My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  “Watch me,” I dared him, getting up to go.

  “He’ll break your heart,” he said, defiantly, grabbing me by the wrist.

  “You’ve already broken mine,” I replied, breaking free from his grasp.

  Something like pain flashed across his face as he visibly desisted from arguing. Sighing heavily, he asked, “Is this what we’ve come to? Is this all we have left? Are you really walking away from me after everything we’ve been through together?”

  “I’m not walking away from you. As I said, I’m taking a step back from you and us. You need to sort yourself out. For your own sake, and for the sake of our kids,” I told him.

  At that moment, my phone rang. Grateful for the excuse it gave me to walk away mid-discussion, I walked over to the lounge and sat down on the sofa. Daniel remained at the table, watching me from a distance. It was Craig on the line, wanting to know where the briefs for the MacKenzie matter were.

  “I’ve got them with me,” I advised. “Can’t you come collect the brief tomorrow morning?” He wanted to stop by instead, now. I acquiesced, thinking it would be good for Daniel to see that I had support in my plans. “See you in a bit,” I said, ending the conversation.

  Daniel still sat at the table, in silence. I tried not to notice the sadness in his eyes and averted my gaze from his when he caught me staring. I put my feet up on the foot stool and pretended to be busy, checking my emails.

  Eventually he joined me on the sofa.

  “I’m sorry for breaking your heart.” he started. “Please tell me what I need to do to make things right between us,” he begged.

  “Daniel, I’ve told you, time and time again what needs to be done.”

  “I’ll do anything for you,” he promised.

  “That’s what you said last time,” I reminded him. “Your word doesn’t count for much anymore, I’m afraid.”

  He nodded, acknowledging what I’d said. “When do you get back?” he asked, slightly hopeful.

  “I hope to be back end of August.”

  “That’s a whole month!” he protested, clearly shocked. “Isn’t that cutting it too fine, what with the babies due in September?”

  “George has cleared me to travel. He says it’ll be fine as long as I’m not flying back past the 36 week mark,” I explained.

  “I see,” he said, flatly. I could hear how disheartened he was. “I really wish you didn’t have to leave,” he added. “What happened to for better or for worse? Are you just going to leave me now without a second thought?” he asked.

  “You promised me you would love me and respect me…”

  “Yes, and you promised me you would stand by me through good times and bad,” he recalled.

  “I did,” I replied. “I’m not leaving you, I’m taking time out from all of this negativity, uncertainty and your possessiveness. I’m taking time out from this situation.”

  He dropped to his knees. “Please don’t leave Teme, not even for a moment. Not now,” he begged. “I’ll do anything to keep you here.”

  “A little too late to be making promises like that,” I replied, cooly.

  “Teme I’m begging you to stay and not leave,” he said, still on his knees.

  “I’ll be back in good time,” I told him. “For now, I need to go,” I said, getting up and turning away from him. I couldn’t bear to see him on his knees begging. He knew how to tug at my heart strings but I couldn’t let him convince me otherwise this time.

  He got up from being on bended knee and intercepted me on my walk away from him. “I’ll do everything I can to get back right with you. I promise I will. My love will be here for you always. Don’t you forget it,” he said, stepping to me and planting a deep kiss on my lips. “When do you leave?” he asked suddenly.

  “Tonight,” I replied quickly.

  He shook his head in response. His eyes glistening with tears, he walked away from me and into the next room.

  I felt for him, but I wasn’t going to let my heart win over my head this time. The flight was leaving in a few hours. Enough time to pack and get a few other things organized. No time to be sentimental, no time to regret. The slamming of a whisky glass on the table in the next room, and the predictable clanging of ice that followed was enough for me to know he was having a drink. Whatever he needs to get through this I guess. My one hope was that he’d be different on my return.

  Moments later, Craig was over. He knew of my plans, and had arranged for a cab to take me to the airport. Daniel stood in the hallway briefly, curious to see who had come through the front door, before walking away again without a word. In ordinary circumstances, he would have given Craig an earful, but today, he had nothing to say.

