My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  Not waiting for my response he took my hand in his. Passing by the kids’ room, they were still sound asleep not unusual for them after a late night last night. He led me through the cottage’s back door and down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs stood an archway with a cascade of climbing and rambling roses. On either side of the stairs was a bed of roses. The smell of the roses was so strong, so fragrant and overpowering.

  “This is beautiful!” I exclaimed. “When did you…”

  “You’re a deep sleeper when you do get to sleep,” he stated affectionately.

  “Give me your hand,” he requested.

  “You are already holding my hand, silly!”

  “Your hand in marriage,” he corrected.

  It wasn’t possible for me to hide my shock at his sudden proposal.

  Dropping to one knee he stated, “Please do me the honor of becoming Mrs. David Davenport.” Fumbling slightly he took a beautiful pink diamond ring out of his pocket and held it in the palm of his hand. “So, what do you say - we spend the rest of our lives together? Make it official?”

  “Oh, David, it’s complicated.” I replied.

  “Life is complicated. The love I have for you is simple and pure,” he confirmed. “Is this about Daniel? Or is this about you not loving me?”

  “No, David, this isn’t about me not loving you, and its not about Daniel.” I replied.

  “Then what is it?” he asked, clearly taken aback.

  I ran a hand through his auburn brown hair which glistened in the sunlight. His bronzed skin shone and he seemed to glow. A smile crept up the corners of his mouth when he noted me taking him in.

  “You don’t know how much I’ve longed for you to just touch me, how I’ve longed to hold you,” he confessed.

  “David, I…”

  “Temwani will you please take a chance on us? Please marry me,” he requested. On one knee he asked again. “Will you marry me?”

  I had thought about this for time. I knew that it would eventually happen, and that it might have happened a long time ago, had I not left Australia all those years ago. I had imagined that it might have been David and not Daniel. But it was not so. I was alone in thought for much too long.

  “Please don’t do this to me again,” he begged.

  “Do what?” I feined ignorance.

  He frowned slightly. “What you’ve been doing for the last 12 odd years or so. Leaving me hanging.”

  Without further hesitation, I stated, “I will. David, I will marry you. I’m yours.”

  He sprung from his knees so quickly he almost toppled me over. He quickly braced me and kissed my lips fully and deeply. Pure joy shone on his face. “You beauty, I love you so much.” Planting kisses on my lips, he pulled me into his arms for an embrace. “You’ve made me so happy,” he said. “Now that I’ve got you, I see no sense in beating around the bush.”

  “Meaning?”

  “How soon can we make this wedding happen?” he asked.

  I laughed heartily. “You’re incorrigible, David.”

  “Oh how I love you Teme,” he declared. Reaching for my hand again, he slipped the engagement ring on my finger. It was a slender gold band emblazoned with a pink princess cut diamond and several smaller pink diamonds on either side of the ring. “Hope you like it,” he said. “Pink diamonds. My trip to Western Australia,” he explained. Claudette had been dead wrong about David. He only had eyes for me.

  Holding my hand up to the light, I stated, “It’s beautiful!”

  “As are you,” he said, kissing me fully again. I felt myself melt in the passion of his kiss and strength of his embrace. He sighed deeply as our lips locked. In between kisses, he whispered, “I can’t wait to give my whole to you.” Stopping suddenly he questioned, “That’s if you’ll have me. Flaws and all?”

  He was referring to the horrific scars on his body, inflicted at a time he was defenceless and unable to stand up for himself.

  Tears came to my eyes. “David, I love you completely. I love you wholly. Daniel will always be on my mind and in my heart, but I love you completely and wholly. I want all of you. I’m touched by how much you love me, and by how long you’ve loved me. I can only hope that my love will be enough for you.”

  Face to face, and close as though we were dancing we stood there on the stairs, fragrant roses all around.

