Memoirs of a Guardian Angel

by Graham Downs

  John was silent for a moment, and when he responded, he did so slowly, choosing each word carefully. "Well, Sir, I first became suspicious when I tried to show him the recording of his assignment, after the trial."

  Gabriel stroked his chin. "Hmm, that's quite irregular, but I suppose it couldn't do any harm, since the trial was concluded."

  "That's just it," said John. "When Adam was in the room, neither of us could view the recording. We just saw darkness. I thought perhaps someone had tampered with it in some way, so I asked him to leave. After that, I could view it again."

  Gabriel turned to me. "Is this true?"

  "Yes, Sir," I answered. "I swear to you, I still have no idea what's on that recording. As you know from my trial, I also don't remember much of the assignment itself. John said that was unusual, and he now believes my lack of memory might be the same reason I was unable to view the recording."

  Gabriel stroked his chin again. "I must admit, I found that curious during the trial as well. With this new information, it's even more so." He turned to John. "You may be right, but I'd caution against jumping to conclusions. There are other things that could explain why Adam is unable to view the recording or recall details of the assignment. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I will look into it, and get back to you."

  Sensing that our meeting was at an end, I turned to leave, but John spoke up once more.

  "One more thing, your eminence. One of my protégés, the angel known as Liz, has disappeared. You wouldn't happen to know where she is, by any chance?"

  "As far as I know," answered Gabriel, "she is on assignment. Now, if that will be all, I said I would look into your concerns."

  John shrugged, and he and I left his office.

  Chapter Nine

  "Why'd you ask him about Liz?" I asked John as we sat in his office. He'd materialised a desk and a chair, to make us feel more comfortable after the emptiness that was Gabriel's chambers.

  "Take a look at this." John turned and faced a flat screen that suddenly appeared on his wall.

  "I don't see anything."

  "That's my point," said John. "I can't find Liz anywhere. As her trainer, I should be able to track down any member of my team at any time. Liz is nowhere to be found."

  "What do you think happened to her?"

  John's brow furrowed. "I hate to think it, but maybe she was discovered, digging into her file. If so, they're holding her somewhere, questioning her."

  "If that's true," I asked, "does that mean that Gabriel lied?"

  John shook his head. "I don't think so. He has no reason to. He said as far as he knew, she was on assignment. If she isn't, he doesn't know where she is."

  I shrugged. "Yes, I suppose you're right. We'll just have to wait and see."

  ***

  Not long after that conversation, I was walking around The Void (which is what I'd taken to calling that inky blackness with no sky or ground). As usual, other angels were walking around me, all going about their business. I assumed some of them must've been guardian angels like me, but others seemed to be busying themselves with various things.

  Then, in the distance, I noticed an angel that didn't look anything like the others. Where most of them were a translucent blue, this one was characterised by a bright red outline. I found this odd, but nobody else seemed to pay him any attention.

  As I got closer, I noticed the scowl on his face, and that he had small black protrusions above his eyes; I could only describe them as "horns".

  Curious why he was so different from the others, I waved, and called out to him. "Excuse me."

  He turned to stare at me but didn't respond. Then, in a blink, he was gone.

  I asked John about it, the next time I saw him.

  "A red angel, you say?" He stroked his chin and stared into space. "No. No, I don't believe I've ever seen one of those. We're all blue here. I'd be very surprised to see a red angel."

  "Well, nobody else was," I replied. "Nobody else paid him any mind."

  John slapped me on the back. "I honestly think you're imagining things," he said. "If I saw a red angel, I'd be staring with my mouth hanging open, I can assure you. It must be all the stress. Adam, my friend, I think we need to do something to take your mind off all this."

  ***

  But that wasn't to be; that day we were once again summoned to an audience with Gabriel.

  As we stood before him, the angel cleared his throat.

  "I have called the two of you back today, because I have information to share, and I think it's important that you are both aware of it."

  John and I stared at him expectantly.

