He asked me whether I was having second thoughts about being with him.
“No,” I promised. “No second thoughts. Just rethinking the whole wedding ceremony idea.”
“Like should we even have a ceremony? Should we even bother with the rest of the world?” he asked, disillusioned.
“David, I’ve never heard you talk like this before,” I told him. “We’ve come too far for you to give up now. I’ll be proud to marry you, and I won’t marry you under the cover of darkness just because people can’t accept us being together.”
“I’m sorry, I’m somehow losing faith now, quite a few things haven’t worked out the way I planned, and I’m not certain those things are for me anymore,” he said candidly, clearly upset.
“David, you’re a perfectionist. Life isn’t perfect, you have to step back and see the beauty in imperfection.” I suggested.
“So, if you say there’s beauty in imperfection, there is beauty in what we have here, it’s not perfect but it’s right,” he stated. “But I don’t see the beauty in this,” he said, motioning towards his mouth, cleft palate repaired, the only evidence a scar. “Or my many scars. Or the fact that I lost my brother, you lost your husband and father of your kids…” He paused for a moment in deep thought. “I don’t see the beauty in that imperfection, in your unhappiness. Unless of course you were meant to find happiness with me,” he guessed, contemplative. “In that case I can say there is beauty in imperfection and your theory wouldn’t be too far off at all.”
I smiled at his reasoning. “David, to me you’re perfect.”
He smiled back. “Flattery will get you everywhere my dear,” he joked.
“I’m being serious David. Your love for me is perfect. Unfailing, you never gave up hope after all these years, you have been my strength, my unfaltering strength when I was weak,” I said. “I only hope that I can be the same and more for you,” I added.
“I can only hope that I can measure up and be the man you want me to be,” he said with an air of sadness .
“You are everything I want you to be, David,” I declared.
“Thanks baby. Though, why do I feel like I’m letting you down here? My plans for the church, our plans to get married there…”
“All I want right now is to marry you, the venue, the company, all those things don’t mean much to me anymore.”
“But of course they still do,” he argued.
“They did. A long time ago. Before we came to be. My outlook has changed now.”
He hesitated before responding. “Okay, so we downsize, or we do something pretty low-key,” he suggested.
“My thoughts exactly,” I concurred.
“Now, the church. They won’t even let me minister to the youth group any more,” he said, clearly distraught.
“I’m a firm believer of the fact that if it’s not for you, it won’t happen. What if the plan is for you to start your own church?” I asked.
He stepped back and looked at me squarely. “I’m not sure such a big plan is for me,” he said.
“And why not?” I questioned.
He pondered for a moment. After a while, he stated, “Okay, I’m listening.”
“What if God is calling you to start your own church? What if every negative experience you’ve had has been to give you strength to serve and carry others?”
“I hear you.”
“What if you could use your power to heal to bring glory to God?”
“You know how I feel about that,” he stated. “I’m enough of a pariah as it is,” he said.
I felt for him. “David, you’re anything but. You’re a man after God’s own heart, as your namesake in the Bible was. Give it some thought. I’d help you. We could set the world ablaze with your passion and love for humankind. Not to mention, your gift.”
He agreed, though somewhat apprehensively.
“Now, for the wedding, how about we just make it you and I?”
He shook his head to the negative. “You deserve better than this, darlin’,” he said.
“I don’t need a huge wedding to tell the world I’m yours,” I told him.
“You deserve better,” he stated, turning away. “I’m being serious. Anything you want, I’ll try to make it happen. I let you walk away from me the first time, I’m not letting you go this time.” Hurriedly he said, “Look, I can call up Craig, I’m sure he’d be happy to officiate for us. If you wanted a big and lavish wedding we can plan for that, but how about we get this show on the road now?”
“David you’ve waited long enough for me to come around. I’m happy to do whatever,” I replied.
He did call Craig. The one person that we could count on for support was Craig. David put him on speakerphone. “I’d be happy to officiate your union,” Craig confirmed.
When we told him of the lack of support elsewhere, he said, “This is your decision. It’s your life. If Daniel had not wanted you to move on after him, Teme, he would not have said what he said to me or to you David, while he was still with us. His final letter confirms it all. He wanted you both to move on. With each other.”
We married in a low key ceremony on the beach. We did away with the tuxedo and wedding dress. David wore a white suit shirt and khaki shorts, while I wore a sheer blue shift dress. Pail and shovel at hand, the children played in the sand as we recited our vows to each other. And so I became Mrs. David Davenport.
28
PLEADINGS
David seemed on edge that morning as we sat on the patio watching the world go by. Motioning to the father and child walking by, he mentioned, “See the way he’s embracing her? I wouldn’t doubt that something inappropriate was going on.”
What a strange comment to make, I thought.
“I hate my past,” he said suddenly.
“That’s a strong statement to make!” I exclaimed.
