I moved to sit beside Luke, leaning into him and pressing a cheek to his shoulder. He stared off, either daydreaming or thinking. I listened passively to the voices downstairs and general noises in the house but enjoyed the simple moment of being next to him.

  He still smelled of vanilla and sugar, although he had taken on a bit of Kota’s spice scent. The mix worked surprisingly well together. His blond hair was wild, sticking out at places, but framed his high cheekbones. His lean muscles and tan skin had once made me think of him akin to clothing models. The longer hair softened his angled jaw and chin, but in a notable way.

  Compared, I felt like a mess. I wore my own pajama bottoms, but I was pretty sure the shirt was Nathan’s. I touched the collar of the T-shirt absently, wondering where he was and if he’d slept at his house alone again. He’d done so almost all week.

  Luke tilted his head and blinked rapidly, looking at me as if realizing I was there. He reached around, hugging me around the shoulders and kissed the top of my brow. “We can’t forget, the important thing is you’re out, right? We will always have to juggle us anyway, given the Academy and everything, but it could have been much worse if we left you there. That’s one thing not to worry about anymore. Everything else is cake...in a pan.” He laughed at his own joke. “I’m starting to sound like Silas.”

  He was right about us and the continuous need to mind our schedules. I could have been stuck at my stepmom’s house, sneaking around and at great risk. I wrapped my arm around his back, hugging him in return. “I don’t mean to be so glum. I’m just... I mean there’s a lot to think about.”

  He chuckled and nuzzled my face until I tilted it enough and he could kiss my cheek, closer to my mouth. “I don’t have much to think about. I’m all in. Whatever happens. Okay?”

  I knew he wasn’t just talking about the living situation, but the relationship we had developed, between the nine guys in our group and myself. I sighed but smiled at him. “I do worry about the others...”

  He kissed my lips briefly and his fingers smoothed over the skin just above the elbow. He slowly slid his fingers up my arm, under the sleeve, massaging a little with his fingertips. “I’ve known them for a good long while. If any of them really felt they wanted to not do any of it, it would have been out the door by now.” He lightly held my arm and pulled me in, his lips meeting mine and putting more pressure into his kiss.

  I closed my eyes, a little passive at first as my mind was slow to readjust. Eventually, I became more animated, responding to his kiss, leaning into him.

  Suddenly, the door to Kota’s bedroom down below opened. Swift footsteps thundered up the stairs.

  Luke leaped away from me, turned, and rushed into the bathroom, but not before Erica popped her head up. He closed the door just as she finished clearing the last step.

  My cheeks warmed quickly. The guys came and left often enough. I suspected most of them didn’t ask to stay, so Erica usually wasn’t surprised to see them. However, I had been up here alone with him, and he’d not had a shirt on. We had been quiet.

  There was only one bed unmade...

  Erica slowed at the top of the stairs, her smile frozen on her face. She glanced at the bathroom door and then at the bed. The rollaway bed had been put away.

  The rule was to stay overnight, Kota slept on the rollaway and I slept in his bed. If the others stayed, they usually had sleeping bags on the floor. Most of the time we followed this, but Luke had come in really late and just crawled into the bed with me instead of waking us up pulling out sleeping bags.

  “I...” I muttered. I stopped myself, not wanting to lie to her. I also couldn’t stop the heat in my cheeks, and I knew I was blushing. I just didn’t know how to respond.

  Erica turned to me. Her smile was still there but it flickered with confusion. “Did he stay over?”

  “He...woke me up. I was sleeping in...” I stuck with partial truths, like what Mr. Blackbourne and the others often did when they needed to be careful with what they said. “But he beat me to the bathroom...”

  “Don’t wait on him,” she said. She motioned to me. “I came to get you anyway. I was going to make breakfast, but Kota volunteered to go pick some up from Bob’s.”

  I relaxed, hoping I was overthinking her glances and pauses. I hurried over to her, and she tugged me by the arm to get me to follow her downstairs.

  I only hoped she didn’t see too much into Luke running off like he did.

  Entangled

  Kota was in the kitchen with a notepad in his hands, scratching a list onto it with a pencil. He was already dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a green polo shirt, with a white T-shirt underneath noticeable at the unbuttoned collar. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have cheese grits,” he said over his shoulder as he glanced at what he had written. “I think it’s just the normal sort.”

  Jessica stood behind him, wearing jeans, a sweater and socks. She touched the edge of her pink glasses. When they stood close together, I noticed how alike they looked as siblings, with the face shape, hair color and features. Jessica was just the younger version. “North knows how to make it if he’s in.”

  “I’ll ask.” Kota picked up his head to look over at his mother and then at me. He brightened a little. “I know what Luke wants,” he said. “But you want the same? Chocolate chip pancakes?”

