by C. J. Harte
Maggie climbed out of bed and wandered around the room picking up and inspecting things. “This isn’t about sex. I can’t imagine life without you and it scares the shit out of me. There are people who use words all the time and don’t have what we have.”
Susan tried to understand. She wanted to trust Maggie but she also wanted a clearer commitment. At the same time, there were traitors inside reminding her to take one day at a time.
“You touch me in a way I’ve never known. These emotions, these feelings are all so new. Most of the time I don’t understand. And most of my life I haven’t tried to.” She grabbed Susan’s hand. “I’ve got to go to L.A. for a few days the end of the week. Let’s talk when I get back. I need time to try to sort this out.”
Susan nodded. “I don’t want to lose you. I’m trying to understand. Sometimes I find myself trying to play mind reader. Please don’t shut me out.”
“I’ve shared more with you than I have with anyone, including Derek. It’s just not something I spend a lot of time doing. I am trying.”
“Yes, you are trying.” Susan laughed. “I love you. I haven’t said that to anyone else outside my family and meant it the way I do with you. I want to know more about you. I want to share my life with you. If you don’t feel the same way, I’d rather know now.”
Maggie put her arms around her. “There isn’t anyone I’d rather be with or rather share my life with. Please be patient.”
Susan agreed, unsure of what other recourse her heart had.
Chapter Eighteen
When Susan and Maggie sat down for breakfast, Maureen informed them their neighbor had taken on some people outside of the house. “Genevieve takes our Neighborhood Watch program very seriously,” Maureen said. “At first she was disappointed because some of the onlookers were just curious about the limo that arrived yesterday.” Maggie choked on her cereal but Maureen didn’t notice. “One stranger said he was an investigator reporter. So Genevieve asked him why he was here. He said he’d gotten a call there might be someone important staying in the area. So, you know Genny, she took him inside her house and showed him the family portrait hanging in her living room and offered to give an exclusive interview.”
“What family portrait is hanging in her house?” Maggie asked.
“Why, Queen Elizabeth of England and Prince Phillip, of course. Genny is a distant cousin of the prince. She’s English and married to an American. I got the feeling the investigator left the neighborhood shortly after their chat.” Maureen picked up her empty coffee cup and left.
Maggie looked at Susan and wondered what would happen next.
*
The day was beautiful and everyone agreed it was too nice to be inside. Maggie called and hastily arranged a trip to Universal Studios. They enjoyed the park and each other for the first hour until Maggie was recognized by one of the local TV talk show hosts. Universal had invited a large number of entertainers from TV and film as part of a program they were shooting for the week. Maggie looked at Susan. “Just give me a few moments. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Susan shook her head. “Can’t take you anywhere. Go. We’ll walk on, but hurry. I’ll miss you.” As she walked away, she watched an amazing transformation as Maggie became M.J. She briefly wondered how Maggie handled it. Sunglasses in place, M.J. greeted the group.
For the next two hours Maggie was frequently accosted and dragged into conversations. Susan tried to be understanding, but each interruption tore away at her reserve. When Maggie next returned to them, she was accompanied by three Universal employees.
“What’s going on?” Susan asked.
“The studio is having some kind of party here today. Universal has offered to make sure we’ll not have someone following us or interrupting us the rest of the day. I really do want to spend the day with you.”
Susan was hesitant but soon realized Maggie’s decision was a good one. The Universal escorts enabled them to get on rides and continue the day undisturbed. At the exit gate, however, Gina Perry and her camera operator were waiting for them. The Universal escorts managed to derail them long enough for them to safely leave.
By the time they arrived home, more people and a camera truck were standing around. Susan locked the car doors and pulled into the driveway, in spite of someone banging on the car. Maggie swore. The kids cried. Susan was furious.
“Susan, Maureen, I’m sorry,” Maggie said. “I’ll get someone out here first thing in the morning.”
