My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  “That’s noble,” I said.

  “I believe my love for you is real, and I believe one day we’ll be together,” he said without flinching.

  David’s phone rang in that instant, causing him to jump. He answered immediately he saw the caller display. “Right. Right,” he said, listening intently. “I was just…” then nodding his head, he stated, “Alright. I’ve got it, Craig. Don’t need to be so dramatic,” he said, hanging up without saying goodbye.

  Craig, I thought. “That sounded pretty intense,” I said. “Craig?” I asked, wondering whether there was any correlation to Craig MacCauley, Daniel’s partner in the law firm.

  “Craig – we’re practically family, we go way back,” he said.

  Daniel appeared in the doorway, likely after listening in around the corner. “Not Craig MacCauley I hope?” he asked.

  “MacCauley, that’s the one,” David said casually.

  The color drained from Daniel’s face. “Man, how far do the lies go!” he exclaimed. “You mean to tell me he knew I had a brother all along yet he said nothing to me?”

  “Look, that’s a matter for you and Craig,” David said abruptly. “He has his reasons.”

  “Seems to me y’all are in the business of lying, scheming and justifying your actions in the name of power and love.”

  David raised an eyebrow in response and said nothing. Daniel gave me the once over before heading off.

  Daniel wasn’t home for dinner that night. We found him out drinking, at a waterhole about 30 minutes away from where we lived.

  “You shouldn’t be out here this late,” he muttered under his breath, at me. “Neither one of you should be here.”

  Without hesitation, David stated, “Well, guess what. We are.” After a brief moment, he added, “You shouldn’t be out here yourself.”

  “I’m not even American. I’m Australian, man,” he stated.

  “That’s not even something to get upset over mate,” David rationalised.

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve always known who you are. I’m finding out that the things I thought I knew I don’t know at all. I don’t even know who I am anymore,” Daniel claimed.

  David shook his head in response. “You’ve always been my brother, always will be my brother,” he said, in an attempt to make Daniel feel better. It backfired.

  “You mean, I’ll always be a lacklustre version of you?”

  “Naw man. Stop putting words into my mouth,” David said sharply.

  “Whatever,” Daniel replied abruptly.

  “Come home baby,” I urged, trying to convince him to leave his drinking at the bar.

  “Not just yet sugarpie. Not just yet,” Daniel replied.

  In annoyance I snapped at him. “You can’t be out here drinking away…”

  “What choice do I have. He’s staying with us,” he replied, motioning over at David as though he were some sort of a disease.

  “Build a bridge,” David stated.

  “Why in the heck would I want do that?” Daniel queried.

  “Build a bridge and get over yourself, mate.” David stated.

  I could see Daniel was trying his level best to keep his cool. It wasn’t working. He signaled at the bartender to get another drink. David asked the bartender to ignore his request.

  “He’s had enough,” he said.

  “How dare you!” Daniel interjected, fire in his eyes.

  “You’ve had enough mate,” David repeated.

  “I’m a grown man, I’ll do what I want, when I want,” Daniel announced.

  “If you’re a grown man, start acting like one,” David advised. “You can’t have your woman out here all worried about you. Time to go.”

  Daniel shot a glance at me then looked away when my eyes met his. David was speaking truth, and I wasn’t sure he could handle it. “I’m sure she understands,” he stated, turning back to David. “It’s not every day that your world comes crashing down on you.”

  “I know it’s hard baby, but drinking yourself into a stupor isn’t going to change things at all,” I said, and I leaned into him, nearly toppling him over his bar stool. He braced me and laughed drunkenly.

  David tugged on his arm. “Time to go, mate.”

  Daniel resisted. I could tell it wasn’t going to end nicely.

  David’s deep blue eyes met mine and he stated, “Can I talk to you outside?”

  “Sure,” I replied. Daniel raised a brow and kissed me on the temple before I walked away from him.

  Outside, a light rain had started to fall.

