My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  “You might end up regretting you said that,” he warned.

  “Then the regret is mine to have,” I told him.

  “What’s with the secrecy and the low voices!” Daniel asked, strolling into the kitchen, startling us both.

  “Just taking a stroll down memory lane,” Johnny replied, quickly slipping the keys back into his pocket.

  “Hm…,” Daniel said suspiciously before he was distracted by the empty plate that was in front of Johnny. “Any chance that I can get some of what you made him?” he asked.

  “Of course, baby. Of course,” I replied. Johnny snuck me a wink which Daniel didn’t see. As I prepared another omlette, I worried after Johnny. I worried about the past which was clearly influencing his present. I worried that his drug use would get the better of him, and that he didn’t care. He wanted to erase the pain he felt at all costs.

  “How are you feeling today, mate, are those nasty headaches you were having gone?” Johnny asked.

  “Funny you should ask, yes, they’re gone, for today at least,” Daniel replied. “Meds have helped.”

  “Well, they haven’t helped me,” Johnny replied.

  “Hm…?” Daniel asked.

  “Meds have helped you, but haven’t helped me – I’ve been left without a drinking partner,” Johnny joked.

  “Oh, poor Johnny,” Daniel replied, playfully nudging Johnny with his fist, an invitation to shadow box.

  “Not in the kitchen guys,” I warned.

  “Well, let’s take it outside then,” Johnny suggested.

  “Yeah, right,” Daniel replied. “You won’t even make it to there Johnny boy, I’ll knock you out cold, straight up.”

  “Sounds like something Michaela would say,” Johnny replied. “Empty threats?”

  Another jab to the waist and Johnny raised his fists then swung one at Daniel in retaliation.

  “Outside you two,” I ordered.

  “I was heading that way anyway,” Johnny stated. “For a quick smoke.”

  “Can’t stand the heat, mate?” Daniel jived.

  Johnny half laughed before attempting a roundhouse kick.

  “Outside you guys!” I exclaimed. “Don’t be too long,” I told Daniel. “Daniel, your omelette will be ready in no time.”

  “Thanks babe,” he stated, weaving past Johnny to give me a quick peck on the lips before heading out front.

  “Johnny you promised me you’d rest,” I reminded him.

  “What with all this excitement? I take that back!” he exclaimed. After seeing the look of dismay on my face, he stated, “Okay, I will.”

  “Good,” I replied as he walked off to join Daniel.

  Boys will be boys, I thought, smiling to myself as I wondered about life and how funny it was that I’d met Johnny all those years ago.

  13

  THE HEALER

  When I woke, I checked my phone and noticed I had missed several calls from Shania. I immediately tried to call her back, but David rang me first.

  “I need to meet with you ASAP,” he demanded.

  “Can you come over?”

  “Not if Daniel’s there. Besides, it’s probably better we meet elsewhere. He hasn’t dropped that restraining order.”

  “Daniel’s out,” I told him.

  “Still.”

  “Okay,” I obliged. “There’s a small café just a few meters from ours?”

  Sighing heavily, he stated, “I forgot, you shouldn’t be driving anywhere, being on bedrest and all.”

  “George went a little easier on me,” I told him. “I can drive short distances. He says I’m alright to do a few moderate activities.”

  “Okay,” David said. His tone worried me, I’d never heard him sound this anxious. “Look, I’ll just come over to yours. Daniel comes back, I’ll just have to handle it.”

  “Okay. See you soon then,” I replied, wondering what had him all shook up inside.

  I turned back to my phone and called Shania. Her phone rang out, so I left a message.

  It didn’t take long for David to come over. He sent me a text message when he was out front, and insisted on talking outside.

  We sat on the porch swing.

  “How are you?” he asked, barely smiling.

  “I’m okay,” I replied. “You don’t seem okay,” I noted.

