My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

“Who says I’ll feel bad,” he questioned. “Who’s to say I’m not taking note for future reference for the day that you are mine,” he stated.

  “David you really need to stop with all this pursuing me,” I warned. “I’m off limits.”

  “I know, I know,” he replied, sighing heavily. “I can’t help fantasizing about you, and wishing that I was your man.” He paused for a moment. “I know I’m sinning every day, breaking that 10th Commandment – to not covet someone else’s wife, someone else’s life, but I can’t help it.”

  I nodded in response.

  “I’m only human,” he added, applying the brakes on my wheelchair and taking a seat on the bench opposite the mini water fall in the courtyard. He sat so he faced me directly.

  “I didn’t lose my virginity to Daniel,” I informed him, regretfully. “I lost it by force,” I stated, remembering Duayne when I long should have forgotten him.

  “I’m really sorry to hear that,” he replied, full of empathy. “Really sorry you had to go through that,” he said softly, kindness in his blue eyes.

  “Daniel was my second,” I replied.

  “Hm…,” he stated, leaning forward slightly. Contemplatively he said, “How I wish I could have been there for you. How I wish I could have been your first.”

  “I’m flattered,” I replied. “Things happened as they did for a reason, though. It’s not up to us to second guess the past or the future,” I said.

  “I guess so,” he replied. “I had a plan to see us together,” he added. “I didn’t have the confidence to approach you properly then. So I’m here, now, and it’s too late,” he mused. “So, if I prayed for us to be together, irrespective of what the present shows, do you think my prayer would go answered?”

  “David, you praying for us to be together would be you praying for things between Daniel and I to come to an end,” I stated bluntly. “Prayer is powerful. Please don’t do that,” I requested.

  “I hear you,” he said. “It’s just real hard for me to continue seeing you being taken for granted. I long to be the one who satisfies your every need.”

  “David…”

  “Alright, I’ll stop,” he promised. “Can’t stop me from praying though, that’s between me and God.”

  I worried for a split moment, before thinking that God wouldn’t allow harm to come my way. Still, I remained concerned about David’s blind adoration of me, knowing that prayer was powerful.

  “So, I know you said we should stop talking about sex…,” he started.

  “I did. Please stop.”

  “Okay,” David said, somewhat disappointed, but he didn’t let up. “So… he said he was a virgin when you were first intimate?” he asked skeptically.

  I nodded in response.

  “He’s having you on,” he stated.

  “Meaning what?” I asked.

  “He’s not being honest,” David claimed.

  “And why do you say that?” I asked, convicted that Daniel had told me the truth.

  “Ask him again and listen carefully to his response,” David suggested.

  “Look,” I started. “He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him. I see no reason why he would embellish or lie about something like this.”

  David smirked in response. “A man in love may do or say anything to get and keep his woman. Ask him again,” he suggested. “Just because there was no penetration doesn’t mean he hasn’t had sex before,” he said point blankly.

  David. Why do you always have to throw a spanner in the works?

  “I’m not trying to hurt you here,” he stated. “I just want you to get real where he’s concerned. If he demands honesty from you, he needs to be honest.”

  “I hear you,” I replied.

  “The thing is, you needing to “respect” and “submit” to him is or at least should be nullified, where there is clearly an abuse of power and position in the marriage,” he said, sternly. “Now I’m not saying he’s abusing you or anything, I’m just saying that you should only “submit” to a Christ-like husband. Submission involves yielding and giving way. No one’s perfect, but he can’t start making demands on you like that.”

  I took what he said to heart. After all, Daniel had promised me he would not be controlling.

  “There’s no excuse for his behaviour,” David added.

  “No, there isn’t. He’s just afraid of losing me,” I offered, as an explanation.

  “So he should be,” David stated. “Holding on to someone too tightly is one sure way to lose them.”

  I sighed heavily, unsure of what to do next.