  When Gabriel didn't elaborate, John broke the silence. "Yes, Sir. What is it?"

  "Well," answered Gabriel, "I was attempting to retrieve Adam here's file from Archives so that I could see if there was any truth to your theory."

  There was another pause. It seemed to go on forever before I spoke up. "Well, what did you find?"

  "Patience, young angel." Gabriel looked at me like an angry parent would look at a child. "In answer to your question, I didn't find anything."

  John let out an exasperated groan. "So everything's in order, then? Adam's assignment didn't have anything to do with his mortal life?"

  "I did not say that, Angel John. I said I found nothing. Which is to say, Adam's file appears to have gone missing."

  Our jaws dropped open.

  "What do you mean, 'missing'?" fumed John. "Like, someone misplaced it?"

  Gabriel put up his hand. "I'd suggest you remember who you're talking to, my friend. And the privilege you've been afforded here today."

  John seemed to shrink several centimetres. "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir."

  "Good. Now then, I do not think it was simply misplaced. Access to our Archives is closely guarded. Besides, for it to have been misplaced, somebody must have been looking at it. That, in itself, would be cause for suspicion. No, I believe it was stolen."

  I was flabbergasted. "Well then, that settles it, surely. Whoever stole my file must be trying to cover something up. That I was, intentionally or not, sent on an assignment that directly affected my human life. So I couldn't be held responsible for anything that happened on that assignment, right? I'm cleared. I can go out in the field again."

  Gabriel held up his hand. "Not so fast, young one. We don't know anything of the sort. For all we do know, one of the two of you stole your file."

  I smacked my forehead. "Now why on Earth..."

  "This isn't Earth," interrupted Gabriel. "And there's something else." He turned to John. "Your protégé, Liz. It has come to my attention that she has been apprehended, and will be appearing before our Tribunal tomorrow. She stands accused of tampering with, or arranging the tampering of, her own file. If she could be capable of that, perhaps she did the same to Adam's."

  I glanced at John, hoping he wouldn't give anything up. He didn't. He just gasped incredulously. "But this is ridiculous. I've known Liz for a long time. She would never do anything like what you're suggesting."

  "That may or may not be. We will find out in due time. In the meantime, I am not prepared to reconsider Adam's matter. Consider yourselves lucky I do not add the same charge to you. I may still do that."

  ***

  John and I walked out of Gabriel's chambers, crestfallen.

  "Could it get any worse?" I asked.

  "It might," said John, "depending on what Liz tells them. She did what she did to help us. I hope she doesn't pay dearly for it."

  "Yes," I replied, "but if she tells them everything, she probably will. But if she denies it, and they later found out she lied, it could be much worse, right?"

  "Right. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow."

  "Do you think they'll let us watch?" I asked.

  John frowned deeply. "I shouldn't think so. As you remember, the Tribunal sessions are normally closed affairs. And unless Liz has said anything to make them think otherwise, this ca
se has nothing to do with us."

  His words weren't yet cold, and we were only a short walk away from Gabriel, when an angel came running up to us.

  "Angels Adam and John," he announced. "By order of the Tribunal, your presence is requested at the trial of Guardian Angel Liz tomorrow. Please report to the Tribunal at the allotted time."

  Chapter Ten

  The three of us stood together, watching the shimmering balls of light that were the Tribunal. John was in the centre, and he glanced first at me, then at Liz, before grabbing each of our hands. We were going to present a united front.

  "Guardian Angel Liz," a voice boomed. "You have been charged with obtaining access to documentation about your earthly existence. What have you to say in your defence?"

  Liz swallowed hard. "Sirs, I do not deny this."

  John and I gasped. What was she doing?

  "However," she went on, "I did what I did to prove Guardian Angel Adam's innocence. To prove that he was given an assignment that he could not possibly complete."

  "Yes," boomed the voice. "We are aware of your intentions. That is why we have summoned Angels John and Adam here today as well."