Susan pushed the remote control and hoped the garage door closed before anyone slipped in. She walked into the house without responding. Only after the kids were in bed did the adults sit down.
“I said I’m sorry,” Maggie said defensively.
“I heard you the first time. I’m not angry at you. I just feel violated. Here in my own house.”
“Those people are just rude,” her mother said. “Maggie is not responsible for someone else stalking her, wanting an autograph or photo, or for someone determined to intrude just to further his or her career.” Susan was always amazed at her mother’s ability to understand what was going on. “Maggie, I know this is the world you live in. This is not Susan’s world. Bless her, she is a bright, talented accountant, but the only autographs she’s asked for are on payroll checks. As long as she signs them, the people don’t care what she looks like, how old she is, how many heads she has, or whether or not she has teeth.
“Maggie didn’t plan this. I’ve learned she really tries to keep her personal life out of the public’s view, especially where her children are concerned. I think you two girls should kiss and make up and enjoy the evening. I’m going to bed. You should too.”
Susan wasn’t sure how to respond. There were some things that just didn’t require an answer. This was one of them.
“She’s one hell of a lady,” Maggie said. “I think she has some good advice. Let’s go to bed.”
*
Maggie called Maya first thing the next morning.
“M.J., it’s six a.m.”
“I know. I need some help. The media is getting out of hand here and I’m concerned about our safety.”
“What do you want me to do? The only way you can be safe is to put walls up or move into a gated community.”
“I can’t build a fence around her house. First, there’s no room. Second, she wouldn’t let me. I’ve got to do something. It’s not safe.”
“How about moving into the hotel? Never mind. She wouldn’t be comfortable in a hotel.” The two talked until they came up with a plan.
“I’ll be in L.A. in a couple of days. Get going. I want this taken care of quickly.” Maggie said good-bye and made arrangements to fly to Los Angeles.
The morning she flew to California, Susan drove her to the airport. Again, they were followed. “Honey, I am so sorry.”
“I understand but I don’t like it. Maybe I’ll get some work done while you’re gone.”
“Will you miss me?”
Susan reached for Maggie’s hand and smiled. “Every day. I won’t miss the people following us, but I’ll desperately miss you.”
“I got you something.” Maggie pulled a small box from her bag and put it on Susan’s lap.
“Mags, stop buying me things.” She grabbed the box and quickly unwrapped it. Inside was a pair of earrings that had “FSU” engraved in gold. “Maggie, how thoughtful.”
“It’s the right school, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Susan leaned over to kiss her when she noticed a man with a camera walking up. “Shit.” She backed out of her spot and drove out of the airport and then back into short-term parking. “I think I lost him.”
“You can drop me off and I’ll run to the gate.”
“No, I want to walk with you.”
“Then let’s get a move on, girlfriend.” They grabbed the garment bag and suitcase and dashed into the terminal. They checked the luggage and then fled to the nearest restroom. “Make sure the kids are okay and safe. Th
ey love being able to play with Cady. I’m afraid they have to stay inside most of the time when they’re at the hotel.”
“Don’t worry. Everyone will be okay. I love you. Now, go!” They hugged and Maggie ran for security. Assured the coast was clear, Susan headed out of the main terminal as quickly as she could.
A week later Maggie arrived back in Orlando on a chartered jet, avoiding the media at the airport. Susan was able to pick her up without being stopped. On the evening before Susan’s birthday, Maggie arrived with food and wine to begin the celebration.
“Happy birthday. Derek and Paul send best wishes and wanted me to give you these.” Maggie handed packages to Susan. “And this one is from my kids. And this one is from me.”
Susan opened Maggie’s package and found lightbulbs. She burst out laughing. “So, is this to remind me that you are the light of my life?”
The party ended around nine so they could get to bed early. After Susan left, Maya pulled both Maureen and Maggie aside and informed them the plans for the next day were complete. Maggie couldn’t hide her smile.