  “He needs to get right with you,” David suggested. “This needs to come from him.” Fiddling with the beaded bracelet on his wrist, he added, “For a moment, forget that I have vested interests in this whole affair.”

  “Kind of hard to forget don’t you think?”

  “Hear me out,” he beckoned. “If he gets right with you, and changes his ways, I’ll accept that you’ll never be mine, and we can work on maintaining a friendship that supports you and him. I only want you to be happy,” he reiterated. “But if he doesn’t get right with you, then that’s another ball game. He knows as well as I do that all’s fair in love and war.”

  “This isn’t about you and him.”

  “Well, it can be, and it will be,” David suggested. “Besides, isn’t it about you both submitting to each other - submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ?”

  “I guess so,” I said, slightly unsure and feeling ill at ease that he was suddenly quoting scripture and starting to know more than me. He’s done his research, I thought.

  “You know I’d submit to you. Willingly,” he said.

  “This isn’t about you,” I reminded him.

  “I put it to you that it is,” he said confidently and as a matter of factly, leaning back into the bench in an effort to get comfortable.

  Silence ensued as I contemplated what he had just said.

  Sensing my unease, he apologized. “I’m sorry. I can’t help how I feel. Me saying this and me being here is probably not helping things.”

  “I just wish he could see what I see, and feel how I’m feeling. He’s taking me back to a place I never wanted to return to. I know I shouldn’t let my past rule my future, but somehow this all seems like familiar territory. I refuse to go through what I went through before. Daniel’s so called love is not love if it seeks to control me.”

  David stood up abruptly, and put a firm hand on my shoulder. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I warned.

  “Good idea or not, I’ll talk to him,” he promised, getting up, determined. “A quick bite to eat in the canteen?” he suggested. “You must be famished.”

  With that, he whirled me around in the wheelchair and we were off again. My heart felt heavy at the thought of David confronting Daniel. It would not end well.

  David’s plan to talk to Daniel backfired. No surprises there.

  “You need to lose this order, and lose your control issues,” David suggested.

  “You need to get lost!” Daniel replied stubbornly.

  “Guys, settle down,” I urged. They both ignored me.

  “One day she will be mine,” David said with such conviction and voracity it made me tremble.

  “Not in this lifetime,” Daniel replied swiftly.

  “Gee, I don’t know mate. I’m on my knees every night praying for it to happen. I know God answers prayers – question is whether my prayer is in His will,” David announced.

  A flash of anger swept across Daniel’s face. “Don’t you dare try to break up what God has put together.”

  David laughed. “God may have put you two together, but you’re doing everything you can to throw away what the two of you have. I don’t need to break up anything,” he announced. “You’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself. Temwani and I will end up together.”

  In a swift move, Daniel gave David a hard left ho
ok to the jaw.

  David winced in pain.

  “Not in this lifetime, mate.” Daniel repeated.

  “Stop this nonsense!” I urged, standing in between them.

  Turning to me, Daniel stated, “You’re not helping this at all! What is it with you and your so-called friendship with him? Am I not enough for you that you feel you have to be so close to him all the time?”

  “Daniel, you know where you and I stand. You should know where I stand with him. I’m with you. He’s a friend.” I wanted to comfort David, but held back, knowing that it would add fuel to the flame. Daniel wasn’t having it.

  “Well some friend he turned out to be,” Daniel stated. “He’s doing everything he can to break us up.”

  “Typical,” David stated. “Blame everyone else but yourself.”

  Sizing him up, I thought Daniel would lunge for David again. Instead, he stood, fists and jaw clenched.

  “Daniel,” I stated, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down.”

  “You’ll be sorry you knew me, David,” he threatened.

  David shrugged in response. “We’re brothers.”

  “Not by choice,” Daniel added.

  A brief tinge of sadness swept across David’s face, and he collected himself, patting his disheveled hair down, suddenly self-conscious. “If you say so,” he replied, casting a furtive glance my way before turning to go. My heart went out to him and went with him as he walked out the door.

