My Dusk My Dawn

by Henrietta Georgia

  I pulled him into me and hugged him with all my might. I felt his tears fall onto the nape of my neck before he pulled back, embarrassed. Wiping his eyes brusquely, he turned away and said, “Me being this emotional isn’t such a good look. Wish I wasn’t such a mess, but my heart is breaking right now and I can’t really keep it all inside.”

  “You don’t have to keep it inside,” I said, tears rolling down my face.

  “I’m not sure I can do this – letting you go,” he confessed.

  “You don’t have to. I can file those papers once the babies are born. We don’t have to let what we have come to an end.”

  “We do,” he insisted. “We don’t have a choice about it – you were married when we got together, Daniel was still alive. I won’t be the man that tears apart what the Lord has brought together.”

  “Do you really believe that?” I asked. “Wasn’t it you that brought us together? You trying to save me, you enlisting Daniel to come to the rescue, you trying to comfort me when we thought we’d lost Daniel, wasn’t that your doing? God might have had a hand in bringing Daniel and I together, but…”

  “You’re confusing this,” he interjected. “None of that matters now. It’s pretty simple. You’re still married to Daniel. I can’t be with you.”

  “David, he’s given me the go ahead to file for divorce once the babies are here.”

  “That doesn’t mean much in reality, especially when the babies are very likely his,” he said.

  “Do you even want to be with me?” I asked, getting annoyed at him. “It seems like you’re coming up with every excuse under the sun as to why this cannot work, yet we’ve been getting by fine before now.”

  “Of course I want to be with you, Teme,” he replied hastily. “I’ve spent a great part of my adult and teenage life doing everything I can to get with you. Please don’t diminish what I feel for you. Of course I want to be with you, but the circumstances will not permit,” he advised.

  “Okay,” I replied.

  “If the circumstances won’t allow us to be together, I’m committing myself to Ministry one hundred percent,” he added.

  The notion that he would give up the search for love and become married to the Church was romantic, but I didn’t think he was being realistic.

  “That sounds drastic. Do you think that’s the right thing to do?” I asked.

  “I’ve thought about this for quite some time. Not everyone can or should marry,” he said. “If the Apostle Paul could do it, so can I,” he said firmly.

  You’re not the Apostle Paul I thought to myself but I knew better than to argue with him anymore.

  “What if the babies are mine and yours?” I asked.

  “They’re more likely to be his and yours.”

  “What if they are mine and yours, David? What if.”

  He paused as though carefully considering not only his response, but his preferred course of action. “That would change everything,” he said.

  “How so?”

  “I wouldn’t let another man raise my kids,” he said.

  “So, you’d say bye bye to singledom then,” I summarized.

  He hesitated again, then stated, “Yes, I guess I would have to. Reluctantly of course,” he joked.

  “Can you be single tomorrow then?” I asked.

  “What?” he questioned, not understanding my proposition.

  “Singledom can wait,” I clarified. “Can you not be single tonight?”

  My proposition caught him off guard and he laughed suddenly when he realized what I was suggesting. “You’re quite the temptress,” he remarked.

  “Is that a yes or a no?” I asked. “One night is all I’m asking for,” I told him. “Just one night.”

  “I can give you that,” he said. “But it stays between us,” he stated, both of us pretty certain that if Daniel caught wind of this, there’d be hell to pay.

  “Of course,” I said, ready to receive all he was willing to give, and to give him my all, if only for one night.

  Four o’clock in the morning and my phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Craig here.”

  What? “Craig?” I was surprised to be hearing from him at all, after the way we’d left things days ago.

  “I’ve only got a few minutes,” he said, his voice strained. The line sounded slightly muffled. The murmur of a crowd spoke in the background.

  “I need you to file those historical charges against Duayne to facilitate a swift extradition back to Texas,” he said.

  “Craig, I’m not about to reopen old wounds and humiliate myself over him.”

  “It’ll help Daniel,” he said firmly. “He can argue psychiatric injury as a secondary victim. He can also try to argue self-defence over retribution. Generally, violence in defence of another can be justified more easily than violence in defence of oneself.”

  I held the phone in silence before I responded. “Why are you so keen to help Daniel all of a sudden?”

  “Daniel doesn’t deserve to be where he is,” Craig stated.

  Someone in the background called out, asking him to hurry up on the phone.

  “I need to go now,” he said. “I know it’ll be difficult, but please bring those charges forward.”

  “Craig…”

  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about the things I said about Daniel. I was wrong and out of line,” he stated.

  The phone cut and I sat where I was, contemplating what he’d asked me to do. Filing rape charges against Duayne meant going back to Texas. I knew David wouldn’t be too keen on the idea. I knew how important the ministry he was running was to him. Asking him to part ways with it to move halfway across the globe wouldn’t be an easy task. I then contemplated Craig’s sudden change of heart where Daniel was concerned. I wondered what had brought it on. Perhaps Jude and the District Attorney’s office had started their shake up of the Brotherhood?

  I broached the idea of going back to Texas with David when he woke up.

  “I’m thinking of going to Texas, for a while.”