  “How are you?” Craig asked.

  “Good. Looking forward to getting away.”

  “I see,” he said. “How did he take the news that you’re leaving?” he asked of Daniel.

  “Not very well,” I told him.

  “Not surprising,” he replied. Switching topic, he asked, “That MacKenzie file I was after?”

  “It’s in the study,” I told him, leading the way.

  I was just as surprised as Craig was to find Daniel in the study perusing the MacKenzie file. I’d left it on the desk, ready for Craig to collect. Daniel had no reason to be reading it. His disbarment meant he could have no hand in any of the matters we were dealing with.

  “You’re out of line, mate. Hand me that file,” Craig insisted.

  “Come and get it,” Daniel taunted, closing the binder, placing it on the table and putting his whisky tumbler on top of it.

  “You know, you better not ruin that file,” Craig warned.

  “Or what, Craig. You’ll manhandle me?” Daniel challenged. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be in the UK, working your 52 hour week, a slave to the system. If it wasn’t for me…”

  Craig cut him off. “Things aren’t always what they seem, mate. I chose you, remember?”

  “Are you tryin’ to tell me that everything, down to you becoming partner in my firm, was orchestrated by you?” Daniel questioned.

  “The power of persuasion – isn’t it a thing?” Craig stated.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Daniel replied.

  “I kid you not,” Craig said, haughtily. “You’re not as in control of things as you think.”

  Clearly fuming, Daniel stood up abruptly, and ran a hand through his hair before grabbing his glass of whisky and pouring it all over the MacKenzie file in a circular motion. “Well now, let’s see you persuade your way out of this one at tomorrow’s hearing,” he stated, before giving us both a wide berth and stepping out the room.

  Craig and I immediately tried to salvage the file, first with the throw that was strung over the chair, then with some paper wipes I quickly retrieved from the kitchen. We heard the front door slam shut moments later. Daniel had stepped out.

  “He can be such a dick,” Craig commented.

  “You adding fuel to the fire didn’t help,” I argued.

  “He’s destroyed the original paper copy of the record of interview,” he stated, jaw clenched. “He really needs to be put in his place.”

  Musing for a moment on what that meant, I remembered that I needed to finish packing – my taxi would be arriving soon.

  14

  ISLANDS

  I got to the airport slightly before the check-in desk opened. Great, I thought. At least I won’t have to wait around for long. I’d planned to check in first, then call David. I’d tried checking in earlier, online, but for some reason the facility was unavailable.

  I handed my passport and ticket to the stewardess. “Just one bag Ma’am?”

  “Yes,” I nodded, hoping an aisle seat was available.

  “Ma’am, this queue is for our economy passengers. Please take your passport and ticket to the other queue,” she said, motioning towards the business passenger queue.

  What was she on about? “Sorry, my ticket is an economy ticket, perhaps there’s
been some kind of a mistake?” I asked.

  “No Ma’am, your ticket’s been upgraded to business class,” she stated.

  “That’s news to me,” I replied. “Might I ask why?”

  “Please take your ticket to the next service desk and we can better assist you there, Ma’am,” the stewardess stated, motioning to the service desks to my right.

  “It must be some sort of a mistake,” I offered, not that I wouldn’t have minded a seat in business, but I couldn’t afford one.

  “No mistake Ma’am,” the stewardess confirmed. “Kindly move to the next desk so we can check you in there, Ma’am,” she requested.

  I picked up my carry-on bag and suitcase, wishing that I had help to lug the suitcase around.

  No sooner than I had thought that thought, did I hear, “Temwani,” in an all too familiar voice. David.

  I turned in the direction of his voice, and he tipped his Akubra hat at me before flashing me his beautiful, dimpled smile. Leaning forward onto the service desk, he was discussing something with a stewardess, who was clearly chuffed that he was talking to her. Probably flirting with her. Ending the conversation, he turned and winked at me, then extended his hand, beckoning me to join him.