  “Trust me, whatever you give me will be enough,” he said with certainty. “Can’t believe we’re finally going to do this after all this time,” he said somewhat nostalgically. “I’ve spent so many years…” he broke off. I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. He quickly averted my gaze before stating, “I’m sorry. Me getting emotional is not a good look.”

  “David, you’re incorrigible. Since when were you not ever concerned about your looks?” I said sarcastically.

  “Like never?” he joked.

  “Thank you for choosing me,” I said, leaning into his strong frame, embracing him tightly. He pressed his hand into the small of my back, and I felt a tingle through my body. I finally felt open enough to love him. I’d noticed it many times before, but as he stood there in front of me and I gazed in his eyes, the lust in his eyes seemed more apparent than ever. Standing so close, I could feel him undress me with his eyes.

  “Cold shower for me,” he stated abruptly, as though he’d read my mind. “I’d ask you to take one with me, but that would defeat the purpose,” he stated, smiling brazenly.

  “I’m not a virgin, you know,” I stated openly.

  “Clearly you’re not mamasita,” he said jovially. “You’re a mother to two beautiful babies, clearly not the result of an immaculate conception. Just trying to keep this conventional, for the sake of it,” he added.

  “There’s not a lot that’s conventional about what we have here,” I reminded him.

  “Come now, there’s plenty conventional about our love story, right?” he said sarcastically. Boy meets girl, girl runs away from boy, boy follows girl half way across the globe, boy finds girl is betrothed with his brother, boy still loves girl, boy moves halfway across the globe to avoid seeing girl happy with someone else, girl asks boy to come back, boy loves girl even more, girl is widowed, girl runs away from boy then girl comes to love boy, boy and girl get married.”

  “That was a mouthful but that pretty much sums up our story,” I laughed. “For a long time I wondered why Daniel had to go when he did. I’m realising now that in leaving, he’s opened it up for you to be with me.”

  “True that, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. I’ve still gotta get through to those who love you. With your parents, your Mom loves me, but your Dad has taken a strong disliking to me from the beginning.”

  “Mom loves you cause you’re a charmer. She knows you’ll make me happy. Dad dislikes you cause he thinks you’re only after one thing. He also thinks you’re a bit of a jock, being a surgeon and all.”

  “He’s talked to you about me?” he asked, surprised.

  “Yep, he thinks you’re only interested in “getting into my pants”,” I said, throwing my head back in laughter. It wasn’t funny at the time, but it sounded funny, telling David and seeing his reaction.

  “Shocka,” he replied. “What did you say? I hope you told him he was wrong.”

  “I tried to tell him he was wrong but he wouldn’t listen,” I replied. “I’m sure he’ll come around eventually,” I predicted.

  “Now, there is a little modicum of truth in that - I do want to get into you, but that’s not all,” he said, defensively. “You know as well as I do that I want all of you. Part of you just so happens to be that rockin’ body of yours, and yes, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want that too,” he confessed, winking at me.

  I love this man. I cupped his chin in my hand and leaned in to kiss his lips. Lightly at first, then with growing intensity.

  He pulled back for a moment. “Man, it’s getting so hard to fight temptation.”

  I smiled in response. “Not for much longer
now,” I said.

  He nodded his head in agreement.

  “Okay, so I want to do this the right way,” he said. “Do you think your dad’s opinion of me will change once he finds out about my plans in ministry?”

  I shrugged in response. “He’ll come around. You shouldn’t feel you have to work for his approval.”

  “I hear you,” he replied, sounding unsure. “I just want things to be right. I’m sure you’d like him to walk you down the aisle.”

  “I would, yes,” I replied. “But if he doesn’t want to, that won’t stop me from marrying you.”

  He held my hand firmly. “I love you, my future Mrs. Davenport,” he declared, raising my hand to his lips for a kiss which sent tingles down my spine.

  “I love you too,” I replied, looking forward to being his wife.

  27

  FOREVER AFTER

  He looked dashingly handsome in the tuxedo he tried on. Dashingly handsome but uncomfortable.