  "Then you know what I discovered, as well." Liz was trying to be brave, but she couldn't stop her voice from wavering.

  "That is irrelevant. You violated the most sacred of our codes. Your punishment should be severe."

  I suddenly remembered something, so I exhaled deeply and stepped forward. "Wise angels of the Tribunal, there is something that I believe should be brought to your attention. I saw a red angel."

  The Tribunal was silent for a few moments. Eventually, one of them spoke: "That is a serious claim, angel Adam. Is there anyone who can verify it?"

  "No," I admitted. "I saw him in a crowd, but I think I was the only one. Nobody else showed any sign that they did too."

  "It's been a long time since anybody's seen a red angel," said the voice. "If there is one, it would be a grim matter indeed. We shall have to look into it. I warn you, though, the consequences will be dire if you are being dishonest with this Tribunal."

  I opened my mouth to respond but was interrupted by a terrible grating noise filling the chamber. It seemed to be coming from everywhere around us, as well as inside my very being. It took a while to realise that the noise was evil cackling.

  "Fools!"

  Then, there was a blinding red light, hanging in the air in the centre of the chamber. It slowly descended onto the space where we were standing, and the three of us backed away to allow it room.

  As it landed on the ground, it burst. We raised our arms against the glare, and when we lowered them again, the red angel stood before us. He was tall and muscular, less translucent than we were, and coloured a deep blood red. A permanent sneer was etched into his face, and completely opaque black horns sprouted from his head.

  The chamber was completely silent, as he turned his face away from us and towards the three glowing balls of the tribunal.

  "I cannot take your idiocy any longer," he said, his voice a metallic grating sound. "I stole Adam's file."

  The three of us gasped, while the Tribunal rumbled. The great angels did not respond, however, as the red angel went on. "I also arranged for him to be assigned to Eve Matthews. I can't believe how easy it was."

  The angel chuckled again, and this time the Tribunal members responded.

  "Enough!"

  It was Gabriel's voice, and as he spoke, another flash of light blinded us. When it dissipated, the red angel was surrounded by a cage of thick iron bars. He gripped the bars and shook violently, but they didn't budge.

  "It is you who are foolish, Red Devil," said Gabriel. "What you have done shows the worst disdain for our purpose, our very existence. Allowing guardian angels to be involved in their own earthly lives is incredibly dangerous."

  "There was no danger," spat back the devil. "Your rules are meaningless. Just because you've followed them since Creation itself, doesn't mean they're right. Think of all the good that could be done if we'd just allow—"

  "Think of all the harm." Gabriel's voice was like an explosion, silencing the red devil and everyone else in the chamber. "This Tribunal will hear no more from you. You will remain behind those bars until we can decide what to do with you."

  John opened his mouth to speak, "Um, Your Magnificence. Does this mean...?"

  "It means nothing, Guardian Angel John. The three of you will return to your existence and await further instruction. We are adjourned."

  ***

  "What was that?" I asked. We were all seated in John's office, unsure how to process what we'd just witnessed.

  Liz spoke up. "I've heard of it happening before. An angel with such hatred for our ways, that they turn red. Such an angel will stop at nothing to destroy everything we hold dear, turn our rules upside down for their own nefarious ends. I'd always thought it was just a myth, though."

  John shook his head. "It's not. I've seen it. The last time it happened, all of humanity changed forever. But it's been a long time, probably tens of thousands of human-years. It's difficult to say how long, exactly; as you know, time is very different in The World Beyond The Veil. I'm sorry I lied to you, Adam. I just didn't want to believe it."

  I waved the issue away. It didn't matter now.

  "But what about Adam?" Liz asked John. "Do you think he might be allowed in the field again?"

  "I don't know," replied John. "It's possible. We'll just have to wait and see what the Tribunal decides."

  I stared at my feet. "Do I really want to, though? The last assignment I went on ended catastrophically. I'm not sure that responsibility's for me."

