“I’m not.”
16
Ares
We’ve been through a lot, and I’ve hurt a lot, but nothing…nothing has gutted me like those two words do right now. She doesn’t believe she’s safe with me. It’s not an act, because I see the truth in her eyes. I hear it in her words, and feel it in my soul, watching as she’s gone almost robotic in front of eyes.
“Petal, you are. I’m behaving badly today, because I don’t have answers for you yet, but you are so fucking safe with me.”
“I thought a couple was two.”
“It is, darlin’. This is on me.”
“I should’ve texted.”
“Maybe, but once you were here, I should’ve handled it better.”
“I want you parents to like me, but I don’t want you to be mad about it.”
“I’m not mad, because I want them to like you, too.”
“You seemed mad.”
“I wanted my mama to stop badgering you.”
“She wasn’t.”
“I thought she was, and I was already freaking out about how I’d already made you scared of me.”
“Not scared, just defeated.”
“We haven’t had our final chapter yet, Petal. I promise you that.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“I don’t know. I swear to you, I just don’t know.”
“Can I take some food to go? I want to check on your cars, but I’m hungry.”
My sweet, honest, and beautiful girl. Woman. I don’t know how she’s still here right now, but even though I still haven’t figured shit out, I can’t let her leave just yet.
“No. You can come back into the kitchen, and eat with us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I stand up, and hold out my hand to her. She takes it, thank God, and smiles at me. I walk her back to the table, where my parents both glare at me.
“I’m glad you’re back, Rose. My son obviously has no manners.”
“It’s my fault for just showing up here, and interrupting your morning.”
“I said a couple of days, and it’s been that long,” I say, because no way am I going to let her take the blame for me being an asshole. That is all on me.
“No matter why or how, you’re here now, and we’re all glad to have you.”
“Thank you.”
Rose is more present for the rest of the meal, but also quieter. She answers questions, and even asks a few, but she’s still holding back. I’ve imagined my parents meeting her for close to a year, but it was never supposed to be like this. They’re trying, but from the looks they’re giving me, they know she’s not okay. That’s on both of us, but I could’ve handled it better in the beginning, so we wouldn’t be where we are right now.
“The meal was wonderful, Mrs. Dixon. Can I help you clean up?”
“No, the men will do that.”
“Oh. Well then, Ares, is it okay for me to work on the rest of the cars now?”
I wasn’t expecting that when she mentioned it earlier, but I understand why she said it. Of course, she had a back-up plan. There’s no way she wasn’t second-guessing herself all the way here. And I made her think she was right to do that. We’ve both been wrong, but I was raised better, and she makes me want to be better. I just need to figure out what I need.
“Sure. I appreciate it.”
“Great.”
She gets up, and walks out as I drop my head in my hands. We’re not “sure” or “great” people. Everything is so fucked up, and if I don’t figure my shit out, I’m afraid it’s going to stay that way.
“Well, that went well.”
“Mama, please.”
“Please, what? Rose is like a scared little foal, struggling to walk. Only in her case, she’s scared to say the wrong thing to you. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ve watched girls fawn over you for years.”
“She’s not like them.”
“No, and that’s not a bad thing,” my dad says. “She has a strength to her, and although she’s down right now, she’s not out. It took a lot for her to come here, and then stay here, too.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to take my morning nap, and then you’ll help me make lunch for her.”
“Yes, Mama. I’ll take lunch to her.”
“Oh no. That girl has had enough of you today. I’m taking her lunch, and talking to her.”
“Mama.”
“Don’t you ‘Mama’ me, boy. I like that girl, and I’m going to make sure she knows it.”
“You’re amazing.”
“I have to be to put up with the two of you. Now, go clean so I can rest.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Figure this out, sooner rather than later, Son, because that girl’s too special to let get away,” my dad tells me as we gather the dishes.
I know how special she is, and how lucky I am to have her. If I really have her. Dammit, that’s the problem right there; my stupid brain won’t believe I can really have—and keep—her brilliant one. Even though my heart knows it’s true.
Rose
I don’t notice time passing as I check out the cars I hadn’t gotten to before I was almost killed, and then carted away to the hospital. Restoring them, and fixing what has been done to them, makes me happy. Ares hired me, not only because he loves me, but because he knows I’ll get the job done. I still think there’s hope for us, but either way, I’m determined to finish what I started for him.
I’ve almost finished one car when I feel the air change around me. Someone’s entered the garage, and it’s not Ares. I tense for a moment, before the perfume wafts over to me. Tightening the last lug nut, I drop my hands, and turn to Mrs. Dixon.
“Hi.”
“Hello, Rose. I thought you might be hungry,” she says, holding up a small basket.
“Oh. I am,” I tell her, realizing it’s true. “I get caught up in what I’m doing, and forget to eat all the time.”
“I’m here for a few more days, so I won’t let that happen.”
