My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  I nodded to the affirmative, grateful for his big heart and his endless love for me. With Daniel being gone, I would’ve felt incredibly alone, were it not for David. So faithful, so constant his presence in my life was, yet deep down, I yearned for the familiarity, spontaneity and excitement that Daniel offered and the history we had together. Seeing him again, after losing him to a death that never happened physically, but to be fair, happened spiritually, forced me to recall the good of what we had and shared, and only the good. The children were a manifestation of our love, and if that were anything to go by, our love was true, and our love was beautiful.

  Still, there were the issues we had in the past. The relentless fighting, and the tears. He loved me more when I fulfilled his desires, and when I answered to his every beck and call. Then again, what man wouldn’t? A love with conditions of sorts it was, despite him trying to convince me otherwise. In the end, distance was probably a good thing. In his absence, he would get over me – he would get over us. I just wasn’t sure if I’d ever get over him. David offered comfort in so many ways, but whether it would ever be enough to fill the void that Daniel had left behind, remained to be seen.

  I slept fitfully that night, worried to bits about Daniel. The children were as restless as I was. I had no answers when Adalia and Josiah demanded to know where Daniel was.

  33

  SCHADENFREUDE

  I refused to talk to Craig for days, which then turned into weeks. In the past, after the birth of the kids, then after Daniel had gone, he’d given me free rein to work from home if I pleased, and to take time off when needed. I used the authority he gave me then to avoid seeing him or talking to him now. Eventually I would have to talk to him, but not for the foreseeable future. I remained livid at the fact that he’d kept Daniel away from me, and had led me to believe that Daniel had passed on. I was in no rush to talk to him.

  One morning, fed up with me not responding to his calls, texts or emails, Craig sent me a scathing text:

  If you don’t respond to my messages, I’m putting you on notice.

  My response was, If you don’t stop harassing me, I’ll report you to the Law Society of England and Wales, the Law Society of Tasmania, The Queensland Law Society, the American Bar Association and the Police.

  You wouldn’t dare, he replied.

  Watch me, I said in response.

  You and David owe your happiness to me, he said.

  Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t control everything, I told him.

  I don’t but I did. I made it possible for you and David to be together. You ought to thank me.

  Incredible, I thought. I decided not to reply, which I was certain would infuriate him even more.

  I was right. His next communication came through David, days later. One evening, David interrogated me. “Craig says you’re ghosting him?”

  I laughed at the suggestion. Typical of Craig to lay the blame on me and fail to see his contribution to it all.

  “What’s going on?” David asked.

  “Craig is being Craig,” was my reply.

  “He’s doing the best he knows how, cut him some slack,” David said in his defence.

  I was going to do no such thing. Craig had obviously known all along about Daniel’s plan from the get go. All along. All this time. According to Daniel, the plan had been Craig’s. He’d just gotten Daniel to go along with it. I tried to contain my anger at Craig when he turned up on our doorstep that day.

  “How could you?” I asked immediately.

  “Daniel insisted,” he said. “He had his reasons. All of which I support.”

  “According to Daniel, you insisted. He was in no condition to disagree with you,” I reminded him. “Some friend you turned out to be,” I added.

  “Well, I am a friend. One who cares for you and my brother here deeply,” Craig explained.

  “Could’ve fooled me,” I replied.

  “You’ll thank me one day,” he said nonchalantly.

  “I highly doubt that,” I replied.

  “Look, I know you don’t want to hear me out right now, but you and David have a good thing going. I wouldn’t have officiated your wedding if I didn’t believe you two didn’t belong together…”

  “Oh, you mean the wedding you officiated which officially means nothing now? And as for being together, I took vows with Daniel. You know as well as I do that my marriage to David is not worth the paper it’s printed on given Daniel and I are still married.”

  “Oh, but it isn’t nothing. That’s just it. It’s what you make of it,” he replied. “No turning back now,” he said, adjusting his glasses.

  “I don’t get you Craig.”

  “You don’t have to get me. You just need to know there was no malice or bad will intended,” he said. “All will be revealed in time.”

  I was so angry at him I felt I would blow. Instead, I bit my tongue.

  “I know you’re not wanting to hear advice from me now, but one bit of advice I can offer you is guard your heart,” he advised.

  “Guard my heart?” I asked, shocked at his casual attitude.

  “Yes, guard your heart,” he repeated. “You’ve been through a lot. Your relationship with Daniel wasn’t all peaches and cream. Don’t forget that. You’ve forgiven him much. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into believing you haven’t given enough. Don’t let him guilt trip you into believing that you owe him anything. The decision he made was his alone.”

  “He was acting in accordance with your instructions, and given his state of mind at the time and his vulnerability, one could argue that it was all done under duress,” I stated, boldly. “I also understand that he was protecting Jonah,” I said. “He at least deserves credit for that.”

  “Jonah didn’t need protection,” Craig said sternly. “If Daniel hadn’t gotten involved, things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.”

  “I don’t follow,” I replied. It was clear he was going on the offence where Daniel was involved. No admissions, just offence.

  “I haven’t got time for this,” he said sharply. I could tell that I was getting under his skin.