  His face flushed, he paused for a moment before blurting out, “Shania’s pregnant,” he said stoically, without making eye contact. My heart skipped a beat. That was unexpected. As I tried to recover from the shock, I realised why she had been frantically trying to get in touch with me earlier.

  “I guess that’s what happens when you’re busy picking them up and laying them down!” I said.

  He frowned in response. “Those rumours aren’t true,” he insisted.

  “Well, she got pregnant somehow, and I believe congratulations are in order, given you’re going to be a dad!” I exclaimed with feigned enthusiasm. I hadn’t expected him to move on so quickly with her, but it was evident that he had.

  He frowned in response, failing to share my enthusiasm. “The child isn’t mine,” he declared.

  “What?”

  “It’s impossible. I think I’d know if I slept with her. The story is I got drunk and slept with her in a moment of passion.”

  “I thought you didn’t drink?”

  “I don’t.”

  “How did it happen?” I noted.

  “It didn’t.”

  “You’re not making sense at all David.”

  “The baby isn’t mine. She wants me to say it is. She doesn’t believe Jonah will settle down with her…”

  “And she believes you will?” I asked, shocked at the revelation. “The baby’s Jonah’s? Why didn’t you say so in the first place!”

  “She came to me threatening to spill some insider information if I told the truth, and if I didn’t agree to say I was the father. So, I agreed,” he stated.

  “Insider information?” I wondered. “You know, secrets have a way of coming out,” I reminded him.

  “I know, but I’ve got to keep quiet about some things for now,” he advised.

  “Well, it’s a shock and a half to me,” I told him. “I’m happy she’s pregnant, but I’m not happy to hear she’s pressuring you to pretend you’re the father.”

  He nodded in agreement. “This is not what I wanted, this is not how I wanted things to play out, but she’s obviously resorting to desperate measures for a reason. I’ll support her as I promised.” Abruptly he added, “I guess this is how it’s all going to go - you’re probably elated that I’ll need to shift focus from you and everything you and to her now.”

  “No. This isn’t about me David, it’s about you,” I stated, knowing full well it was about him and I. Our friendship was going to have to change. Shania was not as liberal as Daniel was. Daniel did not have a choice as I’d decided I would talk to whoever I darn well wanted to, arch nemesis included and irrespective of the restraining order. If David and Shania were to play the happy couple, Shania would not stand to see his attention elsewhere.

  “Has she spoken to you about this?” he asked suddenly. “’Cause I find it pretty sus that she’s only bringing it up now.”

  “Okay, like when was she supposed to bring it up? You’ve been avoiding her like the plague,” I noted.

  “I suppose,” he stated, sounding overwhelmed. “She’s beautiful but I’m not in love with her.”

  “You could grow to love her,” I advised.

  He shook his head adamantly before stating, “There’s always a silver lining. I guess it could be the perfect front.”

  “Perfect front for what?” I asked.

  “Marriage. She said she wouldn’t take anything less. Marriage would be the perfect front. It’d keep Daniel off my back and keep me off his radar.”

  I chuckled under my breath. “What is it with you, Daniel should be the least of your concerns at this moment. Besides, you’ll always be on his radar. You’re his brother.
”

  “And you’re his wife,” he reminded me. “As I said, it’ll be the perfect front, he’ll ease up on being so strict about the time we spend together…”

  “David, I’m not trying to keep anything from Daniel. Maybe it will be good for you to move on this way. You being with Shania, I being with Daniel, I’ll never be yours.”

  “Never say never,” he stated, flashing me a wink and a smile.

  “You’re such a hopeless romantic,” I replied. “Just think, you’ll get to experience fatherhood and married bliss.”

  “Hm. Not sure about the second part of your statement,” he said. After a slight pause, he stated, “Oh man, shotgun wedding it is then, I guess.”

  “I’ll talk to her. Would hate to see you doing something just for the sake of.”