  Turning to me, Daniel questioned, “When is this going to end? Are you going to start respecting me as your husband and are you going to start doing as I wish? Do we need to ask for some outside help here to get this right, and do we need to ask the church to pray on this for us? It really is getting to be too much,” he said.

  “Are you going to start respecting me? Firstly, you can’t choose my friends. Secondly, I’ve been praying on a lot of things, and one of the things I been praying on is for you to be a lot less hot-headed and a lot more considerate of others,” I replied. “I’ve also been praying that you become a lot less controlling. You’re starting to remind me of Duayne!”

  Disbelief shown in his eyes and he shook his head in response. “You’re not really hearing me at all now are you. About me reminding you of Duayne, don’t you dare compare me to him. We are nothing alike.” Abruptly getting up, he didn’t wait for my response. He walked out, leaving me alone again.

  I broke down in tears as soon as he walked out. I reached for my phone, ready to call David, but hesitated. Daniel and I needed to work things out together.

  Daniel’s ears must’ve been burning as he walked back in moments after he’d walked out. His face flushed, it looked as though he’d been crying.

  He sat by the side of my bed and held my hand, firmly. Toying with the ring on my finger, he sat there in silence for a moment before stating, “I don’t know how I’m gonna fix these problems we’re having. Feels like we’re so far gone.”

  I nodded in reply. Looking at me fondly, he wiped a stray tear off my cheek.

  “I refuse to lose you to David,” he said defiantly. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you mine,” he promised. “I’ll risk it all for you,” he said, his words sending a chill down my spine.

  12

  THE CORINTHIAN

  As Daniel went on bender after bender with Johnny, I lost track of the number of nights I’d be up waiting for him to return. In defiance of the restraining order, David kept me company in the evenings when he could and avoided Daniel, but one night he decided that enough was enough; he was going to talk to Daniel, yet again. He stayed up that night with me, and greeted Daniel at the door.

  “You need to get your act together,” David scolded him. “She needs you to be there for her, she needs you to be present.”

  Daniel, clearly still drunk, shrugged in response. “She’ll be right,” he said. “She’s a strong independent woman, she’ll be right. Isn’t that what you Aussies love to say?”

  Placing both hands on Daniel’s shoulders to hold him steady, David replied, “No, she won’t be right. For as long as you continue acting like a tool, she won’t be right.”

  Daniel laughed delightedly. “Acting like a tool… that’s a new one.” He straightened up slightly when he realized I was awake.

  “Daniel if you don’t settle down, you’ll be sorry,” David warned.

  “You done making your proclamations? Who died and made you King?” Daniel questioned, starting to get annoyed. “King David.”

  David frowned. “Don’t mind him, he’s on his way out…he won’t be staying here with you tonight,” he stated, turning to me.

  “No, no, no, I’m not on my way out, I’m not going any where,” he announced. Sighing loudly, he pondered, “Oh, where’s Goliath when you need him!” Staring David down, he questioned, “You got your slingshot ready, mate?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. David cast an annoyed look my way. “This isn’t funny,” he stated. “Don’t encourage him.” Turning back to Daniel, he said, “This is for your benefit, not mine. The sooner you can get your act together, the better it will be for everyone involved.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Daniel stated, brushing past David and towards me. He drunkenly tried to steal a kiss from me but I turned away from him.

  “David’s right,” I told him. “You need to get it together.” He rolled his eyes in response and I knew there was no point talking to him any longer.

  “Look here beautiful, I’m fixin’ ta get myself some shut eye right about now. Stop worryin’ about me, stagin’ interventions and all…and just let me be,” he requested. Winking at me, then saluting David, he walked off saying “Everything’ll look better in the morning.”

  Daniel gone, David turned to me. “I’m staying here tonight. I’ll leave in the morning when he’s sobered up.”