“Thank you. Let me clean up, and we can eat in the breakroom.”
“I was hoping to get you some fresh air.”
“Okay. There are some tables out back for when the crew wants air, too.”
“I’ll go set up, while you wash up.”
She grabs a handkerchief from her pocket, and wipes some grease from my forehead, shaking her head, but smiling at the same time. I smile back, and thank her, then head to the industrial sinks along the wall. Ares stocks special soap Aud and Caleb created for him, that actually gets all the grease off our hands. It also smells nice, but not too nice, since the guys don’t want to smell like a flower shop—and neither do I.
Outside, I find one of the picnic tables all set up with a tablecloth, containers of food, sliced bread, bottles of water, and what I think is sweet tea. I only like hot tea, and not that often, but I’m afraid I’ll have to drink some, to be polite. Since I don’t see my mother anymore unless absolutely necessary, being polite is not something I have to worry about often. I’m not intentionally rude, I’m just me.
“It all looks so wonderful.”
“I brought the water for you in case you didn’t want tea.”
“Would it be rude if I didn’t?”
“No, honey, it’s okay.”
“Thanks.”
I fix myslef a tuna salad sandwich, and also put fruit, and cookies, on my plate. After breakfast, I know everything’s going to taste wonderful, and my grumbling stomach knows it, too. Mrs. Dixon fixes her own plate, and we’re quiet as we start to eat. The silence doesn’t last too long, which is just what I expected. This lunch isn’t about food, although I believe she really does want to feed me.
“You and my son have a rocky history.”
“We do, yes.”
“He told me how you met,” she says with a smile.
“I’m guessing he told you a whole lot more than that.”
“He did, but I’d like to hear what you have to say.”
“I don’t really know you,” I blurt out, because it’s the truth.
“Which might make it easier for you.”
“Not really.”
“Do you love my son, Rose?”
“More than anything.”
“What do you think the biggest problem between you has been?”
I can do this. I don’t know why, or how, but I know I can tell this woman the truth. “I think I’m not good enough for him, and he thinks I only want him for his penis.”
She cringes a little, but reaches out to squeeze my hand. “Why do you think you’re not good enough?”
“I know how to dress pretty, wear pearls, and do my hair and make-up, but I don’t want to. I like wearing jeans, and working on cars. I like having a job that makes a difference, and talking about more than the next charity event I’m going to attend. I used to see Ares with women who looked so different from me, and think I could never be them. Now, I know the truth, but it’s looking like it’s too late.”
“It’s not too late. My son is hurt, and yes, it’s because he felt like you just wanted sex from him. He just needs you to show him you want everything.”
“I tried. I dressed in something pink and flowery, and he rejected me.”
“He doesn’t want you to change into a Southern belle to be with him, he just wants you to show the world you want it. Meet him halfway, and show him you’re making an effort.”
“I’m fixing his cars, even though Reina told me I didn’t have to.”
“You love fixing his cars, so it’s not a sacrifice for you. What he needs is for you to show up for him, in a dress you might not normally wear—but is still you in spirit—and claim him as yours.”
“He told you that?”
“Of course not,” she says, waving her hand. “He knows he needs something, but he doesn’t know what. Men are easy, Rose; they just want to know their woman will sacrifice as much as they will to make things work.”
“I can come back later in a dress.”
“It needs to be bigger than just us, and I have the perfect time and place for you.”
“Um, okay.”
As she outlines her plan for me, I know she’s right. I’m not going to do things exactly as she suggests, because I still have to be me, but this is what I need to do.
“Now that we have that settled, tell me about yourself, Rose.”
“What would you like to know?”
“You’ve hinted that you were raised very differently than the way you live your life now.”
“I was. My father is an accountant, and makes good money, but we were more middle-class than upper-class, and my mother hates it. She’s…well, I guess I’ll just use my sister’s words…a social climber. She made us take etiquette classes, and learn to speak and dress the right way, so we could land a rich man. Little did she know what was coming.”
“Your sister is married to Luke Griffin, so I guess it worked for her.”
“Not at all. Liv fought my mother on everything, refusing to play nice or allow herself to be paired up with a doctor’s son. She and Luke got off to a rough start, but then he started tutoring her, and they fell in love. Even though he has the money, my mother didn’t approve of him.”
“I met him after the accident, and he seems like a nice young man.”
“He’s the best. The best friend, husband, and father anyone could ask for. But, he doesn’t take any shit from anyone, and that made him unacceptable. A lot of stuff happened, including a secret wedding I got to be part of. Both of us ended up cutting off contact with our parents, although we see them maybe twice a year now. Luke paid for my college tuition until I was expelled, and the Griffins are the family I claim.”
“Wow. And you were expelled from college?” she asks, looking more intrigued than horrified, which is why I continue.
