by C. J. Harte
By one thirty, Maggie was dressed, groomed, and rehearsed. Her staff, including her agent, generally remained present during the interview, but out of camera and microphone range. They wandered in and out discreetly, but they were never out of voice range. Promptly at one forty-five, an attractive reporter, her camera operator, and two staff carrying lights, backup equipment, and recorders arrived. Twenty-five minutes later, equipment and lighting had been set up and the formal interview began. The reporter, Gina Perry, was clearly ecstatic to be getting the interview with M.J. Carson. The first thirty minutes of the interview they covered ground agreed to before the interview: her new movie, her early music career, her recent musical successes, and finally her current stay in Orlando.
“We just completed our new CD and have been getting ready for our next tour. I’ll be doing another movie for the Disney people, but right now, I’m here with my family vacationing.”
“Where are your children? I haven’t seen them.”
“My children are not exposed to the media. I want them to enjoy childhood and not have to fear someone is after them.”
“Would you mind them going into entertainment or following in their parents’ footsteps?”
“No, if that’s what they choose. We want them to get an education first. We both did. We feel that helped us make choices in our careers. I know you have more important questions than what my children are going to do in twenty years.” Maggie flashed her most mischievous grin.
“In fact I do. I understand you are negotiating some business deals with some locals. Or is a contract signed?”
Slipping on her star persona, Maggie looked directly at the reporter and answered, “Gina, we have a lot of projects under consideration. If I give too many details prematurely, we wouldn’t have much bargaining power. We’re discussing a couple of projects involving some local people. As soon as things are finalized, Gina, I’ll make sure you are the first to know.”
“In the last few weeks, you’ve been traveling with a local resident. Who is she?”
“I told you I’m not talking about business still in the planning stages. Now, let’s talk about my upcoming tour.” She again smiled, trying to dissuade her questioner from further personal questions.
“I’m not sure this is business. Is it?”
“Excuse me?” Maggie asked.
“There’ve been rumors of some type of personal involvement. That you and she—” Perry was cut off by Maya interrupting with a phone call.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Perry. I was told it was urgent.” Maya handed her the cell phone. Turning to the reporter, she said, “It should take just a moment. Can I get you and your crew something to eat or drink?”
Maggie walked into her bedroom with the cell phone. Karl was on the line. “Where the hell are you? I thought you were still here.”
“I am,” he answered. “I’m calling from one of your bathrooms. I keyed your number into the phone just in case. Maya and I worked it out.”
Maggie laughed and made a mental note to give them a hefty bonus. “Okay, what do I do now?”
“Remain calm. You’re playing into Perry’s game. Get back in there, apologize for the delay. In ten minutes, get up, shake everybody’s hand, smile, be pleasant, then leave with Maya. She’ll have you out of here before Perry has time to push the down button. Okay?”
“Thanks. Now I know why you work for me.”
“Don’t kid yourself.”
Following Karl’s instructions, Maggie went back in and apologized for the delay, using business as the excuse. “Now, where were we?”
Gina Perry was ready. “Ms. Carson, there’s been some mention that this woman may not be involved in a business relationship with you. Maybe something more personal?”
“Ms. Perry, during the last few weeks, I’ve been spending time with my family and a few friends. My husband and I have many friends. They remain our friends because I respect their privacy. Outside of the time with my family, I’ve been dealing with business.” Looking at her watch, she stood. “I’m sorry, but I really need to run. My agent will answer any remaining questions. Thank you for coming.” She spoke briefly to each member of the news crew. She ended with Gina Perry and thanked her for being understanding. Maya led Maggie to the private elevator and the waiting limo.
*
Maggie knew she should’ve taken the rental car but wanted to get as far from the hotel as possible…and quickly. When the chauffeur dropped her off at Susan’s house, she noticed some neighbors standing outside their houses staring. “Fuck,” she muttered, “there goes the neighborhood.”
Children’s laughter floated from the far end of the house. She stood and listened. She couldn’t remember laughing when she was growing up. Nor could she remember the loud, uncontrolled giggling she heard emanating from her own children. She walked quietly toward the source. In Cady’s room, Susan and the children sat on the floor playing a board game. Maggie stopped, mesmerized. Watching Susan, she realized she was experiencing strong, unfamiliar feelings. The closer Susan got, the more frightened Maggie became.
“How’s my hugger muggers?” Maggie grabbed D.J. and Beth and wrestled with them on the floor. She saw Cady crawl into Susan’s lap while Susan became quiet and tense.
Shit, Maggie thought. Not tonight.
Maggie’s thoughts were interrupted by Beth pulling out from her arms and asking, “Mom, can we live here? I like playing with Miss Susan and Cady, and we get to see more of you. Could Daddy and Uncle Paul live here, too, and be Cady’s daddy? She doesn’t have one.”
Maggie was lost for an answer. Struggling for a reply, she avoided looking at Susan. “Beth, we have our own house in California. We can visit often…if Susan doesn’t mind?” This was a level of discomfort unfamiliar to Maggie.
Susan broke through her thoughts. “Beth, you and your family are always welcome.” She swallowed hard, then added, “You can come anytime.” Susan lifted Cady and walked out.