“There are a few things in my past that I’m not proud of,” he said. “Good and bad. I was a bit of a hedonist in the past, constantly seeking pleasure above all else. I still seek pleasure, but not in the ways I once did. Fixating on the prospect of one day meeting you again and convincing you to give me a chance again kept me somewhat grounded. I say somewhat, as there’ve been moments when I lost it. The moment I saw you all those years ago, I felt so strongly about you. When I realised you wouldn’t be mine, I set out in search of the perfect means to make you mine. The initial plan didn’t work. You left Aus. Took me a while to find you again. I joined the army, knowing it would take me places, then I only looked forward to the day you’d be mine. Here we are. A dream come true to me.”
“And me,“ I told him. “I admire you David for how patient you’ve been all these years. How full of love you still are after all this time. I admire how you kept hoping when there seemed to be no hope. I love how you are filled with so much desire to serve others. How you put yourself last when it’s all too easy to put yourself first.”
“I’m not a saint. You’re painting me out to be one,” he protested.
“Well, you’ve been one to me,” I told him.
“I suppose, to have waited for you all these years, I would have had to have had the patience of a saint,” he joked.
“Funny,” I laughed.
“Indeed,” he replied.
After a brief pause, I asked, “Please tell me more. About your past.”
The phone rang and he got up immediately. “I need to take this,” he stated, walking away from me.
I heard him talk for a moment, then heard silence. Curious, I decided to check on him. I peered into the living room and saw he had his phone on the table. The speaker on the other end was still talking, yet he sat, motionless without response. I couldn’t quite make out who he was talking to. After a while, he stated, “Yep, still here.”
Following a series of monotone responses to the affirmative, he stated shakily, “Can’t do this right now.” Startling slightly when he realised that I had just walked into the room, “Look I just can’t,” he
said more forcefully, and ended the call. His hands were shaking, his face pale.
“You okay?” I asked. Clearly he was not.
“All good,” he lied.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing for your pretty little head to worry about,” he replied a little too quickly. Changing topic he asked, “Need anything from the shops? I’m just heading out for a few things.” He was still visibly shaken.
“No, can’t think of anything at the moment.”
“Alright,” he stated, quickly getting up. “Will be back shortly,” he said, planting a kiss on my cheek.
“David, you okay?” I asked again.
“I’ll be fine,” he promised, walking out the door.
In his abrupt departure he’d left his phone on the table. I checked the last call, and recognised the number. Craig.
Our doorbell rang that afternoon. An unexpected visitor. “Craig!” I exclaimed. He’d brought Khadija with him, a friend from the UK. He wore a white polo shirt, blue denim jeans. “Hey Darling!” he exclaimed, roses in tow. He seemed refreshed. Khadija wore a sheer cream dress, and looked stunning. I wondered whether there was a thing between them.
“Aw, look at these babies!!!” she remarked, the moment she laid eyes on Josiah and Adalia.
David outwardly appeared happy to see Craig, though there was a decidedly hostile undercurrent between the two. While Khadija and I sat inside in the front room chatting, David and Craig stayed out on the front balcony. Craig talked, while David nodded mostly. Neither of them realised the side window was ajar and we could hear them.
“Well, the Royal Commission is inviting oral or written statements on what took place at the orphanage,” Craig announced.
“The abuse you mean,” David said a little too loudly.
“Yes,” Craig said sombrely. “I was thinking we could…”
“I won’t be making either,” David announced.
“It’ll help.”
“How?” David retorted, now standing and pacing.
“He’s still around you know, there hasn’t been enough evidence to commence proceedings against him,” Craig said.
“That’s not on me.”
“No, but your testimony can help,” Craig insisted. “It’s the least you can do, given you got away eventually.”
“Haven’t got time for this,” David said. “I haven’t gotten so far just to go back there again. I’ve…” he stopped, his voice cracking.
“I got you,” Craig assured him, placing a firm hand on his shoulder.
“I want to go back to Tas, but not like this, and certainly not for that,” David said.
“If you don’t say anything, he might continue doing what he’s been doing all these years. Your testimony could be what helps put him away. You might not have a choice. As I said, it’s the least you can do,” Craig stated, turning slightly and acknowledging my presence with a nod. He’d realised Khadija and I were listening in.
“Sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear what was being said,” I offered through the open window.
“You shouldn’t know any of these things,” David said, turning to leave.
Craig stopped him from walking away. “You need to talk to her,” he urged.
“Not right now,” David said, pushing past Craig, in a rush to get away and be alone.
As abruptly as David had gotten up to leave, Craig decided to go. I said a quick goodbye to Khadija and wondered after her. I knew I’d be seeing her again sometime. The emotional connection and chemistry between her and Craig was quite apparent.
I gave David some space, but after a few hours decided to prompt him to tell me what had upset him.
“I’m not ready to talk about any of that, right now,” he claimed.
“When will you be ready. This is clearly upsetting you, yet you won’t let me in on what’s got you so riled up.” I said. “If you ask me, you’re being pretty selfish at the moment.”
“Selfish?” he looked surprised. “Trust me, I’m being anything but. I’m trying to shield you from this all. As I’ve said before, you shouldn’t know certain things.”
I was livid.