  “I’m not sure he’s going to cooperate and come back with us now,” he told me, hands in his pockets. The night air blew some of his hair across his face and he turned opposite to the wind, shoulder length locks falling back in place.

  “I don’t think so either,” I replied. “He’s pretty cut that his mom’s not his mom, and that he’s been lied to all this time. He’s probably even more cut to know that we knew each other before he and I met.”

  “Fair enough,” David replied. “Being upset is one thing. Carrying on is quite another.”

  “I hear you,” I replied. “Maybe if food’s involved he would come quick.”

  “You reckon?” he asked, half laughing. “He does love his food.”

  I laughed lightly with him. “It’s worth a try.”

  Back in the bar, I tried to convince Daniel to leave. Despite the enticement of a warm meal, he refused to budge. Apparently, he’d had a meal beforehand.

  Contrary to our wishes, in our momentary absence, the bartender had decided to leave the bottle with him. Couldn’t he see how drunk Daniel was?

  David took the bottle away from him. “This ends now,” he announced. Handing me the car keys, he said, “Please drive yourself home. Get some rest. I’ll walk him home.”

  Outside it was likely still raining. “You shouldn’t be walking in the rain,” I stated.

  “It’ll be fine. I’ll walk the drunk out of him then cab it the rest of the way if we have to. That’s if he’s not chucking up everywhere by then. Go home. He’ll be alright,” he assured me.

  “David…”

  He interrupted, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about this. I got this. See you in a bit.”

  “Okay,” I said, grateful he was there with Daniel. As I walked away and headed for the car park, I heard them arguing. At least Daniel was in safe hands.

  “Daniel?” I called out, the next morning. Silence met me. I could hear his voice in the bedroom, he was probably on the phone. I made my way over to the bedroom, cracked open the door to see him kneeling at the end of the bed, head in his hands. “Lord, it’s so hard for me to stay strong when my world’s falling apart right before my eyes. Please give me the strength I need to make the right decisions, the faith I need to…”

  The door creaked and he startled, realizing he was not alone. He acknowledged my presence with a nod, before closing his eyes again and stating “…in your name I pray, Amen.”

  “How are you?” he asked, getting to his feet. “Where were you?” he asked, before I’d had a chance to answer the first question.

  “I’m fine,” I replied. “I left a message on your phone telling you where I’d be. I was out with David.” He sidestepped me and shook his head in response. “You were pretty off your head earlier,” I rationalized. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  He shook his head further before replying, “I don’t mind you going out. I do mind what you do with my brother.”

  His tone surprised me.

  “From now on, where David’s involved, please tell me what you plan to do and when, and I’ll let you know if I mind or not,” he said abruptly, before planting a quick kiss on my forehead and walking away.

  I couldn’t be bothered to take issue with him on the topic yet again. I understood the animosity towards David, but wondered when he would come to terms with the fact that I was his, I loved him, I was married to him, and was carrying his children
, and that such a bond would not and could not dissipate overnight.

  I avoided him for a good hour, busying myself around the house before showering and freshening up.

  “Where’s David?” he asked, as soon as I joined him in the living room, on the sofa.

  “He’s doing a shift at the hospital. Not sure when he’ll be back.”

  He nodded his head in response and reached for my hand. “I’m sorry about earlier. I’m sorry about yesterday and the day before. I’m just all tore up inside about everything. My life, my identity, my career – the only thing that’s right is you and the babies, and I feel I could lose you too. I’m at a loss as to how to be right now.”

  I slipped my arm around him and pulled him into me. “Don’t be sorry for being. I can’t imagine how you feel. I’m here for you. Just tell me how I can best be there for you.”

  “I don’t know…it’s all… I mean, Jolène isn’t my mom. I wasn’t born in America, I was born in Australia. I didn’t know I had a twin brother ‘til the day before yesterday. I don’t know a thing about where I’m from apart from what he tells me. Then there’s my career. The likelihood of me losing my license for good is great. Everything I’ve worked for is goin’ up in smoke right before my eyes.”