“Mommy, is Miss Susan mad at me?” Beth’s young voice was fearful. Burying her face in Maggie’s lap, she began to cry.
“Baby, Susan’s not upset with you. She’s probably just upset because I’m late. It’ll be all right.” She held her children close to her and rocked them, humming mostly to herself.
Maggie held her children and reassured them. Right now, she needed someone to hold her but feared it was too late.
Chapter Seventeen
Settling her kids down was harder than Maggie imagined. Once they were calm, she went in search of Susan. Susan was a different kind of problem, one she wasn’t sure how to handle. Maggie doubted she was capable of making a commitment. Nothing is forever, she reminded herself. The thought of losing Susan was overwhelming. Her hands clammy, she felt the sweat forming, even in the air-conditioned house. “I don’t need her,” Maggie muttered. Maggie halted her thoughts. She did need Susan.
Maggie wandered into the backyard and found Susan sitting on a lawn chair. The smell of oranges filled the night air. She knelt and reached for Susan’s hand and tried to talk, but found speech difficult.
“Look, Maggie…” Susan began, avoiding eye contact.
Maggie put her hand up. “Listen, please!” This was difficult and unchartered territory, and Maggie was afraid. Afraid of her feelings…of losing Susan…of her own ghosts. “Beth didn’t know—”
“Maggie, this is not about Beth. This is about you and me. My whole life—and my family’s—has been uprooted and we’re expected to come and go. Or wait, as the case may be.” Susan paused to hold back the tears close to taking control. “I don’t live like that. Even my mom doesn’t live like that. And I certainly try to provide more stability for my child.”
“Susan, please, wait—”
“No, Maggie, you wait. When Cady and I went to my room, she was crying because she thought you and the kids were leaving and she would not see any of you again. She’s accustomed to people being around for birthdays, holidays, and for whatever. She loves you, Mag
gie, and D.J., and Beth. You’ve become part of our family.” She hesitated before looking at Maggie. “And I love you. I have from almost the first moment I saw you. I never knew I could feel such passion, such love…till you.” She stopped, wiping tears before continuing. “The really sad part is that I’ve been afraid to tell you how much because you might run away.”
“Susan, you know how much I care about you and Cady.” It was true, she did care. Lots of people had told her they loved her. Some said anything for money or a fuck. Love was a matter of convenience rather than an emotion. “I’m here. What more do you want?”
“How about saying ‘I love you, Susan. I want to spend my life with you, Susan. I don’t want to spend my life without you, Susan.’ That would be a good start.”
Maggie walked back and forth. The rips in her heart were becoming huge holes. “Susan, you must know how important you are. I don’t ever remember feeling this way. I’m not sure I know what love is. Sometimes, when I was little, I would sneak out of bed at night and see my mother sitting at the kitchen table crying. Once I came in and asked what was wrong. She just said, ‘No one told me love would hurt like this.’ We never said ‘I love you’ in my house. I made escaping my life until I met Derek. He’s my friend. He’s always there for me. I love him and I love my kids. That’s a different kind of love, one that feels safer, more secure. When Paul came along, I was so afraid of losing Derek that I again focused on my career. In my life, the people who said they love me have left me or used me. Love means pain. Love means leaving. You’ve changed everything. And now…” She reached over and grabbed Susan’s hand. “I want you to be a part of my life. I don’t want to lose you, Susan. I don’t understand why you love me, or why you stay. I fear you will just go away or find someone else. This damn reporter today was asking questions about you and I can’t—”
“What reporter?” Susan pulled her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them as if this simple act could ward off further intrusions into her life.
“Gina Perry, from one of the local stations.”
“Perry has a reputation for being a bulldog. What happened?” Susan vaguely recalled Ed’s comments about a reporter seeking information and wondered if this was the same person.
“Nothing. She was fishing.” The look on Susan’s face indicated she didn’t quite buy the story. “Susan, please. I don’t want to talk about Gina Perry.” Putting her head in her hands, Maggie tried to explain. “Meeting Derek in college was a fluke. He became my friend, my first real and only friend, until I became successful. Suddenly everybody was my fucking friend and everybody loved me.” She sighed, feeling old and tired.
She took Susan’s hand and stroked the palm as she continued. “People tell me they love me all the time. Most of my lovers have said it so easily, and certainly in the thralls of orgasm it seemed to be a requisite. I was more a trophy. Or the friendly banker with deep pockets. Screw the bitch and she’ll give you something expensive.” Her words were harsh and cruel, born from years of using and being used. “I can tell you I love you if that’s what you want to hear. But it’s just words. God, if ever there was a time I wanted to be sure about love, it is now and it is you.” A sob slipped out, punctuating the moment.
Further comment was halted with the arrival of a car in the driveway. Susan’s mother appeared agitated as she parked. Susan stood up, wiped her tears and went over to her mother. “Mom, what’s the matter?”
Maureen’s Irish temper was in full bloom. “There are people standing in front of the house, blocking the driveway. Not neighbors. I know everyone in this block. One of them had a camera. I had to threaten to run some people down before I could get in my own damn driveway.”
“Who are they, Mom?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to call the police.”