*
The following morning Susan arose early and headed for the office before anyone was up. She had a stack of work she wanted to finish before she felt free to enjoy her birthday celebration. At work she was inundated with numerous calls and individuals trying to get interviews. Ed dealt with the media, making sure the company name was mentioned often. It at least allowed Susan to get some work finished. Her formerly mundane personal life had become the topic of everyone’s conversation. What little she overheard indicated the rumor mill was busy. She alternated with trying to ignore the often not-so-subtle comments and wanting to run away. Work kept her going.
At four, she was preparing to leave when a call from Maya interrupted her. Maya offered to pick her up from the office. Susan protested, then remembered Ed had borrowed her car earlier. She was smart enough to realize something was going on. Hopefully, a birthday surprise.
Instead of heading toward Winter Park, Maya drove north on I-4. Maya drove farther north, turning off the interstate and driving west until she turned into Groveland Estates. Once one of the largest groves in the area, it was developed into a fenced, guarded, and very exclusive neighborhood. The guard welcomed them once he recognized Maya. Susan watched silently, wondering what they were doing in this area. As they drove she looked at the houses, no, mansions, she corrected herself. She definitely felt out of place. At last they turned into a driveway and another set of gates. Maya pointed a remote control and the gates opened. Susan couldn’t imagine who lived in this house.
“Well,” Maya said, “welcome.”
“This is beautiful. Is this yours?”
Maya stumbled. “I…I didn’t. This is yours.”
At that moment the doors opened with Maggie, her mother, Ed and his wife, and three screaming children rushing out. Maggie eagerly pulled Susan into the house. “Come on.” As they walked into the large entranceway, Maggie announced, “We’re all going to live here. I bought it.” She waved her arms and spun around.
Susan looked around at the expectant faces and waited for the joke. Everyone was smiling.Susan wondered if she had landed in the Twilight Zone. Perhaps Stephen King had rewritten her life? No, everyone looked sane.
Maggie grabbed Susan’s hand and led her through the house, describing the amenities and electronic toys. The solarium had both a pool and hot tub. Swimming instructors were already arranged. A large gym would be built to allow them to work out. In addition, there were rooms for a large office for Susan and a studio/office for Maggie. Her mother had a large room, bath, and sitting area, much larger than the cottage behind the house. There were rooms for servants, guests, and staff. The dining room was huge. The entire family could sit around the table and not touch elbows. Not touch at all. There were fireplaces in the family room and several bedrooms. Televisions and stereos were everywhere.
It took a few moments for Susan to erase the slow-moving fog enveloping her brain. “I don’t understand.”
Maggie grinned. “I bought it for you. For us,” she said. “I figured you wanted us to live together. Make some kind of commitment and we can be safe. It took a while, but I had realtors who saw big paychecks and they pushed paper. Amazing what you can do when you have the cash. Now you won’t have to worry about people outside your house or worry about Cady. And your mom can have her own area to rule.” Pride shone on Maggie’s face.
“What about my house?” Susan asked.
“It’s still there. I just moved clothes and a few items of furniture. Things your mom said were important to you. The rest I bought.”
Susan was numb. A huge part of her wanted to scream and swear. Never had anyone dared to turn her life upside down the way Maggie had just done. “Thank you.” Trying to salvage any sense of normalcy, she added, “I guess it’s time for birthday cake.”
Maggie was wounded by Susan’s lack of enthusiasm but attributed it to her natural reserve. “We even got a cake big enough for all the candles.” She grinned mischievously.
*
As the last of the guests said good night, Maggie and Susan were left standing alone in the foyer. Maggie was pleased with herself and the evening. “I hope this was the best birthday ever.” She leaned in to kiss Susan but was pushed back.
“Maggie, buying a house isn’t a commitment.” Susan put more distance between them by walking to stand near the staircase.
“I don’t understand.”
“Just because you buy a house doesn’t mean you’ve made a commitment to me or anyone except yourself.”