  I nodded. If North would be making them, he’d include fruit and plenty of eggs anyway.

  Erica rolled her eyes. “I need my sixteen-year-old metabolism back,” she said. “By the way, I didn’t know Luke was here.”

  “He came in sometime this morning,” Kota said and took out his phone, ready to dial, but turned his attention to his mother. “Is he awake?”

  “You know I don’t mind them here,” Erica said. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the counter before looking over at me. “Go on to the bathroom. It should be open. There should be plenty of towels if you want to shower.”

  I didn’t want a shower, but I got the feeling Erica had something to say to Kota without me being nearby. I walked away slowly. Jessica seemed to get the hint as well and padded off to the living room, where she sat down on the couch and picked up the remote.

  I tiptoed through the front hallway, trying to listen to what was being said in the kitchen.

  “What?”
Kota asked.

  “You know I trust them, but I don’t have a good feeling about leaving them alone with Sang without you or the rest of us around.”

  Kota coughed shortly in a way that sounded like a laugh. “They’d never... I don’t know what you’re thinking...”

  “I know they wouldn’t hurt her but...” A footstep echoed in the kitchen.

  The sound startled me enough to drive me forward, through the hall.

  In the bathroom, I closed the door and pressed my back against it. My heart thundered. My palm slipped over it, feeling it thudding and trying to calm myself.

  It was normal, I told myself. Erica was doing what any mother would do when concerned about boys and girls being alone together. I supposed all of them together, it didn’t seem too bad, but being alone with one of them was a little too much for her. She did make the rules for a reason.

  It was something to talk to the guys about, and probably why Luke felt the need to bolt to the bathroom quickly when hearing someone coming up the stairs.

  It was another reason I needed to be more careful, especially if this was going to be my life from now on. Living between houses like this to split my time between them was going to require some adjustments. I had to remember where I was, follow the rules, mind the other people in the house.

  I used the facilities and then ran the sink, splashing my face. I lingered there over the cool water, wanting to give a little time for Erica to have her talk with Kota. Hoping I hadn’t caused any trouble between them.

  I surveyed the bathroom, trying to pull my mind out of it, for now, to focus on waking up. I borrowed a brush from a drawer and detangled my hair before twisting it again and putting it back into the clip. I was still in pajamas but planned to return upstairs to change once Luke came down.

  There was a gentle knock at the door, and I opened it.

  Nathan stood on the other side, his eyebrows up in surprise at seeing me, but then he smiled broadly. “Thought you were Jessica.”

  “Nope,” I said. “You didn’t see her in the living room?”

  “I didn’t see anyone. I just heard you making noises...” He came into the bathroom, leaving the door open. He wore jeans and a red hoodie, and some Nike sneakers. His reddish hair was a little wild, as it was getting a bit longer these days. He stretched his arms over his head, flexing, and his broad chest became more defined through the clothing. “I didn’t even see Max. They must be upstairs or in the garage or back porch or something. I came over to see you, anyway.”

  “Is there something we need to do?” The question was generic, but I hoped my tone conveyed the true reason I was asking. There hadn't been word from the Academy in the past week about anything regarding my joining or the promise of looking in on me. There had only been updates about my parents. This left me feeling I might be racking up favors of some sort that I’d have to repay, or that they may reconsider I was too much trouble for the Academy to take on.

  “I’m just hoping to get you out of the house,” he said. “You’ve been cooped up for a while. I’d go stir crazy.” He nodded toward the hallway. “Have you eaten?”

  “No, but Kota was ordering in from the diner. If you go ask, he can get you something.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He angled himself around me and leaned his butt against the sink. He leaned over, looking at me directly as I was facing the mirror. His blue eyes took on a glow when he looked at my face that had my blush returning. “How about after that we go for a walk? Or maybe we can take someone’s car downtown? What do you want to do?”

  I loved the idea of getting away, even just for the day. I found it wonderful he seemed to know what I needed. He got used to my moods, I thought, when we were staying together for so long.

  However, I still wasn’t sure if Kota or the others planned anything. Or if the Academy might call on them and we’d need to rush off to do something. “I think we should get out... If there’s nothing else we need to do. Luke and I were just talking about where to go today.”

  He leaned against me a bit more, brushing his shoulder against mine. “I wouldn’t mind hanging out a little at some point, just the two of us. It feels like you’ve been gone awhile.”

  For a long while, we spent most every night together, or hanging around the house, usually just the two of us. As it was now, being alone with one of them was hard to pull off. “If I’m not restricted to resting anymore, let’s go out after breakfast.” It was easy to say. However, I wasn’t sure how we were going to get away by ourselves. Would Kota want to go with us? Would the others want me to do something else?