  “Texas - why now?” he asked.

  “Do you even have to ask?”

  “Right,” he replied, somewhat disappointed. “You know I’m in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount series. Then there’s youth camp. Besides, Daniel warned us off going back there anytime soon.”

  As much as I supported him in everything he did, it hurt me that he would choose to remain in Tasmania at such a pivotal time, choosing ministry over us. Then again, I hadn’t given him much to be loyal to. I knew he was hurting over the fact that the babies I was carrying may not be his. I could tell he was having difficulty forgiving Daniel for having laid with me at a time when he and I were supposed to be married. I knew his heart was breaking over the fact that our relationship had to come to an end.

  “Why the sudden urge to go to Texas?” he asked again.

  “Craig called. He suggested I file charges against Duayne to help Daniel somehow.”

  “Craig?” he asked, slightly shocked. “He’s in prison, you know?”

  I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Prison?”

  “Yep. In the UK,” he explained. “Something to do with Duayne.”

  The thought of Duayne having something to do with it sent a chill down my spine. The thought of Craig being in prison saddened me. I couldn’t be certain about the reasons why he was in prison, but the one thing I did know was that someone was well and truly on the warpath.

  “Daniel’s insisting I go to Switzerland, Craig is insisting I go to Texas.”

  “I’m not liking the thought of you and the kids going anywhere without me, let alone back to Texas,” David said firmly.

  “The kids and I can go on our own,” I told him.

  “I don’t like that idea, not one iota,” he said. “You’re 32 weeks along, how are you going to manage on your own?”

  “I won’t be on my own,” I told him. “Jonah and Shania are still in Texas, I can call on my sister who’s
in California now…”

  “I mean day to day,” he clarified. “I don’t like the idea of you being there on your own.”

  “I won’t be on my own. Not if you come with me,” I replied.

  He sighed heavily in response. “I’ll give it some thought,” he said. “Worst case scenario, I’ll join you afterwards,” he promised. “For a time.”

  I nodded in reply, knowing that at this point in time, ministry mattered more to him than anything to do with the Brotherhood, or anything else for that matter, our family included.

  Daniel had lost a considerable amount of weight when I saw him again. Concern and worry filled his eyes.

  “How are you?” he asked, speaking deeply into the phone on his end.

  “We’re all okay,” I told him. “As best as we can be without you.”

  I noticed he had fresh lacerations on the palms of his hand, part of his arms and wrists. I gasped in alarm.

  “Shivs. Improvised knives,” he explained. “I had my hands up shielding my face and got my hands slashed as a result.”

  My stomach sunk. “Daniel…”

  “I’ll be fine,” he told me. “I’m a big boy. I’ll manage.” After a slight pause, he said, “They be fixin’ ta extradite me back to Texas next week or so. I can’t go back there to face trial and the inevitable capital punishment,” he said. “I’m not sure I can handle solitary confinement for months on end in a room with no windows. I’m certain I can’t deal with going back to Texas now. I really need for you and the kids to not go back there either,” he insisted.

  “Craig is insisting…”

  “Well, you know what I think about Craig,” he replied.

  “It’s for your benefit, apparently.”

  “Right, more like for his benefit,” he said. “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him.”

  The animosity between the two of them was now legendary, but I felt compelled to do as Craig had asked. Duayne was bad news, and any opportunity to make him pay for what he’d done to me all those years ago would be one to take, especially when there was the opportunity to help Daniel.

  “Jonah and Shania. How are they?” he asked.

  “Good. They’re both in Geneva now.”

  “Good,” Daniel stated. “Jonah needs to keep well away from Texas.”

  “And why’s that?” I asked.

  He couldn’t tell me without talking in riddles. “He’s the reason why I’m here,” he said bluntly.

  It took me a moment to understand what he had said.

  “Better me than him,” Daniel said.

  Shock washed over me. “You mean to say…all this time…”

  “They have another baby on the way, and this is a chance for him to make a clean break from the Brotherhood.”

  “Daniel…”

  “I made the decision with my eyes wide open. The only regret I have is seeing you and David living the life that was meant for me, but this is outweighed by the fact that you’re happy,” he said.

  Why hadn’t I considered the possibility that Daniel might be innocent before? Of course Daniel would never be guilty of murder or manslaughter. He was a stand-up guy. Such a standup guy he was, that he had taken it upon himself to take the fall for a crime that Jonah had committed.

  “I’m not going back to Texas,” he vowed. “I also know you’re not listening to me. So, when you do go back to Texas, keep safe. Don’t stay any longer than you have to. Link in with Colleen. Touch base with Jolène if you can. Tell her I’m safe, and that despite the way things went down in the end, I am grateful to her. She raised me after all.”

  “Okay,” I told him. “Will do.”

  “If you’re going to Texas, do it now,” he suggested, with a sense of urgency about him, which I would only begin to understand later, as time went on. “Lastly, remember how much I love you,” he added. “Remember how much I want you. Remember that wherever you are, I’ll find you,” he promised. Getting up to go, he pressed his fingers on his lips for a kiss, then on the glass. “I’ll be seeing you sugarpie.”