  “To what do I owe this surprise?” he asked. “I’m supposed to be following you, not the other way around,” he stated.

  “I need to get away,” I said.

  He turned back to the stewardess, “As I was saying before, it would be sweet if you could allocate her the seat next to me.”

  “Of course. Will do,” the stewardess replied, all too happy to meet his request. She spoke with an Australian accent similar to his. He was flying business class, and now so was I.

  “David, I really wish you hadn’t gone to that expense,” I protested.

  “Nonsense,” he replied. “Not a thing, not a thing. Time you get used to being treated like the Queen that you are,” he stated, taking off his hat and taking up my bags. His auburn brown hair sat just above his shoulders, and after the experience of him healing my pain, it made him look like a guru of sorts. Travelling with him was going to be an adventure. I smiled to myself, feeling the earlier stress I was under, dissipate slightly.

  As we walked towards the departure lounge, I noticed people stare, though not the way they stared when I was out with Daniel. With his grand public displays of affection, people stared at Daniel and I as a couple. This was different. People stared at David as he was beautiful. Of course he didn’t help the situation none. Constantly smiling, constantly joking around, constantly - calling attention to himself, it was not possible to ignore him. Such a show off. He was beautiful though.

  “So, my brother couldn’t even make it to the airport to see you off?” he questioned, slicing into my thoughts.

  “No,” I replied.

  “So, he’s still being an ass,” David said, disapprovingly and a little angry. “I hope this time away from you will knock some sense into his head.”

  “I hope so too,” I said.

  “What was he doing when you left?” he asked.

  “He was drinking.”

  David nodded his head, knowingly, before reaching for his phone. I presumed he was calling Daniel, and he was.

  “I don’t care how you get here, get here now,” he commanded, sternly, speaking into the phone.

  I didn’t really want to see Daniel at that time, not after how we had left things, and how he had just walked out, but I guess I was going to have to. David had insisted on it.

  Daniel appeared in the departure lounge, a few moments before departure. Our flight had been delayed. Craig was with him.

  “I guess I have you and David to thank for him being here,” I said to Craig. Craig nodded before stating, “Just hear him out.”

  “I wish you were a better man, Daniel,” I told him. The sadness in his eyes was apparent, and for a moment I felt guilt at leaving him at this time, but knew it had to be done.

  “I’m trying. I really am trying,” he insisted. “Though no use in me beggin’ you to stay, you’re a leavin’ no matter what I say.”

  “You got that right,” I said, still peeved off at him yet glad to see him at the same time.

  “Whatever you do, just come back to me – just keep me on your mind in everything,” he requested. “Just remember the good times we had.”

  “Good times which are few and far between these days,” I added.

  “I hear you,” he replied, looking a little uncomfortable. Craig stood within earshot, and it looked as though Daniel was now under his thumb somehow. “There’s still a lot of good here between you and I. I just need a chance to prove myself to you.”

  “Well, I’m not staying,” I confirmed.

  “So you say,” he stated. Placing both hands on my shoulders, he added, “Please call me when you get there, I want to hear from you every day. Call me when you’re on layover. If you can’t bring yourself to call me, well, I’ll understand.”

  I nodded to the affirmative.

  Placing a hand on my belly, he stated, “Take care of our babies. Take care of you,” he said, planting a moist kiss on my lips. “I’ll be the man that you need me to be when you get home,” he promised.

  “I’ll make sure of it,” Craig said abruptly interrupting.

  Our final boarding call was announced. David, who remained at a safe distance nodded his head and mouthed, “Time to go.”

  Daniel sighed heavily in reply. “I’ll be missin’ you sugarpie,” he said, his voice coarse and strained.

  As I turned to go, Craig said a little over a whisper, “I’ll keep an eye on him. I’ll get him clean.” Daniel was a law unto himself at the best of times. Any method to get him clean would have to be questionable.