  “Baby, you’ve got me. You’ve got us,” I said, placing his hand on my belly.

  “I hear you sugarpie,” he acknowledged, still uncertain. “I wouldn’t have you though, if it wasn’t for David, and if David had his way, he’d have you. I feel he’ll stop at nothing to make you his.”

  “I’m not sure he’d do that to you.”

  “Wanna bet?” he challenged. “He’s told me in no uncertain words that he’s going to be waiting in the wings for me to stuff up then he’ll make his move,” he said. “He’s already making moves.”

  I knew David. In the few days we’d spent time together, I could tell he was persistent. His whole reason for being here was persistence. The fact that he’d looked for me all these years showed persistence. Surely me being with Daniel, being married to him would encourage him to stop pursuing me.

  “I’ll talk to him,” I offered.

  “You’ll do no such thing. The mere fact that you’re concerned about me will give him an opening. As far as he’s aware, I’m doing fine, okay? No discussing my concerns. Please. For my sake, let things be. Last thing I need is for him to kick me when I’m down.”

  “I’m sure he wouldn’t do that to you Daniel. He’s told me he’s always longed for a brother, and that he’d do anything for you.”

  He laughed suddenly. “Trust me, he won’t.”

  “How’d you figure that?”

  “He says he’d do anything for me, but I’m sure if I told him to leave you be and leave town, he wouldn’t.”

  “Why would you want him to do that anyway? He’s just gotten here. Don’t you want to have family around, now that you’ve found out that you’re not who you thought you were?” I asked.

  “You don’t get it,” he said sharply. “We might be related by blood, but that doesn’t make him any less of a stranger to me, nor dare I say an enemy.”

  “Daniel, you’re being overly dramatic.”

  “Easy for you to say. You’re not in my shoes,” he stated, getting up abruptly.

  “If God’s allowed this to happen He’ll use it for good. Romans 8:28.” I quoted back the verse he once quoted to me, many weeks ago, when I was trying to make sense of what Duayne had done to me.

  “That was different babe,” Daniel argued.

  “No matter, baby. It’ll all come together for good.”

  “I wish I could say I believe that. In this moment, I don’t,” he said, leaning against the wall before falling to his feet. “What have I done to deserve any of this,” he lamented. “I’ve tried to do everything right by everyone most of my life, if not all my life. I haven’t done anything to deserve this…”

  “Baby, it’ll all work out, just can’t see it now,” I told him.

  He sighed in response, remaining in a kneeling position on the floor. I joined him and beckoned him to take my hand.

  “Baby, I’m your family. These babies and I, we’re your family,” I told him. “I’ll always be your family.”

  He stared deeply into me, as though to ascertain whether there was a remote possibility this wouldn’t be the case one day. He wanted to say something but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded his head in tacit agreement.

  “My family is your family. You don’t have to feel alone.”

  He leaned in to hug me, but his sheer force toppled me over. In a swift move he braced me so I fell into his arms.

  “Sorry babe. You okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. I made a mental note not to lie on my back for long.

  “I could stay here with you, forever,” he vowed.

  “Realistically, you couldn’t,” I challenged. “You’re always getting up, walking away, you just can’t stay still.”

  “Okay, you got me,” he replied. “But I can move,” he said, rolling over so he was almost on top of me. Tracing an invisible line from my lips to the crest of my cleavage, he stated “I can think of nothing better than for us to make the most of this time alone. Without interference, house to ourselves.”

  I smiled at the thought.

  Flipping me over so I was on top of him, he stated, “I’m in the mood for love. How does that sound to you?” he asked, kissing me deeply, only allowing me to reply with a moan between kisses. His touch was exhilarating, fulfilling and wholesome. “While we’ve still got the place to ourselves, let’s. I’m in the mood to love you down.”

  “I’d love to love you,” I whispered, trembling in anticipation of his touch.