  I had to figure out how to spend time with each of the guys and in different ways. It was one of the things Mr. Blackbourne and others had mentioned.

  And Nathan, and a couple others, were having a hard time with the idea of the relationship.

  I did, too. I was still unsure I wasn’t making them unhappy, even if most said they wanted to try. We weren’t sure how this new relationship was going to work, but it wasn’t going to work at all if I didn’t get a chance to spend time with them.

  “It doesn’t have to be for long,” Nathan said. He brightened up, and he leaned in, kissing me briefly on the cheek.

  He lingered there, his lips brushing my skin.

  Instinct had me tilting my head just enough until his lips met mine. I wanted to kiss him. I missed him. A lot.

  He kissed me with his familiar, strong kisses that sent my mind spiraling. He leaned into it and enclosed a hand around my elbows. He tugged it gently to urge me close to him.

  Strong.

  Steady.

  He always made me feel protected and safe. He was a rock, always there, always ready for anything.

  Slowly, I eased back, remembering the problem with Erica. “Hang on,” I said quietly. I needed to tell him about it.

  His eyes widened and he appeared concerned. His breath was hot near my face. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked very softly.

  “No!” I gasped, probably a little loudly, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. “No, no, no, no.” I struggled a little, wondering how to explain to him about what happened with Luke earlier. I tried to smile for him so he knew it wasn’t too serious. “It’s something else,” I said a little softer. I touched his lips gently with a forefinger, to indicate the kissing. “Not this.”

  He kissed gently at my fingertip then turned to me fully and held me by the elbows. “It’s okay...” He paused. “I think I know. Give me a kiss and I’ll go find the others.”

  “Don’t let me give you the wrong idea...” I wasn’t totally sure he knew what I was thinking, and clearly my touching his lips didn’t tell him what I meant. He was thinking of something else. Should I just tell him about Erica now?

  Yet, I wasn’t sure how to explain what happened without telling him about kissing Luke. The relationship between us all was a sensitive topic. I struggled to stay it delicately, but my brain was still waking up, trying to formulate words.

  “Listen, I trust you,” he said. “If it is about Kota... I mean.” He shook his head. “Never mind. Should we wait until after breakfast?” He leaned in, lips puckered, aiming for my cheek close to my mouth.

  I waited, ready to accept this and just talk to him later when we hopefully would get out of the house. Probably for the better.

  Nathan connected shortly with his kiss.

  “Hey! Stop it!” Jessica’s voice called out from the hallway.

  Nathan pulled away from me instantly and spun around. Jessica stood just shy of the slightly open bathroom door, looking in. Her eyes were wide, her hands at her cheeks.

  Exactly how long had she been standing there? It was obvious from her expression she had witnessed Nathan leaning in with lips puckered and intent to kiss, and from her angle, it might have been hard to tell if we connected.

  “Jessica...” Nathan said. He moved his hand slowly up, showing his palms to her. “I don’t know what you might’ve heard but...”

&nb
sp; Her eyes widened, and she opened her mouth again and shouted, “Kota! Kota!” With that, she turned and bolted.

  My mouth wrenched open, ready to call out to her, to tell her it was okay. That what she saw wasn’t what she thought was happening.

  As we peeked out into the hall, she was already gone. Too late to catch up with her.

  I shared a look with Nathan. I had no idea what Jessica might be telling Kota right now.

  “No matter what happens now,” Nathan said, “for the next few minutes, don’t freak out okay?”

  It was too late for me. I knew in that moment it wasn’t going to go well.

  Fallout

  Nathan

  Shaking nerves rippled from Sang immediately after Jessica disappeared. She met his eyes, doubt and concern overflowing. It echoed his own feelings.

  This wasn’t her fault. He should’ve shut the door. He should’ve been more aware. He should’ve been listening for Erica or Kota or anybody else coming down that hallway.

  He knew how it might’ve looked, depending on exactly when Jessica showed up and what she was able to hear.

  But he wasn’t about to let Sang take any heat for what was his fault. He didn’t exactly have a plan to fix this, and he wasn’t sure how, but he was absolutely sure he wanted to keep Sang from taking the blame for any of it.

  “Wait here,” Nathan said. “Don’t leave this bathroom.”

  She hesitated for a moment, an unspoken question in her eyes about what he was up to. Slowly, she started nodding, still appearing confused, but trusting him.

  “It’ll be okay,” he said. “Don’t worry.” He wanted to hug her quickly or kiss her again. Only, after Jessica found them, he wasn’t sure how much time he would have before Kota showed up.

  For Jessica’s and Erica’s sakes, if he wanted this to look like it was his fault and Sang didn’t initiate, he had to make it appear exactly like that.