  I called Jude that morning to let him know of my plans to return to Texas. He wasn’t in his office, so I left a message.

  Halfway through the staff meeting at the community legal centre, my phone buzzed incessantly. Should’ve turned it off, I thought, then the thought struck me that it could have something to do with the kids.

  Pulling my phone out of my handbag, I realised it was David. It wasn’t usual for him to randomly call me at work, unless it was an emergency. I excused myself from the meeting and stepped into the corridor to take the call.

  “I need you to meet me by your car. I need you to come down as soon as you can,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said in response wondering about such a cryptic command as I immediately resolved to go to my car.

  David was leaning against the car door, sunglasses on.

  I greeted him with a kiss on the lips, and he held me firm, returning the kiss with passion and abandon. “You didn’t come here just to do this now did you?” I asked.

  “Let’s talk in the car?”

  “David…”

  “In the car,” he commanded.

  I unlocked the car and sat in the passenger’s seat. He quickly walked over to the driver’s seat, shut the door then took off his sunglasses. “Sugarpie…”

  My heart skipped a beat. “Daniel?”

  “The one and only, baby.”

  A million thoughts raced through my mind at once. Daniel, not David.

  “Daniel, where’s David!” I asked, panicked. He was wearing the clothes David had worn that morning.

  “He’s in Lenah Vale. Had to do what I needed to do. He’ll be alright. He’ll be out of there in no time,” he said with certainty.

  “Daniel!” I exclaimed, frightened and fearful for David, yet even more so for Daniel, now that he was on the run. Again.

  “Try not to get too upset about it all. He’ll be alright. Mates inside will make sure of it.”

  “Daniel! What were you thinking!”

  He tenderly placed a hand on my belly and replied, “I was thinking of you, I was thinking of our babies. I was thinking how I got myself into this here mess in the first place, I was thinking on how things would be so different had he never turned up. I was thinking that I won’t have my goals my plans and my dreams deferred any longer, that I won’t be the one to lose this time. I can’t be without you any longer. I needed to come home. I was thinking of you.”

  I sighed in response.

  “Right now, I need you to help me out. We need to leave now. Me, you, the babies, we need to leave here tonight.”

  I shook my head in response. “Daniel you won’t be able to pull this off. They’ll be on to you in a heartbeat if they’re not already looking for you.”

  He half smiled. “We will pull this off. Think positive baby,” he said, leaning across to get to the glove compartment. He pulled out the owner’s manual. Within the pages of the manual, he’d placed his Zambian passport. I’d applied for it not long after we’d married, with the help of my parents, who were all too happy to welcome him into our family. Whether they’d feel the same now was questionable.

  “Leave work now, get the babies organised and we can go. Flight leaves at 6. First Captain Musonda’s piloting the flight. Here to Perth, then Lusaka via Joberg.”

  All I could think about was David.

  Daniel read my mind. “David’ll be fine,” he said again. “Stop worrying about him. Now’s as good a time as any to come correct where we’re concerned.”

  “I can’t leave like this, Daniel, I can’t leave here with everything, and leave him with nothing.”

  “Oh, but you can,” Daniel argued. “The babies you’re carrying, are likely ours. And if by some bizarre twist of fate, they aren’t, I’ll raise them as my own.”

  I paused for a moment before I replied. “You say that now Daniel, but I know you.”

  “Hm…well if you know me, you’d kno
w I’m not letting go of you this time. I’m willing to do anything to keep you with me,” he replied.

  “Then let me say goodbye to David. I need to know he’ll be okay,” I told him. “Then and only then will I go away with you. For a time.”

  “I’m not needing you to go away with me for a time. I’m asking you to lay low with me until I can clear my name. However long that takes. I’m not asking you to go away with me for a time. I’m asking you to leave with me, and be with me, forever.”

  “Let me say goodbye to him,” I insisted.

  After a momentary pause, he stated, “Alright.” Slipping his passport into the inner pocket of his bomber jacket, he added, “Offer still stands. We can leave tonight, and never look back.”

  I was tempted, but leaving with him meant saying goodbye for good. There was no telling how long it would take for his name to be cleared. He certainly wouldn’t be helping things if he insisted on being on the run. Things could get complicated.

  “Talk to me,” he requested. “I know you have a million and one questions, so talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I don’t know where to start Daniel,” I said. “First, I’m so happy to see you, out from behind bars, but I’m worried about David.”

  “Stop worrying about him.”

  “I can’t help it. He’s not as strong as he lets on,” I said.

  “He’s stronger than you think.”

  “Then, me leaving with you. We won’t stay under the radar for long. Being in Zambia won’t make it any less likely that you’ll get caught.”

  “No, but at least I won’t be facing lethal injection or the chair,” he said.

  I sighed in response, unsure of what to say next. My silence was unsettling to him.

  “Temwani, I’m drowning here. Throw me a lifeline, give me something. Anything,” he pleaded.

  I felt for him, but felt I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to fall for him yet again and leave David in the lurch.