David pressed a finger on my lips to silence whatever tirade was coming his way. “You’re a beautiful, hot angry mess at the moment,” he declared suddenly.
How dare he. “Don’t you dare patronise me,” I replied.
“I’m just stating a fact, don’t hate me for being honest,” he said.
“I really wish you would stop joking around for a moment and just be serious.”
“You know, way back when I used to be known as the Joker. I can’t quit,” he declared.
“You’re really making me mad, David,” I warned.
“Okay darling, if you feel like fighting, let’s have it out then take it to bed. I’ll give you the best fight you’ve ever had.”
Hands on my hips, I was fuming and at a loss for words.
He stood directly in front of me so that we were then head to head. Standing intimately close to me, he whispered in my ear. “I’ll give you something to shout about and I’ll make you forget you were ever mad at me,” he promised.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll wait for you to tell me when you’re ready.”
I couldn’t stay mad at him for long and he knew this. I caved in to him and abandoned my questioning of him.
As the days went by, I waited for him to open up to me but it seemed as though he made every effort to avoid talking about his past. With each day that passed, the distance became more and more apparent. We spoke generally and about future plans, but he was otherwise largely absent and distracted.
I cornered him one afternoon on his way out to work. He had been quiet the whole morning. “You need to talk to me Dave.”
“I can’t,” he said immediately.
“Why not?”
“Because there are some things about me that you just shouldn’t know,” he replied.
“There’s nothing you could tell me now that would make me love you less,” I told him.
“Wanna bet?” he questioned. “I just can’t,” he repeated. “Not right now anyway.”
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll find out. I already know you were speaking with Craig. I already know it’s about the Royal Commission into child abuse that occurred in religious institutions. In Tasmania.”
“Keeping tabs on me now, are you?” he replied somewhat angrily.
“No, you left your phone on the table after you last spoke with him. I also overheard you last time he was here,” I mentioned. “Was that the last time you spoke with him this week?”
“I see,” he replied. “No, spoke with him today as well.”
“Okay,” I stated, beckoning for him to tell me more. “I’m open to hear what you have to say,” I reiterated.
“Not right now,” he replied. “I’ll tell you tonight,” he offered. “Once the kids are in bed.”
He didn’t. The children saw to it that he didn’t; Adalia’s behavior in particular was unreasonable. Getting her to comply with anything that evening was a mission and a half.
“Has she been in your handbag again, eating sweeties?” David asked point blankly. On investigation, she had. The box of Tic Tacs in my handbag were half empty despite having been bought the day before. David laughed to himself, not surprised in the least before stating, “I have just the thing.”
He searched through his backpack and came up with a packet of Fishermen’s Friend. “You’ve ever had these before?”
“Fisherman’s Friend? I have. A little mint won’t deter her.”
“This isn’t just a little mint. This is the original Fisherman’s Friend. A bit of liquorice, a bit of…just try one,” he suggested, handing me one.
I almost instantly spat it out. David laughed gregariously in response.
“She’ll be in for a surprise. I dare say she won’t be in your bag looking for sweeties again, after this.”
I smiled but grew annoyed at the
fact that he had tried to avoid talking to me about Craig and the matter related to the Royal Commission. He had to tell me now or else.
“David, you have to tell me what’s going on now, or I’ll go straight to Craig and find out,” I threatened.
His eyes narrowed and annoyance flashed across his face. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he retorted.
“You need to talk about it,” I told him. “Tell me what you can,” I requested. “I’m your wife, David,” I reminded him. “You’re safe with me.”
Lengthy silence ensued before he sat beside me on the couch and took my hands into his. “I’m ashamed of my past,” he stated. “The Mission for Boys, back in Tassie was where it all went down. I stayed there after Michael got taken away. I met Craig there. Johnny and Edwards too. I…” he broke off. Swallowing deeply, he continued, “I ran away a couple of times. I couldn’t take what they were doing to Johnny and Raphael, and I couldn’t take what they were doing to me. I promised to go back for Johnny and Raphael and I didn’t. Not on time anyway. I couldn’t go back when I said I would. Craig stayed there for as long as he could. By the time I went back, Johnny, Rafe and Craig were in the UK.”
“How old were you when you left?” I asked.
“I was twelve.”
I sighed in sadness. “Where did you go?”
“I was on the streets for some time, then just before I turned fourteen, I got taken in by a baker. Lived with him and his wife for a couple of years, then she died, and he passed not long after,” he said, painfully recalling the memory. “I stayed on to run the bakery when it was taken over, then…”
He sat there in silence before abruptly adding, “I left Tas for Queensland, moved to the Goldie, linked up with Craig again. Then I met you. The rest is history.”
I felt an overwhelming sadness for him. When we’d first met all those years ago, I did not know his story. I did not know that his love for me was not just infatuation. I did not know that in chosing to love me, he had decided to take a chance on something he’d not experienced before, something that had rarely been shown to him. I did not know the depths he would go for love. I did not know the extent to which he would sacrifice for a chance to be with me, in love.
My Dusk My Dawn Page 45