  As the airhostess called out a final call for boarding, David shook hands with Daniel and picked up my carry-on baggage. Daniel made eye contact with me again, his eyes still begging me to stay. I couldn’t. I had to leave. “Goodbye Daniel,” I said, planting a kiss on his lips. “See you in a few weeks.”

  I knew he watched after me as I walked away, but I didn’t turn back until I’d gotten through the boarding gate. I turned to see a man who looked defeated and deeply saddened. My dear husband. I gave him a wave before following after David.

  The flight from Texas would’ve felt longer had it not been for David’s company. We talked at length about nothing in particular. Politics, music, food. He convinced me to order a vegan meal on the flight, in hopes that he’d convert me. I did. David was persuasive in more ways than one.

  The warm, humid and salty air greeted us on arrival at Coolangatta Airport, Gold Coast. David had some business there on Monday, and he’d arranged for us to stay at a friend’s. His plans were now my plans, my plans were now his plans.

  Marc lived in a Queenslander in Currumbin, a leafy and quiet suburb close to the Northern New South Wales border with Queensland. He was an avid surfer and musician. They knew each other from their days at university, back when David was a chemistry major.

  While they caught up on the balcony, I took a long soak in the spa bath that overlooked a lush green forest. Being back in Queensland brought back fond memories. Memories of being out in the sun and sea, and memories of lots of laughter. David was a clown back in the day, anything and everything he said would make me laugh. At the time, I wasn’t looking for love. Had I been, David should have been the clear choice. If only. If only David and I had linked up then. If only.

  Instead, it was Daniel and I. I truly loved Daniel but wished his behavior were different. As bad as it sounded, I wished he were more like David. Comparing him to another man, his own brother wasn’t fair though. How could he compete? Could he ever measure up to such an expectation? Wasn’t Daniel enough until David came along? Had I made a mistake in leaving with David? Was there not the obligation on me to work things out with Daniel before throwing in the towel and calling it quits? Was I in some way contributing to his rising insecurity?

  A sudde
n knock on the door sliced through my thoughts and made me jump. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that the bath water had gone cold, and my fingers and toes were all wrinkly.

  “You okay in there?” David asked from the other side of the door.

  “I’m fine, coming out now,” I replied.

  “Okay,” he replied. “Just checking you’re okay. Dinner’s almost up.”

  “Thanks David,” I replied.

  “Not too long in the bath, your core body temperature and the babies…”

  “Yes, Doctor David!” I replied, and thought I heard him chuckle before his footsteps were heard going away from the door.

  Out of the bath, I stepped into the bedroom and got dressed. The king sized bed in the guest room was expansive. I’d gone to bed alone many a night, but Daniel had always made his way to bed eventually. I’d never slept alone. Tonight I was sleeping alone. I’d be missing him.

  A Kookabura sat on the ledge of the balcony, peering in through the glass. I smiled, recalling the Dreamtime stories David had started telling me on the plane. In that moment, I resolved to not miss Daniel, and to focus on enjoying the time away. Daniel had after all made his choices, and he’d chosen not to honour me. I didn’t need to spend another moment worrying about whether he was thinking of me or not. He hadn’t been thinking of me before I left and he was likely not thinking of me now.

  I slipped on a spaghetti strapped cheetah and peacock print maxi dress that flowed and fit snuggly around my belly. It was cool enough to suit the humid weather, beautiful enough to make me feel good about my growing body.

  “How you doin’!” Marc exclaimed as I walked out into the lounge where he and David were kicking back on the sofa.

  David took great pains not to stare at me for too long, before telling Marc, “She’s married, man.”

  Marc rolled his eyes at David’s statement. “Last time I checked, it wasn’t a crime to pay her a compliment, mate,” he replied. Not waiting for David to respond, he stated, “How about some dinner? Mostly vegan, but I did up some Barra for you.”