  “So you say,” I replied, with a view to enraging him further. You’re not going to get away with this. “What makes you think I have the time to hear your excuses on why you took it upon yourself to lie to me all this time?”

  He clenched his jaw in response and averted eye contact. “The Brotherhood was fine until Daniel came along. We did good, and we were good until Daniel and his ego came along trying to run things.”

  Pot calling a kettle black. Craig’s ego was equally as large, if not, larger. Pity he didn’t see that.

  “You want to say something, say it,” he challenged.

  “No, I won’t dare,” I replied. “You’ll only accuse me of being unfair to you,” I conjectured. “What I will say is, the Brotherhood is anything but good. You can’t rationalize what you do and assume you stand on the right side of the law. As it stands, you don’t. You stand on the wrong side of the law.”

  “You’re one to talk,” he replied, angrily.

  “What’s that supposed to mean!” I asked.

  “Well if you cared much at all about the right side of the law, your first port of call should’ve been to turn Daniel in. Obviously, you didn’t. You can’t pick and choose what side you want to be on at whim.”

  “No, because only you can, right?” I asked, sarcastically.

  He shook his head in response, then offered a disingenuous smile. “I always knew you had the mind of a prosecutor, yet the heart of a defense attorney.”

  “Whatever, mate,” I said dismissively. “Meanwhile, you, as a defence attorney, and big brother, have no heart when it comes to Daniel.”

  “Don’t judge me,” he begged. “He should have left well enough alone. The Brotherhood could’ve done without his kind of help,” he said. “Look, I know you’re angry. I can only say I’m sorry.” His apology sounded heartfelt this time, and I watched him adjust h
is glasses nervously. My heart softened slightly towards him.

  I sighed in response. “Saying sorry won’t fix this. Getting him out of this situation will,” I advised.

  Adjusting his glasses again, he nodded to the affirmative. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said. His phone rang vigorously several times before he decided to do something about it. “Gotta take this,” he said. Turning away, he muttered something under his breath before stating, “Okay, London it is then. Anything leaving today is fine.”

  London. Of all places, and at this time. “London? You’re helping Daniel by going to London?” I asked after he’d hung up.

  “Trust me on this,” Craig said, hurriedly getting ready to go. “David. You expecting him back anytime soon?” he asked.

  “Not for another hour or so,” I replied. “He’s in town, busy with the street ministry.”

  “Hm,” Craig said aloud, pensively. “Any idea what part of town?”

  “Clarendon area,” I replied.

  “Okay, I’ll wait for him to get back then,” he said, as I silently wondered how we would kill an hour together. I had so many questions about Daniel that I desperately needed answers to, but could barely stand to be in the same room with Craig, for fear I could not contain my anger.

  “Why do you hate Daniel so much?” I asked candidly, hoping he would give me a straight answer.

  “He’s privileged. He’s had every privilege one could want growing up. He lacked nothing,” Craig stated.

  “How do you figure that! You’re making huge assumptions about a man you barely know.”

  “I’ve known him long enough,” Craig replied. “If ever there was someone deserving of all he got, it was him.”

  “Craig!”

  “He had law school paid for. Every whim catered for,” Craig noted.

  I tried to explain that Daniel had only had what he had as Jolène had insisted on it, and that their father, Pastor Declan, had paid only because his hand was forced.

  Craig refused to listen, instead, seeking to annihilate Daniel with words. I waited until he was done with his tirade before I said anything.

  “Daniel’s had to struggle with the feeling that he didn’t belong, all these years. You and the Brotherhood, well, you’ve had each other. Daniel’s been alone in his journey through life in general. Growing up, Jolène might have ensured that his physical needs were met, but his emotional needs were neglected. You of all people should know that, and would’ve seen that. You and your brothers, you’ve been there for one another, you’ve supported each other. Then when he got sick he made the decision that he’d be better off dead than alive. You capitalized on his sadness and made things happen for me and David. If it wasn’t for you, Daniel and I - we’d still be together. Maybe what happened with Jonah and Declan wouldn’t have happened.”

  “You’re reaching, Temwani. Reaching. You chose to be with David, don’t forget, you actually made that choice.” Craig replied.

  “I wouldn’t have made that choice if I knew Daniel was still alive!” I was crying now. “You’ve ruined him. You’ve ruined us all! When we ran out of money to fund Daniel’s medical treatment you personally refused to step in. First you ostracized him. Then you tried to make out like it was him not wanting to live anymore. How dare you play God with his life! How dare you withhold your help from him, when it could’ve been the one thing that’d save him! How dare you!”

  “Temwani, I had my reasons,” he said firmly. “He didn’t deserve to get sick, but he deserved to lose it all. He had the girl, the family, the career, the dream. He had everything, and he didn’t know what he had when he had it. If I could do it all over, I would do the same thing again. He didn’t know what he had ‘til it was gone. If he was drowning I would not have lifted a hand to save him.”

  I sighed heavily before responding, “Craig, I never thought I’d say this, but I hate you.”

  “Hate’s a strong word, Temwani,” he said, shocked at my words.