  We were up watching an obscure B grade movie on TV, sharing a tub of vanilla flavoured Blue Bell ice cream when David came back from work. I’d given him a spare key so he could come and go as he pleased.

  “Hey,” he greeted Daniel and I as he walked through the door. Daniel managed a nod in acknowledgment but said nothing while his mouth was full of ice cream.

  “Hi David,” I replied.

  “How’s things?” David asked, slipping off his shoes. He’d changed out of scrubs at the hospital, and looked refreshed, despite having worked a 12 hour shift.

  “Good,” Daniel stated, his tone decidedly friendlier.

  “Excellent,” David replied.

  “Can I fix you up something to eat?” I asked. “Or get you some ice cream?”

  “No ice cream unless you have some of the non dairy variety?”

  “It wouldn’t be ice cream then, now would it?” Daniel stated.

  “I guess not,” David replied. I looked at him, puzzled. “I’m allergic to dairy,” he advised.

  “Oh,” I replied, having my last spoonful. “How allergic are you?”

  “Very,” he replied. “As allergic as I am to shellfish and peanuts.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” I replied. “Can I make up something for you to eat?”

  “Naw, I’ll be fine. Had something before leaving work,” he said.

  “Anything else you can’t have?” Daniel asked, in a somewhat uncaring tone.

  “I’m a vegan,” he replied.

  “What are you doing not eating meat, brother?”

  “I haven’t eaten meat in years, it’s a choice.”

  “Not even fish or…egg?”

  “Nope,” David responded, slightly irritated. I recalled that he’d prepared a meal for me the other day but had not eaten.

  “Man, I guess we have less in common than I first thought,” Daniel stated.

  Whatever that’s supposed to mean, I thought.

  “I see you’re doing better,” David stated, referring to the previous night’s drinking episode.

  Daniel raised a brow at him. “I was doing fine last night.”

  “If you say so,” David replied. Turning to me he stated, “I’ll be taking a bit of a kip now, see you later on.�
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  I nodded in response.

  “A what?” Daniel asked as David walked away.

  “A kip. A nap.” I explained.

  Daniel shook his head. “I’m supposed to be Aussie, yet I can’t even speak that language.”

  I laughed in response. “It’s not a whole different language Daniel. It’s slang.”

  “It may as well be another language,” he said, brooding over something else.

  Silence ensued as we continued watching the movie. Suddenly hitting the pause button, Daniel stated, “I don’t want you to even entertain the notion of Jolène being a part of our babies’ lives. As far as I’m concerned, she lost that privilege the moment she decided to lie to me about everything.”

  “That’s a bit harsh,” I replied. “I know you’re hurting but…”

  “If you know I’m hurting, you’ll understand that she can’t be a part of my life anymore.”

  “Daniel, she raised you.”

  “Teme, she lied to me. She’s been lying to me. She’s still lying to me. She’s telling me she has no idea who my father is, and I have the feeling she knows very well who he is,” he suggested.

  As a mother to be, I couldn’t imagine myself ever lying to my children to the extent that Jolène had lied to Daniel. “Maybe she’s protecting you?” I offered.

  “More like she’s protecting him,” he replied, getting up. “She won’t even tell me why she only took me, why she didn’t take David as well.”

  “Sounds pretty suspect,” I replied.

  “Yeah, well, she’s a persona non grata as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t want you associating with her under any circumstances whatsoever.”

  I knew he was angry, but I hoped that his anger towards Jolène would dissipate in time. She did raise him. Credit where credit was due, she had raised him well.

  “Baby, you’re angry, and in your being angry, you might be making decisions that you’ll regret,” I warned.

  “No, I’m not going to change my mind about this. She doesn’t deserve to be a part of my life anymore,” he said, sternly. “Where do the lies end and where does the truth begin? My Texan birth certificate is no doubt a forgery. She’s not my kin,” he said, walking away. “I’ll be back,” he promised, getting up abruptly.