  "Nonsense," said Liz. "You know why that assignment turned out the way it did. I'm convinced you were Aiden. And I was Eve. That's the point. This is exactly why such things aren't allowed."

  I shrugged. "Whatever. I'm more worried about you, Liz. Whatever happened, you still broke the rules by reading your file. That hasn't changed."

  Liz pursed her lips. "Yes, well, like John said, we'll just have to wait and see."

  We seemed to be doing a lot of "waiting and seeing" lately. I wished there something I could actively do.

  ***

  Sometime later, I was watching the screen alone in the training room. A man was pointing a gun at a woman's head, and I could feel the terror in her guardian angel as he knew he was powerless to stop it.

  Liz walked up beside me, and I started slightly when I saw her.

  "Look at that, Liz. Why do people put themselves through stuff like that? Why do we angels put ourselves through stuff like that?"

  She moved closer. "I don't know why people do what they do, Adam. I guess they're weak and myopic, and can't see the damage they're doing to their lives. That's why we do what we do. If we can make a difference to just one life, save just one soul, isn't it worth it?"

  "Maybe," I replied. "But Liz, I'm just not sure I'm cut out for it. I can't explain what went through my head when Eve... when you killed yourself. I'd never felt so helpless, so alone." Liz opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her short. "Yes, I know that wasn't my fault, that there was nothing I could have done. I should never have been put in that situation."

  I returned my gaze to the screen. The gun popped. The woman screamed. The man with the gun chuckled evilly. The angel fell to his knees and wailed at the futility of it all. Then he disappeared.

  "See, Liz," I went on, "the point is that I was in that situation. I've been where this poor angel is now. He'll probably go on to his next assignment. But I'm not sure I can do that."

  Liz put her hand on my shoulder. "You might not have to, you know. But one thing I'm sure of, Adam. If you're cleared to go back, you won't be sent anywhere you're not ready to be sent."

  No sooner had Liz finished speaking than the Tribunal emissary appeared. It was surreal. One moment, it was Liz and I talking. The next, there he was, standing between us.

  "Urgent news from the Tribunal," the emissary bellowed
. "It has been decided that, due to extenuating circumstances, the judgements against Guardian Angel Adam and Guardian Angel Liz, have been revoked. They are free to resume assignments in the field." Then, he disappeared.

  Liz and I stared at each other with wide eyes. "What now?" I asked.

  She shrugged. "I guess now things can get back to normal. We should be returned to active du—"

  Liz winked out of existence. It was unsettling, to say the least—first the emissary, and now Liz.

  I was left sitting alone, staring at the blank screen. I sat there for a moment before John came rushing in.

  "Did you hear the news? You and Liz are returning to active duty."

  "Yes," I replied. "Liz has just left."

  "Well, don't just stand there. Let's take a look." John turned on the screen, and there she was, sitting in her armchair on the roof of a car, looking as happy as could be.

  "Why are you still here?" asked John.

  "I'm not sure. Liz said I'd probably be called when I was ready. So that must be it. I don't think I'll ever be ready. I don't think I want to go back."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Just what I said. What good can we do, John? I mean, really? We try to keep these humans out of harm's way, but the result's the same in the end."

  John smacked me on the back of my head. I didn't know we angels were capable of feeling physical pain until that moment.

  "Don't be an idiot," he snapped. "I trained you better than that. You should know by now that everything happens for a reason. Even if we don't see the difference we make in people's lives. We do make a difference. Some good always comes from what we do."

  "Not to the people we help." I glared at him.

  "Maybe. Maybe not. But that's irrelevant. Someone else could be affected by what our wards go through. And their lives could be better for it. That's not for us to judge."

  I fell silent for a moment, considering. I'd never thought of it that way before. When I was assigned to Eve, although I should never have been, she had other people in her life. Who am I to say that those people's lives didn't turn out better because of what happened to her? Well, maybe not better, but certainly different.