  “Don’t,” he urged. “Just let it be. Things are as they should be. Doesn’t change how I feel about you. Won’t change how I feel about you. Things will work out for good eventually. She’s honed in on me for a reason - she needs my support. I’ll give it to her. For now.”

  “You mean, until Jonah finds out?”

  “He won’t not unless you tell him,” he said.

  "She’ll tell him. You watch,” I said, dialling her number straight away.

  “Don’t,” he said, placing a firm hand on mine to stop me. “I can’t let her go public with what she knows.”

  “If you expect me to be on side with you, you need to let me in on what you’re on about,” I told him.

  “I can’t,” he said.

  “Then you can’t stop me,” I said, dialling Shania’s number.

  He sighed in response and leaned back into the porch swing.

  “Is he with you?” Shania asked, picking up on the first ring.

  “And if he was?” I challenged. She didn’t respond. “No good will come of this Shania. If you don’t give Jonah a chance to step up, you’re cheating yourself and the baby out of a chance at happiness.”

  Silence met me on the other line.

  “Shania, are you there?”

  She was crying. “I can’t talk to him.”

  “You could just the other week, he’s not as bad as he seems,” I told her.

  “You don’t know what I know,” she stated.

  “I don’t need to know what you know in order to know that if he cared enough to sleep with you, he’d care something about the fact that you’re carrying his baby,” I said.

  She sobbed on the line.

  “Shania, I care about you. David cares about you. He wants to spare you any embarrassment and to support you nonetheless.”

  “I know,” she stated. “He’s a standup guy.”

  “This isn’t fair on him though. It isn’t fair on Jonah either,” I said.

  “Well, tell David I’ll manage on my own. It was a mistake to think I could rely on anyone,” she said, hanging up.

  I called her back immediately and the phone rang off the hook.

  “Give her space. She’ll turn to you when she’s ready,” David suggested.

  I nodded, agreeing with him.

  “I don’t want you to hear this from anyone else, so I may as well tell you,” he started. “I used to roll with the Brotherhood.”

  I sat there in silence. I should have figured as much, but I didn’t.

  “I’m known as The Healer,” he said.

  “David, all this time…you know, Jude and Ernesto are onto the Brotherhood,” I stated.

  “I know this,” he said.

  "Used to roll with them?”

  “Yes, used to,” he repeated. “Past tense.”

  “I don’t know what to say, David.”

  “You don’t have to say anything at all. Just that you still want me around you despite what’s going on with Shania, despite what I’ve just told you about my past,” he said.

  “You haven’t told me anything about your involvement with the Brotherhood. How do I know you’re not putting us at risk?”

  “I’d never put you at risk,” he promised. “I haven’t got anything else to say about my involvement other than that it’s over and done with.”

  “You’re not getting away with telling me just that, David,” I said, prompting him for more.

  “Okay. Tell me what you want to know and I’ll tell you,” he urged.

  “Tell me you didn’t torture or kill anyone?”

  “I didn’t,” he said.

  “I don’t want to know anything else,” I told him.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologised.

  “You will be sorry,” Daniel stated, standing at the bottom stair of the porch. We’d been so enthralled in conversation we hadn’t seen or heard him come back. “You know you’re not supposed to be here. Please leave,” he ordered.

  David immediately got up to go. “Take care,” he said curtly, giving Daniel a wide berth as he walked down the stairs and headed down the road. I realised then that he’d walked to ours. Quite a distance to walk.

  Despite Daniel’s best efforts to keep me from seeing David, I caught up with him that afternoon. I buzzed on the intercom, and he buzzed me in without talking. I drove along the narrow entrance to the block of apartments and into the undercover parking area. His Airstream and Landrover were parked in the usual spot.

  The door to his apartment was open. I walked in and immediately noticed the void. He stood by the window, looking out pensively on the city. His home was bare except for a box, a suitcase and his guitar that leant on each other, in the middle of the room.

  My heart sank and I mouthed, “David, you’re leaving?”

  He nodded to the affirmative, as though talking were too painful.