“Yeah. I went to Harvard, and was doing well, but my mind isn’t exactly normal, and the work I was doing was easy for me, so I needed something more. I was wandering the city one night, when I stumbled on an illegal street race. It intrigued me, and as I watched, I started thinking about making the cars faster—and better. I didn’t know anything about cars, so I started taking lessons from a local mechanic.”
“Luke paid for that, too? I’m not judging, just asking.”
“Technically, yes. He put an obscene amount of money in an account for me, and I used as little as possible before cars started taking over my life. I bought spare parts to work on at my apartment, took the lessons, and eventually started working on the cars. All of the cars, because I didn’t take sides. I was keeping up with my schoolwork, and things were going great. Until the night the cops raided a race, and I was arrested. Gary Griffin’s lawyers got the charges dropped since I wasn’t driving or betting, but Harvard refused the large donation he offered to keep me enrolled. I was embarrassed, but glad they declined, because I want to earn things myself. Luke paid my bills, but I got myself into Harvard, and I got myself out of it, too.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’ve turned down other offers as well?”
“Honestly, I could’ve had any job I wanted at Griffin, but like I said, I want to make my own way. I worked at a local garage until Reina offered me a job. She hired me because of me, and not because of my connection to the Griffin family, and here I am now.”
“I’m beginning to see why my son is so in love with you.”
“I used to think it was just because I said no to him, but even when I said yes, he didn’t go away. It scared me.”
I’ve never told anyone that before, and I’m not sure why I just said it to her, but a part of me is glad I did. She doesn’t look at me with anything but kindness, taking my hand in hers.
“My son has a reputation, one that he purposely encouraged, so I don’t blame you one bit for being scared.”
“He said he didn’t sleep with anyone since me, and I believe him.”
“Good, because I know he’s telling you the truth. I also know he’s not blameless, because he put himself in a position where he couldn’t stand up for you when you needed him to.”
“I screwed that up, too.”
“When we’re hurting, a natural response it to lash out, and try to protect ourselves. It’s human nature, Rose, and I understand why you did it.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m going to let you get back to work, but will I see you tomorrow?”
“Yes, I’ll be back.”
“Good.”
She hugs me tight, and I hug her right back. She didn’t invite me to dinner, but I’m okay with that. I have a plan, and I think it has a good chance of working. I have someone I need to talk to about it, and get advice to make sure I’m going in the right direction, and I give her call before I leave later in the day. She’s free, and I offer to pick up food before heading over to see her.
17
Rose
“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Alex says, opening the door to her penthouse, and hugging me tight.
“Squishing the food,” I tell her with a laugh.
“Don’t care. We hardly hang out anymore, and it sucks.”
“I know, and I also know it’s my fault.”
“Stop. I know better than anyone how hard Reina and the mentors make you work.”
“True.”
“I just miss our girl time, even though we eat lunch together almost every day. Or at least we did before you took the Ares assignment.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You make it sound like an action movie—or book.”
“You almost got killed, and solved a mystery no one even knew needed to be solved before you got there, so yeah, definitely a book.”
“Nerd.”
“Takes one to know one.”
I’ve missed my friend. We do see each other every day, and she hangs out at the apartments with all of us, but we haven’t had one-on-one time in a couple
of months, at least.
“Where’s Miles?”
“Working late. Again.”
“Whoa! Is everything okay?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. We’re good, and I know he’s really working. It just sucks. He’s getting a new VP this week, and she’ll be a big help.”
“You scared me there for a minute. I mean, if you two can’t last, who can?”
“We’re not perfect, but we’re perfectly happy with each other.”
“Okay, and now I’m going to gag.”
She tosses a throw pillow at me, and then she rubs her belly. My eyes widen, and my mouth drops open.
“Yes. I’m pregnant. We were waiting to hit the three-month mark before telling anyone. We told our families last night, and I was going to make you come see me today to tell you.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I tell her, and I am. She’s going to be an awesome mom. “Do you know what you’re having yet?”
“No, but with Matt and Reina having a boy, I think Jane’s hoping for a girl she can dress up.”
“I bet.”
“Enough about the baby, since there’s not much to tell yet. Tell me about you. I was so damn worried, you know.”
“You shouldn’t be worrying about me. Please don’t.”
“Relax, Ro,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“You need to relax, Al.”
“Believe me, I am. Now, spill.”
“You know my history with Ares, and how ridiculously insecure I feel about him.”
“Wait, you’re finally admitting it’s ridiculous? That’s progress.”
“Ha-ha, but yes. I’m convinced he really wants me—or wanted me, actually.”
“Dude, he totally still wants you.”
“Okay, he wants me, but he isn’t sure if he wants to have me. If that makes sense.”
“It does. Miles wanted me, but didn’t want to be with me.”
“Because it was illegal, and eww!”
“Um, hello, Ares is nine years older than us, while Miles is only five.”
“Yeah, but it’s different when you’re in your twenties, and not your teens.”
Society Girls: Rose Page 12