  I said nothing, grateful for his mere presence. This was Daniel’s way of getting back at me for continuing to maintain a friendship with David. Trouble is, it would hurt him more than it could ever hurt David or I, in the end.

  November came a week later, and Craig reserved some seats at the Bayou for the joint birthday celebration for myself, Daniel and David.

  “Well, look at what the cat dragged in!” Daniel exclaimed loudly when David arrived, looking cool and handsome in beige cotton trousers, chinos and a blue polo shirt. “The Corinthian,” he announced. “The man about town.”

  David looked visibly shocked. Turning to me he asked, “He feeling okay?”

  Daniel carried on. “Cat got your tongue?”

  Craig who had been there before us said firmly, “That’s enough mate.”

  Daniel continued. “Cat ain’t got your tongue, you’re what the cat dragged in.”

  Posturing, he announced loudly, “For those of you who don’t know, this here is my baby brother. Pity he has no sense of loyalty to family though - every waking moment he’s got, he uses it to get close to my woman.”

  David squeezed my shoulder lightly, and turned to go.

  “Leaving so soon?” Daniel queried. “I was just getting started.”

  Craig stated again, “It’s enough mate,” and tried to usher Daniel away. Daniel fought him angrily. “You’re just as bad. The whole lot of you. Defending this vagabond of a man.”

  David stood there for a moment, visibly hurt. His face was flushed, and it seemed all eyes were on him.

  Craig tried once again to usher Daniel away. “I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink mate,” he said.

  “Oh the fun police!” Daniel announced.

  “Time to shut this down I think!” Craig thought aloud. “Alright everyone, spectacle is over, barbecue’s outside, drinks and music are outside.”

  A few people immediately took his cue. Quite a few didn’t. Daniel continued to resist attempts to be ushered away. “To quote the great Bard, all the world is a stage, isn’t it baby brother. And everyone has their role. You played your role pretty well…” He stumbled for a moment,
almost lost his balance, then carried on. “Bravo baby brother, my woman doesn’t need rescuing, but you’re playing the role of the knight in shining armour pretty well. How many of you here can agree his performance is worthy of an Oscar. Or a Golden Globe, or Logie or whatever you Aussies give out for a stellar performance,” Daniel said, turning to take a swig of bourbon out of his glass.

  David still stood there, motionless, before finding his voice and stating, “He needs to be stopped. He’s embarrassing you, he’s embarrassing himself and he’s hurting me.” Sighing heavily he added, “I’m sorry for all this drama.”

  Without warning, Daniel threw his glass in David’s direction, narrowly missing him. Shards of glass peppered the floor as glass hit marble tile. Checking I was okay, David was livid. Motioning to Craig and Jonah, David signaled to the door. They read his cue and attempted to usher Daniel out. Daniel fought them all the way. Just as he got to the door he lunged at David who was caught unawares. Daniel’s left hook struck him hard in the mouth before he had a chance to react. Bloodied lip, I could see that it took everything for him to not fight back. “Thanks for that mate, thanks,” he said sarcastically.

  I left his side in a hurry to get some ice for his lip.

  “I suppose I should take a bow,” David said a little too loudly. “Man about town he says I am,” he stated, half smiling. “And what was it he called me? The Corinthian?” he laughed slightly.

  A woman I didn’t recognize had her phone out. “Should probably leave,” I mentioned under my breath, motioning towards the woman.

  “I will take a bow,” he said, making a sweeping bow. “Don’t let this ruin your night,” he urged. “Next half hour, drinks are on me,” he pledged, winking at the bartender. A friend. Turning to me, he stated, “Not much of a celebration I’m afraid. I’m sorry things had to go so far.”

  “Don’t apologise for him. You’ve done nothing wrong,” I told him.

  “Coming here after all this time - I shouldn’t have. I should’ve let well enough alone and things wouldn’t be like this,” he assumed.

  “That’s a lie and you know it.”