Maggie jumped into the discussion. “Why don’t we find out what they want?”
Her mother turned and looked at Maggie. “They want to know who drove up in the limousine. And if M.J. Carson is staying here. Apparently you’re on the evening news. I told them there is no M.J. Carson in the house, only my family.”
“Maureen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. The kids and I will move back to the hotel right away.”
“You will not. You are a part of this family and I won’t…” Maureen hesitated. “It looks like I’m interrupting something. You two talk, I’ll go in and check the kids.”
“Nothing is going right today. I’m so sorry, Susan.” Maggie walked back to the house, unsure of what else to say.
“Mags, wait, please don’t leave.” Maggie stopped but didn’t turn around. Susan walked up and put her arms around her. “Please stay.” Maggie nodded but pulled away and went into the house. An icy distance was growing between them that Susan felt incapable of stopping.
Susan listened to the leaves rustling on the orange trees. Most of her life, she had played in this large backyard with its graceful fruit trees and the one large magnolia tree planted many years ago. This had been her refuge. Somehow, it didn’t seem safe anymore.
Susan walked into the kitchen. Her mother was with Cady making cookies. Maureen smiled. “Maggie took her children back to their room. I don’t know what’s going on, but she looks worried, honey.”
“I know. What can I do to help?”
“Why don’t you get Maggie and the kids ready for dinner? If you want to talk, I do listen.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Maggie, D.J., and Beth were sitting on the floor next to the bunk beds. The children were wrapped around her. Susan stood near the door trying to decide what to say.
“Mom, I wanna go home. I miss Daddy and Uncle Paul.” D.J. was restless.
“I know. We’ll be going home soon. I miss them, too, but I would also miss Susan and her family.”
“I wanna go home!”
“Don’t you like Susan and Cady?”
D.J. put his head down. Susan’s heart was breaking. She sat in front of them. “D.J., I love you and Beth and I love your mom too.” Beth’s eyes were open but wary. “You two are lucky to have each other. If you go away, we’ll miss you.”
“You mad at my mommy?” D.J. asked.
“No, D.J., I’m not mad at your mom.” Susan spoke to D.J., but looked at Maggie. “I love your mom very much. I want us all to be a family.”
“Are you gonna marry my daddy too?”
This drew a smile as Maggie ruffled D.J.’s hair. “No!” She laughed. “Then we’ll be in trouble.”
“Come on.” Susan grabbed D.J.’s hand. “Let’s eat. Or my mama will be mad at us.”
“I like Gran’ma Mameen,” D.J. said. The tension was broken.
As the children ran out of the room, Susan reached for Maggie’s hand to help her up. Halfway up, Maggie pulled Susan on top of her on the bottom bunk and whispered, “Thank you. I am trying, Susan. I really am.”
So many unanswered questions about her relationship with Maggie still plagued Susan. She lifted herself up and pushed away the questioning. “I know. Let’s go eat.”
*
Putting their children to bed was not an easy task. The children were operating at high speed. Susan and Maggie stayed with them until they finally fell asleep. Finally alone in the bedroom, Maggie said, “Thank you for this evening. I wish I could be everything you want.”
That night they made love with such intensity Susan couldn’t hold back the tears. There was a vulnerability in Maggie, an eagerness and neediness. Susan could not get enough of her. Maggie played her body with such expertise that Susan responded to her touch, her desire, her need. “I love you,” Susan whispered as she came. Momentarily she floated between a world of passion and tenderness. The heat rising from Maggie’s body spurred Susan and she wanted her mouth on Maggie’s wetness and to feel her tremble. They began the familiar dance. Maggie slid up and down against Susan. Before she could taste her, Susan felt Maggie’s orgasm.
Maggie wrapped her arms ar
ound Susan, fearful of letting go. She needed to feel Susan’s body as much as she needed Susan. It was then she whispered, “I do love you, Susan, but I’m scared.”
Susan had trouble swallowing. Maggie had finally said, “I love you.” Now it was Susan’s turn to be frightened. Will you still say it in the morning?
*
Morning came too soon. Susan replayed the evening but again her heart and mind argued.
You really haven’t known her that long. What about taking time to get to know her?
Oh, but I know I love her. There is such a thing as love at first sight.
She told me she loved me.
Yes, in the heat of passion. What about the next morning when you’re sitting at the breakfast table with curlers in your hair and cream on your face? Think she will repeat that?
I don’t wear curlers or cream.
You’re avoiding the question. Will she repeat it?
And then it started again.
She curled against Maggie’s back and inhaled the wonderful smells of Maggie and sex. Maggie moved against her and purred.
As Maggie turned to face her, Susan asked, “Maggie, do you love me?”
“God, Susan, you know how I feel about you. We have so little time.” Maggie began to caress Susan.
Susan sat up and pulled the sheet around her. “Maggie, please, I need to talk. Do you remember what you said last night?”
“What time? Which one?” Maggie sat up. “Hmm, did I say something wrong? Let’s see. I promised to fix breakfast.”
“I’m serious. Did you mean it when you said you love me?”
“Of course. I always say what I mean.”
“Why can’t you say it now? I’m beginning to feel this is more about sex.”