“I don’t go out and buy fucking houses just for the hell of it.”
“You don’t need to swear.”
“Why the hell not? Damn it, Susan, I did this for you, for us.”
“But you didn’t even ask me. I’ve lived in that house almost all my life. That is the only house Cady has ever known. I like my house.”
“The roof needs to be replaced and the central heat doesn’t work, and I’ve even arranged to get those things fixed. None of us are safe from intruders there. There’s not enough room for all of us to live. You’ve complained about all the problems with that house. This one is new, larger, and has more security.”
“It’s still my house. What gave you the right to do this? Do you think you can just arbitrarily make decisions and we’ll willingly follow along? I’m so furious I can spit.”
Maggie didn’t know what to say. She had spent a fortune to give Susan this house, to surprise her. What more did she want? “That house was not safe for you, your mother, the kids, or me. After what we’ve been through lately, I thought you’d be thrilled to be able to come and go without that kind of stress. I would worry day and night. I can’t live like that, and won’t. I want to be safe and I want my family safe. I want you, Maureen, and Cady safe.”
“And I expect to be consulted before any decision about my family is made. I want my life back…the way it used to be. My house, my life, my family.”
“What about me? What about my life? What about what I want or need?” Maggie ran her hands through her hair, struggling to keep her emotions under control. “By the time I was twelve, I learned you can never go back, no matter how much you may want to. The only way to go back is to not have me in your life. Is that what you want? Is it?” When Susan didn’t answer, Maggie headed for the door. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll talk to you after you’ve calmed down.” She slammed the door on the way out.
Susan climbed the stairs, wondering where everyone had disappeared to and how to find them. She sat on the top step and decided to wait. “Someone will find me. Sooner or later.” She rested her head on her knees and hoped it was sooner.
*
Maggie walked around the driveway berating herself. She tried hard not to cry, but it was a losing effort. “I don’t understand. All my fucking life people have wanted something from me. Whatever they got, they were grateful for. Finally, I find someone I think loves me
for me, and she’s the most ungrateful…”
She had let her guard down, trusted, and got shot down. Well, I won’t do it again. A tear slipped from Maggie’s eye and rolled freely down her cheek. As if a signal had been given, more joined, and soon Maggie sat on the lawn, sobbing. She cried for the mother who was too tired to love her, for the family she never had growing up, for never being able to doing anything right. But mostly she cried because she was scared and alone.
*
Maggie remembered she was going on tour soon and needed to stay in the Orlando area until then. If Susan wanted to sell the house when she left, let her. She didn’t give a damn. Until then, she liked the house and would stay. Maggie walked back into the house to claim her territory.
“I’m going to bed,” Maggie said and then she walked up the stairs. “You’re welcome to join me or take any of the rooms adjacent. They’re empty. The children are in the east wing and your mother is in the middle. I’m not going to beg.” She couldn’t remember ever hurting as much as she did now. Why have I let this woman into my life?
“Maggie, I’m sorry. I know you’re—”
“Forget it.”
“Please, let’s not be angry with each other.”
“What do you want, Susan? No matter what I give, it doesn’t seem enough. I’ve told you I don’t believe in forever and saying ‘I love you’ is cheap. People say it all the time. I’ve tried to tell you how special and important you are. I’ve tried to show you how I feel, but that’s not enough. You want everything in black and white. Well, life isn’t that way. There are more shades of gray and more ways of loving. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to be hurt. I’m sorry I’m not good enough.”
“That’s not true.”
Maggie ignored Susan’s comment. “I also have a life. Maybe my job isn’t nine-to-five, but that doesn’t make it less important. I’m willing to bet I’ve worked a lot harder at being successful than you have. I’ve been playing clubs since I was sixteen and had several other jobs to support that one. The first time in a long time I find someone I really care about and…and nothing I say or do is good enough. It’s your way or no way.”