  “Don’t like it?” I asked.

  “It’s pretty flash. I like the look but can’t wait to get out of it,” he said.

  “I can see that!” I exclaimed.

  “Sorry darl’. But I’ll wear it on the big day,” he promised.

  I straightened his collar then adjusted his neck tie, the way Daniel used to, after a busy day at work. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed with sadness, and unexpectedly my eyes brimmed with tears. In that moment, as David stood there, all suited up, I saw a glimpse of Daniel, as he looked the day we got married.

  David noticed the tears immediately. “Come now, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to make you happy.”

  “It’s not that,” I managed.

  “I see,” David said solemnly. “I’m not trying to replace him. Though easier said than done when I look just like him.” He paused for a moment, then loosened his neck tie. “How can we best honour him, yet make this our own?” he pondered. “How about we forgo the tuxedo? Maybe even rethink the ceremony?” he proposed.

  The tears still came, unabated.

  “Are we doing this too soon?” he asked, loosening the buttons on his shirt and comforting me, wiping tears away. “Do you even want this?”

  “Of course I want this,” I managed. “I just don’t expect to break down like this every time I see a glimpse of him in you.”

  “Which is like every time you see me,” he acknowledged. “But it is to be expected. I know how much you loved him. How much you still love him.”

  The tailor walked by. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes,” David replied, coming closer to me as if to shield me from prying eyes, though it would have been quite apparent to all that I was crying. “We’ll sing out if we need any help.” Turning back to me, he smiled nervously, beckoning me to stop crying. “We’ll make this work. Make it our own. I really want you in my life forever. If it’s not now, you need to let me know when. You know I’ll be waiting for you no matter what.”

  I shook my head fervently. “Oh David, you’ve already waited so long!” I exclaimed.

  “And it’s been worth it,” he replied, tenderly wiping the tears that rolled down my face. “You won’t be able to convince me to leave you alone. Not after I’ve been loving you for what seems like my whole life.”

  “You mean obsessing over me?”

  He laughed heartily. “I say love, you say obsession - you say tomato, I say tomaato.”

  “David you’re incorrigible.”

  “My lady, I’ve been pursuing you for just over a decade now,” he added.

  “You mean stalking?” I joked.

  “I say pursuing, you say stalking - I say tomato you say tomaato.”

  I laughed earnestly. “No I don’t say tomaato, I say tomato,” I replied.

  “Too funny,” he said in response.

  “Oh how I love you David,” I said, surprising myself. I had not expected to fall for him so deeply.

  He flashed his perfect teeth through a dimpled smile. Leaning in for a kiss, he whispered, “I still can’t get over how sweet your lips taste. I can’t get over everything about you. I can’t be without you. I’ll take you however you’ll have me.”

  Muffled whispers sounded on the other side of the change room. The store clerk and tailor had been listening in.

  “Good show?” David asked, feigning annoyance. He peeped past the cubicle door, made eye contact with the store clerk.

  “So sorry, so sorry,” she said, apologetically. “You just seem so perfect together.”

  “Right…”

  “And you’d make such beautiful babies - her caramel skin, your bronzed skin…”

  “Right…” David stated, as though he’d heard it all before.

  Turning to me, he whispered, “lf we don’t leave soon they’ll be planning our golden anniversary. So let’s G-E-T-O-U-T.”

  I laughed heartily. He knew just how to make me smile.

  He stole a lingering kiss from me before hastily changing out of the tuxedo. He then stood staring at himself in the mirror, undershirt and boxers on only. Flexing his arm and chest muscles he joked, “Man of Steel, ey?” He proceeded to pop and lock to a tune only he could hear.

  I couldn’t help but laugh yet again. Such a man-child he was. “Stop messing around will you? Still got to meet with the pastor in a bit.”

  The stigma of getting married again as a widow was real. I called my family and friends to announce the news. “Isn’t it too soon?” most said. “Why does it have to be his brother?” was the standing question.