  “I hate you, Craig. I hate you for all that you’ve done to make it easy for you to stand by and let things happen to everyone else and not you. I hate you for thinking you can play God in our lives. I hate you for ruining Daniel’s life.”

  “I didn’t do that, he did that all by himself,” Craig said haughtily.

  He wasn’t hearing me, so I commanded that he leave. “Get out, Craig, get out. I’m sorry I ever knew you.”

  Pain and shame was apparent in his eyes before he nodded his head in acknowledgement. As he turned to go, he explained, “For what it’s worth, everything I’ve done has been for the love of the Brotherhood. Daniel included.”

  “Could’ve fooled me,” I replied. “Get out,” I commanded again.

  “I never meant to hurt you,” he said.

  “Well, you did. Please leave.”

  “Guard your heart,” he said again, then he turned to go, and I watched after him. When he reached the end of the walkway, he turned back and gave me a salute. I turned away, closed the door before I could see him drive off. Only a broken man would try to reap so much destruction on others. He seemed more broken than evil. I didn’t hate him. I just wanted him out of my life for a time, and hoped that one day, somehow, he would realise the extent of his involvement in Daniel’s downfall.

  Jude called me that afternoon. He sounded rushed, and driven. After asking how the kids and I were doing, he advised, “We’re not after Johnny. We’re not after David. We’re after Craig.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “Craig?” Why was I not surprised?

  “Yes, the one and only,” Jude confirmed. “A few things I need you to do, Temwani,” Jude advised. “Firstly, the partnership you’ve got in place with him. Be prepared to turn over the books. Any clients he’s recently signed on, any witness statements he’s taken - I basically need you not to be anywhere near him when the proverbial shit hits the fan.”

  “That shouldn’t be too hard to organise,” I said, thinking of the way Craig and I had left things.

  “Okay,” Jude said. “Secondly, if you’ve ever entertained thoughts of a partnership with someone else, let’s say, Johnny, now’s the time to make it happen.”

  “He’s still waiting to hear back from the Board,” I explained.

  “We’re not after him. He’s indicated a willingness to cooperate. We’ll grant him immunity from prosecution in exchange for information. I’ll even write a recommendation letter to the Board. As far as I’ve seen, he is a fit and proper person to practice as a solicitor,” Jude declared.

  “Lawyer. Attorney,” I corrected.

  “Yep, thanks for the reminder. I forgot which jurisdiction I was in for a moment. Speaking of which, about the UK, how much do you know about Craig’s business there?” he asked.

  “Only as much as he’s told me,” I said. “He’s admitted as a barrister there, and that’s the extent of it. I did look up some of his cases, he’s quite the advocate.”

  “So is Ernesto,” Jude pointed out. “So am I,” he added. “We won’t rest until justice is served and justice is done where he’s involved.”

  “I don’t know, Jude. Craig’s pretty clued on, it’s unlikely there’s anything tying him to the things the Brotherhood has done. Last thing I want to see is Johnny and David getting caught up in the crossfire.”

  “No chance of that,” Jude promised. “As I said, Johnny’s been given immunity against prosecution. David - well, it depends on the extent to which he wants to cooperate. Daniel, he needs to admit the truth and face the music.”

  I sighed heavily in response. “You’re not making this easy.”

  “Teme, I’m looking out for you and your family. I wish it wasn’t this way, but I can’t turn a blind eye to any of this,” he said. I knew then he was referring to Daniel and his whereabouts.

  “I don’t know what to say, Jude,” I replied.

  “Just say you’ll heed my warning. I need you to act on what I’ve said. Don’t hesitate,” he advised. “About Daniel, he needs t
o do the right thing and own up to what he’s done.”

  “Jude, you know as well as I do that Daniel can be a law unto himself.”

  “Yes, much like Craig. All for the love of power,” he stated. “Alright, I must go now. I hope you know I only want the best for you. I’ll fight to protect you come what may,” he promised. “We’re friends for life, and my love for you as a friend, is unconditional,” he stated, catching me by surprise. “Keep this conversation to yourself please. Take care for now.”

  Before I got a chance to reply, he had hung up.

  34

  SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL THIS WAY COMES

  I couldn’t bear the thought of Daniel being alone and behind bars. I knew what David would say, but I did it anyway. I snuck out that night to see if I could see Daniel in prison.

  The car was already out in the driveway. A cool mist had formed over the windscreen, and I knew it would be ice cold inside. Hoping the sound of the ignition wouldn’t awaken David, I sat at the wheel, contemplating the decision to drive out to Lenah Vale at that time of night. By the time I got there it would be close to 5 am, and I’d be there with only an hour to go before visiting time commenced.

  Light rapping on the window startled me. It was David. Rather than open my door, he made his way over to the passenger side of the car, opened the door and got in.

  “Baby,” he said. “Won’t you come back inside. We can go see him first thing.”

  I shook both from the cold and from sadness. Tears fell.

  “You’re not in this alone,” he reminded me. “I know how you feel about him. I know that you still love him. You should know you’re not in this alone. I’m not about to walk away from an opportunity to show you how much I love you, in spite of him. Won’t you come inside now. Please,” he pleaded.