  “When were you going to let me know?” I queried.

  Turning from the window, he looked at me with yearning. “I wasn’t going to leave without letting you know,” he managed. “I just need to get away for a time.” Reaching out to me, he stated, “I haven’t left yet, don’t be so far away. Come over here,” he requested, pointing to a space next to him, by the window.

  I did. A move I would later regret.

  “Give me your hand,” he requested.

  I wanted to, but couldn’t. Daniel had been right all along. The more time I spent with David, the more I would end up falling for him. Again.

  “It’s only ever been you,” he confessed. “Give me your hand,” he requested again. “I know it makes you uncomfortable. You’re afraid of crossing boundaries he has set,” he said, knowingly. I sighed in response, not wanting to be taken in by him, but enjoying his blind adoration of me. “Let’s pretend. Just for a moment,” he said. “Pretend you’re as into me as I’m into you.”

  Reluctantly, I gave him my hand. His touch was warm and electric. He toyed around with the ring on my finger for a moment, before raising his eyes to meet mine. “I love you Temwani, I always will,” he confessed. “It’ll only ever be you for me,” he said. “I’ve tried to remember you all these years, while you’ve tried to forget me all these years,” he noted, his blue eyes deep with longing and yearning unfulfilled. “I love you dearly, but it’s time I leave you to live your life,” he said.

  “David…”

  “I was wrong for coming here, wrong for wanting to wish and will you away and into my life again,” he said, sadly.

  “I’ve only tried to forget you as I felt we couldn’t be,” I explained. “You left as though you’d never existed. I didn’t know what to do with myself when you left. I…”

  “Shhh,” he said, silencing me with a finger on my lips. For a moment I stood face to face with him, so close that I thought we might kiss. So close that I thought our bodies would touch. Standing there with him, I could feel his breath with mine, the strength of his body interwoven with mine as it was the last time we were intimate, in my fantasies and in my dreams. All those years ago. The last time I gave him some serious thought.

  “I can read your mind,” he stated. “I know you’re doubting your union with Daniel, and I know I’m not looking
too bad when it comes to being a suitable alternative. However, as much as I want to just have you for myself, it wouldn’t be on for us to turn fantasy into reality. Not while you’re still married to him.” Toying with my ring again, he stated, “I know you love him, and I know how deeply he loves you. I won’t be the one to break you apart,” he promised. “But I will be the one who will promise to love you and stand by you no matter what. Placing my hand on his heart, he added, “This heart of mine will forever be yours. I’ll wait forever and a day for you to be mine.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “Why did you stay away all those years? Why couldn’t you have found me sooner? It’s all so complicated now. I’m married to your brother. He adores me and I love him, but my feelings for you are still there.”

  “I know, I know,” he replied somberly. “There’s only one way for us now, and that involves me leaving here, leaving you to get on with it, where he’s involved,” he said with finality. The tears that threatened to fall, fell. “Hey, hey, hey,” he stated. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “You never do,” I replied hastily.

  He pulled me in and held me tight. “I’m not going to make you choose between me and him,” he stated. “I want you for myself, and if I had my way I would will us back to that night at Broadbeach, the night at the Blues Fest, and we never would have parted ways,” he said nostalgically. “I can’t, and I need to face facts,” he stated. “You being with him, that’s facts. You carrying his babies, that’s facts. You wearing his ring, that’s facts. Only a miracle would see you with me for good,” he mused. “Deep in my heart, I know it will happen. Only a matter of time. For now, I’ll keep praying for that day to come sooner rather than later.”

  I melted into him, and wished the moment would last forever. My swollen belly pressed up against him, I felt the twins kick.

  “I felt that!” he exclaimed. He tapped on my belly, and one of the twins immediately tapped back. In between tears, I joined him in laughter.

  “I’ll do everything I can to support you, but I won’t be the one to stand in your way,” he promised.

  “You’re still leaving,” I reminded him.