  My sister Keyla offered, “So you’re finally giving in to his brother. I hope you know a lot of people won’t take your relationship seriously. Are you trying to somehow relive your experience with Daniel?”

  I cut the call mid speech during that conversation. She didn’t call me back.

  Surprisingly, despite all the advice offered previously, Angie was not supportive either. “I encouraged you to be straight with him and to cut him loose if you were not interested. Marriage is a big step. Don’t you think you’re moving too fast?” she asked.

  It seemed everyone failed to realise that I’d known David for a long time. That we’d met momentarily years before Daniel and I were even an item. It seems everyone refused to see that I could find happiness after Daniel.

  I received an urgent voice message from Renata, the pastor’s wife, regarding the meeting we had scheduled with the pastor that evening. She wanted to meet with me prior, over coffee.

  I took the children with me to the meeting. They napped in the pram while I sat and had coffee with Renata.

  “How have you been keeping?” she asked. The mood was somewhat stifling.

  “I’ve been well, just keeping busy,” I replied.

  “Okay, no sense in me beating around the bush with this,” she started. “I have my concerns about the fact that you plan to marry David.”

  A little shocked, I responded, “Why’s that?”

  “I’ve been praying on this. We’ve all been praying on this. I don’t feel that he’s the one God is commanding you to be with. We all feel that the person he commanded you to be with has gone, and you should remain celibate to honour his memory,” she suggested.

  I put my cup down, astonished at the suggestion. “Renata, you didn’t even know Daniel. No one here knows him the way I did. He encouraged me to have a relationship with David, knowing he wouldn’t be with us in the end.”

  She nodded but carried on. “As I said, we’ve been praying on it.”

  “You must not know David too well to even suggest that he is not the right one for me,” I said.

  “I know David enough to know that he’s bad news,” she stated. “Pastor Petherick and a few of the other men noticed a pattern of scars on his body,” she started.

  Shocked, I questioned, “Yes, and what about that?” She was referring to his back and truck that was marked with scars from physical abuse.

  “We are waging a war against powers and principalities. David’
s marked and rising influence in the church, and the marks on his body point to only one thing. If you love these children, and you fear God, do your best to put distance between the two of you.”

  “You’re joking, right?” I questioned, amazed at the sudden change of view. Yesterday he was a pillar in the church. Today, he was reduced to mere rubble. “I assume Pastor Petherick will no longer be open to officiating the marriage then?”

  Renata nodded in response.

  I stood up and left, not wanting to waste another moment talking to her.

  David was pacing the floor when I got home. Josiah and Adalia were asleep. He greeted me with a gruff but affectionate kiss, helping me get the twins out of their prams and into the playpen. “How are you?”

  “Been better,” I said. I explained the day’s drama. Explained that the news that we were getting married had been met with a lukewarm reception from the friends we did have left. “I know how Daniel felt about the possibility of us,” I mentioned. “I’m not sure the rest of the world will be as enthusiastic about our union. We’ve already lost a few friends over us being together…”

  “Yep, and some friends they turned out to be, bailing on you and I when we needed them the most,” he reminded me. Livid, he swore. “Excuse my French, but fuck them. Fuck the lot of them.”

  It was odd to hear him swearing. He had had some drama of his own that day. The word had gotten out that we had plans to marry. As a consequence, he had been told that his position as youth pastor was no longer certain.

  “You know, I can understand that they want me to be a father figure to those kids, and to guide them through their trials. I’m not a bad person. I’m not a bad influence on anyone. What I don’t understand is how my personal decision to finally marry the woman I’ve been in love with for quite a large chunk of my life is cause for concern and reason to cast me as unsuitable for the role. You’d think we were committing a crime,” he fumed.

  I nodded in agreement but reminded him of the time that I’d been given the cold shoulder at church in Austi, Texas as a result of the tumultuous relationship with Duayne. How I’d been branded a harlot and felt a sense of shame over something that I did not perpetrate.